Style
by whiskeytracks
Summary: It's that cliche troupe of opposites attract, but what Haley James fails to realize is that sometimes what the heart wants, it shouldn't want. Everything is bound to blow up in her face, but she's more than willing to risk everything, and apparently, so is he. Naley.
1. Could End in Burning Flames or Paradise

Posting this for me is honestly...terrifying. What you're about to read is unlike anything I've ever written before, at least to me. That is mostly because of how personal the story is for me. I basically took my real life story and tried to imagine what it would be like if it took place in Tree Hill with Nathan and Haley. Some of it is almost word for word stolen from my life, while some of it is fiction. I'll leave it up to you guys to figure out what is what ;) Some of this is very AU/OCC, while some of it isn't. It's angsty. It's raw. It's complicated. It's destructive. And it's personal. While it is a "love" story, it is also a story about self-discovery/growth, reflection, etc.

I never thought I would post this because of how personally related it is to me. I initially wrote it as a way of working through everything and coming to terms with what happened. Basically, giving myself closure and an outlet to air some of my frustrations. It ended up turning into a semblance of a story, instead of me just venting. Writing things out usually helps me and I found no better form of therapy than using Nathan and Haley. However, I had a friend read it and she encouraged me to post it...so here I am. I just want you guys to keep in mind that since this was never written to be a fanfic nor was it written with intentions of sharing, it might be a little different from the types of stories I've written and the themes I've used in them.

...and yes, every chapter title comes from Taylor Swift's "Style", hence the title.

P.S. Hell is still my main priority, I've just been holding on to this for a while and just finally said fuck it lol.

* * *

**_Could End in Burning Flames or Paradise _**

It's barely midnight when she hears the rock hit her window. It's a quiet sound that could be mistaken for the house settling or the wind rattling a branch. But she hears it clear as day. A few seconds later, she hears the sound again.

She knows it's him. He doesn't show up at her house every night, but he is a frequent visitor. Every time she hears that familiar thud, she swears she's not going to get out of bed. Nope, not this time. But by the time that third thud sounds, she's slipping out of bed like he's a siren song and she's a more than willing victim.

When she peers out her window, her heart jumps in her chest as an involuntarily smile spreads across her face. She tries to force her smile into a scowl, but the muscles in her face are uncooperative. He looks like a dream, leaning against his mustang in that leather jacket of his. He's the kind of guy who wears sunglasses at night, the dark frames hiding steel eyes so blue she's sure Prince Charming would be jealous of. Even in the moonlight, she can see the smirk on his face.

God, help her.

She turns away from the window and starts quietly scrambling around for acceptable clothes to wear. Anything but the purple polka dot pajamas bottoms and hole-y tank top she's currently sporting. Settling on a pair of dark wash jeans and a white sweater, she quietly slips out of her room and passes her parents' bedroom. While she doesn't have the strictest parents' in the world, they still wouldn't approve her sneaking out with some boy they don't know. That _she_ barely knows.

Every bang of her heartbeat is just another reminder every how many things are wrong with this situation. He's one year her senior, which isn't much of an age difference at all, but sometimes it feels like decades. She knows nothing about him, except for the things she's read on bathroom walls and heard from passing whispers on her way to class. As far as she can tell, he's from a different world than she is—one where popularity and social graces mean more than a mark on a report card. He has a broken family while she has one that is so tightly bound it can be suffocating. He has a paper trail for a reputation dating back to his days on the playground and she has one that is as white as snow.

He's night and she's day.

He's her fall from grace, but she figures it was bound to happen eventually. She just never predicted it would come in the form of dark hair, blue eyes, and a heartbeat.

Once she's out of the house without making a peep, she approaches him as casually as she can. He doesn't break his stance until she's only an arm's length away.

"Haley James."

The way he says her name cures her of all anxiety, as it always does. His mouth seems to form the words so delicately and so perfectly like they were molded for his mouth and his mouth only. When he removes his sunglasses and tucks them into his pocket, she gasps quietly. She supposes that she'll never get used to how blue his eyes are.

"What are you doing here, Nathan?" Haley asks, even though she already knows the answer. She doesn't want to come across like she was waiting for him, even though a small part of her was.

Nathan shrugs in that nonchalant way that drives her crazy. He can appear to be so…careless, sometimes, even though she knows that's the furthest thing from the truth. On the outside, he parades around this cold exterior that nothing bothers him. That everything about life is simple. She learned quickly that it was just a defensive mechanism. Behind his lackadaisical attitude, there's a raging storm and he'd rather die than show anyone that side of him.

"I wanted to see you," he states simply.

For a split second, she almost believes that it's simple. Normal, even. But there's nothing normal about meeting like thieves in the night. There's nothing normal about being wrapped in each other's arms in the dark, but pretending they're nothing once the sun comes up.

"Brooke not home?" Haley mutters it a lot more bitterly than she intended to.

Nathan's face steels in a blink of an eye. He drops his arms, the sound the leather rubbing together loud in her ears. "Come on, Hales, don't be like that."

Haley could press the issue. She could scream at him like she has a million times in her head, but she opts to stay quiet. Because even though she knows it's wrong, she can't give him up. She'd rather have these little moments that only they know about than nothing at all. It's a little selfish, maybe even a little sadistic, but whose fall from grace isn't?

"I'm sorry," she surrenders. She silently hopes that she didn't ruin this night before it even came close to beginning.

Haley can't read his expression as he turns away from her. He walks around to the driver's side of his car and her stomach knots at the thought of him leaving. She begins to silently berate herself for opening her mouth when she sees him waiting for her with expectant eyes.

Letting go of the breath she was holding, she practically runs to his car.

As they get in the car, she imagines her porch light turning on with her dad flying out of the house. He'd be in that dark blue robe that has way too many holes in it and way too many loose threads to be deemed wearable but still won't part with. She imagines his fist in the air, waving angrily as he shouts at her to come back inside.

At least she can pretend that she isn't some well-kept secret.

~x~

They drive around silently for a long stretch of time. The radio hums some classic rock song at its lowest setting. Unlike his stone statue before they got in the car, Nathan seems relaxed. His fingers are drumming against the steering wheel in tune with the beat of their quiet soundtrack. Unabashedly, she watches him.

He's so much different now than when she first truly laid eyes on him a couple of months ago. His hair is shorter. His shoulders are a little broader and his face is a little more chiseled. But, he's still beautiful. So breathtakingly beautiful, it almost pisses her off. She'd always been keenly aware of his effect on the opposite sex, but he was so much more than what met the eye. Behind those devastatingly good looks, there's a storyboard with multiple pins and colored threads that intersect and tangle.

Even she, the one who usually chooses to believe there is a little good in everyone, initially fell victim to the gossip and the reputation that precedes him. People bow down to him, but more than that, they're terrified of him. He walks around with a confidence that is untouchable. He has a mean streak, painting himself as nothing but a selfish jerk whose heart is cold to the touch. And he very well can be that selfish jerk that everyone makes him out to be. Sometimes he can be even more vicious and cruel than the rumors claim. For a while, she believed he was a lost cause.

However, Haley quickly learned that it's all an act. The real Nathan, the one that he didn't show many people, is the complete opposite. She hasn't figured out why he feels the need to carry around that version of himself, but she isn't going to stop until she does. Underneath all that angst, hatred, and cockiness is a guy who is sweet, hardworking, and extremely complicated. She isn't sure what makes her so special where he feels like he can be himself around her, but she doesn't take it for granted.

They grew up in the same town but never crossed paths until recently. She was aware of his existence, but she's not sure if he was aware of hers. He was always that boy that girls crushed intensely on, from the sandbox. But while girls lost themselves in boys, she lost herself in books and writing.

When sandboxes turned into organized sports and classes of the social ladder, her best friend, Lucas Roe, fell into basketball while she remained with her head in a book. To support him, she attended most of his games and even hanged back and waited for him after practices. She occasionally saw Nathan due to that, but they never interacted.

He was always just that older boy that wasn't bad to look at, but was apparently the town jerk, until he sat next to her in her 2nd-period geometry class.

"Your birthday's coming up," Nathan says. "It's the 31st, right?"

Haley warms at the idea of him remembering her birthday. She only mentioned it once during a passing conversation. "New Year's Eve," she affirms bitterly.

"Any plans?"

Haley shakes her head as she focuses her attention on the passing buildings. Their driving towards downtown.

"My birthday's not really a big deal," she explains with a shrug. "It's kind always been pushed to the side because of the holiday. I don't mind, though. The less attention on me, the better."

They're stopped at a red light and his gaze is fixated on her. She catches that hint of sadness in the way he's looking at her. It's not pity. It's not sympathy. Just sadness. She feels it then. It hits her like a ton of bricks that he might just be the only person in the world that understands her exactly. She wishes she could frame that look, maybe then it wouldn't keep her up at night.

Out of her peripheral vision, she sees the light change to green, but he's still looking at her. A lick of fire slides up her spine, spreading through the rest of her body. One human should not have that much power over another, but she doesn't want to be the one to set precedent.

"The lights green," Haley points out thickly.

He regards her a few more seconds before he swings his gaze back to the road. She can breathe easily again.

"Tell me about your best birthday," he requests casually. There's a certain curiosity to him that shocks Haley. He's not asking to make conversation or small talk, he's asking because he's genuinely curious. No one has ever been genuinely curious about her or her life.

"That's kind of a hard question," Haley mutters with a laugh.

Despite the difficulty of the question, she finds it easy to talk to him.

"But if I absolutely had to pick, I'd probably say my 13th birthday," Haley begins to explain, a nostalgic wave coming over her. "We went down to Florida for Christmas and stayed there to the new year to visit my grandparents. Christmas was my grandma's favorite holiday and she went all out. Every room in her house was decorated, from top to bottom. It was like Santa's workshop in there, complete with the smell of cookies and candy canes."

She gets lost in telling the story, her eyes and hands animated.

"It was super low-key and quiet, just my parents and my grandparents. It was a change of pace from the usual holiday parties that we have. My mom's a bit of a party fanatic. But instead, my grandma built a bonfire on the beach and we sat around, talking and watching the fireworks."

"This must be so boring for you, I'm sorry," Haley mumbles after she realizes how long she had been talking. The tips of her ears are burning with embarrassment.

Nathan shakes his head with a smile. "Not at all. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't care."

One thing she can say certainly about Nathan is that he doesn't sugar coat things. He's blunt and straight to the point. And he doesn't say things he doesn't mean. She admires that about him, and she's jealous. He's always so sure of himself, so confident in anything he does. She often wonders what it's like to have that kind of power

"That sounds really amazing."

Haley senses the longing. For a brief second, she feels guilty for gushing about her family when she knows he doesn't have one. But when one hand slides off the steering wheel and finds hers, that melts away. It's his way of telling her that he's okay as a part of a secret language that only they understand.

Haley looks out the window, confused by their sudden change of surroundings. They're no longer driving through the brick streets of downtown, but instead on the crated bridge that overlooks the Cape Fear River.

"Where are you taking me, anyway?" Haley wonders, glancing over at him suspiciously.

Nathan smirks, his eyes never leaving the road. "You'll see."

~x~

It's cold out by the river court. The December air, mixed in with the kickback from the icy water of the Cape Fear River nips at Haley's skin. She pulls at the sleeves of her sweater as she wraps her arms around her middle. Nathan looks unbothered by the cold, almost as if he's in his element.

They're sitting on the hood of Nathan's car, facing the loud and flowing river. The space between them is minuscule, close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off of Nathan's body. She's not sure if the shivers going down her spine are from the wintry air or Nathan's close proximity. Is it selfish that she wishes he were even closer?

"Why'd you decide to take me here?" Haley wonders, licking her lips. This isn't her first time at the river court. She's come here many times with Lucas, where he would shoot around at the basketball court while she laid under the tree with a book or her journal.

"It's one of my favorite places in the world," Nathan discloses with a short shrug. "I come out here whenever I need to think or escape reality for a little bit."

She hopes that she's not reading too much into it when she allows herself to feel special about his location choice. Nathan's a rather guarded individual. He keeps almost everyone at arm's length, only allowing them to see the sides of him that he wants others to see. She takes a leap of faith and allows herself to believe that he doesn't go to the river court with just anyone.

"It really is beautiful out here," she agrees, looking around at all the vibrant shades of green they are surrounded by.

His following sigh has her ears perking up. "It's the one place my dad can't touch me and my mom can't find me."

The pain in her gut is hard to ignore. Every time Nathan mentions his parents, the air gets a little thicker and makes it harder to breathe. While he hasn't admitted it, she chalks up his need to be a certain way to the public eye as a direct result of his parents' unconventional parenting skills. Maybe she was just being too analytical, but regardless, the pain in his eyes always feels like a punch in the gut and it makes her wish she could solve all his problems by simply wrapping her arms around him.

The topic of his parents is a touchy one. She doesn't dare bring them up unless he does first. Haley takes every crumb of information he chooses to share with her and cherishes it. Holds it close to her like notes passed in secrecy.

Reaching out, she places a hand over his, offering him a comforting smile. He glances at her hand first, before reaching her eyes. The look of awe has butterflies flapping their wings wildly in her stomach.

"I take it things aren't improving?" Haley says quietly, brushing her fingers over the top of his hands. His skin is a combination of smooth on the surface and rough around the edges.

"I don't think they ever will," Nathan grumbles bitterly. He flips his hand over, allowing her fingers to brush over his palm. Haley notices that the longer she does this, the less tense he becomes. "It's been like this my whole life—the fights, the broken promises, the belittling speeches, the abandonment. I thought maybe that'd change when Lily was born, but things only seemed to get worse. I can't possibly hold out hope that they'll change now."

She frowns, lacing their fingers together. His hand is much bigger than hers, practically swallowing her delicate one. Holding his hand feels natural and she tries not to focus too much on that thought.

"People can surprise you," Haley offers up lamely. She's never sure how to approach these conversations. If she pushes too hard, he'll shut down and shut her out. It's like walking a tightrope.

Nathan scoffs woefully. "But it's shouldn't be like this, you know? Like I shouldn't want my parents to change or be in a position where they should change. I shouldn't have to fight to shield my sister from their tactics on a daily basis. It just…it's not fair."

"I'm sorry, Nathan," she sighs, using her free hand to rub his arm. "I wish I could do something to make this better for you."

Nathan swivels his gaze over to her and it steals her breath away. The look he is sporting is so tender, yet intense. "You do so much for me just by being here and listening. I think you know by now that I typically don't talk about these things with people."

Warmth spreads through her. "I'm always here to listen," she reminds him, soaking in his grateful smile.

The rain that starts to fall is light, peppering their skin. They both look up at the dark sky, which now has a grey, gloomy film over it.

Deciding that the tense and melancholy vibe of their conversation needs to change, Haley slides off the hood of his car and slips her hand out of his embrace. She smiles at his questioning gaze, sending him a wink. For a few seconds, she stands stationary, letting the rain drip over her. Slowly, she starts to spin, swaying her body to an imaginary beat.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Nathan roars, both with laughter and astonishment.

She smiles. "Dancing in the rain. You know how I love to dance."

"You're a special one, Haley James."

Haley can feel his beseeching gaze on her as she twirls in the rain. It feels like a tattoo on her skin, branding her and making her feel alive. Stress melts from her bones as the feeling of adolescence comes barreling in. She feels free and happy. Twirling around once more, she pauses to look at Nathan. Instead of sitting on the hood on his car, he's leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest. Even in the dim light, she can see him smirking with those sparkling eyes of his.

"Don't stop on my account," Nathan calls out to her teasingly. "I'm enjoying the show."

She laughs along with him as she swirls around a few more times, her face tilted upwards and eyes closed. The rain lightly pelts her face, the droplets slipping from her face into her hair and down her neck. It's freezing, but she doesn't consciously feel it.

Her laugh combines with his husky one when she feels his arms wrap around her waist and her feet momentarily lift off the ground. The warmth of his body wraps around her like a cloak, the freezing rain is completely forgotten, along with the outside world. The only thing that matters is the two of them.

She continues to laugh as Nathan spins her around, his fingers tickling her sides. Her dancing has seized, only to be replaced by chasing and spinning. It makes her feel like a little kid again, being chased around the playground by her crush. The rain just makes it that more romantic. To her, it's these little moments that make life worth living.

Eventually, it all dies down, leaving them both panting for breath as they walk back to his car hand in hand. In one swift motion, Nathan presses her against the side of the car, holding her in place with the juncture of his hips. It happens so fast that it gives her whiplash and takes a few seconds for her to register the change. His hands are in her hair, fingertips pressing against her scalp in a way that almost puts her to sleep. It's sinful the way he's pressed against her, the way the heat seems to flow so effortlessly between them.

His eyes are cobalt, peering at her so intently she wonders if he can see right through her. Every time they're together, she wonders if it's going to be the last. Haley knows it won't be of her own accord. She tells herself over and over that she's this is the last time, but she's defenseless when it comes to him. Instead, she wonders if he'll ultimately decide that he doesn't want her.

It catches her off guard that instead of walking away, he leans in closer. She inhales sharply when their noses brush and his minty breath dances across her lips. Her heart is racing as her mind ponders whether or not he's finally going to kiss her.

Haley almost slips out of his grasp like putty when he deflects his lips to the corner of her mouth. Even that slightest touch has her blood sizzling. Her breath hitches when he brushes his lips over her cheek and down the edge of her jaw. The softness of his lips against her skin has her fingers digging into the loops of his belt, pulling him as close to her as humanly possible.

"Nathan," she pleads softly. The smirk she feels against her skin both infuriates her and turns her on.

She's aware of what girl's say about him. He's a prowess in bed, everything from his kisses to his handiwork. But even with that knowledge stored in the back of her mind, she's surprised. It surprises her how easy it is for him to manipulate her, to find every crevice of skin that begs to be touched.

Haley's not sure what Nathan's endgame is. He hasn't made any real moves on her, besides a few endearing words here and a few touches there. Regardless, Haley never wanted to be that girl that melted with one kiss or one touch. She didn't want to be the girl who gave in so easily. Something about keeping that idea of herself in her mind with Nathan around is impossible.

By the time they're touching foreheads, they're both panting, only this time it's not from their bout of physical activity. He runs his thumb over her plump bottom lip and that small action makes her want to jump his bones. It's not healthy to be that attracted to someone, she figures, but then again, Nathan had to have been crafted by the devil himself in the name of being tempting.

"You can be such a tease sometimes," Nathan mumbles huskily, a sound she feels all the way down to her toes.

"Me?" Haley gasps.

Her head feels like it's spinning on a tilted axis. He's the one touching her in mind-numbingly ways which is both too much and not enough. He's the one that keeps her up at night and makes her dizzy with a single look…and she's the _one_ teasing _him_?

He nods, the corners of his lips tipping into a hint of a smile. "You are so seemingly unaware of how you affect me. It's endearing."

Haley doesn't know how to respond to that in a way that won't scare him away. She desperately wants to ask him to elaborate. She needs to know exactly what he feels because she needs confirmation if she's crazy or if there really is this pull between them that goes beyond lust.

Instead, she remains silent.

"I go crazy when I think about kissing you," he admits coarsely and her pulse jumps.

Haley doesn't know what affects her more—the fact that he thinks about kissing her or the way he says it. She's evidently not the only one unaware of how one of them affects the other.

She decides to test the waters. "Why haven't you?"

His eyes ignite like she's just initiated a challenge. If she knows only one thing about Nathan Scott, it's that he doesn't back down from a challenge.

Haley's breath hitches when he leans into her, their noses brushing once again. Her lips part in anticipation and just when he's a hairbreadth away from sealing their lips together, the shrill sound of his phone ringing shocks them both. Groaning, Nathan reaches into his pocket. He immediately goes rigid and backs away from her a few seconds later.

"It's Brooke."

The icy cold breath of guilt is panting down the back of her neck, shattering the illusion. All the warm and fuzzy she was feeling moments before is wiped clean, leaving her cold and shivering. Reality comes crashing in like a thief, stealing every moment of happiness she has to offer. Her mom always said that ignorant bliss only lasts so long.

Turning away from him, she walks back over to the passenger side. "We should probably go."

Even without looking, she can feel his apologetic look. She can't bear to see it, fearing that she'll crumble beneath it.

"Hales…"

That soft, pleading whisper of her name threatens to break her. It takes everything in her to not meet his eyes and get lost in that bliss once more. Her eyes fall shut and she shakes her head. "It's okay, Nathan."

Apparently, she's a liar now, too.

~x~

Haley feels sluggish as she approaches her locker. The spots right above her eyes are pounding from the lack of sleep and everything feels foggy. Even from her place at her locker, she can hear her bed calling her name. These late nights and early mornings were eventually going to catch up to her, but just like every other piece of reality, she ignores it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Nathan. He's at Brooke's locker, leaning against it as she talks his ear off. Probably about something related to cheerleading or some rumor she heard while reapplying her make-up in the bathroom that morning. He's nodding away like he's listening. but Haley knows better. His mind is elsewhere and she secretly prays that it's her he's thinking about.

As much as she hates to admit it, she's jealous of Brooke Davis. Her long brunette hair and dark brown eyes make her quite the knock-out. Her thin figure and sun-kissed skin is envy-worthy. Based on the gossip around the school, she's kind of a diva, but also a sweet face. Haley understands the attraction, but that doesn't mean she doesn't hate it.

When Haley compares herself to Brooke, everything becomes that much fuzzier. Everything about her is plain and boring. She's the type of person that disappears easily in crowds. No one spares her a second look and she certainly doesn't turn heads. She's just average…and she likes that about herself. She wouldn't change anything, even if she has the chance. She just doesn't understand what Nathan sees in her that's worthy of risking everything.

For a brief second, they make eye contact. There's a flicker of recognition in his eyes, which is mostly overshadowed by the flicker of sadness. Her body buzzes when the corners of his mouth curve in the slightest hint of a smile. But then she blinks and it's gone. He's not looking at her anymore. Instead, he has an arm around Brooke and a wide smile on his face. It's possible it's in her imagination, but she swears it doesn't reach his eyes.

The snub cuts through her life a knife. Even though she knows he's not going to walk over to her, toss an arm around her waist, and pull her into an earth-shattering kiss for everyone to see, it hurts when he doesn't do just that.

It's not fair, she knows, to any of the parties involved. She knows that she's worth more than a closet...something. She doesn't want to say, girlfriend, because she's not sure that's what she is to him. She can't say friends either, because friends don't share the things they do and they don't touch the way they do. She doesn't know what she is to him, but she knows she deserves more.

It's complicated. It's a maze wrapped inside a spider's web. The smart thing to do would be to end it. She's not that girl that goes after someone else's man. She's not _that _girl that loses herself for the sake of a boy. But for the first time in her life, she doesn't want to be smart.

When it all comes crashing down, which she knows it will, it's going to hurt like hell. Her world is going to flip upside down, leaving her with bumps and bruises that aren't ever going to heal. Even knowing all that, she can't let him go. She can't let the way he makes her feel go or the way she feels about him. She just can't, no matter how hard she tries. It's those things that make all the lingering stares, moments of heartbreak, and secrets worth it.

It's self-destruction at its finest. It scares her that she's aware of everything she has to lose and nothing she has to gain, but that's not enough to deter her.

"Hey, you okay?" Lucas asks her, popping up on the other side of her locker.

He's got that concerned look on his face, the one that makes her want to break down and spill everything to him. That would be catastrophic. He'd be pissed, she figures. Pissed might even be too friendly of a word. Nathan Scott isn't his favorite person. He doesn't even make the top 100, for various reasons which mostly boil down to how much of an asshole he is. In Lucas' eyes, she's perfect and can do no wrong. The version of her—the one where she's on a pedestal made of gold and might go down in history as a saint—that exists in his head would be completely shattered.

He's not the only who sees her like that. It's not a narrative that she's given herself, but one that people branded her with. She's supposed to be perfect. She's supposed to do no wrong. Maybe _that's _why she decided to get tangled up with the town's bad boy. To prove to herself that she doesn't have to live inside of that mold for the rest of her life. To prove that freedom does exist.

Haley musters up a smile, shutting her locker. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired."

Lucas nods, accepting her excuse so easily it makes her sick. "Late night?"

"You could say that," she mutters, holding her textbooks close to her chest. The corners are digging into her ribs, but it serves as a metaphor of her trying to keep herself together.

"Walk you to class?" he asks, already walking in the direction of their first period classes. A part of her is glad that he's moving past her lies, seemingly unbothered. But there's another part of her that wants Lucas to ask questions, to pry…to get her to crack.

Haley steals one more glance over her shoulder at the object of her affection. She feels it in her chest whenever she looks at him, that he's going to be the very thing that wrecks her, yet sets her free.

"Yeah, let's go."


	2. Red Lip, Classic

Thank you so much for your reviews! As I stated before, this story is kind of a new journey for me. It's a risk/experiment and I'm glad that so many of you enjoyed it so far! I've written so much of this already and it's something that I am extremely proud of. The words seemed to flow out of me in a way they haven't before, which probably has to do with how personally connected I am to the story. But we all find our muses somewhere.

* * *

_**Red Lip, Classic**_

"Are you sure you can't come to the show tonight?" Peyton Sawyer asks for what feels like the millionth time during their short ten-minute phone call.

Haley sighs and reclines back in her bed. The lilac and maroon colored plush pillows surround her comfortably. Out of all the places in the world, her room is where she feels the safest. In the confines of those beige walls, she feels as if she can be whoever she wants to be and do whatever she wants. She prefers to keep to herself and finds solitude rather peaceful. It's something that her family loves to tease her about, citing that she isn't going to go far in life if she's unsociable.

She mostly blames her anxiety for it all.

"Unless I feel like getting murdered by my mom, that's a definite yes."

Peyton Sawyer is an…eccentric girl. In some ways, she's just like Haley and in others, they're completely different. Peyton's the type of girl that is fearless, unapologetic, and a complete stunner. She's the type of girl who loves wearing leather and combat boots. She never wears an ounce of make-up, not that she needs it, but still struts around confidently. Her cork-screw blonde hair and bright green eyes are killer. She's loud and overbearing, which Haley thinks is just the cheerleader in her.

But the thing Haley loves most about her is how fiercely protective she is of the ones she loves.

If she weren't dating Lucas, Haley is sure they wouldn't have ever crossed paths. Despite their major differences, they naturally clicked and she's thankful every day for it.

"Not even for like maybe, just the opener? Your mom can't possibly keep the birthday girl hostage," Peyton tries and Haley can picture the pout on her face. If there's only one thing Peyton excels in, it's persuading people.

"Oh, she can and she will," Haley mutters with a short laugh.

"I can't believe I'm going to miss this concert_,_" Peyton groans, causing Haley to laugh at her melodramatics. "Have I lost my touch? Am I no longer the music guru that I used to be? Is this a sign that I'm getting old?"

If it weren't for Peyton Sawyer, Haley imagines her life would be even more of a snooze-fest. Sometimes, she wouldn't mind it being a little less dramatic, other times she's thankful for the entertainment.

"Oh, the _horror_," Haley mocks. "What 'bout Lucas? I thought you were going to ask him to go."

Peyton's heavy sigh carries like liquid through the phone. "He can't because he got called into work. They're short-staffed because a few people called in sick and we both know that, that boy doesn't have the ability to say no."

"That sucks," Haley mutters sincerely. "I mean, is there really anything wrong with missing one show?"

"I really wonder how we're friend's sometimes," Peyton says with a laugh. "If it was any other night of the year and any other band, I probably wouldn't care. But it's New Years and it's the Front Bottoms. You know how long I've been dying to see them."

"I'm sure they'll tour again next year," Haley says. "They always do."

"I know, I know. Just let me be dramatic for a few moments," Peyton mumbles, before suddenly brightening. "Oh, wait, I completely forgot! You know Jake Jagielski, right?"

Haley thinks over Peyton's question before a face clicks in her mind. She's seen him around school and had talked to him a handful of times. He's a year below them but looks a lot older than his age. He is cute with his shaggy brown hair, straight smile, and tan skin.

"The soccer player? He's a sophomore, right?"

"That'd be the one," Peyton says excitedly.

"What gossip did you hear now?"

"Oh, you know, just something exciting concerning a very dear friend of mine…"

Haley grows suspicious. She has that _tone_ to her voice, the one where Haley knows that she's planning something. One of the many things Peyton dabbles in is match-making. In some situations, she was great at it. In others, it was nothing short of a natural disaster. But she gets her kicks from setting people up and a lot of times, people came to her for relationship advice. It's a whole lot of mumbo-jumbo that Haley didn't understand.

"Come on, Peyton, just spill it already."

"A little birdie told me that he might just be interested in you and is considering asking you to the spring formal," Peyton reveals excitedly.

Haley cringes, sinking further into her bed. She silently wishes that her pillows would swallow her up and remove her from this conversation. This is definitely not the first time Peyton has tried to set her up with someone, and she knows it won't be the last, even if she declines them every time.

"Peyton," Haley warns with a groan.

"Come on, Haley!" Peyton quickly protests, clearly already rehearsed to what Haley is going to say. "He's cute. He's nice. And I've heard that he's quite the good kisser."

Haley groans. "I appreciate the offer, but you know that I'm just not interested in dating anyone right now."

It's not a lie, but it feels like one. She wasn't interested in dating anyone when she fell into this _thing_ with Nathan and now that they're…whatever they are, she's not necessarily interested in dating anyone…else. She's not quite sure Peyton would see it that way, though.

"That's always your excuse," Peyton shoots back. "What, are you planning on being alone for the rest of your life?"

In the last few weeks, she's stumbled upon so many moments where the words of her secret are on the tip of her tongue. This is another one of those moments.

While Peyton is that supportive friend, Haley assumes that she wouldn't be all that supportive of her sneaking around with Nathan Scott. Not when Brooke Davis is one of her friends. Or, maybe it's just a fellow squad member? Haley's not sure about the parameters.

"No," Haley replies shortly. "But for right now, I'm content with being alone."

She hates lying. Absolutely hates it and usually believes that there is no justification for it. Even when she tries to find justification for her own lies, she gets queasy.

"Will you at least just think about it?" Peyton presses further. "Going on one date with the guy to spring formal isn't the same thing as promising to marry him. It doesn't hurt to try."

"Fine," Haley finally relents, deciding to give in rather than fight with Peyton. "I'll think about it."

~x~

Haley's bored to the point of tears. Her house is packed with family, none of which she wants to talk to. Family parties are a common feat in her life. There's one practically every month, either for some holiday, birthday, or some other random occasion. There's only so many times she can hear the same jokes and the same stories before she starts to lose her mind a little. It doesn't help that she's stuck wearing a dress that feels incredibly uncomfortable on her body, skyrocketing her social anxiety.

She's sitting on the couch in the living room upstairs, while her family is downstairs. This is where she sits every party, with either a book in hands or the TV on. But not even the words on the page or the characters on the screen aren't enough to capture her attention.

Her mind wanders to the place, or well, to the _person_ that it always does.

Nathan Scott and all of his wondrous glory.

Haley wonders what he's up to, or more importantly, who he's with. She doesn't want to dwell, but it's too late for that. She hasn't seen him since the last day of school before winter break. They haven't talked in a few days either. There were a few text messages exchanged here and there, but nothing substantial. Haley doesn't allow herself to miss him. She doesn't have the right to miss him. He's not hers no matter how much she wishes that he is.

She doesn't know much about the nature of Nathan's relationship with Brooke. She's always been too afraid to ask, too afraid to know the answer. She's afraid that if she knows the answer, it will shatter the illusion of them.

Nathan and Brooke have been together since their freshmen year, but it's been a rocky relationship. One minute, they're together and then the next, they're exchanging heated words in the cafeteria before ignoring each other for days. During the brief moments that she and Nathan talk about Brooke, all he really says is that it's complicated and it's not what she thinks. She always leaves it at that and doesn't dare to ask any more questions.

Haley knows that she's not acting the smartest about this whole situation and she knows that anyone she talks to will tell her that he's just using her. And she's definitely considered that option. But she's not sure what he would be using her for? Their relationship isn't sexual…perse. She's not naïve enough to deny that she feels some kind of raw desire towards him, but she's not sure if it's one-sided or not. Even with the sexual attraction she feels, it doesn't feel like the only thing.

She figures that deep down, she's a good person and that's why the sneaking around gets to her sometimes. But the things she feels for Nathan…she can't wrap her head around them being wrong. Is it really wrong if it feels, right?

Down the rabbit hole she goes.

"I hope that you're not about to sit up here all night." Her mom's voice breaks through her thoughts. When Haley looks up, she sees her mom standing there with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand and an aggravated look on her face.

"You know how I feel about parties, mom," Haley murmurs, her voice straddling the line of being a whine. "I'm more comfortable up here, by myself."

Her mom clicks her tongue loudly. "It's still rude of you to not make an appearance. You know, these are the moments that you should look forward to because your family isn't going to be around forever. Besides, your aunt's been bitching at me all night. 'Is that all Haley does? Lay around on the couch and watch TV?'"

By now, Haley is almost immune to this guilt trip. One of her mom's major concerns in life is how her sisters view her family (and money), specifically Haley. She assumes it stems from a nasty fight that her mom and her aunts got into when Haley was younger. She doesn't remember all the nitty gritty details of it, other than the fact they felt the need to criticize Lydia's parenting style even though neither one of them have kids.

But like she always does when Lydia tries to make her feel guilty, she gets up and walks down to where the party is. Her mom's triumphant smile almost makes her want to cry. When she walks down the stairs, the smell of cigarette smoke and beer hits her with a startling force. She has to choke down the gag that threatens to crawl up her throat.

"Wow, look who decided to show her face," her Aunt Chris calls from one of the tables, the sardonic tone slicing through Haley.

Out of all her family members, her Aunt Chris is the one that makes her the most uncomfortable. Her overly dyed orangey-red hair and chipmunk-like face make her seem approachable, but she's far from it. She has this complex about her where everyone has to respect her, even if she doesn't respect them, and most of the time, she doesn't. She can be brutal and cold-hearted. It's like Haley is walking on eggshells whenever she's around and that does nothing for her anxiety or self-esteem.

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I was working on homework," Haley easily lies, avoiding direct eye contact as she makes her way over to the basement bar.

"Aren't you on break?"

"Yeah," Haley mumbles uncomfortably. "But that doesn't mean I'm free of all responsibilities. A lot of teachers like to assign homework over break since finals are right when we get back."

Her skin is crawling and she's only been downstairs a few seconds. This is what she was trying to avoid. The judgmental eyes of her family piercing into her skin make her want to scream. The smoke makes her want throw-up.

"Oh." Her aunt seems to accept this answer and turns her attention back to the card the game she's currently playing.

Haley finds little solace while she's down there. Her presence is pretty much ignored, but she also feels as if every set of eyes is on her. She doesn't understand why her family holds such high expectations of her, or why they think she's perfect and act in horror when she does something that breaks that image. Maybe it's because she's the only "kid" left in the family and they've decided to place all the pressure and scrutiny on her. It's not fair.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket. Discreetly, she glances at the message. Her heartbeat jumps when she sees Nathan's name on the screen.

_Meet me. _His text reads.

Nathan always seems to provide her with an escape right when she needs one. She doesn't even consider the option of declining.

_Where?_

It's agony as she waits for his reply. Her phone almost goes flying out of her hand when it buzzes again.

_Market Street Docks. _

~x~

Her heart is in her throat as she approaches the docks. Somehow, with the help of her dad, she was able to convince her mom to let her go out for a little bit. It wasn't exactly easy, especially since her mom started asking her questions that she couldn't really give straight answers to. But she managed.

Downtown is buzzing with loud music and people spilling out of the bars. However, the docks are empty and quiet, save the sound of her heels thudding softly against the wooden fixture. In the distance, she sees his silhouette leaning against one of the benches, hands in his pockets and legs crossed at the ankles. He appears tense and deep in thought as he stares out at the river.

When she gets closer, she notices that he's dressed in a navy suit jacket and matching dress pants. The crisp white of his shirt glows beneath the moonlight. It was a far cry from his usual attire of leather jackets or polo shirts and dark wash jeans. His hair, which is usually styled purposely messy, is gelled into soft spikes. Damn, he is gorgeous. So criminally gorgeous.

"There's a lot to be said about a guy who invites a girl out in the middle of the night."

At the sound of her voice, Nathan's concentration on the river is broken. He looks over his shoulder, offers her a smile that has her heart skipping a beat, and stands up. His expression changes when she emerges from the shadows, into one that has a wicked heat spreading through her.

"Woah."

She can only manage a diffident smile.

His eyes graze over her body in appreciation and she squirms under the intensity. All her life, she wondered what it would be like to have a guy look at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. She used to believe that it was never going to happen, that it was just going to be a fantasy that she lived vicariously through romance novels to achieve.

Haley was unsure of her appearance when she first put the black dress on it. It was shorter and tighter than anything she would normally wear, which said a lot because her style was pretty much all over the place. It was a gift from her mom. In fact, her entire ensemble was a product of her mom's cajoling. Her hair, which was normally left in its natural waves, is straightened and her face, which was usually sprinkled with light make-up, is made up of smoky shades and red lipstick.

When it came to appearances, her mom is precise. She's the type of person that believes girls aren't pretty unless they are thin and coated with make-up. And, Lydia James would rather die than have an ugly daughter.

Her skin tingles and warms where his fingers brush over. She leans into his touch when his fingers slide into her hair and his palm cups her cheek. Her heartbeat skyrockets when she watches his tongue sneak out of his mouth to wet his lips.

"You're breathtaking," he whispers coarsely.

Haley bows her head to hide the blush rising on her cheeks as her fingers find the hem of her dress. She twists and pulls at it nervously. She's never been good at taking compliments.

"It's the dress," she says quietly. "And the make-up. And the hair."

His rough and incredulous laugh brings goosebumps to her flesh. She flinches when his fingers unexpectedly slide beneath her chin, lifting her head up so she has no choice but to look into his eyes. For a brief moment, she finds herself lost in the sparkle and shine of their deep color.

"No, it's definitely the girl wearing it."

"What about you?" Haley says quickly to take the attention off herself. "You're looking quite spiffy."

His stare lingers on her for a few seconds like he can read her mind, but she's thankful that he lets it go. Dropping his hand from her face, he sits back down on top of the bench, motioning for her to sit next to him.

"Tonight's my parents' annual New Year's Eve party," Nathan explains mournfully. "They invite everyone who is even one percent related to us, neighbors, friends, pretty much the entire phonebook. I personally think it's just so they can feel important. Or, so they can pretend they aren't bitter and lonely for at least one night out of the year. They won't even notice I'm gone."

It's not lost on her that he says that last sentence with regret. She doesn't understand how his family can be so complacent about his existence until he becomes convenient to them. His father only cares about while he's on the basketball court, while his mom really couldn't care less about any part of his life. It breaks her heart.

"I'm sorry, Nathan," Haley replies with a frown.

He shakes it off. "I don't mind it, trust me. The last thing I want to do is be surrounded by a bunch of drunk, old people. Even Lily managed to sneak off with her friends."

Whenever Nathan mentions Lily, the dark cloud hanging around him vanishes. There's a lightness in his eyes when her name passes his lips, a genuine love that doesn't exist anywhere else. He's fiercely protective over his little sister and she finds comfort in the fact that he at least has one familial connection in his corner.

Haley's eyebrows rise, feigning hurt. "Oh, so I was your excuse outta there, huh?"

He immediately shakes his head and looks directly at her. "No. I wanted to see you tonight, getting out of there was just an added bonus."

It surprises her every time he says he wants to see her. Maybe it's because no one had ever said that to her before beyond cordiality. While it isn't a conventional situation, it's her first real…something…with a boy. She's kissed a few, mostly random kisses at stupid parties that were forgotten about the next morning. Nothing even close to this.

"You were doing me a favor by getting me out there, anyway."

"Oh, so now I'm the one who's just an excuse."

Haley giggles with a shake of her head. "No. I wanted to see you, but I can't say that I wasn't suffocating there. It was all board games, cigarette smoke, and 70's music."

Nathan's face scrunches in disgust. "Yeah, I think I'd be itching to get out of there, too."

"So, what's our plan for this lovely evening?"

"Dance with me," he requests, standing up and extending his open palm to her.

She looks at him and then looks around, puzzled. "Here? There's no music."

He smirks and she swears he could get her to do anything with that simple expression. "Who says there needs to be?"

Haley doesn't have a snarky response to that. So, she grabs his hand and allows him to lead her to the open space between the benches. An arm curls around her waist and pulls her until she's flush against his chest. The enticing scent of his cologne and something that is just so inherently Nathan surrounds her. His free hand finds her hand easily as they begin to sway to an imaginary song.

She tries not to focus on how easily and perfectly they fit together. It terrifies her how natural things are between them, like they've known each other for years, instead of just a few short months. Right now, her only regret is that she didn't try and get to know him sooner.

"Who knew that Nathan Scott, basketball extraordinaire and the God of Tree Hill, could be so sweet? So romantic?" Haley quips, running her fingers over his shoulders and under the collar of his shirt. A surge of confident rolls through her when he shivers.

Every moment they spend together, he manages to surprise her. She's past doubting him, but it still throws her for a loop when he looks at her with those soft and warm eyes. When they first met, they were cold and stormy, so full of dark secrets and hidden feelings.

"Hm, well, I guess you could say that you bring it out in me," Nathan croons, a hint of a smirk tipping on his lips.

The thoughts that creep up in her mind threaten to ruin the moment. She knows that she doesn't have the right to think what she's thinking and she definitely doesn't have the right to feel jealous, but she does. Is he like this with Brooke? Does he dance with her in the middle of a rainy street? Does he whisper how beautiful he thought she was in that awe-struck voice?

Those thoughts are stubborn and strong, but she succeeds in pushing them back.

A giggle erupts from her throat when he suddenly spins her so her back is to his chest and his arms are around her middle. His cheek grazes hers before he lips descend over her jaw to the corner of her ear. She can feel herself shaking in his arms.

"Happy birthday, Hales," he hums into her ear.

A smile crosses her face. "And here I thought you'd forgotten."

His arms tighten around her. "Never."

Haley wishes she could pinpoint the exact moment when her feelings for him changed. Things started off somewhat hostile between them. She was instantly annoyed by him and his snide comments and cocky attitude. The way he would talk to his friends, his blatant disrespect for authority figures, and "I don't give a shit" attitude made her blood boil. She wasn't sure how or when she ditched that opinion of him, only that one day, the silent scoffs and rolling of her eyes was replaced with casual and teasing conversation. Then, somewhere further down the line that casual and teasing conversation shifted into stolen whispers and heated promises.

One day he was just that popular guy in school that she just so happened to sit next to, and then the next he was so much more.

He spins again so that they're back to facing each other and pulls her in by the waist, continuing the easy sway of their dance.

"You're very light on your feet," Haley compliments him with a smile. "I'm impressed."

He chuckles lightly. "My grandma taught me when I was really young. While my parents were working and I wasn't in school, they'd ship me over to her house. She taught me all sorts of things—how to dance, how to cook, how to clean."

Haley's eyebrows rise in surprise. "A jack of all trades?"

"Shh," he hisses. "It's my little secret. I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

Her stomach sours at that and she swallows it down. Reputation in the town of Tree Hill was everything to most people and she knew his reputation well. The good, the bad, and the ugly. But even the ugliest things she's heard about him aren't enough to make her consider walking away. As far as she's concerned, it's nothing but mindless gossip and lies. Then again, she might just be the naïve girl her mother always said she was.

Silence engulfs them as they continue to sway. The entire time, she can feel his gaze on her, the intensity of his gaze searing into her skin, like he's searching for the answers to the questions that keep him up at night in the plains of her skin. It makes her uncomfortable, yet makes her feel alive at the same time. When he looks at her like that, it makes everything—the lying, the secrets, the complexity—worth it.

"What?" she asks tauntingly.

"What, what?"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Because you're beautiful."

As always, she blushes. She can't help it, not when she's not used to this kind of treatment.

His forehead rests against hers and her eyes flutter shut. Over the last few weeks, they've had so many almost-kisses that she feels her sanity escape her a little more with each one.

"Do you ever think about me?" she wonders aloud.

"All the time," he admits softly. "Even when I know I'm not supposed to."

"I know the feeling…," she trails off when he leans in closer. Her breath catches in her throat and a voice inside of her head is screaming for this to finally be it.

Every beat is met with bated breath. Her heart bangs against her ribcage like the wings of a trapped bird. White noise fills her ears and fog swallows her consciousness. He's either going to kiss her or she's going to kiss the ground.

He finally seals his lips over hers and her brain short circuits. His lips are softer than she expected, but it's a softness she can get behind. He's tentative at first, merely brushing his lips against hers. It's calming, in a way, to know that he's just as nervous as she is.

He slides his hand to the side of her face as he deepens the kiss. His other arm is still securely around her waist, holding her flush against his chest. A gasp erupts from her throat when his tongue slides into her mouth, melding so perfectly with hers. She lets her hands roam, getting lost in his hair and in the feel of his back.

Everything is slow and deep, it makes her feel as if she's drowning. He tastes of mint and something she can't quite place. It's exquisite, amazing, and even better than anything she could have ever imagined.

Fireworks and hoots and hollers can be heard echoing through the night as the clock stroke twelve, commencing the New Year. She's barely conscious of it and as far as she can tell, he isn't either.

When they break apart, she immediately feels the loss and is revving to go again. If she's not careful, she's certain she'll become addicted to that feeling.

"What are we doing, Nathan?" she asks, breathless.

She hears the knock of reality in the back of her head, fighting its way to the front. It's so incredibly easy to pretend the outside world doesn't exist when she's with him. In their world, he doesn't have a girlfriend and she doesn't have a life that she's begging to break free of. In their world, everything is easy.

"I don't know," Nathan murmurs. "All I know is that I don't want to stop. I _can't_."

She definitely knows what he means. Instead of trying to analyze it now, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him into another kiss. All that matters are the feelings rushing through her body at the simple taste of his lips. The rest they can figure out later.


	3. Lights Are Off

For once in my life, I don't really have anything to say other than thank you for the reviews!

* * *

_**Lights Are Off**_

_ Haley loved the first day of school—the new classes, the pleasing sight of opening up a new notebook to clean and un-touched pages, the glide of new pens, and the satisfying feeling of starting anew. Most of her friends teased her about her excitement about the first day of school, constantly referring to her as a "nerd" or any possible synonym._

_Personally, she never saw herself as a "nerd." Sure, she made good grades in almost all of her classes and took advanced classes whenever the opportunity presented itself, but she wasn't one of those people that stressed herself to no end about academics. And if you really wanted to get technical, she was only ranked #17 out of 250 in her graduating class. _

_Regardless, she liked school. She liked the routine of it, the distraction it gave her from life, and most importantly, the sense of self-accomplishment that came along with it. One of her biggest vices in life was her constant need to be wanted, or to feel important. School was the only place that she truly felt the kind of validation that she needed. _

_The hallways were clustered as she made her way to her first class of the day—Trigonometry. She was bound to be one of the only juniors, if not the only one, in the class as it was structurally a class for seniors. She'd been a year above in math since they took placement exams back in 7th grade, something that she figured didn't help the whole "nerd" persona she had going for herself. _

_When she reached the allotted classroom, she slipped through the door quietly. Most of the desks were still empty, a few students scattered in the back of the room. A frazzled substitute was sitting at the desk that Mrs. Collins usually occupied. Haley heard something about her being on maternity leave and they couldn't find a long-term sub to fill her position until a couple of days before the school year started. _

_Haley chose a desk that was in the second row, against the wall, letting her backpack slip off her shoulders as she slid in. Pulling out one of the fresh notebooks she had stuffed in her backpack, she busied herself with drawing arbitrary doodles and jotting down random pieces of fictional dialogue that were always floating around in her head. It was a writer's tick, at least, that's what her Uncle John always called it. _

_ A sudden burst of whoops and hollers had her looking up from her notebook. A group of boys were congregating in the doorway of the classroom. She recognized most of them from her time spent in the gym, waiting for Lucas to be done with practice. Their laughter was jarring and obnoxious, domineering shouts mixed in aimlessly. It was barely 7 am, did they have to be so loud? _

_ The group shifted a little and she wasn't surprised when she noticed that Nathan Scott was in the center of all the chaos. She'd learned over the years that wherever there was chaos, Nathan Scott wasn't far behind it. Typically, she didn't buy into all the social hierarchy that came with high school—why should some students be placed above others just because they can put a ball through a hoop or hit a ball with a bat? But with Nathan, she couldn't deny the fact that he was the "king" of Tree Hill, with or without his basketball pedigree and one of half of their little town's "Golden Couple." _

_ He was one of those people where popularity and leadership came naturally to him. Guys wanted to be him, or they wanted to get as close to him as they possibly could. In some cases, they were terrified of him. Girls wanted to date him, or at least sleep with him. Teachers bowed down to him, even if he went weeks without turning in homework or goofed off in class. Parents gawked at him, especially ones with kids also traversed in sports. _

_ Over the years, she'd read many things about him on bathroom stalls or overheard people whispering things about him, but she'd never really talked to him herself. If she's honest, she's always been intimidated by him. The attention he garnered and the messy reputation that followed him around terrified (or, sometimes, intrigued) her, made her almost feel self-conscious whenever she was in his presence. _

_ Glancing up, she saw Nathan leaning against the doorway, black sweater rolled up to his elbows and arms crossed over his chest. The smirk that was resting on his face was dangerous…lethal even. As much as it pained her to notice, summer had been good to him—his skin tan, his shoulders wider, and his jawline sharper. _

_ Haley rolled her eyes. Someone needed to tell him that life wasn't a photo shoot. _

_ She would deny it if anyone ever asked, but Nathan Scott had every reason to be a cocky ass hat—he was fine as fuck. Deep down, she knew that Nathan was exactly her type, another thing she would rather die than admit out loud. She had a thing for boys who were emotionally damaged and mysterious. It wasn't ideal and had the potential to get her into a lot of trouble, but she liked what she liked. _

_ The two-minute warning bell sounded, causing the group of boys to disband. A few scattered down the hallway, but most of them filtered into the classroom Haley adverted her eyes, refocusing her attention back on her notebook. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw someone slip into the desk next to her. _

_ "This is Trig, right?" _

_ Haley's head shot up at the sound of his voice, like an involuntary knee jerk reaction. A chill ran down her spine when she met eyes with Nathan. This was the closest she had ever physically been to him and her eyes were magnifying his features, like the specs of gray in his eyes or the small birthmark right below his eye. He was even more inciting close up. _

_ Realizing that she's staring, Haley looked away and cleared her throat. "Uh, yeah it is." _

_ "Are you good at math?" _

_ She glanced at him, and then their surroundings curiously, as if she'd find the answer as to why he was talking to her. _

_ "I suppose so," she answered, unsure. _

_ A grin spread wide across his face. For a moment, she allowed herself to think about how beautiful he looked when he smiled. Crinkles outlined the edges of his eyes like quotation marks, a feature she found to be quite adorable. _

_ "Good, because I suck at math," he drawled. "I might need you to help me."_

_She wasn't stupid, she knew he was turning up the charm to get what he wanted, especially when he ended his sentence with a wink. She could pretend that she was immune to his charm, but it dripped off him like honey. It was irresistible, as proven by the way her stomach flipped and her face flushed. _

_He really was like a beacon to the female population. _

_"I can try," Haley mumbled. "But I'm not all that great when it comes to tutoring." _

_"Oh, I didn't mean tutoring. I meant you…giving me the answers, or letting me cheat off you. That kind of thing." _

_And just like that, the illusion is broken. Haley could tell that Nathan was expecting her to just say yes, to do whatever he wanted her to. It was tempting, especially under that intense gaze and magical smile that he was sending her way. But one of her biggest pet peeves in life was when people just expect things to be handed to them because of who they were or who they thought that were. She blamed her dad for that one. _

_"Why would I do that?" she asked, her voice taking on an icier tone. _

_Nathan shrugged nonchalantly. "Why wouldn't you?" _

_"Maybe because I'm not your personal assistant." _

_Nathan narrowed his eyes at her like he was examining her and calculating what she said__._

_"Don't think of it as being my assistant, more so you just helping me out." _

_"Why would I do that?" Haley repeated, eyeing his smirk with more hostility than was probably necessary. _

_Nathan really looked at her this time, his eyes focusing in on her features, rather than jumping around the buzzing classroom. Haley squirmed in her seat, his gaze imprinting her like a colorful tattoo. It was like he was trying to mesmerize every inch of her skin. _

_It burned through her like a shot of unflavored vodka. _

_ "I kind of get the vibe that you don't quite like me," he finally muttered with a half-smile. _

_ Truth be told, she felt neither here nor there about him. As a defense mechanism, especially when it came to boys she thought were attractive or people that she wanted to be friends with, she resorted to being a bitch. She didn't understand it and it definitely was counter-intuitive, but that's just the way she was. Side effects of childhood trauma, maybe? _

_ "What's my name?" _

_ "What?" His brow creased in confusion. _

_ "What's my name?" She repeated. _

_ He seemed taken back by her question and she had to bite back a smile. She was quite pleased with herself—it took a lot to make Nathan Scott speechless. _

_ "I-I'm not sure." _

_Even though she expected him not to know her name, it stung a little to hear him admit it. _

_ "See, that's exactly what I don't like about you," she muttered, tapping the edge of her pen against the binding in her notebook. _

_ "Because I don't know everyone I meet's name?" _

_ She could've laughed at the expression on his face. He looked dumbfounded like he wasn't sure what to say. _

_ "No, because you expect everyone to bow down to you and you don't take the time out of your day to get to know the people who do." _

_ "Is that something that is important to you?" He challenged, eyes igniting with something undecipherable. _

_ "I just think it shows a lot about who a person is." _

~x~

The courtyard is buzzing more than it usually is during their lunch period. It's the first day back to school after the holiday break and there seems to be rejuvenated energy in the air. The weather is unusually warm, allowing for students to spread out on blankets and picnic tables.

She nervously pulls at her clothes as she approaches her usual lunch table. She keeps her head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone that she passes by. While she doesn't consider herself a complete insecure basket-case, it's moments like this where her mind likes to trick her into thinking everyone is staring at her. In her head, she imagines a neon sign taped to her back, the words "I have a secret" flashing in bold print.

Sitting down, she pulls her lunch out of her backpack and busies herself with figuring out what she wants to eat first. Luckily, she isn't alone for much longer.

"We're going to the game Friday night, right?" Peyton ponders as she slides into the spot across from Haley, Lucas is right beside her.

It's the home opener, something that both Lucas and Nathan had been talking her ear off about the last few weeks. Lucas with his first game jitters and Nathan with his excitement about finally having concrete conversations with college scouts.

Haley grabs a fresh carrot out of the sandwich bag in front of her and snaps a bite. Her shoulders lift in a shrug. At the back of her throat, she feels the word "yes" begging to come out. In the past, she never appeared too eager about attending Tree Hill basketball games and she doesn't want her sudden change of opinion to raise any red flags.

"Um, yeah, probably," she finally answers offhandedly. "Providing that I don't have too much homework."

"I hear Nathan Scott's having his annual banger at his dad's beach house after the game," Peyton says casually, a flick of a smirk on her face. If only she knew what the mere mention of his name did to Haley.

"Maybe I'll actually go this year," Lucas mutters as he unravels the brown paper bag that contains his lunch.

A perfectly arched eyebrow raises on Haley's face. "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

Lucas scoffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. "He's a senior. It's his last year on the team…I figured that it might be time to actually give him a chance."

Haley can't tell if his words are genuine or if they're soaked in sarcasm.

She narrows her eyes. "I'm not buying it."

Lucas shoots nervous glances back at Peyton, who just smirks in response. This continues for a few seconds before Lucas looks away, clearly embarrassed.

Peyton swivels her attention back to Haley, humor in her eyes. "Lucas got in trouble," she sing-songs.

Haley's mouth drops open slightly. "For what? By who?"

"Coach Durham," Peyton answers for him, still smirking. "Apparently, Nathan has been making an effort to at least be nice to Lucas and Lucas hasn't been…reciprocating. Or, something like that. Care to explain your side of things, Luke?"

When Haley glances at Lucas, she's not surprised to see him scowling and glaring at Peyton. If anyone can get Lucas to talk about things that he doesn't want to, it's Peyton.

Haley isn't exactly sure why Lucas detests Nathan so much, other than the issue of his soiled reputation. She always just assumes that it had something to do with Lucas making varsity his freshman year, which had only happened a handful of players, one of them being Nathan. From what she's heard, they both felt threatened and were constantly pinned against each other by their other teammates, the coaching staff, and Tree Hill residents.

"I don't understand it," Lucas mutters, picking at the crust on his sandwich. "Out of nowhere, he just started being nice to me. He started passing me the ball at practice. He stopped making snide comments. He just…completely changed."

"Maybe he's had a change of heart," Haley offers up lamely. She makes a mental note to ask Nathan about it later.

"A leopard doesn't change its spots," Lucas says skeptically.

"Yeah, but a chameleon does," Peyton jokes, popping a grape into her mouth.

"Whatever," Lucas barks. "Whatever the reason is, I don't trust him. Never have, never will."

She bites down on her bottom lip to keep herself from saying something she shouldn't. It's a peculiar scenario, one where she constantly feels like she's walking on a tightrope only she can see.

Their conversation shifts to more lighter and safer topics, everything from the pop quiz they had in Chemistry to the rumor of Bevin Mirskey getting caught blowing two guys at once in the bathroom at Rachel Gatina's New Years' Eve party.

Haley's heart leaps in her chest when, out of the corner of her eye, Haley sees Nathan walk out of the gym, hand-in-hand with _Brooke_. Her back stiffens as tries to keep herself from staring. Brooke's presence is usually hard to ignore, but it becomes easier when all she can think about is the last time they were together. The last time she saw him, he had his arms tightly wound around her waist and his lips against hers. It was a kiss that had kept her up at night, one that she hopes to experience again.

She feels crazy as she peers at Nathan and Brooke from across the courtyard. It's one of those situations where she knows that what she's about to see is gonna rip in her half, but she can't look away. The more time that passes, the more she starts to affirm her suspicions that she's becoming a sadist.

When Brooke reaches up to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kisses him, her stomach sours. She hates every minute of it, but she finds herself comparing the way Nathan kisses Brooke to how he kisses her.

Nathan doesn't slide his hands in her hair, instead, they remain at his sides. He doesn't seem as into the kiss as Brooke is, even though she's practically devouring his face. It's rough and demanding, nothing like the soft and sensual kiss they had shared the other night. Still, it makes her stomach turn and she fears she may lose her lunch.

"God, they make me sick."

Haley hears Peyton from beside her. She jumps slightly, quickly looking away from the indecent couple as if she'd been caught doing something wrong.

"What?" Haley tries to keep her voice level, but there's a glint in Peyton's eye that makes her wonder if maybe she's already been caught.

Peyton nods her head in the direction of Nathan and Brooke. "They're always two seconds away from starring in a porno in the school hallways. No one wants to see that shit."

Haley forces a laugh. "I thought you and Brooke were friends?"

Peyton makes a face. "Co-cheerleaders, that's it. She's way too…Beverly Hills, 90210 for me."

"What's she like?" Haley finds herself asking. She has to lie to herself that she's asking out of genuine curiosity, not because she wants to see if there are any striking similarities between the two of them.

Peyton picks the sticker off of her apple before taking a large bite out of it. Through the crunching, she tells Haley tidbits of information about Brooke.

"She's exactly how you'd expect her to be," Peyton mutters, her eyes glancing back over to where they're standing. "She's a total bitch, to everyone. Only cares about herself and her designer clothes. She's pretty much the female version of Nathan—it's no wonder they're together."

Haley's stomach lurches as she fights to maintain her poker face. Stealing one more glance over at Nathan and Brooke, her heart twists. Nathan is smiling at her now, laughing at something she's saying as he slides an arm around her waist. They make sense as a couple. They're from the same background. They're in the same class of social hierarchy that is high school. He's the basketball star and she's the cheer Capitan.

The whole situation makes her angry. She keeps trying to tell herself that she doesn't have the right to be angry and jealous, but then again, maybe she does.

~x~

Sleep isn't coming to Haley. It's inching towards two in the morning and instead of staring at the back of her eyelids, she's staring at the ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark stars stare back at her. They lost their glow years ago, but whenever she looks at them, she remembers how simple life was when they were burning brightly.

Back then, her biggest worry was whether or not she was going to eat chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese for lunch. Her grades didn't matter much to her and most of her homework consisted of coloring pictures. She wore bright colored pants and checkered shirts without a care in the world. Boys were just playmates, not romantic interests and everyone was friends with everyone.

Now, every morning she wakes up, she feels like she's a zoo animal. People, mostly her family and school counselors, are constantly asking her what her college plans are, if she's taken the SAT yet, and if she's started looking into scholarships.

Then, there are issues of reputation and popularity that sometimes eat away at her. She's not concerned with being popular, but she is concerned with her image. She's that typical insecure teenage girl who claims not to care what people think about her but secretly rips herself up over it.

Tree Hill is a place that holds reputation with high regard. Rumors can follow you for years. Your mistakes are not just mistakes, they're brands. The sad thing is that most people who were born in Tree Hill never leave Tree Hill and who they were in high school is still who they are today. This town isn't a place that gave you much room to grow and she has dreams that are far bigger than this town.

Then, of course, there was the issue of a certain blue-eyed boy…

It's become the Nathan Scott channel inside of her head. He's all she thinks about and she's starting to feel like a freak because of it. She's had crushes before—ones that would last maybe 2 weeks and the most she would ever do to gain their attention was to smile at them in the hallway. But this feels nothing like a silly school girl crush. This feels deeper…scarier.

When she thinks about Nathan, it's not _just_ silly things like "what is he doing? Is he thinking about me?" she's also thinking about their future, what her parents would think of him, how her friends would react to them being together, etc.

Her heart plummets when her mind wanders to what she saw earlier in the day. She's not supposed to be mad. She's not supposed to be jealous. But she is…insanely. The more time they spend together, the more she falls for him. She would give anything to be able to hold his hand in public and kiss him whenever she feels like it. Instead, she has to watch from the sidelines as he hold hands with his girlfriend and kisses her freely.

Maybe her anger towards him is just displaced anger she's supposed to feel towards herself. Seeing Nathan and Brooke together was just another reminder that she's not supposed to want him, that they're from two different worlds.

When did everything become so…complicated? Are things really complicated or is she just making them complicated?

Her heartbeat skips when she hears that familiar thud against her window. For a second, she mulls around the idea that it's just in her imagination. Then, she hears it again. She's faced with the choice of ignoring it or falling farther down the rabbit hole. It's not even surprising anymore that she picks the latter.

She slides out of bed, her feet acting like magnets toward her window. Pushing open her blinds, her eyes widen at what she sees. Perched on a branch—a very wobbly branch— is Nathan. He's smiling at her like he isn't seconds away from falling to his death. She hurries to unlatch her window, swinging it open.

"Are you crazy?!" Haley admonishes as he crawls through the window, the icy air biting at her skin.

Nathan simply shrugs, which drives her a little crazier. "Did I wake you?"

"No," she replies with a shake of her head. "You don't know have to whisper. My parents are gone for the week."

"Oh."

"What are you doing here?" Haley asks briskly. Her arms cross over chest, hiking up the hem of her dad's old t-shirt that she's wearing. It's not until Nathan's gaze darkens and his eyes dip does she realize what she's currently wearing, or not wearing.

She's in a black plain t-shirt and underwear. That's it. Her apprehension about his random arrival is long gone.

Haley's face heats up as she backs away from him, scrambling to find something to cover herself with. The way Nathan is looking at her is both empowering, yet so completely terrifying. He's gazing at her in a way that is so predatory, yet like he's admiring the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She's torn before stripping the rest of her clothes off and making a b-line for the door.

Could she be any more of a blushing virgin?

"Oh, God," she stumbles. "Let me just go...put something on really quick."

His lips tip upward, eyes twinkling with amusement. "I think you look perfect."

If she wasn't so embarrassed by being caught in her underwear, she would have rolled her eyes and offered up some snarky comment. Instead, she smiles shakily and disappears into her bathroom. Her face still feels like a million degrees as she hikes a pair of shorts up her legs.

Insecurity hits her like a freight train and she feels incredibly inadequate. Nathan is the type of guy who has seen…many girls naked (she doesn't know how many, but she has a feeling that one of these days her curiosity is going to get the best of her). He's the type of guy that can get any girl that he wanted—ones who have a nicer body than she does, or ones who look like they've just stepped out of a Victoria Secret catalog.

She fears that one day, he's going to wake up and realize just how plain she truly is.

Swallowing down those intrusive thoughts, Haley walks back into her room. She finds Nathan staring at a picture on her wall.

"Is that Mr. Winter?" Nathan asks blandly, his eyes never straying from the picture.

Haley reaches for the lotion on her dresser, pumping it a few times. She needs something to do with her hands to calm the nerves fizzling inside of her.

"Yeah, it is," she confirms, walking a few steps closer to him. He's looking at a picture of her from the 8th grade field trip to Washington D.C. They're standing in front of the gated White House, Mr. Winter's arm casually around her shoulder.

"You guys are pretty close, aren't you?" Nathan ponders warily, his gaze finally moving away from the picture.

Haley can't read his expression. He appears annoyed, but also uninterested. His eyes are cold, but they hold that spark of defiance that she's so used to seeing. It's like he's calculating her every move, ready to dissect any answer she'll give him until he determines whether or not he believes her.

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that," she replies cautiously, eyes scrunched in suspicion.

Mr. Winter was a first-year English teacher when she was in 8th grade. At the end of that year, the district had experienced a bunch of budget cuts. Because of that, teachers were shifted all around, Mr. Winter being one of them. Instead of continuing to teach 8th grade English, he was now at the high school, teaching sophomores and juniors.

Haley had bonded with Mr. Winter instantly, mostly over their shared love for writing. She's an aspiring writer, and before he decided he wanted to teach, he was an editor for a small publishing firm. Most of their interactions outside of class were about her writing—how she can improve it, how she can go about finally becoming a published author—stuff like that.

Nathan doesn't say anything as he turns away from her and heads over to her bed. His poker face is gone and in its place, is a sour expression she can't quite describe.

She narrows her eyes. "What?"

He glances over her with innocent eyes. "What, what?"

"You've got that look."

"What look?"

He's dropped the look of annoyance and stares back at her in innocence.

"The one where you're chomping at the bit to state your opinion on something."

Nathan's jaw visibly locks. He looks down and pinches the bridge of his nose. His body language makes her nervous like she's a little kid about to get scolded by her parents.

"It's really nothing, Haley," he starts with a heavy sigh. "I've just heard some things about Mr. Winter, that's all."

Her eyes narrow into slits. Immediately, she's defensive. "What kind of things?"

His answering sigh is sharp in her ears. She can tell that he regrets bringing it up, but she's not going to let him off the hook. Her interest is piqued and she won't be able to concentrate on anything else until he tells her.

Dropping his hand from his face, he glances at her uneasily. "I've just heard that he can be…rather friendly with his female students."

Her face hardens. Nathan isn't the first person to ever say something like that to her. Rumors had been swirling around about Mr. Winter since he student-taught in the district. She never understood where they came from. He was young and attractive, but as far as she can tell, he's nothing but professional. She always just chalked it up to girls having crushes on him and wanting to boost their egos.

Her anger spikes at his ability to so easily fall victim to the things he is usually so quick to denounce.

"You of all people should know you can't believe every rumor that you hear," Haley says icily.

She's surprised at the amount of venom that sneaks into her voice. Judging by the look on Nathan's face, he's just as shocked.

"I know," Nathan replies uneasily. "But you know that there is always a little truth to every rumor."

"Not _every_ rumor," she shoots back. "How many times have rumors spread about you taking steroids? There isn't a lick of truth to those, is there?"

For a second, anger flashes across his face. She waits with bated breath for him to lash out. It surprises her when he relaxes instead.

"You're right," he quickly admits. He reaches for her hand and pulls her until she's standing in between his legs. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I was out of line."

She stays quiet as her eyes wash over his face. His apology is genuine and she sees a hint of fear like she's about to kick him out.

"Can we just start over?"

It's not healthy how easily she's willing to forgive him. As soon as he touched her and looked at with those caring eyes of his, she melted.

"Yeah," she breathes. Her heart skips when a beatific smile appears on his face. If she could have one wish, it would be to always be the reason for that smile.

His hands go around her waist as her arms curl around his neck. His thumbs slip beneath the hem of her shirt and brush along her hip bones to the lower curve of her stomach. Heat curls inside of her at the way he's looking at her and the way he's touching her.

"I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight without seeing you," he rasps and her body buzzes in response.

"So, I really am just your booty call, huh?" she teases, her fingers toying with the hairs at the back of his neck.

He grows serious, his smile melting away. She starts to feel light headed as his gaze hardens, piercing into her.

"You're not a booty call or anything of that sort to me, Haley," he promises, hauling her further against him. The conviction in his voice has her shaking.

A siren is going off in her head, begging her to ask him what exactly she is to him. If she's not a booty call, then what is she? A second option just in case things don't work with Brooke? An emotional connection that he lacks with Brooke?

"I know this isn't ideal— "

She shakes her head, silencing him. Despite her desire for answers, she's content with just having him in her arms for a couple of hours.

"But, it's worth it."

Nathan seals his lips over hers and the kiss steals her breath away. She can feel it all the way down to her toes as he kisses her softly and slowly. There's something sweet and powerful about it that makes her dizzy.

"I'll never get tired of that," Nathan murmurs huskily when they break apart, voice puffy. His forehead leans against hers and draws his hands further up her body until he's cradling her.

Haley's knees feel wobbly, causing her to lean her weight fully against him. No one has ever kissed her like he has. Her thoughts are still foggy when he speaks again.

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

For the first time since Haley has gotten to know Nathan, he appears unsure of himself. His voice is quiet. A small smile shapes up on her lips as she nods her head. She likes the fact that someone as self-efficient as Nathan needs her.

When they break apart so he can get more comfortable, she doesn't think about the fact that her parents would kill her if they knew a boy spent the night in their absence. She doesn't think about the fact that she's never had a sleepover with a boy, let alone slept in the same bed as one. And, she surely doesn't think about the fact she isn't overly nervous, only…content.

"I usually just sleep in just my boxers and a t-shirt…if that's okay?"

She giggles at his obvious apprehension. It makes her stomach flutter how concerned he is about making sure she's comfortable.

"Yeah."

The sound of his belt unbuckling is loud in her ears. She feels even more like a freak when she can't peel her eyes away from him stripping in front of her. If her plainness doesn't eventually scare him away, her strangeness just might.

She expects the nerves to kick in as soon as he slides in bed next to her, but they don't. She likes having him in her bed and she likes it even more when slips an arm beneath her waist and pulls her until she's snuggled into his side. Everything about it feels natural like they're exactly where they were supposed to be.

Haley rests her head on his chest and finds solace in the sound of his heartbeat.

His hand slides beneath her shirt. His fingers are cool as they brush over the small of her back, drawing random patterns on to her skin. It's not a move that's meant to be sexual, but her body temperature spikes.

"I wish things could always be like this," he whispers softly. There's an edge to his voice that she recognizes—it's the same one that sneaks into his voice when he speaks of his father and the life he wished he had.

"Like, what?" she invites him to elaborate.

His silence is loud. She knows the look on his face well. He is plotting, trying to figure out what he should say versus what he wants to say.

"Where it's just you and me, and the rest of the world doesn't exist."

Nathan's words fill her with a sense of longing. She wants that exact same thing and she refuses to think about the fact that that kind of euphoria doesn't exist.

Regardless, she sits up and looks at him with curious eyes. She desperately wants to know what prompted him to say that.

"What happened tonight, Nathan?"

His answering intake of breath has her nerves jangling. He's so young, yet the worry lines are like tiny canyons etched into his skin. She fights the urge to reach up and smooth them out with the pads of her fingers.

"I got into another fight with my dad."

She frowns as she physically feels her heartache in her chest. She's never met Dan Scott, nor has she ever seen him in person, and based off the things Nathan has said about him, she never wants to.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

To her surprise, he seems eager to talk about it. Normally, he hesitates and struggles to get his words out.

"He was drinking again," Nathan prefaces and she tenses.

"He didn't— "

Nathan quickly shakes his head. "He hasn't since that one time."

She lets out the breath of air she had been holding. "Thank God."

He must have noticed her tense as he slides his hand further up the back of her shirt. His fingers massage as her spine, working out the tension in her muscles. She almost purrs when it does the trick. He's way too good at everything he does.

"But that didn't stop him from being a dick," Nathan mutters disdainfully. "As soon as he got home for work, I knew he was in one of _those_ moods. He started bitching about every little thing, from the dishes in the sink to how I was doing homework instead of practicing. I just went up to my room and ignored him. That was until he woke up me, only to scream at me about how I wasn't going to amount to anything. And, that I'm a lazy piece of shit. Basically, every variation of that you can think of."

Her heart breaks with every word like it always does. He didn't ask to be saved, but she wishes she could be the one to save him. She knows what it's like to have parents who aren't supportive, although she has a feeling her parents are saints when compared to his.

The thing that hurts her the most is how numb Nathan is. There are times when she can feel his pain and his anger radiate off of him. Then there are times when he just seems so dead to the world like he is now. He is so complacent about his father's emotional abuse that he tells her this story like he's reading out of a textbook.

"I just had to get outta there," he murmurs, his voice dropping to a soft whisper.

She curls into his side again, like her touch is enough to heal him. "I'm glad you came to me."

Haley feels his lips brush against the top of her head. Her eyes flutter closed as she sighs softly. Her plan was to ask him about his sudden change towards Lucas but now isn't the time. She'll just have to store that away for another day.

"You were the only person I wanted to see," he admits. "When I'm with you...I forget about everything else. I almost feel like…that no matter what happens, as long as I have you, I'll be okay."

And with that, she falls a little harder.


	4. Crashing Down

Thank you guys so much for your wonderful reviews! Apparently, writing a story that is super personal makes me mute for author's notes because once again, I have nothing else to say!

* * *

_**Crashing Down**_

"I don't know if this is such a good idea," Haley expresses as they approach the beach house. Her head tips back as her eyes scale over the giant house. She's only seen it a handful of times, mostly just drive-bys on her way to the library. Up close, it's intimidating. The freshly painted paneling and pristine glass windows are all just representations of a life that she's never known and probably never will.

Her stomach is in knots and she can't stop playing with the ring on her right hand. The gold studded band used to belong to her grandma and was given to her not long after her passing. She never took it off as it was her safety net for when her anxiousness inevitably kicked in, especially in social gatherings like this.

Peyton saddles up next to her and tosses a lean arm around her shoulders. "Oh, come on, Haley James, it's just a little party."

Peyton's teasing does nothing but make the butterflies in her stomach flap their wings harder. Haley's not much of a partier, by choice. She's been to a few and been invited to a few more, but they just weren't her scene. Then when you add in the fact that she's secretly shacking up with the host of the party…things just get messier.

Lucas looks at her curiously. "You okay, Hales?"

The word "no" crawls up her throat, but she chokes it back.

"Uh, yeah," she lies easily. She ignores the implications of that. "You know how I am with…crowds."

"Whenever you want to leave, you just say, okay?"

She smiles softly and nods at Lucas' words. "What about you? Are you sure you're okay with partying with your arch-nemesis."

Haley hopes her teasing is transparent through the slight shake in her voice.

Lucas shrugs. "Get a couple of beers in me and I'll party with the devil himself."

He's got that overly giddy smile on his face, so she lets it go.

When they walk in, Peyton and Lucas head straight for the drinks while she looks around. It isn't anything like she expected. The music is loud, but not overbearing like it normally is at parties. The place is packed, people scattered around the vast living room. Some are lounging on couches, with drinks in their hands and laughter filling the spaces of silence. Others are occupying spaces on the floor or sitting on bar stools. Electricity is in the air, from the Ravens' win or the alcohol, she's not sure.

Haley expected a Nathan Scott party to be wild—music pulsating at deafening levels, girls dancing on top of tables with their shirts off, the ground sticky with spilled beer and various brands of liquor. Surprisingly, it's tame nature makes her anxiety heighten. She hasn't prepared for this.

"This isn't too bad," Haley mumbles, mostly to herself as an act of relaxation.

Peyton appears next to her, extending a blue plastic cup to her. Haley takes it, glancing at the contents of it.

"Jungle juice," Peyton answers her silent question.

"Isn't that just a bunch of—"

"Random beer and liquor mixed together? Pretty much."

Haley takes a quick sniff of it, her nose wrinkling at its…fruity, yet bitter smell. She's not much of a drinker. She's not a fan of the bitter taste of most beers and no matter what flavor of liquor you throw at her, they all taste like rubbing alcohol. But if someone hands her a drink, she won't let it go to waste.

She'd only been drunk once in her life, which was mostly done out of pure experimentation rather than leisure. It was at her eldest cousin's graduation party that previous summer and she, with all of his friends, were huddled around a bonfire. They were playing some kind of question game that she can't quite remember the name or rules of. Somehow the questions had shifted to goading Haley about how innocent she was and how she still had so much to learn. Never one to back down from a challenge, she downed a shot. Then another one. Then a few more. Then "just one more."

Before she knew it, the black sharpie tallies on her arm had blended together and she could no longer feel her face. The morning after was something that she vowed to herself that she would never feel again.

"It's still early," Peyton murmurs, motioning to everyone around them. "The party doesn't truly kick off until at least 11."

"What do you call this then?"

"The VIP party…before the party," Peyton says with a wink before grabbing her hand. "Come on, I'll show you around."

"I didn't realize you were a regular at these parties."

"Oh, there's a lot about me you have yet to learn, Haley James."

Peyton weaves her through the throngs of people, pointing out some and whispering gossip about others. Each room they pass through seems bigger than the rest. The ceilings are high, fancy chandeliers hanging luminously above them. Neutral colored paints cover the decorated walls. She doesn't fail to notice that while there are tons of pictures hanging on the walls, none of them are of Nathan or his family.

As her eyes sweep around the party—subconsciously and maybe a little consciously—she's looking for Nathan. Every corner they turn, she's expecting to see him and a little bit of her excitement chips away when she comes up empty-handed again. A thought creeps up in her mind that he might be off with Brooke…celebrating his game-winning shot. As soon as that thought enters her mind, she forces it back. Ignorance is bliss.

"Who are you looking for?" Peyton asks, cutting through Haley's thoughts.

Her heart takes a nosedive as she whips her head around to face Peyton. The innocent mask Haley tries to plaster on her face feels artificial and she silently prays that Peyton has her blinders on today.

"No one."

A perfectly filled in eyebrow quirks as her blonde curls bounce from the tilting of her head. "Sure seems like you are. You got a secret boyfriend that we don't know about?"

Peyton's teasing her, but that doesn't stop the guilt. Her stomach tightens even more and she's almost positive she's about to be sick.

Not trusting herself to speak, Haley shakes her head.

Peyton regards her for a few more long and anxiety-inducing seconds. Her green eyes are scrutinizing her and Haley almost folds under the intense gaze. Peyton always had been the more intuitive one in their friend group. Thankfully, Peyton looks away and continues their journey through the house.

As if God wants to watch a comedy show, they finally walk into a room where Nathan is. As soon as she lays eyes on him, she wishes she hadn't. He's lounging on one of the leather couches in the den that's nestled in the back of the beach house. Guys that she recognizes from the basketball team are surrounding him. A bottle of tequila is dangling from his fingers as Brooke is settled intimately in his lap. Her perfectly manicured nails, tipped in red nail polish, are dancing across his chest and weaving themselves in his hair. Her plump lips painted a sharp pink, alternate between kissing his neck and whispering what she assumes are dirty promises in his ear.

The smirk on Nathan's face tells Haley that he's definitely enjoying it. That sick feeling in the pit of her stomach returns, only this time, it's raging jealousy and anger.

Her biggest vice has always been jealousy. She's not sure where it exactly comes from. Okay, maybe she does—an insecurity that has planted itself inside of her brain due to childhood trauma she likes to pretend doesn't exist. One of these days, that emotion is going to eat her alive.

When her eyes lock with his, she stiffens. He stares at her in that way that makes her skin flare up and her insides feel like they're melting. Brooke is seemingly forgotten from his mind and she's reminded yet again how fucked up their situation is. As they stare at each other, she attempts to keep her face emotionless, trying to communicate to him that even though she wants to so badly be the girl in his arms, seeing him with Brooke doesn't bother her.

Eventually, his stare starts to feel like a hand around her throat, squeezing until it robs her all of her breath. Breaking eye contact, she lifts the cup up to her lips and tips it back. The contents of it slide down her throat quickly, leaving a scalding sensation in its wake. Her eyes burn at the taste, tears collecting in their corners. She doesn't stop until the cup is empty.

"I need another drink," is all she mutters before hightailing it out of that room.

~x~

Finding the kitchen proves to be a lot more difficult than she originally thought. This massive house that she's in feels like a funhouse—each room she enters leading to even more doors to choose from. Finally, she ends up back in front of the house where the kitchen is located. The place is significantly more packed than it was when they first arrived, the lights have been shut off, and the music is almost twice as loud.

It looks more like a party now.

Haley's walk to the kitchen is cut short when she notices Nathan leaning against the counter closest to the fridge. Unexpectedly, he's alone—Brooke no longer attached to his hip and his other "friends" no longer surrounding him like a shiny new toy they're arguing over. He looks glorious in his navy sweater and dark jeans. From where she's standing, his hair looks like it's still a little damp from his post-game shower.

"I don't bite, you know," he says smoothly, lips tipping into a smirk as he looks up at her.

Her heart does that _thing _and her previous annoyance is instantly forgotten. Nothing about how he makes her feel is healthy, but he's become her drug.

Drumming her fingers against her empty cup, she steps further into the kitchen. "I just came to get more to drink."

"Help yourself."

She walks leisurely over to the keg that is coincidentally placed on the counter space right beside him. The entire time, she can feel his eyes tracing over her every move. When she reaches the keg, her jacket brushes against the sleeve of his shirt and his body heat swallows her. Clearing her throat, she twists the knob and watches while the liquid floods her cup.

"You played a good game tonight," she comments offhandedly, just trying to fill the silence that had infiltrated their space. The bass of the music provides a nice soundtrack to this cliché high school moment.

"I played alright," he replies darkly.

Her frown is hidden by the sip of her drink she decides to take. "You scored the most points and made the game-winning shot."

His amused smirk doesn't reach his eyes. "I didn't realize you were so…interested in me playing."

Haley shrugs as if it's no big deal, but the blush on her cheeks says otherwise. Truth be told, even though one of her best friends is a basketball fanatic and has been playing the game for years, she knows nothing about it. Through most of the game, she just eavesdropped on what the patrons around her were saying.

"I was slow in the second half. I got winded way too easily," Nathan mutters after a slow sigh. "There were a few shots that I let slip through my fingers. I should have had at least 30 points this game, instead of a measly 28."

Judging by the tone in his voice, his words are reflections of what his father has told him, not his true thoughts.

"You did amazing," Haley tries to reassure him, but it feels like a lame attempt. She highly doubts that her singing his praises is really going to improve his mood, especially when Dan Scott has as much power over him as he does. "Besides, it was only the first game of the season. You have plenty of time to improve."

Nathan shakes his head ruefully. "It's my senior year. I don't have the capacity or the time to screw up. Every second of every game counts."

Haley feels helpless as she doesn't know how to respond to that in a way that would be beneficial.

"Tell me what I can do to make you feel better," she requests instead, putting her drink down on the counter. This seems to shift his mood like a light bulb had just went off inside his head. The coldness in his eyes has evaporated, leaving behind the playfulness she loves so much.

"I've got an idea," he purrs in that husky way that makes her knees weak. "Come here."

He grabs her gently by the waist, pulling her until she's standing between his legs. Smoothly, he slips his hands into her back pockets. Her giggle causes him to smile.

"I'm glad you're here," he murmurs sweetly, sweeping his eyes over her face.

"Really?" she replies as she twines her arms around his neck. She doesn't forget that they're in a public place. Someone could come around that corner at any time and as much as she fears it, she likes the thrill of it just as much. A few minutes couldn't hurt…

Nathan nods, his smile fading into something that causes heat to curl in her stomach. He leans forward, brushing light kisses over the curve of her jaw to the base of her ear. "Especially since you look really, _really_ hot tonight."

The leather jacket she's wearing is Peyton's. It's a little tight around the bust and in the upper arms, but it's not too constricting. The white tank-top she's wearing beneath it is tucked into her light wash jeans and a thin, red belt cinches her hips. The knee-high boots she's wearing add at least another half-inch to her height and are surprisingly comfortable. Her make-up mimics what it looked like the night of her birthday, which she may or may not have kept his reaction in mind while applying it.

It's not her style…but it's not, not her style either. Her style was kind of all over the place. Sometimes she went to school in t-shirts and leggings with no make-up on. Other days, she wore jeans and lace tops.

"Red lipstick is such a turn on," he mumbles into her skin, sliding closer and closer to her lips.

"Really?" she squeaks. Apparently, that's the only word left in her vocabulary.

Nathan nods before closing that final distance between them. She loses all sense of who she is and where she is when his lips slide over hers. He kisses her slowly like they have all the time in the world. Like he's trying to commit every crevice of her mouth to memory. She's just as eager to do the same.

A shiver rips through her body when his hands leave the pockets of her jeans and smooth over her hips. He grips them tightly, pulling her until she's nestled neatly between his legs. Heat flows through her at the perfect way they fit together. He eagerly swallows every sigh and gasp she expels when his hands slip beneath her shirt, tracing the curves of her lower back and waist.

"I could get addicted to kissing you," he breathes against her lips before capturing them again. She falls limp against him, parting her lips and gripping on to him like her life depends on it.

A loud crashing noise in the living room brings her back to Earth and has her reluctantly pulling away from him. Nathan doesn't get the hint. Instead, he attaches his mouth to the bare skin of her neck. Little sighs and soft moans fly out of her mouth as her fingers crawl into his hair. It amazes her how he knows just the right places to apply pressure and flick his tongue.

"Na-than, we really should stop," Haley croaks, but she makes no move to push him away. "Someone could see."

Her eyes struggle to stay open from his ministrations but are darting around anyway between the heavy blinks. So far, she doesn't see anyone leering at them, but it's only a matter of time before people are going to need refills.

"Let them."

He sounds so confident, like it wouldn't matter if someone came barreling into the kitchen at that very moment. The aftermath of that happening would be catastrophic, something that they both cannot afford happening. If only it didn't matter.

Mustering up as much self-control as she can, she gently pushes him off of her. She wants to giggle at the dazed look on his face and the streaks of her red lipstick around his mouth.

"You know that we can't be seen together like this," Haley reminds him. "You're you and I'm me. You know what people would say about me, or about us."

"So?" Nathan challenges and she can't believe what she's hearing. Most of the time, he's the one reminding her of how they need to keep things a secret and that if the truth came out, his entire world and everything he had built would implode.

"So?" she mocks in disbelief. A flash of anger flares up inside of her. "You're Nathan Scott, Tree Hill's resident bad boy. You're the basketball God, the one that's untouchable, daring, and mysterious. You do what you want and say what you want and everyone just kind of accepts that. Me? I'm that quiet and innocent girl that no gives a second glance at. I'm the trustworthy one, the one that everyone knows that they can depend on. We're on completely different ends of the spectrum, and you know how much this town values reputation."

Hurt flashes across Nathan's face and she instantly wonders if maybe she had gone too far.

"Is this more about my reputation, or yours?" he snips at her venomously, standing up to his full height. His jaw is locked into place, the muscle pulsing visibly and it makes him seem even more terrifying.

Her brows furrow deeply. "That's…that's not what I meant. It's just…you know how complicated this is, Nathan. We're not supposed to—"

Nathan moves away from her and she instantly wraps her arms around herself, like she's preparing for him to start throwing careless words at her.

"You don't have to remind me."

He starts to walk out of the kitchen and all she can think to say is that he has lipstick all over his face. Silently, she berates herself for being so quick to jump the gun.

Nathan wipes at his mouth until all the remnants of her lipstick are gone. "There. Now there will be no way anyone can link you to me."

"Nathan—"

"Save it, Haley."

His words, along with the cold glint in his eyes, cut through her. As he walks away from her, she's left with only one single thought —_what the hell just happened?_

~x~

"Where did you disappear to?" Lucas interrogates her as soon as she makes her way out on to the back deck.

The night air is cool against her heated cheeks and she welcomes the reprieve. The saltiness in the air is just what she needs to cleanse herself from the disaster she had just endured. Gears are still turning in her head as she tries to make sense of what happened. Her brain seems to have short-circuited because the only explanation she can come up with is that is all in her imagination.

Haley glances at Lucas and Peyton as she descends into the wicker chair adjacent to the pale brown couch they're sitting on. They're being nauseatingly cute—Peyton is pressed into his side with her legs curled into his lap and his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

_One day_, her thoughts whisper, _you'll experience that kind of thing. _That little spark of hope is the only thing that's keeping her from losing her mind.

"Hales?" Lucas prods again.

She meekly holds up her plastic cup in response. "Went to get more to drink. Kind of got lost."

Peyton's shooting her that look again and Haley shifts nervously under the scrutiny.

"Something wrong?" Peyton asks almost too sweetly.

Haley just shakes her head, not trusting herself enough to speak out loud. Between her transparency and paranoia, she feels like she's going crazy. Most of the time, she can whip out a perfect poker face, especially in situations where she's upset or her heart's broken. In her mind, by not showing that something hurt her or upset her, she is further protecting her heart. She isn't showing anyone her weaknesses.

But just like everything else in her life, Nathan seems to have managed to change that about her.

"I gotta say, Scott can throw a pretty mean party," Lucas comments offhandedly, completely brushing past her apparent discomfort. It was times like these where she is thankful that Lucas is as oblivious as he is.

"You know, you never really explained why you hate him so much," Peyton mutters, taking a long drink out of her cup. "I mean, I know he can be quite the prick, but it seems personal."

Haley squirms anxiously in her seat. Prior to her affair with Nathan, he wasn't a frequent topic of conversation. He came up a few times, mostly just in passing or briefly when they'd talk about the basketball season. Now, it seems as if he's the only thing they talk about. The universe really has it out for her.

Lucas shrugs in that way that tells Haley, he's not interested in entertaining Peyton's question. "Do I have to have more of a reason? He's an ass and most people just let him get away with that because of his scoring average and novelty around the school. I'm not into kissing people's asses."

"Have you ever even had a real conversation with him?" Haley finds herself asking. The question floats out of her like she has zero control of her body.

Lucas' eyes shift to hers, the surprise evident on his face. He doesn't call her on it, because that's just not Lucas. Instead, the wheels are probably turning in his head, trying to come up with a plausible explanation for why she talked back to him like that.

Because Haley James doesn't talk back. She doesn't disobey. And, she certainly doesn't break the mold of the perfect illusion that followed her around. No, not perfect Haley James.

"Yeah, sure," he mutters and she can hear the hint of sarcasm. "We have tea parties together, too."

Peyton whacks him in the chest with the back of her hand. "Don't be an ass, Luke."

Haley bites down on her lip, nervously picking a piece of skin. She should just let it go. That would be the smart thing to do, but apparently her alter ego—the one that desperately wants to yell out "fuck the system"— has made its way to the forefront of her brain.

"That's kind of unfair. Don't you think?"

This time, Lucas visibly falters. His face tells her that he's not sure how to process her response like he's looking a petulant child that just won't behave. In a sick and twisted way, she hopes that he calls her out. She needs him to break the mold, to bring light to the fact that she's not the person everyone thinks she is.

It doesn't happen.

"How so?" is Lucas' simple response.

Her alter ego grabs at her tongue, has it flapping words she usually wouldn't dare to say.

"You're passing judgment on a guy you don't really know just based on rumors and the things people say about him. You know how people in this town like to stretch the truth to fit their agenda."

_Ask me why I'm defending him. Get mad. Yell at me. Please, do something. _

For a split second, it almost seems if he's going to crack. Even Peyton is looking at him expectantly. The look on his face is one of shock, maybe even a little bit of anger. There's a sense of freedom bubbling up inside of her as she waits with bated breath.

Everything comes crashing down when he just takes another sip of his drink and shrugs everything off.

Her lungs feel as if they're being squeezed. She needs to get out of there. Mumbling something about needing to use the bathroom, she jumps up and makes a beeline back into the raging party.

~x~

Haley's walk up the spiral staircase is sluggish and slow. She doesn't know how to accurately describe the mood that she's in, but whatever it is, is starting to make her feel crazy. And a little melodramatic. She read something once that teenagers have this bad habit of making things appear way more dramatic than they actually are. It's a direct product of all those raging hormones and teenage angst. She used to be in denial, but now she's starting to wonder if maybe she is falling victim to it.

Since walking away from Lucas, she feels like she can breathe again. It's a small reprieve as she forces out every other thought that's currently swirling around in her brain. She doesn't want to think. So that's exactly what she's going to do—not think.

When she reaches the bathroom, she hesitates. Soft yellow light is seeping into the dark hallway through the cracked open door. With furrowed eyebrows, she approaches the door and gives it a soft knock.

"Anyone in here?" she asks as the door swings open.

The sight before her almost brings her to her knees. She chokes out a loud gasp, but it gets lost in the pulsating music around her.

Nathan is crouched over the sink. His head is down, but the rest of his body appears to be shaking. Drips of blood are falling from his right hand on to shards of glass that are scattered everywhere. The mirror that holds his hunched-over frame is shattered in the bottom corner, the cracks trailing up to the metal molding of the vanity.

"Oh, my God, Nathan," Haley breathes out. Her feet feel as if they've been rooted to the ground.

At the sound of her soft whisper, Nathan looks up at her through the reflection of the broken mirror. She swears she's never seen so much pain in someone's eyes before. They look sunken in, glassy and red. She can't tell if he's been crying or drinking heavily.

Screw the notion of high school dramatics.

"Hales," he croaks, drawing out the "s" at the end of her nickname in a messy slur.

The sound of her name has her springing into action.

"What did you do?!" she asks in a panic as she quickly approaches him. The pounding of her heart is loud and violent in her ears.

He doesn't say anything as she gently grabs his arm and lifts it out of the sink. His hand doesn't look as bad up close, but it's still a bloody mess. Small shards of glass are pierced into the skin of his knuckles, blood still dripping from the cuts.

Haley looks at him with wild eyes, concern, and fear masking her soft features. "Nathan, what did you do?" she asks again, still frantic.

Nathan remains silent for several long seconds. During those long seconds, he avoids her gaze. Shiver after shiver rocks through his body and for a few seconds, Haley wonders if calling 911 is her best option. She's never seen him this…strung out before. Did he take something? Did he just drink too much? Is it something else?

"I'm not good enough," Nathan finally slurs, stopping her thoughts in their tracks. His words meshing and blending together. Through the drunkenness, Haley hears the cracks and the sharp intakes of pain in his voice.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," she murmurs, gently grabbing his arm and leading him over to the toilet. Her head is spinning at his admission, her thoughts begging her to ask him to elaborate, but also fearing the outcome of pushing him too far.

As she crouches down to look for bandages and alcohol, she can feel his eyes burning into her skin. He's watching her every move and it's making this already weird situation even more anxiety-inducing. This is unfamiliar territory for her and for them…on so many levels. Finally locating a pack of gauze, a clean rag, and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, she hops back to her feet and walks back over to him.

Haley meets his eyes and her heart feels like it's only seconds away from shattering. She's never Nathan look so broken before. There have been fleeting moments where he had let his guard down and bared parts of his soul to her than she's positive other people have never seen. But in that very moment, all of those walls of his seem to have crumbled. The saddest part though is that she knows it wasn't exactly voluntary.

Gathering her bearings, she crouches in front of him and wets the rag with the peroxide. Carefully, she grabs his injured hand and gently dabs at the cuts on his hand. Air whistles past his teeth as he winces, jumping slightly at her intrusion. The entire time, Haley feels Nathan's eyes following her every move.

"Why are you taking care of me?" Nathan ponders, raw and jagged.

Haley looks up at him with soft eyes and a soft smile. "Somebody has to."

"I was such an ass to you," Nathan counters.

She shakes her head softly. Gone is her previous anger towards him. In fact, she can't even remember what exactly their little tiff was about.

"It's okay." She offers him a gentle smile as she stands back to her full height. Reaching over the counter, she grabs the gauze and tape, ripping decent sized pieces.

"It's not," he croaks painfully. "All I do…all I do is screw up. I can't…no matter how hard I try…I make a mess of everything. I just can't…do it anymore."

A long pause.

"I'm not good enough," he repeats, sounding just as defeated as he did the first time he uttered those words. "I'm not good enough for _him_. I'm not good enough for _you_."

His vulnerability shakes her to her core. She doesn't have to ask who "him" is. Anger bubbles up inside of her, just like every other time Dan Scott is mentioned. She'll never understand how a father could treat his son the way that Dan treats Nathan. It's times like these she wishes she could wrap her arms around him and that would solve all his problems.

Her brain seems to have blocked out the part about not being good enough for her.

All of this just proves that there is more to Nathan than meets the eye. There is so much more that she has yet to learn about him and she wants to know everything. Every dark secret. Every open wound. Every scar. Everything.

"Nathan," she chides quietly and without aggression. She keeps her eyes on his face as she slowly begins to wrap his hand. No matter what she says, she knows he won't believe her. But she tries anyway. "That's not true. You're—"

"If I'm not perfect…I get eaten alive," Nathan drawls, blinking slowly. "And I'm never perfect. I don't…I don't know what to do anymore. Haley…I just can't."

Tears jam in her throat, but she swallows them down. The last thing he needs is her crying. There's so much she wants to say, so many things she wants to ask, but she can't get them out. She feels so incredibly helpless and that only makes her want to cry even more.

Haley secures the last of the bandage around his hand and gives him a light pat. "You're all set. I don't know how you're going to place basketball with an injured hand like that…"

"I'll play through the pain," Nathan mumbles, flexing his fingers slowly. He visibly clenches his teeth and winces. "I always do."

Propping his good hand on the back of the toilet, he forces himself up. Before he has a chance to stumble, Haley wraps an arm around his waist and rests a hand on his chest. Beneath her palm, she can feel the rapid beating of his heart. Her breath catches in her throat when she looks up to find Nathan already staring back at her. His gaze is a mixture of desire and awe, something she didn't think a boy would ever feel towards her.

"Hales…," he murmurs huskily. "Thank—"

"You don't have to say it," she says thickly, tearing her eyes away from his. "Let's just get you into bed."

The walk to his bedroom is awkward and wobbly at best. On the basketball court, he's light and flawless on his feet. Douse his insides with alcohol and suddenly he can barely stand on two feet. It doesn't help matters that he's placing a lot of weight on Haley, his 6'2 frame almost crushing her.

After what feels like a mile-long walk, they reach what she assumes in his bedroom in this beach house. They stumble inside and Haley lets go of him so she can shut the door.

When he slides his sweater off and tosses it haphazardly to the side, she tries not to stare. She'd seen him shirtless a few times when she popped in during their practice, claiming to be waiting for Lucas, but also hoping to catch a glimpse of Nathan. The sight up close is even more mouth-watering.

The lines that are cut into his stomach are harsh and defined. Muscles exist in all the right places, tan and rippling skin covering them. He's male perfection and she feels like a dog in heat staring at him.

Clearing her throat, she reluctantly looks away when he reaches for his belt. She chews on her bottom lip as she sits down on the other side of the bed, her back facing him. A few more seconds pass before she feels the bed dip behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she sees him sprawled out on the bed, in just a pair of black boxers. She swallows hard, suddenly feeling very awkward for being there.

"You're the most beautiful girl at this whole party," he mumbles, breaking the silence and looking up at her with hooded eyes.

Haley looks away as heat rises on her cheeks. Her laugh is boisterous as she shakes her head. "And you're drunk."

She feels his icy fingers—on his good hand—wrapping around her wrist, gently pulling her until she's facing him completely. Gone is the slacken smile and instead, his face is stone with seriousness.

"And when I'm sober, you're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

When he throws out those smooth and sweet lines, another chip in her armor breaks off. This back and forth with him leaves her with whiplash.

"I should probably go," she croaks, making a move to turn away. His grip on her wrist tightens.

"Stay," he pleads softly.

"I can't. Luke and Peyton are probably looking for me," she protests, but it sounds weak. She wants to stay. Despite everything, she wants to crawl in bed with him and feel his arms wrap around her. She desperately wants to spend more time with him.

The pad of his thumb rubs over the pulse of her wrist in a comforting way. His eyes are pleading.

"Just for a little while longer," he suggests. "Please."

His soft plea is her undoing. Before she can fully comprehend what's happening, she's nodding and shrugging out of her jacket. The power he has over her rattles her a little, but she ignores it.

As she lays down, her awkwardness returns. She doesn't crawl into his arms like she desperately wants to and he doesn't make any move to pull her towards him either. His soft breathing alerts her that maybe he has already clonked out.

The silence leaves room for her thoughts to wander. Down below, she hears the party still ragging on. The music is muffled, but the floor is still rattling from the bass. Somewhere in the throngs of people are Lucas and Peyton. She knows that they have to be wondering where she is, but the thought of them coming to find her and then finding her lying in the same bed as Nathan Scott doesn't scare her.

Sometimes she wishes they would be caught. There would be no more hiding. No more lying. No more feeling like she's on the brink of losing all the people she cares about for something she's not even sure will last.

Sometimes she wonders if it would really be that bad—people knowing about them. Would it really be the end of the world? Would people really care that much?

Her thoughts echo Lucas' previous words, immediately squashing any semblance of hope that maybe things would be okay if the world knew. In their world, Nathan was the jack ass that ruled the school and the basketball court. He was rude to people because he could be. He didn't care about anyone but himself. Nothing was ever going to change that.

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asks quietly, hoping that he's not already asleep.

Nathan slides across the bed until he's curled up behind her. Her breath hitches in her throat when his arm snakes around her waist and pulls her until her back is flush against his naked chest. His skin is warm and sinful against hers. She prays that he can't hear how hard her heart is pounding.

His head falls in the crook of her neck, his lips brushing against her bare shoulder and across the curve of her neck. The shiver that rocks through her is involuntary.

"You know what they say," he begins to mumble. His words aren't as slurred as they were earlier. "Be a jerk to the world, but never to your girl."

Everything ceases as she wraps herself in those words. The cynical part of her brain reminds her that he's intoxicated and those words could be nothing but slips from a liquor-soaked brain. But the other part of her brain—the one that is poisoned with ideas of "happily ever after" and romance—melts.

She shifts in his arms so that she's looking at him. It surprises her that he's looking back at her with alert eyes and tender expression. That one little look sucks the breath out of her.

"Your girl?" Haley asks breathlessly.

Nathan nods, a hand gliding up her back and into her hair. He leans forward until the tips of their noses are touching. "You're mine, Haley James."

The kiss he presses to her lips is unlike anything she's ever felt before. It's soft and slow, yet full of so much emotion. Little tiny sparks are igniting throughout her entire body, sending her into a crazy frenzy. Far too soon, he pulls back, pressing a few more gentle kisses her lips before seizing completely.

"And no matter what the world says, I'm yours."

The husky tone of his voice and the look in his eyes has her heart-stopping. It's far too soon to be in love with him. Their situation is far too complicated and messy for her even to think about being in love.

But she is and it hits her like a ton of bricks. Her throat clogs up, with tears or a with a scream, she can't quite tell. The cold hand of fear creeps up on her and grabs her by the neck, squeezing until she loses consciousness. This whole…thing was complicated enough without her being in love with him and those feelings just made it so much worse.

She doesn't even want to open the can of worms of whether or not he feels the same.


	5. What You've Heard is True

A few people have mentioned something about Haley lacking a backbone and I just wanted to address that really quickly! As I've stated many times before, this is highly based on real events and it is as much of a love story as it is a story about coming of age, self-reflection and growth, etc. Since this was never written with the intention of anyone reading it, it's problematic and unpolished, unlike my "real" fanfics are. Please, I welcome criticism, but I just don't want anyone getting the wrong idea from this story, does that make sense? I can assure you, however, that Haley will not always be the shadowy, insecure girl that you are currently seeing.

I realize that this story might not be everyone's cup of tea and even when I decided to post this, I wasn't necessarily searching for approval or praise for this. I posted it a) because I was encouraged to and b) because I thought maybe by giving it some room to breathe, it might help me solidify the closure I'm searching for. Hopefully, this clears up some of the concerns I have been getting about this!

* * *

_**What You've Heard is True**_

"I saw you."

Haley looks up from her book and meets eyes with a very…pissed off Peyton Sawyer standing at the edge of her porch. The accusatory glare in her piercing eyes has Haley hunching back. Panic coils in her stomach as she swallows hard.

Something tells her that this is where she falls off that fantasy cliff of hers.

"S-saw me?" She attempts to keep her voice at a clam level, feigning confusion. She closes her book completely and swivels so her feet are dangling off the porch swing.

Peyton looks annoyed at her attempts of innocence. Haley doesn't blame her—if the roles were reversed, she'd be annoyed too. Although, that doesn't stop her from scrambling to come up with lies and excuses to cover her ass. When did lying start to feel like the noble choice?

"With Nathan," Peyton eventually relents icily after several seconds of awkward silence.

Haley's body begins to sway, specks of blinding color dotting her vision as a lump swells in her throat. She'd imagined this moment at least a hundred times and every time, the imaginary her had the perfect speech planned out. But now that she is faced with it in real-time, her brain is made up of nothing but alarms of panic.

She thought she had been careful that night. It wasn't long after she laid in bed with Nathan did he drift off. Quietly, she slipped out of his embrace and headed back down to the party. Before exiting his room, she had peeked her head out to make sure the coast was clear. She saw no one. When she met back up with Peyton and Lucas, she recited some story about how the line to the bathroom was long and she ran into a girl in her English class. As far as she could tell, they accepted the story without any questions.

Peyton's tapping her foot against the concrete. The look on her face only scares Haley.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Haley mutters, her brain answering on its newest autopilot setting.

Anger and disbelief flashes in Peyton's eyes. "Oh, really? So that wasn't you I saw sticking their tongue down Nathan's throat in his kitchen? It sure as hell looked a lot like you."

Her quotidian sarcasm cuts deeper than it ever has before causing a sting in Haley's eyes. Haley knew that once news broke of her "sordid affair," people would be angry. Funnily enough, Peyton was the one she figured would be the least mad at her.

"Peyton, I—"

"How long?" Peyton interrupts her, irked by Haley's lack of cooperation. "How long has this been going on for?"

Haley feels like she's going to keel over or throw up any second. She sinks further back into the clove of the swing, shoulders slumped. She keeps her head down as she starts to pick at her nails.

"About a month," Haley mutters quietly.

Peyton's accompanying laugh is cynical, sarcastic. Haley forces herself not to look up, but a small spark of anger is igniting inside of her.

"That's rich, Haley," Peyton mutters bitterly. "You know, I'd been hearing rumors that Nathan was cheating on Brooke. I wasn't surprised by those. I was, however, surprised by the fact that _you _were the girl he was cheating on her with."

There's a twisting pain in Haley's gut. With a few words, Peyton was able to reduce her entire character to nothing but a spineless slut. In the shadows of the words Peyton muttered, were all the insults that they use to throw at the girls who dropped everything, including their dignity and independence, for a boy who most likely didn't give a single shit about them.

It's like a slap in the face and Haley's anger spikes that much higher. She's not sure who she's angrier at—Peyton for her judgment, or herself for getting into this mess. Denial can be a nasty thing.

"It's not like that, Peyton," Haley replies shakily, finally looking up. The hypocrisy on both their ends is painful.

"Oh, so…you haven't been sneaking around with Nathan Scott, doing God knows what, for the last month? Knowing full well that he has a girlfriend? Knowing that your best friend hates him?"

That causes Haley to snap.

"Will you just stop it?!" Haley explodes, jumping up from the swing. "You're not giving me any chance to explain."

"There's not many ways you can spin cheating and going behind your friends' backs, Haley!" Peyton counters, green eyes wild and face flushed.

"It's not like that," Haley repeats, but even she knows she's grasping at straws. When you remove all the feelings and strip it down to its basic form, it's just that—cheating and going behind her friends' backs. It's easy to forget the truth when she's with Nathan, but now she feels the guilt. She feels all the grossness that she usually pretends doesn't exist and she loses all her ability to compartmentalize her emotions.

"Please enlighten me then," Peyton snaps, tone bitter and harsh.

The spotlight is on her and Haley's brain suddenly goes blanks. Words are scrambled in her head, bouncing around like loose marbles.

"I never wanted anyone to get hurt," Haley mumbles feebly. "And, believe me, I didn't want this. It came out of nowhere and I couldn't stop it, even though I tried like hell."

Peyton pauses, realization dawning on her. "Holy shit…you're in love with him, aren't you?"

Haley swallows roughly. Peyton's words are hanging thickly in the air, but she doesn't want to run away from them, she wants to run towards them. It's the first time she's going to admit it out loud and it's nothing like she imagined it. When she finally admitted it verbally, she imagined a smile on her face and a lightness in her heart. She imagined her friends looking at her intently, with doe eyes and giddy laughs. She imagined it being…climatic, a giant turning-point in the otherwise boring timeline of her teenage life.

She should have known that her fantasy would always be just a fantasy.

"Yes," Haley admits breathily. "I don't know how or when it happened, but it did. And…I just, I can't let him go, Peyton. I know there are so many things wrong with this situation, but I can't help it. When we're together…nothing else matters. He looks at me, and I swear everything stops."

Haley pauses to take a deep breath. She can tell by the look on Peyton's face that she's softening, but that resentment is still very much present.

"He's different with me," she continues to explain, a doe-like look on her face. "We just…connect. He shares things with me that I know he's never told anyone and I feel like I can be myself around him. He makes me feel things that I've never felt before."

Peyton stares at her blankly for several long seconds. "Those things don't make it right."

"God, I know that." Haley's shoulders sag dejectedly, her fingers tangling in her hair. "I know that this is going to blow up in my face one of these days. But—"

"Then, why don't you just end it?" Peyton rebukes, her eyebrows furrowed in distaste. "If you know that nothing good can come out of this, then why don't you just end it?"

Peyton makes it sound so easy, like ending things with Nathan was as simple as tossing an old, ratty shirt into a good-will pile.

"I can't."

Her response is selfish, and she hates herself a little more for it. She could give him up if she really wanted to. It would hurt like hell and she's not sure she can handle that pain…but she could do it.

But, why can't she be selfish for once? For her entire life, she's been nothing but perfect. She follows the rules. She goes out of her way to make people smile and to do small acts of kindness just out of the goodness of her own heart. She's the dependable one—a good friend and a good daughter. So why can't she, for once in her life, do something stupid?

She realizes quickly that doing something stupid isn't even in the same realm of what she's doing with Nathan. Why couldn't she make herself do the right thing? It was never a problem for her before. But then again, the wrong thing hadn't ever felt so right.

"Are you going to tell Lucas?" Haley rasps, feeling herself shrink even further under Peyton's disappointing gaze.

"No," Peyton says with a shake of her head. "I'll let you tell him. He should hear it from you."

~x~

Haley's feet drag over the concrete, little pieces of rubble flying from underneath the sole of her shoes. Clutched against her chest is her journal. The maroon leather binding is worn, scratches and small tears mulling the smooth cover. Inside, the pages are bent and dipped from the pressure of various colored ink pens and pencils.

Her brain feels like slush and the only thing she feels like doing is writing. Writing is the one thing she can turn to when she's feeling lost or confused without fear of judgment or persecution.

It's her one saving grace. Her journal is her most prized possession and she would be lost without it. Right now, she needs that little piece of clarity that writing gives her.

Haley walks towards the one place that's on her mind—the river court. It reminds her so much of Nathan, the place littered with memories from their late-night drives. It's ironic that this is the place she ends up when her mind is a mess since it's the same place where the mess started.

Haley stops in her tracks when she notices Lucas shooting around at the river court. She is surprised to see him there as the river court isn't a place that he visits often. It figures that one day she wants to avoid him at all costs, he shows up where she least expects him.

It doesn't take long for Lucas to see her standing there. He greets her with a friendly smile that heightens her discomfort. His smile fades as soon as he sees the look on her face. Haley hasn't had a chance to look in the mirror lately, but she imagines that she looks worn.

The basketball he's holding echoes as it bounces against the concrete. He's at her side a few seconds later, hands gently on her shoulders and concerned blue eyes staring back at her. It feels like a knife in her heart when she realizes how similar Lucas' eyes are to Nathan's.

"Haley, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She almost screams the word "no." All of her thoughts are threatening to tumble out of her mouth at once. Lucas' eyes are so wide and trusting, so innocent in the matter that he wouldn't ever look at her any other way. It's comforting and infuriating.

Then something peculiar happens. The gears in her head, which are constantly turning, lock into place, like they've finally found their matching puzzle piece.

She's doing it again—being obedient to what someone else wants in order to maintain this perfect image. She knows what she's doing with Nathan is fucked up. She knows that there is all these unanswered questions and consequences waiting for her.

But it's her choice. It's her mistake to make.

Why does she always have to listen to someone else and follow what they want for her, even if they try to disguise it as "what's best for her?" She has thousands of reasons to feel guilty over this, but being at the mercy of what other people think of her shouldn't be one of them.

Instead of confessing her secrets, Haley wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head in his chest. His arms automatically wrap around her in a tight hug. In the beating of his heart, she finds the turning point that she was looking for.

~x~

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Winter?"

Looking up from the stack of papers on his desk, Mr. Winter smiles at her. Standing up, he removes the reading glasses from his face and places his hands on his hips. Excitement is sparkling in his brown eyes and she can't help but smile in response.

It's not hard to see why so many girls are smitten with him. His dark hair, dark eyes, and tall stature is the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. He has perfect teeth —bright white and aligned evenly. It also doesn't help matters that his style was that of a runway model and he has that easy personality that makes you instantly comfortable around him.

Haley would be the first person to admit that she had a crush on him back during his first year of teaching. But the closer she got to him, the more that crush turned into a friendly admiration. One of her favorite pastimes was to sit back and watch as girls, from freshmen to seniors, try to flirt with him. It's…entertaining, to say the least.

"Yes, Haley, please come in and take a seat."

She takes a seat in a desk closest to his. It's his prep hour and he called her classroom the last twenty minutes of the period, asking if she could be released early to come see him. It's a regular occurrence that most of her teachers don't even bat their eyelashes at anymore.

Haley watches curiously as he rummages through the papers scattered on his desk. Finally, he appears to have found what he's looking for and hands it over to her. Her eyes scan the thin packet as she tries to digest the words in front of her.

"Kaleidoscope Writing Contest?" Haley questions, looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

Mr. Winter nods as he walks around to the opposing side of his desk. Slipping his hands in his front pockets, he leans against it and crosses his feet at his ankles. "It's an annual writing competition. Every year, they pick five pieces of writing from students all over North Carolina and publish them in a newsletter. The winners get a $1,000 scholarship to use as they please and they get to attend a fancy ceremony hosted by the governor at the capital."

The confused expression stays put on Haley's face. "That's really cool and everything, but what does that have to do with me?"

"I think you should submit something."

He says it so nonchalantly, like her submitting something is the most obvious thing in the world.

"It would look amazing on college applications and is just a great opportunity all around," Mr. Winter continues to explain. "The theme this year is all about finding yourself and using the ups and downs that life throws at you to further solidify who you are as a person. You can write a poem, a fictional story…."

Haley stares at him wide-eyed, heart clamoring in her chest. He continues on explaining all of the parameters of this contest, but she stops listening. All she hears is white noise.

Not many people know about her hobby, and even fewer people have actually read a piece of hers. Writing, to her, has always been something personal. Sometimes she does it for fun. Sometimes she does it to relax or for other therapeutic reasons. Regardless of the reason, every piece of her writing holds a sacred part of her, a part of her that she likes to keep to herself. She may have talked to Mr. Winter in the past about possibly going about getting something published one day, but that was mostly a product of dreams.

"I can't," she blurts out.

Mr. Winter stares back at her in bewilderment. "What? Why? I figured you would be jumping at this chance."

Haley shakes her head and stretches her arms out. Her fingers pick nervously at the engrave pencil holder in the desk.

"I'm honored that you thought of me…but I just don't think…," she struggles to formulate proper sentences. He seems so excited to tell her about this opportunity and she doesn't want to disappoint him.

Haley sighs, swallowing hard. "I don't think anything that I've written is good enough to be entered into a contest like that, let alone win it."

"You are extremely talented, Haley," he said fiercely, moving to sit in the desk beside her. "Your writing…it's so raw and real. Most writers would kill to be able to display the emotion that you do, especially at your age. You bare your soul and it's remarkable. It deserves to be shared with the world."

A light blush burned at her cheeks. She avoids his prodding gaze. Instead, she looks over the posters she'd seen thousands of times but acts as if they're brand new.

"Thank-you," she stammers. "But I just…you know how I am with my writing. The thought of people reading things that I wrote…it makes my skin crawl. I just get so freaked out."

He looks at her sadly and she frowns. They've had this conversation many times about how she needs to be more confident in herself and her work. That's not a skill that is so easily instilled in her.

"How are you going to get published one day if you don't let someone read your work?" Mr. Winter counters.

Haley smiles sheepishly. "I haven't reached that point yet."

He stares at her silently for a few seconds before sighing.

"At least promise me that you'll look through the packet and think about it? There's a bunch of information in there that might make you change your mind after you read it."

She nods.

"Thank you," he replies with a smile. "Now get back to class before I mark you down for skipping."

She laughs at his comment and the accompanying wink. Sliding out of the desk, she rolls the packet up, slips it into her back pocket, waves, and heads out into the hallway. The writing contest is another worry for another time.

She glances at the clock and notices that there are only about ten minutes left before deciding to make a quick stop at her locker. Turning the corner, she walks down the hallway that leads to the back half of the school.

Haley yelps when an arm gently grabs her, pulling her until she's hidden beneath the large back staircase of Tree Hill High. Before she has a chance to fully comprehend what's happening, her back is pressed against the brick wall, hands are on her waist, and lips are pressed against hers. The combination of the familiar scent of his cologne completely surrounding her and the feel of his warm body pressing against her has her head feeling airy.

The smart and responsible thing would be to push him away. They are at school and it's the middle of the school day. One of the hall monitors is bound to catch them. But when his thumbs slip beneath her blouse, rubbing small circles into her flesh and he inclines his hips more towards hers, she loses all sense of where they are.

This is usually the time when guilt would punch her in the stomach, but this time, it doesn't.

His kisses are slow and passionate, stealing every ounce of her breath. In response, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him as close as she possibly can.

They haven't spoken since Friday night and while she has so many things she wants to talk to him about, they all lose their significance when he starts kissing her neck. It's soft lips on even softer skin.

"Nathan," she pants, delicate hands reaching up to bunch his shirt at the shoulders.

He trails trail of kisses against the column of her throat and along the edge of her jaw until their foreheads are resting together. They're both breathing heavily, their chests brushing against each other with each breath. A hand is in her hair, his thumb massaging the spot right below her ear.

"I've been thinking about doing that all day."

A smile spreads across her face. It fills her with a child-like glee to know that he thinks of her as she thinks of him.

"Come over tonight," Nathan requests huskily, removing one hand from her waist to rest of the wall behind her. He's got that smirk on his face, the one that he knows people can't say no to. "My parents are away on some retreat thing and Lily's spending the night at her friends' house."

Her stomach knots at his offer, both out of excitement and nervousness. He didn't explicitly mention anything…sexual, but her mind can't help but go there. They haven't discussed…physical boundaries of their relationship, nor has the conversation really come up before. But, holy hell, she's attracted to him and she thinks, at least she hopes, the feeling is mutual.

Her thoughts must be written all over her face.

"Just to do homework or something like that, Haley," Nathan reassures her with a short laugh. "I like hanging out with you."

A deep blush warms her cheeks and she bites down on her bottom lip. "Okay."

~x~

Haley's sprawled on her stomach on Nathan's bed, a notebook and her history textbook resting in front of her. She tries to concentrate on the passage about westward expansion and the Louisiana Purchase, but she's not retaining a single word. Her eyes, and her thoughts, somehow keep wandering over to boy perched at the desk across from her.

It's kind of strange to her how comfortable the silence is between them and how easy it is for her to just…exist like this with him. It almost felt routine— crawling into his bed and pulling her homework out.

Up until now, she'd never been in his room before. She'd briefly been in his house but never made it past the living room. Looking at the dark grey walls and the posters that are plastering them, she realizes that there's still a lot she has yet to learn about him. She never pegged him as the type to listen to Johnny Cash or The Script, but has posters for both of those artists. She would have never imagined him being an avid reader, but the bookshelf tucked in the corner of his room, filled with classics and newer hits, says differently.

His room is a lot cleaner than she expected. A couple of pairs of tennis shoes are haphazardly spilling out of the closet and she noticed a few shirts hadn't quite made into the laundry bin. Other than that, it was spotless—bed neatly made, desk organized, and the floor cleared. It also had a minty scent to it, like a pine tree air freshener was hidden somewhere in the room.

Eventually, her gaze lands on a picture frame resting on his bedside table. Placed between the oak frame is a picture of Nathan and Dan. It's a recent picture, she assumes, judging by the "Tree Hill Raven Division Champs" banner they're holding between them. They're both smiling widely, proudly holding up a single finger in the #1 fashion. If she didn't know any better, it would just be another picture-perfect moment between father and son.

Seeing that picture brings back every question that she still has about why he decided to punch a mirror. He's no longer sporting the wrap she had placed over the cuts, but rather a couple of Band-Aids. Even if the cuts were healing, she knew the pain still ran deep.

_Why did he do it? What did he mean when he said he wasn't enough? What had Dan said to him? _

Those were just some of the questions she was dying to ask him. It felt like the elephant in the room, at least it did for her. They couldn't…not talk about it. Deciding that she's going to go crazy if she doesn't ask him, she bites the bullet.

"Are we ever going to talk about what happened?" Haley asks nervously. She finds it peculiar, but not all that surprising, that he hasn't mentioned a word of what happened Friday night.

Then pen in Nathan's hand pauses its glide over the paper in front of him as he looks up, confusion on his face.

"What do you mean?"

She can't tell if he's playing stupid or if he genuinely has no idea what she's referring to. Her money is on the former.

Tapping her pencil against her textbook, she shoots him a pointed look at his hand. Almost reflexively, he reaches for that hand, covering the bandages from her view. The look on his face is one of panic and vulnerability, but he gives her his usual answer.

"There's nothing really to talk about."

"Nathan, you punched a mirror," she reminds him softly and delicately. "I would hardly call that nothing."

The emotion on his face stonewalls for a few moments. His usually warm and inviting eyes are stormy and cold. She holds her breath as she waits for the inevitable—he's either going to blow up and completely shut down the topic she so desperately wants to talk about or weasel his way out of it with some weak excuse.

The next few seconds feel like hours, but when his shoulders finally release the tension in them, her heart jumps in surprise. Instead of seeming pissed off and cold, he appears nervous, like he's standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for someone to give him that final shove.

"It's okay, Nathan," Haley reminds him in what she hopes is a comforting and encouraging way.

They lock eyes and Haley smiles at him. Her support is apparently all he needs.

"I just…completely lost control," Nathan admits quietly, almost as if he's ashamed. "I never lose control, not when it comes to my dad. I've calculated how to respond to him. It's become second nature at this point. But that night…I don't know. I couldn't just let the things he said to roll off my back like I usually do."

"What did he say to you?" Haley asks cautiously, a sympathetic look in her eyes. She isn't used to Nathan willingly opening up like this. She isn't sure how to navigate this new uncharted territory.

Nathan inhales jaggedly, his eyes adverting away from her face to focus on his ceiling. "' You aren't good enough, son, and you never will be. No matter you do…it's not enough.'"

Haley gasps quietly at the still evident hurt in his voice—the way he shakes and forces out the words like it's physically painful for him to do so. Whenever that brokenness inside of him shines through his cold, "I Don't Give a Shit About the World" exterior, the illusion that he isn't human is broken. Most days he parades around the school like a God like he's untouchable and far more superior than anyone else. But that's all it is…an illusion.

"That's not even the worst thing he's ever said to me," Nathan continues. "He's done and said far crueler things to me. But this…"

He trails off and Haley wishes she had the right words to fill in the blanks for him.

"Everyone has a breaking point, Nathan," she offers up lamely. "But that doesn't mean that he's right."

"But he is," Nathan affirms with a slight shake of his head. "Maybe this is why it hurt so much worse than his usual insults do. All the other ones I can justify or brush off as him trying to get under my skin to make himself feel better."

Her eyebrows knit together as her heart sank further in her chest. He couldn't possibly believe that Dan Scott was right, could he?

"Why do you say that?"

Nathan pauses. "I'm not good at this, you know."

"Good at what?"

"This whole being vulnerable thing. I don't like it."

"You don't have to talk about if you don't want to."

As much as Haley wants to know everything, she also doesn't want to push him.

"I... I want to," Nathan eventually choked out. "It's just not an easy thing for me."

Haley nods, allowing him the space and time that he needs. The silence is loud as she watches emotion after emotion flash across his face. He's contemplating what to say and as much as she wants to know the truth, she's scared. Be careful what you ask for, right?

She feels a twinge of guilt at the changing emotions on his face. He looks to be in a state of distress like he's about to start itching or hyperventilating at the mere thought of speaking.

She still doesn't push him.

"Please don't feel like you have to share anything you don't want to," Haley reminds him softly.

Immediately, he looks relieved at the out she's given him.

"I just…don't want to talk about it today."

Deciding that he's had enough, she allows him free with a nod and smile. She turns her attention back to the work in front of her. The words are the page are blending together, any semblance of focus she has is gone now. Looking back at Nathan, a small smile graces her features at how intently he seems to be working on the paper in front of him. His brow is furrowed in that adorable way that makes her want to crawl into his lap and smooth out the lines with her fingers.

"What are you working on over there?" Haley asks, interrupting the comfortable silence once again.

Nathan glances up at her briefly, a soft smile on his face. "College applications."

Her interest is piqued as she readjusts her position on his bed, crossing her legs and placing her hands in her lap. "Aren't you running a little behind on those?" she teases lightly.

Nathan forces out a rough laugh, his accompanying grin sheepish. "The deadline is February 1st, so it's not quite the last minute yet. Besides, I won't find out if I have any offers to play until March, possibly April."

"Where are you applying?"

He sighs contently, laying the pen down as he shuffles through the various papers on his desk. "So far, Duke, UNC, NC State, and UCONN just for the hell of it."

"What's your first choice?" Haley inquires, genuinely interested in his future plans. They hadn't talked much about the future in all contexts, other than he hoped to continue playing basketball wherever he ended up.

"Well, my dad's plan has always been Duke," Nathan answers, fingers trailing over the Duke letterhead on the application. "I'd get a scholarship to play there, maybe major in something simple like business and hopefully be on my way to the NBA by my junior year."

Haley frowns at the complacent way he explains his future. There's no hint of excitement or passion in the way that he talks about it. She doesn't need to ask—she knows it's more Dan Scott's plan for his son than it is Nathan's plan for himself.

"I asked what your first choice is, not your dad's," Haley clarifies gently.

Nathan regards her for a few moments, like he's not sure she really asked the question he did. She wouldn't be surprised if this was the first time someone had asked him that.

"Honestly?" he says hesitantly.

When she nods, his apprehension becomes clearer. He remains silent for a few seconds before he angles his body more towards her. In both hands, he's holding a pen, twisting and turning the cap nervously.

"Florida State." He whispers his answer as if he's not sure it's okay to be saying out loud.

Nathan glances at her, and she gives him a comforting smile, letting him know that it's okay to continue. She can physically see his nerves jangle as he inhales deeply and a tiny piece of her heart breaks off. He should be able to talk about the things he wants without feeling scared or ashamed, and she adds this to her list of 'Reasons to Hate Dan Scott." She figures that it's going to take a while before he feels comfortable enough to just jump in headfirst into the pool of vulnerability, but at least he's making progress.

"When I was in 7th grade, I attended a basketball camp there for the summer and…I completely fell in love with it. The campus was so beautiful and welcoming. It just felt like home, you know? Like something about it just felt right. I never wanted to leave."

With every word spoken, his apprehension melted away. His eyes lit up in a way that she has never seen before.

"They don't have the greatest basketball program," Nathan comments with a shrug. "It definitely won't make me stand out as Duke would, but…I don't know. I would love to still play the game, but I've also been wondering about things outside of basketball."

Haley's eyes widen at his admission.

The levity of what he just said seems to take a few seconds to dawn on him. But when it does, he looks up at her with a look of awe and wonder.

"Wow…I've never said that out loud before."

She offers him a smile. "How does it feel?"

"Good," Nathan breaths. "Really good."

"What kind of things are you thinking?" she questions further, sliding across the bed until she's sitting at the edge of her and her feet are dangling off the sides.

"Business," he offers up. "Something in that realm…like maybe sports management or business administration."

Haley beams at him. "I think you'd be really great at something like that."

"Really?" He appears shocked at her comment.

Haley nods, smiling. "Why aren't you applying to Florida State?"

Nathan chuckles sarcastically. "My dad would kill me if he found out. Besides, even if I got in, it would just be a waste. It's not like I can go."

She slides off the bed, walking over to where he's laptop is perched. Leaning over him, Haley types a few things before pressing print. Once the whirring of the printer subsides, she reaches for the paper and hands them to him.

"What he doesn't know, won't hurt him."

The look on his face has her skin prickling. Awe is the only word she can use to describe it.

"You're something else, you know that?"

She shrugs, smiling slightly. She has the upper hand for once, and it feels good.

"I try," she giggles with a quick flip of her hair. She crawls back on to his bed, plopping back down on her stomach. She giggles again at the way he's staring at the application in front of him like it's the holy grail. "It's not going to fill itself out, you know that, right?"

"I know," Nathan chuckles, finally putting the application down on his desk. She notices that he places it in front of the others and she smiles at the sentiment. "What about you? I know you still have a year to figure things out, but where are you thinking of going?"

She doesn't have to think about it. She's wanted to go to the same place since she was in 4th grade.

"Stanford."

For a brief moment, she sours at the realization that their dream schools are on opposite ends of the country. Quickly, she pushes that thought aside. They aren't even officially dating and it's far too early to be having existential crisis freakouts like that. Besides, she vowed to never be that girl who changed her future plans on the account of a boy and she wasn't about to start now, no matter how strongly she felt for said boy.

His eyes widen. "Ivy League? Wow."

Haley shrugs as if it's not a big deal. "They have a really good teaching program there."

Nathan seems intrigued by her answer, eyes soft and body turned towards her. "Yeah, you want to be a teacher?"

"Since I was little."

Well, in reality, she had three dream careers growing up. First, she wanted to be a singer. She can still picture her adolescent self dancing around the living room, remote in her hand as a makeshift microphone. She'd sing made-up songs or sing along to whatever song was on the radio, putting on elaborate performances for her parents. That dream quickly died when she realized that she was tone-deaf and also had immense stage fright.

Her next dream career was an author, which is one that she still flirts with from time to time. Writing is definitely still a passion of hers, but she enjoys it more as a stress reliever than she does as a potential job.

Then, there is teaching. Being a teacher is something that she went through spurts of since she was in the fourth grade. In recent years, it has become more of a passion of hers and something that she's been seriously looking in to. She can't explain the connection she feels towards it, only that when she thinks about having her own classroom one day and her own students, it feels like that is what she's meant to be doing.

"I think you'd be a great teacher," he says, proudly.

"Really?"

"Absolutely," he says seriously. "You have the patience for it and you're extremely smart. It just seems…very fitting for you."

A light blush paints her cheeks. That compliment means a lot coming from him.

"Thanks."

There's another pause before he glances at her exquisitely. "It's scary, isn't it?"

Her forehead creases in confusion. "What is?"

"The future."

"Are you scared?" Haley counters, studying his face closely.

"Immensely," Nathan answers without missing a beat. "For a lot of reasons."


	6. Midnight

I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update. Life has truly been kicking my ass lately, between having a full-time internship, a side job, and just trying to find time to have for myself. Things are starting to somewhat slow down for me (finally!) so I'm hoping to get some major writing done in this time. But thank you all for being so patient! I promise I'm not abandoning Naley fics or any of my stories!

* * *

_**Midnight**_

Haley's fingers tap quickly against the keys on her laptop. With each click, she feels the stress melt off her shoulders. Most of the time, she prefers writing in her notebook. There's something aesthetically pleasing to her about flipping through a notebook and seeing lined paper crinkled with different colored ink. Each color often represented a different story or a different thought. Although, sometimes, when her thoughts run faster than she can move a pen, she opts for her computer.

Out of the corner of her eye, Haley notices the Kaleidoscope writing contest packet peeking out of her English folder. The brightly colored paper is calling her like a siren song and she's defenseless. Since Mr. Winter handed her those papers, she'd been trying her hardest to stuff them away and place them in the forgot compartment of her brain.

It hasn't been working.

Over and over, she finds herself reaching for that offending packet, kind of like she is right now. It feels heavy in her hands like she's holding a dictionary rather than a measly 4 pages stapled together. By now, she's memorized every space and every letter of the packet. She lost count after 30 of how many times she'd read it, hoping that the next time she did, her decision of whether or not she was going to participate would become clear.

It shouldn't be a big deal. It's just a writing contest, one that she doesn't gain or lose much from (besides maybe $1,000 and a sense of confidence).

The topic is clear—_"Life can be full of challenges, moments that make us question everything we ever believed and the solidarity of the plans we've made for ourselves. Sometimes, we have to completely lose the sense of who we are and the things that we want in order to figure out who we are really meant to be. That's called growth. Growth is beautiful. Painful. Individualist. Unifying. And most importantly, necessary. When reading this prompt, what comes to mind? Write from your heart a story, a poem, a journal entry…anything that tugs at your heartstrings and makes you question everything." _

Her eyes flicker back to the words on her screen. Right now, they are a mess, a giant jumble of words that even she can't seem to string together in a coherent way. There are random sentences and unfished paragraphs staring back at her, jumping from one topic to the next. She's not particularly proud of what she's written, but it did manage to stir something inside of her. It's a sense of magic that steals her breath away and makes her feel as if writing isn't just an activity that takes up her time without any sensible purpose.

"What are you doing? Homework?" Lydia ponders when she walks into the kitchen, a cigarette trapped between two fingers on one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

Haley jumps at the sudden intrusion and quickly slams her laptop shut as if she were looking at something incriminating. The words she was writing were raw and intrusive snapshots of her deepest thoughts. She would rather die than let anyone read them while they were in their rarest form.

"Something like that," she mumbles, sliding her laptop away from her and reaching for her English folder.

Lydia cocks a suspicious eyebrow while filling up her coffee cup. "You were looking at porn, weren't you?"

Haley's cheeks flame and her eyes practically bug out of her head. She attempts to distract herself by searching for the worksheet Mr. Winter said was due on Monday. "W-what? No! I swear."

"It's totally okay if you were. You're a teenager. All those raging hormones…I get it. I was doing the same thing when I was your age. Although, it wasn't so easily accessible back then."

"Mom!"

Lydia's laugh is loud and teasing as she continues to goad Haley until her face is cherry red. Haley's grips her pencil tightly and prepares herself for what she knows is coming.

"Your spring formal is coming up, right?" Lydia inquires once the teasing had subsided.

"It's not for another month and a half," Haley informs her without looking up from her actual homework. Her posture becomes taut when she catches a glimpse of devilry on her mom's face. Sometimes she doesn't know who is worse when it comes to meddling—Lydia James or Peyton Sawyer.

"Find a date yet?" Lydia tries to ask it casually but fails miserably.

"I'm not sure I'm going yet," Haley mutters quietly. Dances aren't really her thing and even if they were, she has this sort of fantasy stuck in her head that Nathan might ask her to attend his prom with him instead. Underclassmen get the spring formal, seniors get prom.

"Oh, honey, you have to go!" Lydia chides softly, sliding into the chair opposite of Haley. "I never went to any of the school dances when I was in high school and it's one of my biggest regrets. I—

"Is there something you need, mom?" Haley cuts her off. Her annoyance is clearly written all over her face, both from the topic of conversation and what Lydia's end goal with it is.

Lydia's cheeks tremble as she fights the urge to smile—a dead giveaway that she's about to lie. "I can't talk to my daughter without wanting something in return?"

"You're buttering me up," Haley mutters flatly.

The more Lydia tries to conceal her nervous laughter, the more annoyed Haley starts to feel. It's the same story every time and Haley's main concern is how much it's about to cost her this time.

"Okay, fine," Lydia relents. She avoids eye contact, choosing to stare at the steaming cup of coffee in front of her instead. "I need to borrow $300."

Haley's shoulder slump as her lips drops into a slight frown. "You still owe me the $100 that I borrowed you last month."

"I'll give it all back to you next week," she promises, but it sounds hollow. "The house payment due date falls a few days before I get paid this month and you know your dad will have my head if I can't pay it. You know how he is with money."

Flashes of her parents arguing barrel through her mind. When it came to money, her dad was vile. A tight ass who acts as if they're a struggling family of seven stranded in the barracks of the 1920's. He's all about saving every possible penny for "retirement or a rainy day they hadn't properly prepared for."

It always puzzles her how a free-spirited, spendthrift like her mother could end up with an emotionless, cheapskate like her father.

"So, are you going to help your mom out?"

The hard-exterior surrounding Haley's willpower fully dissolves. It's the same manipulation technique that Lydia always uses but Haley's defenseless against it.

"Hand me my wallet."

~x~

_Come outside. _

Haley blanches at the text she reads. It's barely 6 o'clock and the sun is just starting to dip below the horizon. Her mom is in the living, most likely kicked back on the recliner, watching one of her many TV shows. Her dad is in the garage, working on his newly purchased project—a white 70's Silverado. It would be easy for her to sneak out, but she'd only have minutes to spare before her parents noticed her absence.

The thought is thrilling. Being with Nathan has made her into something of an adrenaline junkie.

Glancing around the corner, her suspicions are confirmed. Lydia's back is to her, the remote control in her hand and a glass of wine in the other. Her face is intense and her eyes are narrow, all classic signs that she's completely immersed in the show she's watching. From the garage, she can hear her dad's oldies playlist rocking from the speakers. If her calculations are correct, she might be able to manage twenty minutes before they go looking for her.

Creeping over to the front door, she slides the lock off and quickly disarms the alarm before it has a chance to ding. Her dad's music is loud enough to drown out the clink and clank of the door as it creaks open. Bouncing eagerly, she makes her way to her driveway.

The scene before her is familiar, as is her reaction to him. That skip of her heartbeat has become a permanent part of her. Déjà vu creeps up inside of her. The only difference is that the stars aren't shining above them and they don't have the safety net of the night sky to keep them hidden. It's scary, but she likes it.

Nathan, as always, is leaning against his mustang with his leather jacket and sunglasses. He's made a bold choice—parking in the driveway instead of the street. As soon as he sees her, a terrific smile breaks out on his face.

"What are you doing here?" She asks when reality sets back in. Her arms cross of her chest and her eyes anxiously dart back to her house. She has no clue what she's going to say if on the off chance her parents come outside.

His smile doesn't falter as he approaches her. His hands go for hers, grasping them gently. He appears giddy about something and that spikes her nerves. She can't recall ever seeing him like this before—eyes matching his smile with brightness and child-like wonder and bouncing erratically on the balls of his feet.

"Nathan?" she prompts again. "You're starting to scare me."

"I want to take you out on a date," he blurts out, running his thumbs over the back of her hands. The callouses that have formed there nip at her skin.

"A date?" she chokes. That's the last thing she expects him to say. Her mind starts swirling with a million different thoughts.

_ Where could he possibly take her without them being seen? Is this his way of saying he wants to finally go public? What about Brooke? Lucas? The rest of their town? What is she going to wear? _

He nods, that giddy smile still holding strong. "I guess it's not necessarily taking you out…but I want to do something nice for you. Something that's just the two of us and away from the world. Something other than being holed up in your bedroom, not that I don't mind that—

"Nathan," she implores with a titter. He's not much of a dither rambler, that's normally a personality trait she possesses. "You're killing me here."

His smile turns sheepish and years melt off his features. He's only eighteen but has worry lines for miles and dullness in his eyes that no boy his age should ever have. Looking at her now, he looks like the gleeful, animated eighteen-year-old he's supposed to be. Something pulls in her gut at the sight. If only he could always look that vibrant.

He mumbles a quick apology before asking her if she could manage to sneak out tomorrow night. She considers it for a moment. It'll be Saturday. Her dad usually goes out to the bar with his friends, comes home wasted, and passes out until late Sunday morning. Her mom will most likely go over her sister's house or she'll stay in a watch TV. Either way, it shouldn't be too hard to get out without too many questions.

"Yeah, I think so."

He brightens even further. Leaning forward, he presses a quick kiss to her lips. "Dress casually and bring your bathing suit."

Her brow furrows as he backs away from her and towards the driver's side of his car. "What are we doing?"

Another dazzling smile. "It's a surprise. I'll pick you up at midnight."

~x~

Haley pulls anxiously at the sleeve of her bomber jacket. With every tick the clock makes towards midnight, the more anxious she starts to feel. Butterflies have invaded her stomach, fluttering around so quickly that she feels sick. She's usually not one of those girls who stress too heavily on the perfect outfit, but she's guilty of changing at least four times.

It's her first real date with a boy that she has real feelings for and right now, nothing else matters. Not Peyton or Lucas. Not Brooke. Or her parents, namely her the bomb her mom had dropped earlier that morning. Nothing. All the worries that usually plague her mind are eerily mute, but she welcomes the freedom it brings her.

Finally, at 12:07, she sees Nathan's mustang pull into her driveway. His lights are off and he doesn't dare cut the engine, giving them the perfect getaway. A smile erupts on her face as she grabs her bag, slips on her shoes, and starts to quietly tip-toe down the stairs. As she predicted, her dad was passed out in her parents' bedroom and her mom called about an hour ago to let them know she was staying the night over her sister's. It's the perfect scenario.

"Where are we going?" she exclaims as soon as she's settled in the passenger seat of his car.

Nathan laughs at her eagerness, throwing the car into reverse before backing out of her driveway. "No, hi? How are you?"

She's so giddy that she doesn't realize he's holding a single pink aster until he gently holds it out towards her, a charming smile on his face. Fleetingly, she forgets her excitement and is rendered speechless. She had briefly mentioned during one of their late-night conversations that asters were her favorite flowers. They remaindered her of her late grandma on her father's side as her house was always decked out in bouquets of them.

"You remembered?" she gasps, almost tearfully as she grasps the stem between two fingers.

He nods, prideful. Leaning over the center console, his eyes drop succinctly to her lips. "I remember everything about you."

The kiss they share is short but sweet enough to leave her buzzing. When they pull away, he looks as dazed as she feels. Every time they kiss, she gives another tiny piece of herself to him. Sooner or later, he's going to own her entirely and the prospect of that is as terrifying as it is thrilling.

Soon, he's pulling out of her driveway and a new wave of excitement washes through her. Studying his appearance, she giggles at his obvious nervousness. His fingers are drumming against the rubber of the steering wheel while his tongue rests comfortably in the inside of his cheek.

"Nervous?" Haley teases.

Nathan side-eyes her with a quick and shy smile.

"Want to know a secret?" He says it quietly as if that is the secret itself.

"Always."

The following pause heightens her curiosity. If there's one word that does not fit the puzzle that is Nathan Scott no matter how many ways you try to manipulate it, it's skittish.

"You make me nervous."

"Me?" Haley squeaks. It throws her for a loop whenever he says something like that. Sometimes, it feels if they're on completely different playing fields when it comes to their feelings. She's unintentionally put him on some kind of pedestal where he seems untouchable, while she's bursting at the seams with every emotion she feels for him. When that image she's made for him cracks and the true reality of it all shines through, it's surreal.

"I've never met a girl that makes me heart race and my palms sweat quite like you do."

There's a cheekiness in his smile, but seriousness in his eyes.

"Are you trying to sweet talk me into doing something?" She has to joke to keep herself from completely floating away.

"No," he says with a laugh.

They lock eyes for a moment before Haley shies away. Glancing at their surroundings, she frowns when she doesn't recognize her surroundings. From what she can tell, they're heading out of town.

"Where are we going anyway?" she inquires.

"It's a surprise," he replies coyly.

The rest of the drive is pleasant. Soft rock music plays over the radio, providing the perfect soundtrack to the passing streetlights and trees. The streets are quiet at this time of night, an occasional car zooming passed them and shortly timed lights. The silence that surrounds them is light and peaceful. There's an ease that crept up on them quickly, like puzzle pieces slotting into place.

About twenty minutes later, they pull up to a house that makes her jaw slack. If she thought Nathan's house was immaculate, this one was out of this world.

"Whose house is this?" Haley wonders in awe, her eyes scaling the three-story home.

The cool grey bricks stretch towards the sky and disappear between the towering trees. Golden lights illuminate the walkway, which leads to a set of wooden stairs. From where she's sitting, the porch is a wrap-around, something that looks like it came straight out of southern plantation magazine.

"My grandma's. She's out of town for the weekend and left her house key with me," Nathan explains while cutting the engine. "Come on, let's go inside."

The inside of the house is just as incredible as the outside. Her jaw aches at her constant gawking. Every room is accompanied by modern furniture that looks untouched. The walls are various shades of steels and blues. Decorative art spots the walls, items ranging from oil paintings to squared mirrors. There's vases of faux flowers and straw-based trees tucked in random corners.

Just by breathing in the gardenia scent that floating in the air, she feels poor.

"This place is…," Haley trails off.

Nathan's chuckle is dry. "Yeah, my grandma was an interior designer for like 40 years. She's a bit of a nut when it comes to that stuff."

They reach the kitchen and she shouldn't be shocked by the vast size, but she is. The granite countertop is so polished, she wouldn't be surprised if she could see her reflection in it. The cabinets are antique style with speckled grey exteriors and spotless glass. The steel fridge is covered in pictures and she gravitates towards them.

The collection of pictures makes her smile. There are ones of Nathan as a young child, laughing and smiling. It's the freeness in those pictures that make her heart swell and ache at the same time. He was such a cute kid with freckled cheeks and a crooked smile. The rest of the pictures—which she assumes are other family members—don't hold her attention nearly as long.

"I didn't know you played baseball," she comments, smiling at the picture of him in a baseball uniform. He couldn't have been more than nine or ten.

"I was terrible at it," he says with a laugh as he comes up behind her. "I only played for about a season before I quit."

"Stubborn Nathan Scott quit a sport?" Her mouth drops open in faux horror as she steals a glance at him over her shoulder.

He chuckles that raspy laugh that has heat curling in her gut. Sliding an arm around her waist, he pulls her into his side and presses a delicate kiss to the top of her head. It's such a couple-y move that it momentarily sidelines her.

"Is the illusion of my perfection finally broken?"

Haley bumps him with her hip, rolling her eyes humorously.

"Is this your grandma?" she asks next, pointing to a picture in the top corner. The woman in the picture is a petite blonde woman, streaks of grey peeking out from her roots. She has a healthy smile on her face, a stark contrast from the grim look the man next to her is sporting. He looks like a younger version of his dad, complete with the evil grimness.

Nathan takes a quick glance at the picture she's looking at before nodding. "Yeah, about ten years ago. I'm pretty sure that's the only picture she has of her and my dad."

"Is she his mom or your mom's mom?"

"My mom's mom," Nathan says, dropping his arm from around her. She can tell by the twist in his tone that he doesn't want to participate in the direction this conversation is heading. She's content with just soaking in the small doses of his life that he feels comfortable sharing.

He drops his keys unceremoniously onto the counter before walking over to the radio. It's an old-style radio that's built into the countertop. He flips the on the switch and a gentle tune plays through the static-y speakers. She recognizes the soulful voices from her dad's music collection and the beat brings her nostalgia. The name of the song is on the tip of her tongue.

"What's this song?" Haley asks over the music, slowly walking over to him.

"Stay by The Temptations," Nathan answers without a beat.

Haley shoots him a bewildered look and he grins abashedly. Will Nathan Scott ever stop surprising her?

"Again, my grandma. She truly taught me everything I know."

"I love this song," she comments. "My dad used to play it all the time when I was a little girl."

There's a devious glint that flashes in his eyes before he practically lunges at her. Giggles spill out of her when suddenly he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her into his chest. Her arms curl around his neck, her body shaking with laughter as he kisses her neck softly. It's moments like this that she wishes she could bottle up and keep forever.

"What are you doing?" Haley wonders when he loosens his grip. One hand gingerly wraps around her lower waist, while the other one grasps her hand.

"Dancing with you. What does it look like?"

"People would die if they knew just how much Nathan Scott loves to dance."

"I've heard it's romantic," Nathan quips, spinning her gracefully and grinning at the girlish giggles that fall out of her mouth.

The music floats around them. Lyrics of the old, soulful song have her dreaming of her childhood and all the times her dad would dance around in the garage to the beat. Who knew that years later, she would be dancing to that same song with a boy that had flipped her entire world upside down?

"Of all the riches in the world, you will forever be my girl."

He recites one of the lines of the songs to her and she swears her heart stops beating. It might have been just a line from a song, but there's a conviction in his recital, seriousness in the glimmer of his eyes. For a few seconds, it feels hard to breathe. Is she reading too much into this wrinkle of time? Is he actually trying to communicate with her what she desperately hopes?

The moment is interrupted when the song switches. This time it's a slow beat that she doesn't recognize.

"Why did you bring me here?" she asks gently as they continue to sway to the music. She's a simple girl—a movie or a dinner would have been sufficient—but something about his choice feels more deliberate than just trying to impress her.

He twirls her gently, reeling her in until her back is against his chest. "Do you remember when I said my parents' used to ship me here whenever they were working?"

"Yeah," she nods, giggling when he nuzzles her neck.

"Growing up, this was always my sanctuary," Nathan begins to explain, twisting her so they're face to face again. "And I wanted to share it with you."

To the outside world, Nathan Scott is nothing but a popular jock who gets everything he wants with just a twist of his lips. He doesn't feel things, the cold and confident exterior seeming unbreakable. Underneath all of that, he's just as sensitive as every other person their age.

"I'm honored," she says simply, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"You should be." Nathan grins. "Now come on, let me show you the main event of this date."

~x~

_ I just need another $100. _

Haley fumes as she reads over the text. It's from her mom and she doesn't know what pisses her off more—Lydia's cowardice in asking her such of thing over text or that she was asking for even more money.

She's stuck between a rock and hard place. She can't say no. The consequences of saying no are far greater than the consequences of the money she's losing. But mentally, she's exhausted. There's a weight on her shoulders that shouldn't exist. One of these days she's going to completely crack beneath of it and she fears that no one will even notice.

Nathan's arms wrap around her waist and pulls her against his chest. His heated body cloaks her like a warm weighted blanket and she momentarily forgets her previous annoyance.

"Anyone ever tell you that you look amazing in this bathing suit?" he purrs, pressing an innocent kiss to the side of her neck.

Her patent blush paints her cheeks as she brings her arms to rest on top of his, phone still in her hand. It surprises her that she doesn't feel…insecure standing in front of him like she is. He'd watched with alight eyes as she removed every article of clothing, drinking in every inch of her newly exposed skin. The bathing suit she's wearing is hardly extravagant—a plain royal blue bikini that hugs her hips and chest.

"Anyone ever tell you that you are quite charming?"

He chuckles huskily, pressing another quick kiss to her skin. "Maybe once or twice. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," she responds way too quickly, dropping her phone next to his on the chaise chair.

His chin grazes the top of her head as his arms slid further up her body until they're wrapped around her shoulders. It's an intimate gesture that brings her a hefty dose of comfort.

"You were staring way too pensively at your phone for it to be nothing," he mutters. "And you've got that crinkle in your forehead that you always get when you're annoyed."

It's possible that he knows her better than she gave him credit for.

Leaning further against him, a heavy sigh leaves her. Talking about her family issues when he's the one with the more fucked up situation makes her feel uneasy. But when she glances up at him and notices the open, trusting encouragement on his face, the words spill out of her.

"It's my mom," Haley reveals with a loud sigh. "For the last two years, she's been borrowing money from me. I honestly don't even know how much she's borrowed from me at this point. She just keeps getting herself in these binds and she always expects me to get her out of them."

"What kind of binds?" Nathan ponders, giving her the green light.

"To be put it simply, she used to be really into gambling and now she's in some serious debt because of it," she mutters bitterly. This is the first time she's ever said any of this out loud and the words feel foreign in her mouth.

He's silent for a few seconds, processing the information. "That's fucked up. Have you ever tried just saying no?"

If only it was that easy.

"Trust me, I've considered it." She leans further against him, allowing the brush of his fingers along the length of her arms sooth her. "But she looks at me with those teary eyes of hers and starts talking about her fears of my dad. I just give in. It's like it's physically impossible for me to say no."

"Does she have a reason to be fearful of your dad?"

This question of his might be the hardest for her to answer. Her dad is an interesting character, one that she can't describe with only a few adjectives…some of them pleasant, some of them far from.

"Yeah," she eventually answers." When it comes to money…he can be…nuts. He's all about saving for retirement and penny pinching and…he's just insane. Most of the fights my parents' have gotten in have revolved around money. Did you know, outside of going to visit my grandparents, I've never been on a family vacation?"

She's going off on a tangent, her suppressed anger finally breaking free. The burning in her throat and the erratic beat of her heart takes her by surprise. Apparently, this must have been weighing on her for far longer than she thought.

"That really sucks. I'm sorry," Nathan mumbles sincerely. Without looking at him, she knows he's struggling with finding the right consoling words. Nathan, while compassionate and empathetic, isn't the greatest with words.

"I can still remember listening to them fight as a little girl," Haley continues. The floodgates have opened. Talking about her issues, in general, is something that makes her uncomfortable. Whenever she does, it's usually accompanied by giggles and self-deprecating jokes. Not this time.

"They'd be in his office with the door shut. Every time, without fail, I'd grab a piece of paper and write 'are you getting a divorce?' and slip it beneath the door. My biggest fear would be seeing the word 'yes.' Now? I think it would be better if they just split."

"Do you think they ever will?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "It's been a while since they had their last blow out when my mom racked up a pretty hefty debt in charge cards and my dad found the bills in the mail. According to my mom, he told her that if something ever happened like that again, he was going to leave her. I guess I'm just waiting for that shoe to drop."

Realizing just how much she revealed, she panics and her eyes pop open. This night is supposed to be just about them and sharing their first date.

"I'm sorry…we're supposed to be having this nice date and I'm clogging it with my problems," she quickly apologizes, swiveling in his embrace so she's looking at him.

"Hey, hey, I'm always happy to listen," Nathan promises, gliding his hands up to her shoulders. The look on his face tells her that whatever he's about to say is something that he doesn't take lightly. "It's what you do when you're in a relationship, right?"

Her body buzzes at the casual way he says the word relationship. It's just the right amount of confirmation she needs to sedate her that what they have isn't some charade. At least, for now.

"Yeah," Haley agrees wobbly.

Nathan smiles at her before swiveling his attention to the titanic pool they're standing next to. It's an outdoor pool, with crystal clear water that she assumes is heated. The sky above them is an ominous jade, sprinkled with twinkling stars. It's the perfect night.

"Are you ready to get in?"

Haley's desperate to get back to the perfection of the little world they hide in, to just forget about all the problems that await them once the illusion is broken.

"Let's do it."

The world slows when Nathan reaches for the hem of his t-shirt and shoves it over his head. A fire ignites in her veins as each inch of skin is revealed, making her feel like an oversexed alley cat. He's male perfection—skin golden and unblemished and chiseled abs in all the right places, clearly a seasoned athlete who works tirelessly.

Without warning, Nathan catches her lustful perusal and smirks both in amusement and cockiness. Quickly averting her eyes to the glistening water, embarrassment burns at her cheeks. In her peripheral, she notices Nathan inching towards her, his face reading nothing but roguery.

"Like what you see?" he taunts, waving his hands towards his torso. When he's close enough, he cups her hips in the palms on his hands. "Because I _definitely_ like what I see."

The color in her cheeks rises even higher. "How do you do that?"

Nathan blinks at her in confusion. "How do I do what?"

"Be so smooth and charming 24/7?" She's genuinely asking, although the clip in her voice sounds cynical.

He doesn't seem to notice as his smirk tips a little higher and he closes the distance between them. "I'm just trying to win you over…is it working?"

Her heart pitters a little faster. Tilting her head up, their noses brush against each other, leaving their lips only a breath away from each other. Her mood has shifted into one of playfulness and boldness.

"I don't know, I think you might have to work a little harder for it," Haley whispers seductively, mirroring his smirk with one of her own.

His eyes ignite with something primal, a low growl forming at the base of his throat. Gripping her hips, he draws her into the juncture of his body, slanting his head and dipping his chin until his lips are on hers. It's a slow, sensual kiss that has her moaning hoarsely in her throat. Spearing her fingers through his hair, she holds him to her, losing herself in his kiss like she always does.

Nathan pulls away slightly so their lips are merely grazing each other. "How's that?" he asks against her mouth.

"Good…really good," she answers distractedly, before pulling him into another searing kiss. She's so wrapped up in kissing him that she doesn't realize that he's inching them closer and closer to the edge of the pool. Confusion marks her features when he briskly ends the kiss, winking at her playfully. Everything that happens next is a blur.

Haley's loud and shrill squeal echoes around them when his arms wrap around her waist in a quick push, sending them both tumbling into the pool water. Her body is engulfed by waves of ice water, sending every hair on her body in an electrified frenzy. Loud splashes of water and childlike laughter ring through the still night air

"Nathan!" she shouts at him, laughing at the innocent smile adorning his face. Wiping the water out of her face, she jets off after him. "You're gonna pay for that!"

Nathan swiftly slinks away from her, swimming ferociously in the opposite direction. "I'd like to see you try!" he shouts over his shoulder.

Haley gains speed until she's the perfect distance away to leap on to his back. Nathan jolts at the intrusion, chuckling deeply. Her arms squeeze around his shoulders as her thighs grip his waist. Automatically, his hands fly to the back of her thighs, hoisting her up.

"You are much quicker than I gave you credit for," Nathan tosses over his shoulder, eyes sparkling.

"I competitively swam in middle school," Haley informs him. "I guess I just never lost my touch."

"That would have been nice to know before I initiated a war," Nathan jokes, letting her down from her perch on his back. He rotates his body so he's facing her, treading easily in the water.

"I'm just full of surprises," she giggles with a wink.

"Yeah, well, so I am."

Nathan takes off like a dart, catching her off guard. Before Haley has a chance to swim away from him, he grips her waist and easily lifts her out of the water. Like she weighs nothing, he tosses her back in the water and laughs loudly at her girlish squeal. Popping back up on the surface, she brushes her hair out of her face and glares at him.

"Oh, it's on now."

Splashes, laughter and squeals can be heard as they spend the next several minutes chasing after each other. Teasing phrases and epic challenges are carelessly thrown about, earning even more laughter. It's one of those rare times where she has the privilege of seeing Nathan truly laugh, the crinkles in his eyes brightening his face and shedding years off his stature.

Things begin to die down, leaving them out of breath. They wad in the water silently, comfortably. Nathan is staring at her in that way that leaves her sputtering for breath. He's all dark and mysterious, a glimmer in his eyes that says everything he can't get his mouth to.

"What?" she calls out after what feels like his hundredth perusal of her body.

Nathan remains mute as he slides over to her. The shift in the air is palpable and her temperature skyrockets.

Her body turns in tune with his as he glides around her, forcing her until her back is pressed against the cool tile of the pool. The gleam in his eyes is predatory, dark with ardor. She shivers heatedly, the icy water prickling at her skin doing nothing to calm the warmth spreading through her. Sometimes she wonders if it was possible to combust with a single heated look.

His arms box her in and her heart leaps into her throat as his close proximity. Her eyes follow the droplets of water that fall from the thick strands of his hair, down the curve of his nose to the slope of his mouth. Thick eyelashes rest on tinted cheeks, single droplets of water clinging to opacity. He's truly beautiful.

"Nathan…" she calls his name out like a question and watches as his lips twitch into a mute smile.

Resting his forehead against hers, he takes in a ragged breath. Their noses brush slowly and teasingly. His eyes are closed, but she can't find it in her to close hers. Being this close to him is extraordinary and she has a feeling it always will be.

"Do you have any idea of how hot you are?" Nathan murmurs in that silky way that has her chest tightening. "How much you affect me with just a single look?"

The huskiness and sinful promise in the reverb of his voice is pure seduction. The hot puff of his breath on her lips has them aching in response.

"Kiss me," she pleads, urgency coloring her words. She's not the slightest bit ashamed of her obvious desire.

He smirks before sealing his lips over hers. The kiss starts slow and innocent, his lips gently moving over hers in a slow caress. Arms dropping from beside her, he lifts her from the back of her thighs and securely wraps her legs around his waist. A shudder rolls through her when he pins her back against the wall with his hips.

There's something different about this kiss. It's deeper, more passionate. He's kissing her like he can't get enough, and she's just as eager with her strokes. His hands are everywhere—tracing over her knees, gripping at the back of her thighs, angling her hips more towards his, burying themselves in her wet hair. Even with the slowness of their kisses, there's an underlying urgency that has her burning.

Haley can't get him close enough. Her nails are nipping at the flesh of his back and her thighs are tightening around his lean waist. She feels him through the thin polyester of his swim shorts and it provokes something wildly confident inside of her. A salacious craving burns at her tongue, begging her to do something to curb it.

It's never been a secret of how much she wants him, but the urges are hitting her tenfold.

"Fuck, Hales, you taste incredible," Nathan rasps as he loosens his lips from hers. He scales delicate kisses across her jaw and down her neck. His hips are driving mindlessly against hers, causing soft moans to fly out of her mouth. This isn't the first time she's made out with him like this, but every flick of his tongue feels new. Every caress of his calloused fingers has a new wave of desire tightening between her thighs.

His kisses trail to the tops of her breasts, lips barely grazing over her quivering skin. Her nails scrape up the back of his neck before burying themselves in the damp, thick strands of his hair. She holds him close to her skin as if he wants to be anywhere else but between her breasts. He kisses, licks, and nibbles everywhere, drawing her skin into his mouth in delicate sucks. She'll have bruises in the morning that are going to be hard to explain, but she can't find the means to care.

"More," Haley begs, almost whines. He's kissing everywhere but where she desperately aches. "I need more."

Without breaking contact with her skin, Nathan glances up at her through his eyelashes. The silent question is in his eyes and she quickly nods her affirmation. One of his hands snake up to the tie of her bathing suit top and slowly, he pulls it lose. Her breath hitches as the material loosens from her body. He leans away just enough to leisurely pull the fabric from her body, his eyes never wavering from hers.

The blush quickly spreads over her cheeks, down her neck, and across her chest. Her bottom lip slips beneath her teeth in a snug bite. The beat of her heart is loud, thrumming anxiously against her ribs. She's on high alert, insecurity and apprehension sending off distress signals in her head. It takes everything in her to not cover herself up. Briefly, she wonders if she can handle being topless in front of him.

When Nathan's gaze finally dips southward, everything skyrockets. He appraises her with a heated gaze that has her squirming. A look of awe is written all over his face. Question after question hits her—what is he thinking? Is she enough for him? Does he like what he sees? Is he comparing her to the countless other girls' he has seen topless?

He must have noticed her blazing fear as he tips her chin up with his thumb, forcing her to look at him. "You're perfect."

"Nathan," Haley squeaks, bowing her head.

"Do you trust me?" He quickly interrupts her.

"Yes." Her answer is anything but hesitant.

He searches her eyes for several seconds before he appears content with her answer. Dipping his head, Nathan sucks a nipple into her mouth and the moan that rips from her is throaty. The pressure of his lips and the roll of his tongue is too much, yet not enough at the same time. She juts her chest towards him, begging him to take more. This is the first time she's ever been touched like this, and that little gnat of insecurity of hers wonders if that's a turn off for him.

"Oh, God," she mewls, tossing her head back against the tile. His palm is cupping the neglected breast, the pad of his thumb swirling tenderly over her nipple. She hikes a thigh higher up his body, pressing him even closer to the seam of her thighs. Heat curls in her gut when he groans against her skin, rotating his hips against hers.

Nathan is purposeful and gentle with every suck, every tweak. She feels like she's floating, every rock of their hips sending her higher and higher. With every gasp and moan, he coaxes out of her, the less in control of her body she feels. Is something like this supposed to feel this good?

"Please don't stop," Haley implores heatedly.

It comes to a surprise to the both of them when her body seizes, an intense shudder ripping through her. She moans his name in a mindless chant, clinging to him like her life depends on it. The white noise that fills her ears and tingles that spread through her body is euphoric.

Nathan trails light kisses up her chest to the crook of her neck, nuzzling his head at the juncture. His hot breath pants against her slick skin as he holds her, soothing her shaking body. All thought has left her as her body falls limp against his. Through her heavy breathing and hazy mind, she still appreciates the pleasure of having the weight of his body on hers.

"Holy fuck, Hales," he grunts against her skin, pressing a chase kiss to her neck.

When she finally gains control of her own body again, she becomes conscious of the fact that he's still hard and rocking gently against her. Every kiss he presses to her neck is an electric shock down her spine.

When his deft fingers tug gently on the string of her bikini bottoms, her heart surges. The reality of the situation comes barreling down on her, panic filling her lungs until she is gasping for breath. She scrambles, albeit gently, to garner his attention.

"Nathan," she coaxes gently, her chest heaving from the array of emotions flowing through her. She wants to go further, to continue to feel his soft lips against her skin and to see what kind of heights he is capable of making her feel. But as ready as she feels physically, her mental capacity just isn't there yet.

At the sound of his name, Nathan's gaze reaches her eyes. He looks dazed, a film of lust over his eyes. His lips are wet and swollen, hair messy from her fingers. Just the mere sight of him has her revving to go again.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his concern peeking through the sexual desire.

Haley swallows the lump that's lodged in her throat, nodding briskly. Her tongue feels heavy as she speaks. "I just…can we…I…can we stop?"

Breath caught in her throat, she waits for the annoyance to cross his face or for the anger to bite back in the heated words he's bound to throw her way. It wouldn't be the first time a guy reacted that way to her trying to slow things down.

Nathan inhales a deep, calming breath while closing his eyes. Leaning forward, he draws his hands up her body until he's cupping her cheeks and resting his forehead against hers. He presses a quick, gentle kiss to her lips before speaking.

"I'm sorry."

Her brow wrinkles in confusion. Shouldn't she be the one apologizing? "You're sorry?"

"I seem to lack restraint when it comes to you," Nathan breathes raggedly.

Shivers trickle down her spine. He's not the only one who lacks restraint.

"I just—"

He quickly shakes his head, not allowing her any chance to say the speech that's brewing in her head. "It's okay, Haley. You don't have to explain anything."

His words aren't cold or snappish. They're empathetic and genuine, but they don't sit right with her. He swims away from her so easily that it leaves her confused. She knows she wasn't imagining his want for her…or was she? She figures that she should be happy that he was so quick to respect her wishes, but was he too quick? Maybe her mind is just playing silly tricks on her again, making her question everything.

What the hell just happened?


	7. So It Goes

I know you're all anxious for when Nathan and Haley stop sneaking around and Brooke is no longer in the picture. That is coming soon, I promise. And by soon, I mean within the next 3 chapters, as some major things are going to be happening :)

Also fun fact, the things that Haley has "written" in this story are real, unfiltered pieces of work that I have written. I managed to save all of my rough and final drafts from the contest I entered (yes, that contest was real, as was the topic and what I chose to write about). So you get some real authenticity with that haha. The writing is a little rough (and extremely dramatic), but keep in mind I was a like 16/17 when I wrote it, lol.

Anyway, I hope all enjoy :)

* * *

**_So It Goes_**

Haley sees the smoke before she hears the raspy voice of her mother.

"I never thought my daughter would be the one to sneak out, but here we are"

Cold sweat pops on to her skin as her heart sinks to her stomach. Eyeing the clock, she cringes when she notices that it's only a couple of minutes past four in the morning. It seems to have escaped her mind that Lydia James could be quite the early riser.

Haley turns on her heels. Lydia's face is illuminated by the soft glow of a night light, making her blank expression appear more ominous. Flicking the ashes off the butt of her cigarette, she waits for Haley to offer up an explanation.

"I, um," Haley beings to stammer. Her loose tongue wants to tell her mother the truth. She craves a wise perspective or for someone to either knock of her off this glass pedestal she's placed herself on.

"Well?"

"Do you want the truth?"

"That would be a nice place to start," Lydia says almost sarcastically.

Sighing, Haley plops down on the patio chair next to her. Her shoulders are sagging, but there's a gleeful flutter in her heart. As much as this whole situation is weighing her down, being in love…is magical.

"I've been seeing someone," Haley admits quietly.

"A boy?" Lydia appears shocked, but there's a hint of excitement.

Haley nods sheepishly, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top of them. One of her biggest flaws is how open she is to her mom. Whenever something happens in her life, her mom is the first person she wants to tell and usually is. Sometimes that comes around to bite her in the ass.

With the situation with Nathan, it doesn't feel that way.

"What's his name?"

"Nathan," she says around a harsh swallow. She can't fight the smile that's tugging at her lips.

"Tell me about him."

She scantily reveals her secrets, choosing only to outline the basic facts. Somehow, as badly as she wants advice, there are some things that she would rather keep to herself, like admitting them would somehow taint their golden nature.

"Are you mad?" Haley asks after she finishes. It's hard to read Lydia's expression, but she's been hanging on to every word.

Her mother could be a wildcard when it came to her emotions. Sometimes, she's the most supportive. Sometimes, her devil horns peek out and Haley regrets opening her mouth.

"Yes," Lydia answers quickly. "I'm mad that you didn't tell me."

"I didn't tell anyone," Haley counters. "I felt like I couldn't."

"When am I going to meet this boy?" Lydia almost squeals. "Oh, wait until your aunts hear about this!"

It comes as no surprise that her mother isn't focusing on any of the nitty-gritty details. She breezes right passed the fact that the boy she's seeing has a girlfriend or that he's notoriously known around town for being reckless. She doesn't even blink at the fact her daughter has been lying for the last few months.

Lydia James' moral compass always was a little grey.

"Is he going to take you to that dance that's coming up?" She continues to rattle. "You're so lucky it wasn't your dad sitting out here. He would've had your head."

Sinking in her chair, exhaustion washes over Haley. Her eyes are heavy—the questions Lydia is throwing at her are superficial, not worth answering as the topic of them switches rapidly. How the hell does her mom have so much energy this early in the morning?

It's too soon to tell whether or not Haley should regret telling her mother, but she has a feeling she eventually will.

~x~

The halls are quiet like they usually are on dreary Monday mornings when Peyton slinks up next to her. Haley briefly glances at her as her body tenses. It's been a few days since they last talked or seen each other, for that matter. It's hard to read Peyton's mood. Her eyes are stormy, but there's friendliness in her soft smile.

"Hey," Haley greets, trying to appear as casually as she can. The thick air between them almost makes that task impossible.

"Nice hickie," Peyton teases. Her attempt at appearing lighthearted is strained, lips pressed together in a tight-lipped smile.

Haley gulps back a scream as her hand flies up to cover the purplish mark on the side of her neck. She'd spent most of the morning trying every combination of make-up that she could to make the mark less noticeable. After several attempts, the mark appeared more muted, but evidently, not muted enough.

With rosy cheeks, Haley's gaze darts between the mess in her locker to Peyton's uneasy face. Her mouth opens to try and defuse the situation, only to close again a few seconds later. What could she possibly say that wouldn't be further incriminating?

"Um…"

"Are you sleeping with him?"

The brazen question shouldn't have surprised Haley—Peyton was always being just a little too invasive—but it catches her off guard. She can tell in the strain of Peyton's voice that she's asking both out of curiosity and ridicule.

The biting voice inside of her head wants to tell Peyton it's none of her business. Her rational side wins that battle.

"No." She tries to appear unfazed, sifting through her folders instead of meeting eyes with Peyton. Her cheeks are blazing, but judging by Peyton's short laugh, she knows it's out of embarrassment and not fraud. _Sex isn't even something that we've discussed_, she wants to add but doesn't.

"I still don't like it," Peyton mumbles, leaning her back against the adjacent locker.

"What?" Haley doesn't have to ask, but she does anyway.

"You and Nathan. He's just...he's not a good guy and I don't trust him," Peyton says tiredly. "Not with you."

The way Peyton says it has anger shooting through her. Just like everyone else in her world, Peyton views her as this fragile and pure little girl who needs protecting. She's admittedly a straight-edge but it drives her crazy that everyone thinks that because of that, she's like untouched snow.

"Do you even know him?" Haley challenges. She seems to be asking that question a lot. "Like do you really know him?"

"No, I've only talked to him a few times. But I see the way he treats Brooke and I hear the way people talk about him."

Haley slams her locker shut, squeezing her notebook and Trig textbook to her chest.

"You're basing your opinion off of mindless gossip in a town that is full of people who love to watch others fall. Rumors in this town have ruined friendships, families, and even careers, yet you're still going to allow them to determine who someone is."

As soon as she feels the words leave her mouth, the pressure in her shoulders releases. Peyton's eyes are wide, her jaw the slightest bit unhinged.

"This is stupid, Haley," Peyton finally vocalizes, running a hand through her messy curls.

"Is there something you wanted or did you just want to lecture me again?"

She's experiencing a power trip, adrenaline blinding her vision and letting her tongue loose.

"I'm just trying to be a good friend—"

"If you were really my friend, you would trust me."

She turns her back on Peyton, deciding that whatever she's going to say next isn't worth hearing. Her gut twists in anger, but she won't let herself regret walking away.

When she walks into her Trig class, her eyes immediately fall on Nathan. He's in his seat towards the back of the room, talking casually with Mouth McFadden. It's times like these that she wishes the seating chart their teacher gave them seized to exist and they could go back to sitting next to each other like they did the first couple weeks of school.

Like he senses her presence, Nathan looks up. When their eyes meet, his lips curl into the softest smile. It's not one of mischief that he's usually sporting around his friends or a sarcastic one he flashes teachers. It's a genuine, soft smile that glistens in his eyes.

It's a smile just for her.

~x~

_Everyone has a moment where life just seizes to exist. Time slows and everything that you thought you knew becomes void. You suddenly realize what you're living for and nothing else matters. It becomes the apocalypse of your mind. _

_For some people, it's a reckless drive on black ice that ends with screeching tires and spineless thoughts of "I don't want to die." For others, it's less of a monumental moment, but rather something quiet and brief, like blowing the dust off an old book. _

_Mine wasn't graceful. In fact, it was more a fall from grace than anything else. _

_My reckless drive on black ice came in the shape of blue eyes and a beating heart. _

_I knew from the beginning that I was asking for trouble. Nothing good could have come from whatever relationship I had with him. But he was my escape, just as much as I was his. Maybe in hindsight, we were both just using each other. I was a girl locked in an iron cage, desperately searching for the key. He was a boy who wanted nothing more than to forget where he came from and paint his own picture. _

_The most peculiar thing about this…is that I'm already speaking in the past tense about him when things between us are still very present tense. I guess I don't have much faith in this lasting…what kind of message does that send? _

Haley sighs tiredly as her eyes scan over the words in front of her. They're messy and they remind her too much of a diary entry instead of something she would consider submitting for a contest.

"Fancy seeing you here."

A smile brightens her face at the sound of his voice. Looking up, she squints against the beating sun, his silhouette outlined by the rays. His grey t-shirt and black athletic pants give him that boyish look she loves. They've only briefly seen each other since their date, but they've been texting almost constantly. She's missed him.

"Hey," she greets with a smile.

"What homework are you working on?" Nathan asks as he shifts the basketball on his hip to the ground and takes a seat beside her. They're sharing the small space of bark on the same tree.

"It's not homework exactly." Haley replies quickly, angling her knees so the words are less visible to him. The heat emanating from his body is soothing, but his closeness is bringing her great anxiety. She'd die if he ever read the words in front of her.

"What is it?" He inquires further, straining his neck a little to peek over her shoulder.

"Just something I'm writing." Haley quickly minimizes the document, her heartbeat jumping. Does he always have to be so curious?

"I didn't know you were a writer." He leans back, eyebrows knitted.

"That's because I'm not."

"The words on the page say otherwise." He points his gaze towards the now empty computer screen. "Can I read something you wrote sometime?"

"How does never o'clock sound?"

"Oh, come on!" He laughs loudly, bumping her shoulder against hers.

"I would rather die than show anyone something I've written," she jokes, but underlying seriousness trickles in her tone.

"Why?"

Haley shrugs. "I don't know…most of the things I write are just me venting and expressing my feelings in ways that I think are poetic but probably aren't. It's all very personal and probably not very good."

_And recently…mostly about you. _

"You're probably an amazing writer," Nathan mumbles after listening intently. It still manages to throw her off guard whenever she becomes conscious of the fact that he genuinely seems interested in her life.

"What makes you say that?" she asks timidly.

"Because you have a tendency to sell yourself short on the things you're amazing at."

He looks at her with a look so tender that she feels herself fall even harder for him. She almost believes him.

"What brings you here?" She asks then, changing the subject.

He's studying her for a moment and Haley wonders if he's going to call her out for skirting past his compliment. He doesn't. Instead, he picks up the basketball he'd discarded next to him and begins to twirl it between his fingers. "I needed a breather."

"Anything on your mind?"

He leans over and brushes a quick kiss over the corner of her mouth. "Just you."

Everything about that quick moment is intimate…like something only a boyfriend and girlfriend would share. Haley warms at the thought, a dusty rose color painting her cheeks.

"Seriously, Nathan," she chides carefully. She's made it a mission of hers to make him feel comfortable enough where he opens up to her without any coaxing.

"Oh, I'm serious," he attempts to flirt and as much as she wants to flirt back, she stands her ground. A few seconds later, Nathan relents. "Coach Durham's retiring."

Haley's eyebrows furrow. "At the end of the season?"

Nathan shakes his head, shoulders slumped. "No. Monday was his last practice with us. He apparently has some health issues and he wasn't really given a choice."

"What does that mean for the rest of the season?"

Nathan shrugs, pressing both of his palms against the rubber ball and squeezing. She tries not to get distracted by the popping veins in his forearms that are easily visible in his grey short-sleeve t-shirt.

"They're looking for a new coach, I guess," he replies sourly. "Regardless, a new coach is going to fuck with the morale of the team, especially if the person they get is a bad coach. It all kind of falls on me as captain to keep the spirits up and keep our heads in the game. I just…I wasn't prepared to deal with something like this, this season."

"Oh, wow," she mutters. "I'm sorry, that's intense."

He continues his rant as if she hasn't said a word. "My only focus this year was supposed to be winning the state championship. It's my senior year and my last chance to do so. Looks like that's down the drain now."

Haley places a comforting hand on his shoulder, the tips of her fingers running along the curves of his muscles visible beneath his shirt. "Hey, you don't know that. The new coach might be just as good or even better than Coach Durham. You're jumping the gun, Nathan."

Nathan mulls over her words, staring out at the court wordlessly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He shoots her a grateful smile, but she knows he's still going to stress about it. That's just who he is. "Enough about me, how are things with your mom? Any more financial issues?"

A tight and awkward laugh passes her lips. She hadn't planned on telling him about the fiasco after their date, but part of her wants to know what his reaction would be to someone knowing about them.

"No, but she uh…kind of knows about us now."

She holds her breath when his head whips around, a rugged and concerned expression on his face.

"What? How?" He doesn't sound angry, only surprised.

"She was awake when I tried to sneak back in after Saturday night."

"Shit," he hisses. "What did you tell her?"

This part scares her. While they never discussed the parameters of their relationship, it'd always been understood that things needed to stay silent.

"Everything."

She waits for him to explode, for those blue eyes to cut her with anger. She notices a slight click in his jaw, but something tells her it's more out of stress than anger.

"What did she say?" It's possible that her mind is playing tricks on her, but he almost seems apprehensive.

"Nothing worth repeating," Haley mumbles with a shrug. "She wants to meet you."

Nathan pales, his eyes growing in size. "I've never met a girl's parents before."

"Not even Brooke's?" Haley asks, shocked.

"We aren't that serious," he replies with a shrug.

Her mouth opens to ask him one of the million questions that are running through her mind, but he beats her to the punch by changing the topic of conversation. One of these days, she'll have enough balls to.

"Wanna play one-on-one?"

She shifts her gaze between him and the concrete court. Sports aren't really her thing, but it might be fun to mess around with him. Somehow, there's no pressure to be good like when she's forced to participate during gym class.

"I'm the least athletic person there is," she warns, pushing herself off the ground, brushing the dirt off her palms.

"I'll teach you," Nathan says with a wink, twirling the basketball between his fingers.

As they ascend on to the court, Nathan bounces the ball in her direction and she easily catches it between her palms. She runs her fingers over the black grooves in the leather, pressing her palms against it. The solid object feels foreign in her hands but good.

She lets it drop, the hollowness becomes evident as the ball collides with the concrete. Using the length of her fingers, she gently passes the ball between her two hands.

"We'll you know to dribble," Nathan comments, amused. "That's a start."

"That's about all I know how to do."

He juts his chin towards the rackety basket. "Take a shot."

Looking at the basket, she tries to remember what Ms. Parker had taught her during gym—something about squaring your shoulders and bending your knees. Stepping a little closer to the basket, she throws the ball towards the hoop, using both of her hands. It bounces off the side of the rim.

"I've seen worse," Nathan jokes, jogging after the ball. Scooping it up in hands, he walks back over to her and hands it back to her. "With a little fine-tuning, you might actually beat me."

She rolls her eyes playfully, snatching the ball back from him. "I bet I can beat you right now."

He raises an eyebrow at her challenge. There's no chance that she'll beat him, but the competitive gleam in his eyes is exhilarating.

"Okay," he drawls, crouching into position. "Game on."

Her immediate reaction is to start running away from him, laughing as she tucks the ball in the crook of her arm. In her peripheral, she watches as Nathan takes off after her, laughing and shaking his head.

"That's called traveling!" he shouted after her. "You're not allowed to do that!"

Tossing a look behind her shoulder, she squeals when she sees Nathan gaining speed on her. He could easily outrun her, but he appears to be holding back like he's enjoying chasing after her too much.

Quickly, she fakes left before swirling around and tossing the ball towards the basket. It didn't land anywhere near the basket, instead just bouncing off the concrete and into the grass.

"We're playing by my rules," she huffs, slowing down her running until she's resting her hands on her knees. She makes a mental note that she needs to start working out again.

He strolls over to her so casually, barely out of breath. "Oh, really?"

"Mhm."

He grabs her by the hips, sliding their hands until resting on the small of her back. "What are the rules of this game?"

The husky edge of his voice causes goosebumps to rise on her skin. She reaches on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his lips.

"That you let me win," she murmurs against his mouth before squirming out of his arms.

A few dazed seconds pass by before she hears him respond.

"That's not fair! You distracted me!"

The playfulness falls easily between them, like a fresh blanket of snow. Their laughter floats through the quiet air as they chased after each other. Haley attempts to sink a few more baskets but fails. A mixture of giggles and squeals spill from Haley as they tumble to the ground, the basketball is long forgotten.

The look in his eyes has her stomach lurching. In the dazzling sunlight, they appear almost sky blue, like a calm sky after a perfect storm. There's a lightheartedness to them that she can't remember ever seeing in him before. The crinkles surrounding his eyes are like beacons of light. Dare she say it, he actually appears blissfully happy.

"What?" She asks, a blush painting her cheeks at his unabashed gazing.

"I think I like making you laugh."

Her blush deepens, her eyes twinkling.

"What?" It's Nathan's turn to question her.

"I think I like having you on top of me." The words slip out of her with a boldness that she didn't know she possessed. Even though the burning of her cheeks, it makes her feel empowered like she's discovering a new side of herself.

Darkness melts in his eyes that causes her breath to hitch in her throat, while a slow smirk rises on his lips.

"Is that so?" His voice drops into a husky murmur. God, everything with him feels sinful.

He keeps the smirk on his face as he grips her hip with his palm, sliding her body closer to his. Her legs part easily, allowing his lean hips to settle neatly against her. Her brain short circuits and the only thing she can focus on is the sensual heat flowing through her veins. Even through the fabric of their clothing, she can feel every inch of him pressed against her and it sends her into a frenzy.

Nathan's heated gaze drops to her mouth and her lips part in anticipation. He seems to be getting a kick out of teasing her, his nose grazing against hers briefly before inching away from her again.

Just as his lips brush hers, a car door slamming sounds in the distance and the real world comes crashing back in. Nathan, glancing in the direction of the sound, groans and rolls off her, on to his back. Propping her body up on her elbows, she takes a peek at the car. Piling out of the small Toyota are several members of the varsity basketball team.

For a quick second, she panics, only to realize they are mostly covered by the steel bleachers and a thick trunked tree.

Nathan swipes a hand down his face while he inclines his torso, resting his elbows on the caps of his knees. "I'm sorry, I completely forgot that I invited them to shoot around."

She smiles tightly as she begins to stand up. "It's okay. I've gotta get home anyway."

Out of the corner of her eye, she notices the band of boys approaching the court. They're talking loudly, pushing each other around in that way that boys do. The wind carries their laughter, giving it a menacing growl that reminds her how far out of her element she is. Scurried, she grasps for her things.

"Haley, you don't have to leave." She hears the frown in his voice before she sees it.

She considers staying for a moment. She imagines sitting on the sidelines, watching and cheering on Nathan as he maneuvered the court. She would be such a supportive girlfriend, given the chance.

Instead, Haley shakes her head as she tucks her laptop between her folded arms. "No, it's okay. I came out here to do some writing and I don't think I can get much done now."

Nathan nods and inches towards her like he's about to kiss her. A loud bark of laughter has him backing away. The action both warms her soul and breaks her heart.

With a curt nod and a lipped smile, she walks away. "I'll talk to you later."

~x~

Walking into Mr. Winter's classroom, she silently slides into a desk when she notices him on the phone. It's been a while since she's done this, but usually stopping by his room was a morning ritual of hers. Today, she's needing a little bit of that guidance and wisdom he is always so willing to offer her.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he must have noticed her presence as holds up one finger. She busies herself with reading the posters in his classroom. She has them memorized by now, but it brings her comfort. Probably an OCD thing, she figures.

Swiveling around in his desk chair a few moments later, he greets her with a wide smile.

"Haley James! What brings you in on this fine morning?"

"Teenage angst," she mumbles, dropping her back-pack against the linoleum floor.

Mr. Winter barks out a laugh as he relaxes back in his desk chair, arms crossed over his chest. The white Tree Hill athletics polo and khakis he's wearing give him a more boyish look. All he's missing is a whistle around his neck and she'd probably mistake him for the junior sports coordinator.

"Ah, it finally caught up to you," he jokes, drumming his fingers against his biceps. "For a while there, I thought you were the exception."

"I think you jinxed me."

Mr. Winter cracks another smile before pushing his chair over to his work desk. He's sitting directly across from her now. "What's going on?"

She inhales deeply, lacing her fingers together and stretching her arms out against the desk. She's scared to hear what Mr. Winter has to say. He has this uncanny ability of being her clarity, of making all of her problems seem small and not worth worrying about.

"Have you ever done something that you know is bad, but you think there's a chance that it could also be good?

"Every time I get drunk," Mr. Winter jokes with a cheeky grin.

Haley rolls her eyes.

"But I gather that you mean something entirely different."

Haley nods, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Well, let me ask you this, who says it's bad?"

"Pretty much everyone," she mutters, sliding her fingers along the pencil holder in the desk. "Well, except my mom, but you know how she is."

"HJ, are you doing drugs?"

Haley grows increasingly irritated, even with his use of the nickname, he gave her way back when.

"Can you be serious for like…5 minutes please?"

He holds his hands up in defense. "Okay, okay. I'll stop. But you gotta give me a little more context here. Are we talking about a career, a college option, a new club to join? What?"

She gnaws at her bottom lip a little harder. She trusts Mr. Winter, but she's not ready to start revealing her secret to every person that asks.

"What if you're giving someone a chance and everyone is already set in thinking said person is a terrible person?"

Mr. Winter ponders her question for a long, quiet minute before he responds.

"I guess you have to ask yourself if their opinion matters enough to you that it changes the way you view said person."

"That's where it gets complicated," Haley sighs. "Their opinions do matter to me, but I can't help but feel like I'm betraying them because I also feel as if their opinions are misguided. They don't know this person as I do, and they're just basing their opinions on rumors."

"It sounds to me like you already know the answer to the question you asked me," he says with a pointed look.

She shrugs. "I honestly don't know."

"I don't think you should ignore their concerns, but I also think that you need to follow your heart," Mr. Winter murmurs. "You have an excellent judge of character and if this person seems like someone that deserves a chance, then you should give them that chance."

"Even if it ends up biting me in the ass?"

"One of things I admire the most about you, Haley, is you always give people the benefit of the doubt," Mr. Winter says with a smile. "You choose to believe that people are inherently good until they give you every reason to believe otherwise, and even then, you try to concoct some explanation as to how they might still be a good person. It takes a strong person to be able to do that."

She breaks his eye contact sheepishly. "Kind of naïve, huh?"

He shakes his head. "I don't think it's a bad thing at all. I think people need to be more like you."

He pauses to give her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about what your friends think," he reminds her.

"Thanks, Mr. Winter," she says as she gathers her things and slips out the desk. Just as she expected when she first walked in, her brain feels less like a murky lake, and more like a clear ocean with a few riptides.

"My door is always open, HJ, you know that."

Haley smiles briefly. Noticing the athletic bag on the floor next to his desk, she lets out a teasing laugh. "Trying to work on your figure?"

Mr. Winter's eyes flash towards the bag and chuckles. "No, although I probably should. I'm actually the new varsity basketball coach."


	8. Fade Into View

So I'm not gonna lie, we're getting to the part of the story that I'm most nervous about. Things are going to start getting messy and we're coming across some things that have been the hardest for me to write, for personal reasons. But on the flip side of that, I don't think I've ever been this proud of a story of mine and I really hope you all are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it :)

* * *

**_Fade Into View_**

"Hey, buddy. Haven't seen you in a few days."

Haley squints against the sun outlining Lucas' silhouette. His backpack is casually swung over his shoulder, hands stuffed into his black dress pants. The tie around his neck ruffles slightly in the breeze.

"Sorry." She offers a half-smile, popping a carrot into her mouth. "I've been swamped with homework the last few days."

Between the sun in her eyes and the accompanying shadows, she can almost make out the way his eyes narrow.

"Funny, that's exactly what Peyton said when I asked her," Lucas muses, dropping his bag on to the picnic table. He invites himself into her space, swinging his legs over the bench and stealing one of her carrots. "Did something happen between you two?"

Her gut twists. The carrot in her mouth starts to taste more and more like rubber. She should've know that Lucas was eventually going to question the weirdness between her and Peyton, she just hoped he would've waited long enough for her to come up with some kind of excuse.

"It's just stupid teenage girl drama," Haley brushes it off. Lucas has never been one to care or even engage in drama, and she hopes he doesn't start now. "We'll get over it in a few days."

"You and Peyton don't have 'stupid teenage girl drama,'" Lucas counters and she grits her teeth.

Her frustration is misplaced, but that doesn't stop her from glowering at him. It figures this would be the time he decides to question her, instead of just taking her word for it.

"Just drop it, Luke. It's nothing."

Lucas stares at her for a few long seconds before he shrugs his shoulders and reaches for another carrot. Swiftly, she swats his hand away and he laughs naturally. Even though it's what she wanted, sometimes she wonders how it's possible for one person to be so oblivious. Either that, or she's just gotten way too good at lying the past few months.

"What's with the tie?" she asks, shifting the topic of conversation.

He looks down and runs his finger over the tie, almost as if he wasn't aware he was wearing it. "New coach, new rule. Something about professionalism equals more respect equals better playing? I don't know. It all sounds like bullshit to me."

Haley bites back her smile. "How is Mr. Winter? Or, well, I guess Coach Winter."

Lucas scowls and Haley's smile falters a bit. Mr. Winter might not be on Coach Durham's level, but as far as she knew, he was a pretty decent coach. He coached the seventh-grade boys in their district for two years, and they had almost an undefeated record both years.

"He's just kind of a drill sergeant," Lucas says. "He cares more about our subordination towards him than he does the plays of the game."

Haley's eyebrows arch in surprise. _Bet Nathan loves that. _

"Although, I do have to say, watching Coach and Nathan butt heads is refreshing. Whitey used to bow down to him. It's about time someone knocked him off that pedestal."

She cringes inwardly as she attempts to keep her face level. Lucas has a joy on his face that makes her blood sizzle. Snickers roll-off Lucas' shoulders and she itching to find Nathan, to ask him about Mr. Winter.

"Doesn't that kind of kill the team morale or whatever?" She attempts to sound distracted, like she isn't listening like a hawk for every bit of information she can manage to squeeze out of him.

Lucas shrugs. "Maybe to the seniors, but personally, I blame everything that's wrong with our team on them. They're way too cocky and constantly act like they own the team."

"They're seniors—it kind of comes with the territory," she offers. "I bet when you're a senior next year, you're gonna have the same mentality."

Lucas glances at her, eyebrows crinkled and raised in offense. "No, because I'm not an asshole like they are."

She has the burning urge to argue with him, but she bites her tongue. One thing that always bothers her about Lucas is his inability to consider other points of view. Once his mind is set on something, there's no changing it.

Her phone buzzes and she quickly uses it as a distraction from this awkward conversation. When she sees Nathan's name on the screen, she smiles.

_Come to the game tonight? _

Her reply is quick and bold.

_Why should I?  
_

Her fingers drum restlessly against the wooden table as she glances around the courtyard. She knows that he's around there somewhere. She can feel his eyes burning into her skin like an iron branding. Finally locking eyes with him, her spine straightens.

He sends her smirk before jutting his head towards her phone. Almost as if Nathan and her phone are on the same wavelength, it buzzes. She takes a peek at Lucas and sighs in relief when she sees that he's just as busy with his phone.

She opens his message and smiles.

_Because I want you there._

Her heart flutters at his simple words. She reads them over once, twice…three times, like she wants to commit them to memory. It's something so minimal, yet it feels like the world is at her fingertips.

_I guess you've convinced me. _

From across the courtyard, she watches at Nathan reads over her message. He laughs to himself before glancing over at her, sending her a wink. She lets herself soak in the moment for a second longer before turning her attention back to Lucas.

_"_What if I came to your game tonight?" she asks, unscrewing her water bottle to take a sip.

"In Pembroke?" He appears a little surprised at her offer

"Yeah." Haley shrugs. "There's a fan bus taking students, right?"

Lucas nods. "I would love it if you came. My mom has to miss tonight's game, so at least I'll have one person in the stands for me."

The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. Quickly, Haley gathers her things and gives Lucas a tight smile.

"Then, I guess I'll see you tonight."

~x~

Haley double checks the lock on the front door before she bounces down the steps and towards "her" truck. It's her dad's old truck that he lets her use whenever she needs. Most of the time, she hitches rides with Lucas or Peyton to school, and up until recently, she didn't leave the house for other reasons not involving at least one of her friends.

She clicks the keypad until the headlights on the truck ignite. Opening the divers' side door, she tosses her things over the center console. Just as she's about to climb into the truck, two arms wrap around her waist. Fear spikes in her veins and she lets out a loud squeal. She's two seconds away from jabbing her elbow into her intruder's gut when the familiar scent of his cologne wraps around her, followed by the sound of his husky voice a few seconds later.

"Hey, baby."

The tension seeps from her bones as she melts back into his arms. She giggles when he nuzzles his face into the crook of her neck.

"What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

His shoulders brush against hers in a shrug. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist."

His apology is lackluster, and the way his lips are curled into a grin against the side of throat tells her all that she needs to know. Her heart is still pounding—from the scare or from his embrace, she can't be sure.

"What are you doing here?" she questions, a little breathless. His lips are pressing the softest kisses to the side of her neck and it's quite distracting. "Aren't you supposed to be at the school?"

"I took a quick detour," he explains, hot breath fanning against her skin. "The bus won't leave without me, I'm too important."

Haley rolls her eyes and laughs. "Your cockiness never ceases to amaze me."

His lips are at the base of ear, his voice dripping in something she can only describe as sex. "You call it cockiness, I call it confidence."

He turns her by the hips until her body is pressed against the side of her truck. She doesn't have time to think before his lips are pressed against hers in a sinfully slow kiss. Her hands, on their own accord, slide under the flaps of his leather jacket and fist themselves in the material of his dress shirt.

"Are your parents home?" he mumbles into her mouth as he squeezes her hips.

She shakes her head. "Out. Bar."

He pulls away just enough to smirk at her, but they're living on shared breath. "Well in that case…"

Gripping her hips a little tighter, he lifts her and sits her down on the edge of the driver's seat, settling himself between her legs. Her head feels airy as he reconnects their lips, a burning sensation searing her entire body. She's not sure how long they sit there as she's too wrapped up in the feel of his fingers dancing over her knee, along her thighs and hips, and tracing over the lines of her neck and jaw.

The way he's kissing her rides the thin line between being innocent and indecent. Images flash through her mind of him taking her right there in the front seat of her truck. Just as quickly as those thoughts enter her brain (and subsequently bring along a heated blush) she forces them out.

Eventually, he pulls away, leaving them both breathing heavily and her quite dizzy. Is it possible to get drunk off someone else's taste?

"Meet up after the game?" His voice is puffy and hoarse as he leans his forehead against hers.

She nods without a second thought. He could have asked her to run away with him and she would have said yes. He seems to always know her weakest points and it's just as exhilarating as it is terrifying.

He smiles, pecking her once more on the lips. "I should really go before Coach actually does decide to leave without me."

He backs away from her, the cool winter air whooshing in and replacing the warmth of his body. The insane and hormonally driven part of her brain is begging for her to ask him to come back.

"How is that going, by the way?" she rushes out. This isn't the way she wanted to ask him, but it happens anyway.

Nathan's face tightens. "It's going." His clip of a tone tells her that Coach Winter isn't a topic he wants to discuss. If he wasn't rushing off to the school, she might have taken the chance and questioned him further.

"Got it," she mumbles. "Good luck tonight."

His scowl is quickly replaced by a wink and a smirk. "After a kiss like that? I won't be surprised if I beat my scoring record tonight."

~x~

She practically races into the school parking lot, relieved that the fan buses are still loading up. It's not until she cuts the engine and reaches for her purse that the gravity of what she's doing hits her like a ton of bricks.

She avoids social gatherings like these, especially when she's alone. At least at home games she can sit with Lucas' parents, as she normally does. Her social anxiety prevents her from sitting in a crowded space without convincing herself that everyone is staring at her and talking about her.

The urge to bolt hits her hard, like the safety of her bedroom has a noose around her neck and is yanking her backward with all its might.

She could leave and tell Nathan some excuse that her parents came home early, that they needed her. She's sure he would understand.

That would be taking the easy way out and pre-Nathan Haley might have chosen to do that no questions asked. Present-Haley—as much as her stomach is churning and her heart feels like it's going to beat out of her chest—isn't going to let her anxiety win.

Gathering her things, she forces herself out of her truck and over to the fan buses.

Climbing on to the already packed fan bus, Haley heads straight for the back. The chatter is loud, fellow students packed like sardines in the small leather bus seats. Her anxiety spikes as she avoids looking anyone in the eye. She knows it's not likely, but she feels as is every pair of eyes is locked on her.

The empty seat on the bus that is nestled in the back row feels like a breath of fresh air. She feels the imaginary noose loosen from around her neck and she yanks it off, sliding herself into the seat before she can change her mind.

_You can do this. _She chants to herself, each syllable accompanied with a deep breath. _You're fine. _

In an attempt to busy her mind, she turns her attention out the bus window. Most of the players are still loading on to the adjacent bus. She spots Mr. Winter standing at the helm of the bus, his mouth moving in thin and harsh lines. She looks around to see if she can see Nathan, but he must have already boarded the bus.

Loud cheers jar her focus back to the bus she's on. The cheerleaders have infiltrated the bus, pom-poms in hand. They're pumping the bus patrons up with quick cheers. Brooke Davis is front and center, as to be expected. Her skirt is hiked a little higher and she's showing a little more stomach the other girls, but Haley can't deny that she rocks it.

As the last throng of cheerleaders board the bus, she catches Peyton's eye. She holds her breath for a second, thinking Peyton might actually sit next to her. Her mood falls a little when Peyton offers her a quick smile before deflecting herself to an open seat a couple of rows ahead of Haley.

"Is this seat taken?"

Haley looks up to see Brooke staring back at her. Brooke's eyes are gentle and her smile is friendly.

"Um, no. It's all yours."

Brooke's smile brightens as she sits down. A cloud of floral perfume surrounds Haley, but it's not entirely unpleasant. It's a little uncomfortable sitting next to her and Haley fights the urge to scoot as far into the seat corner as she can.

Is this bus ride her karma or something else?

"You're Haley, right?" Brooke questions as she stuffs her pom-poms in the space in front of her.

Haley's eyes widen slightly. "Yeah, um, how did you—?"

"You're Peyton's friend, right?"

"Yeah."

Brooke's gaze darts over to Peyton and the question is clear in her eyes. Haley waits for her to ask—most likely fishing for some kind of information that might spice up the rumor mill—but is surprised when she just shrugs.

Up close, Brooke Davis is even more stunning. Her hazel eyes, which are a little more green than they are brown, are impossible not to notice. Her skin almost appears porcelain and her teeth are so straight they almost look fake. She's one of those girls who probably looks stunning without make-up, but still rocks the hell out of it anyway.

Haley's eyes fall to the carefully drawn on #23 that rests right below Brooke's left eye. It's such an outward display of affection, the blue and black lettering marking her territory in a cliché high school kind of way. It's cliché, but something Haley finds herself insanely jealous of. She dreams of the time where she can wear Nathan's jersey to a game or decorate her face with 23s.

"Peyton talks a lot about you."

Haley jumps as if she'd been caught doing something inconspicuous. She studies Brooke's face for a second, looking for any kind of inclination that she caught Haley staring. There is none, but then again, Brooke is probably used to people staring at her.

"She does?"

Brooke nods. "You and that boy toy of hers are like her favorite topics of conversation."

Guilt stabs her in the gut. Haley glances over to where Peyton is sitting and frowns a little when she sees her laughing with the people around her. Despite the careless words and unwarranted concerns Peyton has sent Haley's way, she misses her friend.

"I've told Peyton multiple times to introduce us, but I guess it's just never worked out."

It shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. Haley, for most of her high school career, preferred to be invisible. Even though her one best friend is a driving force on the basketball team and her other best friend is a cheerleader, people tend not to notice her. But for someone like Brooke Davis to know who she is…it's a foreign feeling to her. And also a little terrifying considering who her boyfriend is.

"Yeah, I tend to avoid…people."

Brooke wholeheartedly laughs, her eyes crinkling. "I used to be the same way. But, I have to tell you…"

~x~

Brooke Davis is nice. It's almost painful to admit.

More than that…she's…funny. Easy to talk to. She is everything that Haley was convinced she wasn't. She's a little too spunky and fast-paced for Haley, and they definitely have different interests…but she's likable. They spent majority of the drive to Pembroke talking about random things, the conversation flowing easily like two best friends who hadn't seen each other in months.

It feels silly and almost hypocritical to admit that she used to dislike Brooke based solely on the rumors that floated around school. (And because they're unknowingly dating the same guy. Technicalities.)

But now that guilt that she'd spent so much time and effort into forgetting is starting to fester again. And this time it's ten times worse.

Why couldn't Brooke be the raging bitch everyone made her out to be? That definitely would have made things less complicated.

What the fuck is she supposed to do now?

She has a vice grip on her cup of popcorn as she makes her way over to the visitor side. It's packed with familiar faces, students decked out in Ravens' gear. She can't be certain, but there looks to be twice as many spectators on their side than there are on the home team's. Her eyes dart around through the throngs of people, searching for a safe place to sit.

It's no longer clear to her why exactly she decided to put herself through this torture.

"HJ!"

Haley meets eyes with Mr. Winter who is waving at her. He looks pleasantly surprised to see her there. Relief washes over her as his acknowledgment gives her an excuse to walk away from the anxiety-inducing event before her.

"Wasn't expecting to see you tonight," He comments when she makes her way over to him. He's standing on the sidelines with a clipboard in his hand.

"I'm broadening my horizons," she jokes before pointing to his suit, which is clearly straining against his shoulders and the sleeves just barely reach his wrists. "How old is that suit?"

Mr. Winter chuckles nervously, fidgeting with the clipboard. "It's ancient. I was hoping no one would notice."

Haley laughs, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Luckily for you, everyone's eyes are going to be on the Ravens' new coach to see if he fits Coach Durham's long-lasting legacy."

Mr. Winter purses his lips and fakes like he's going to smack her on the shoulder with his clipboard. She laughs loudly as she juts out of the way.

"Anyone ever tell you that you're terrible at pep talks?"

Haley shrugs innocently, earning a chuckle from him.

"How is coaching going?" She asks then, mostly to prolong their conversation. She's not ready to turn herself back to the masses just yet.

"I'm way in over my head," He admits, running a hand over the soft spikes in his hair. "I foolishly thought coaching varsity wouldn't be much different from coaching 7th graders."

Her eyebrows raise and crinkle. She's dying to ask him to elaborate, but the questions die on her tongue. The buzzer goes off, signaling the impending start of the game and cuts their conversation short. Mr. Winter glances at the clock, before looking back at her. His eyes are alight with an idea.

"I hate to ask," he quickly rushes out. "And you can say no, as I'm sure you're here with friends, but would you mind possibly…helping me out tonight? Unlike most programs, I'm without an assistant."

She accepts his offer with lightning speed—anything to get her out of sitting by herself in a sea of her peers. It's just an added bonus that she'll get to be closer to Nathan.

"Oh, thank God. Let me show you what to do."

~x~

As the players shuffle out on the court in their warm-up gear, she awkwardly takes a seat in the empty chair next to the Coach's. Nathan jogs out first. As soon as he sees her, he stops in his tracks. The look he gives her is one of confusion and surprise. In her head, she imagines him jogging over to where she's standing and asking her what she was doing here. It would be a completely innocent move, but whispers would surely funnel through the crowds.

Her reality is that they share a few seconds of confusing eye contact before he turns his focus back on warming up. They can't even say "hi" to each other in public and that makes her feel that much worse.

Lucas takes Nathan's place in her vision and he doesn't hesitate to make his way over to her.

"Hey, what are you doing out on the floor?"

Haley motion towards Mr. Winter. "I guess I'm helping out your coach for this game."

Lucas looks over at Mr. Winter before looking back at Haley. "Nice! Better not screw up."

"Thanks for the confidence, Luke," she mutters with a roll of her eyes.

He winks at her before taking off to join the rest of his team.

From the moment the team sits down on the bench and Nathan, as the captain, sits right down beside her, she realizes it's about to be a long game. She's hyper-aware of his body resting beside her, his bare arm brushing against her clothed one with every slight movement he makes. It would be harmless to steal a look in his direction, but she keeps laser focus on the ground in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him suppressing a smirk.

The buzzer sounds again and Nathan jumps out of his seat, not before sending a very discreet wink her way.

~x~

She doesn't know much about basketball, but even she knows this game is not going well for the Ravens'. The score is currently tied—16 to 16. Up until the last half of the game, Pembroke had a significant lead over the Ravens. Mr. Winter has called in the team for their final timeout of the game, with seven seconds remaining on the clock. From her seat off to the side, she watches in rapture. More importantly, she watches Nathan.

Sweat has matted down his hair, droplets sliding off the dark strands and down the side of his face. A gleam of determination is shining in his eyes, almost distracting her from the way his chest is heaving and more importantly, the way his muscles are glistening.

"Coach, I can make the shot."

She hears Nathan argue. His voice is stern and she knows all too well that means he isn't going to take no for an answer.

Mr. Winter shakes his head. She can barely make out what Mr. Winter is saying. She hears something along the lines of being double-teamed.

The crowd around them erupts as the cheerleaders lead them in a cheer. The loud roars of the crowd drown out any chance she has of hearing the rest of their conversation but based on their tense expressions, it's not going very well.

The rest of the team filters back onto the floor when the referee blows his whistle. Nathan hangs back to exchange a few more heated words with Mr. Winter. Haley strains her ears to see if she can make out at least one word that's being said, but she fails.

With a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes, Nathan turns his back on his coach. Joining the rest of the team, he gets into position. When the whistle blows, he runs straight for the ball. Pembroke's player passes it to another player. Nathan approaches, waving off Tim Smith. In one swift movement, Nathan steals the ball from Pembroke, before taking off down the court.

Haley watches with bated breath. There are three seconds remaining on the clock, and the Pembroke players are surrounding Nathan. He doesn't look worried though. He fakes right, before going left and makes a shot towards the basket. It's the longest second of her life as she waits to see if the ball is going to make it through the hoop.

Nothing but net, and she finds herself jumping up with joy.

As soon as the final buzzer rings, pandemonium ensues on the visitor's side. The players who were still sitting on the bench, jump up in excitement. Under his breath and a tight smile, Haley hears Mr. Winter mutter his disapproval of Nathan's decision to take over the play. Even so, Haley watches him enthusiastically write a large "W" on his clipboard.

~x~

There's a center console pressing painfully into the edge of her ribs and her legs are cramped against the dashboard. The position she's in is anything but comfortable, but Nathan's lips against hers is far too distracting for her to truly notice. She wasn't in his car two minutes before things quickly picked up where they left off.

She definitely doesn't mind, for more reasons than one. When his lips are on hers, she can't focus on anything else, especially her nagging thoughts.

"Come here," he whispers huskily against her lips, sending a shiver down her spine. A hand edges over her hip, gripping it hard to pull her closer to him. She lets him guide her body until she's comfortably straddling him.

"That's better," he croons, guiding a hand into her hair and sliding his lips back over hers. The only clear thought she has is _thank God, he has tinted windows. _

She moans into his mouth, her hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt to pull him even closer. His soft sighs press into her mouth as her hips naturally buck against his.

In this position, she feels every inch of him and it makes her feel powerful. They've shared quite a few intimate moments over the last few weeks—the incident in the pool immediately comes to mind—but this feels even more so somehow. The kisses they're sharing are slow and deep, yet passionately frantic at the same time.

Boldly, her fingers toy with the plastic buttons on his dress shirt. She itches to push the buttons free, to trace every inch of his heated skin until she committed every curve to memory. Her desire fights with her self consciousness.

He kisses the side of her mouth, trailing his lips over the curve of her jaw to the slope of her neck. He uses the right amount of tongue and teeth to leave her shaking in his arms. Her soft moans fill the space of the car, and she feels his lips curve into a smile against her sensitive skin.

"This is even better than making the game-winning shot," he purrs against her collarbone, his hands roaming her back.

Her laugh is rough and breathless, fingers tangling in his slightly damp hair. "You are such a terrible liar."

His hands slid from her hips and dip into her back pockets. She squeals when he squeezes her ass, pulling her tighter against him. "I don't dare lie about things like that."

Her giggle sounds abnormally shrill in the confined space. Using the quick break in the action, she adjusts her right leg which is starting to feel cramped against the car door. In the process, her knee jabs his side. He flinches harshly, a sharp intake of breath pausing her movements. Haley sits back a little, concern folding her features as she notices the discomfort he's desperately trying to hide on his face.

"Are you okay?"

He grunts a little, locking his hands around her hips. "Yeah, I got knocked around a little during the game. I'm just a little sore, that's all."

Before she can question him further, his mouth is back on hers. Her body melts back into the kiss, but her mind is diverted. It becomes crystal clear to her that his hands have been staying strictly at her hips, only occasionally and very briefly dipping a little bit lower or higher.

She's not sure what comes over her, but her fingers at the buttons of his shirt, sliding them deftly through the eyelets. She feels him go rigid beneath her and before she reaches the final button, he grabs her hands. His movements are so quick like her touch burned him.

"We...we should stop," Nathan pants, gently putting some distance between them. He's avoiding her gaze and already re-buttoning his shirt.

Her cheeks are quickly painted red, the tips of her ears burning with embarrassment.

"I'm…I'm sorry," she hastily apologizes. Her cheeks may be on fire, but the rest of her body feels like it's been submerged in ice water.

"It's just a little cramped in here." His explanation feels weak in conviction but strong as a slap in the face.

She doesn't understand it and it makes her feel like a sex-crazed virgin who is way too eager to figure everything out. Nathan, who always appears more than happy to make out with her, is always the one who brings their make-out sessions to a screeching halt. She used to think that was going to be her job, as she's the unexperienced, bashful one.

It twists her brain. She's heard the rumors about him. In fact, outside of his nickname of superstar, people joke that he's a horn dog.

It makes her feel insecure, inadequate, and a bunch of other confusing things. As much as she wants to question him, she's way too embarrassed to do so. Awkwardly, she crawls off his lap and back into her seat.

Nathan doesn't seem bothered by it and it confuses her even more. She supposes that his reluctance to go any further with her should be something that she's happy about. She should view it as a sign of respect. But instead, doubt nags at her. Negative thoughts fester inside of her, making her question the validity of their relationship.

Does he not want her?

"There's a party tonight. Wanna come?" His question cuts the silence like a knife and she wants to laugh in hysteria. But, she shakes her head. She's had enough unusual social interaction for one day.


	9. Good Girl Faith

I know a lot of you were surprised to find that Brooke is actually super nice. The person that she is based on was also extremely nice and just had a heart of gold. I wanted to keep her true to that not only for the authenticity of this story but also because I feel like the go-to thing for stories like this is to make characters like Brooke superficial bitches in order to make their main character look better.

Also, these next few chapters are roller coasters, and i'm sure you'll see why after this one. *nervous laughter*

* * *

_**9: Good Girl Faith**_

Haley yawns as she leans against the bathroom stall. Her eyes fall closed for a couple of seconds as she tries to will some energy back into her body. The last couple of nights have been sleepless—her nagging thoughts and vibrant imagination acting like natural shots of caffeine.

_Am I joke to Nathan? A game? Is he not attracted to me? Something else? _

_ Why does it even matter to me so much? _

_ Should I end things? Am I capable of ending things with him? Am I just making a big deal out of nothing?_

_ Did he go to the party? If so, what did he do? Who was he with? _

She screams at her brain to just…shut up, but it just mocks her—the questions getting louder and more annoying. Her lack of sleep is starting to catch up with her, seeping into her bones like water logs.

Just as she slips her backpack over her shoulder, she hears a peel of laughter echo off the cinderblock walls, followed by the hollow clank of the bathroom door falling shut.

"I'm sure Nathan wouldn't mind."

"You're right. It would just be another thing he could brag about."

Haley recognizes the second voice, it's raspy quality impossible to mistake. Her interest is piqued, and as much as her moral compass tells her eavesdropping is gross, she still listens. There's no way she could walk away, not when she's this desperate for information.

She doubts that they're even paying attention to the feet beneath the stall, but she slinks further back against the wall. A knot forms in her stomach—a deep gutted feeling that tells her she's about to regret her decision.

"I saw you two disappear for a while on Friday night."

The other girl's voice has dropped into a suggestive tone and Brooke's girlish shrill has that knot in Haley's stomach tightening. The pounding of her heart almost drowns out those screaming questions. Almost.

"Just a little post-game celebration," Brooke croons. Haley can almost picture the sly look on Brooke's face, her lips curled into a seductive grin. Her head is swimming.

"Don't be so coy!" The second girl shrills, followed by airy giggles. "How was it?"

The sound of a zipper rips through the silence, followed by a gasp and another giggle. Haley's never been one for violence, but she's about two seconds away from taking that stupid giggle and shoving it down that girl's throat.

"I always knew Nathan was a bit of a freak."

"He loves hickies," Brooke giggles. "They're his number one turn on, especially when he leaves them in places only he's going to see."

Haley braces herself against the tile, her eyes widening and breathing labored. That pit in her stomach lurches and she's not sure if she wants to scream, cry, or laugh.

"The things that boy can do with his hands should be illegal in all fifty states," Brooke continues, her voice dropping to an attempt of a whisper, either that or Haley has suddenly developed supersonic hearing. "Has me seeing stars every time."

She's going to be sick. Do girls always go this into detail about their every romp or was this just a special gift from God tied in bows of karma?

Haley can't physically listen to any more, but she can't stop listening either. Morbid curiosity has slaughtered the cat. A cold sweat has coated her body and she's a little woozy.

"Girl, you were gone for like two hours at the party."

"Let's just say he has an excellent rebound time."

Scratch that—really woozy.

Finally, the five-minute warning bell for first-period dings, sending Brooke and her friend scrambling out of the bathroom. Haley doesn't move—she can't. The euphoric illusion that she had been living in the last few months has completely crumbled, leaving behind shards that are bound to cut her open.

She doesn't feel like herself anymore and every memory she has of Nathan doesn't feel like Nathan anymore.

For a moment, Haley wonders if she has the right to be bothered by what she just heard. Within seconds—like someone had ripped blinders off her eyes—she realizes just how ridiculous it is for her to even consider her place in all of this.

Of course, she has the right to be bothered.

It doesn't and shouldn't matter what the fucked-up nature of her relationship with Nathan is. She has a right to know and it's about time that she starts asking questions.

~x~

She's not thinking straight and later, she'll probably regret her actions, but that's not her concern right now.

Brooke's lust laden words have been bouncing around her head like unhinged ping pong balls all day. Her thoughts are spiraling, festering until her blood is poisoned with dread.

Her focus was elsewhere the entire day. She ignored the flirty glances Nathan tried to shoot her during class. She tried not to pay attention to his gaze burning into her back, and she definitely tried not to think about how his eyes were most likely melted with concern. She kept her text messages to him short, not having it in her heart to completely ignore him.

Brooke's declaration makes her question everything about her and Nathan...again. Sure, she could write it off as blind self-esteem issues, especially since she is the side chick and nothing about their relationship has been defined, but it feels deeper than that. It feels like…she has been tricked and twisted into some mindless game with rules that change every day.

She's questioning every promise and every breathless word he's uttered to her. Every touch. Every kiss. Everything…even worse than before.

Clearly, he's not with her for sex. That should be a relief, but it's anything but, not when he's shacking up with Brooke on the weekends. But if it's not about sex, then what the fuck is it about? She can't help it, but her mind falls to the prospect that maybe she's living inside a 90's rom-com and this whole thing was some giant joke or a dare.

It's the classic tale of a naïve girl with too much hope in her eyes.

She slips inside of his house for their study date, barely muttering a greeting to Lily who is watching TV in the living room. As far as Lily knows, Haley is just Nathan's tutor, but there's always a flutter in her eyes that tells them she doesn't quite believe them.

She feels insane as she barrels into his room, her heart racing and her skin flushed. He's lounged casually across his bed, a math textbook open in front of him. At her arrival, his face lights up and it causes her to falter briefly.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in."

She can't afford getting distracted, even if his beatific smile and soft tone of voice threatens to throw her off course. If she doesn't get the confirmation she needs today, she fears that she'll never have the guts to again. Her sanity is at stake and it's a high price to pay.

Wordlessly, she climbs on to his bed and pushes his homework off to the side. She's reticent to say her actions are ones of confidence, but rather the result of being blinded by adrenaline. Her hand fists the material of his red shirt and she kisses him sloppily. His body is rigid against hers, his lips moving against hers hesitantly. She only kisses him harder, willing away his confusion. She doesn't have time for questions, only answers.

Eventually, her efforts work and Nathan melts against her, his lips sliding against hers languidly. Reluctantly, she slows her pace and lets herself enjoy the familiar rhythm.

As soon as he fully relaxes into the kiss, she relinquishes control. He slides his hand into her hair and uses his hips to roll her on to her back. The corners of his math book are digging into her, but she ignores the pain. His one hand releases her hair and fists the pillow beside her head, while the other grips her waist.

"Is there a reason for this…lovely greeting?" Nathan questions, brushing his lips against the corner of her mouth and across the edge of her jaw.

She shakes her head, craning her neck to brush her nose against his. "Just kiss me," she demands breathlessly, the urgency thick in her voice.

Nathan pauses, clearly uncertain of the situation he's in. Haley doesn't give him time to question her again, just pulls him into another visceral kiss. He doesn't hesitate to respond this time, his body molding to hers as he pulls her closer.

His hands are everywhere—in her hair, tracing the shape of her lips, sliding over the curve of her cheek and down the side of neck, gripping at her waist—everywhere. His sighs are warm and heavy against her lips, yet wispy against her heated skin.

It's still not nearly enough for her. She needs more. She needs confirmation.

Her next choices are nothing but impulsive, reckless, and a little bit crazy.

Her heart slamming in her chest is the only noise she can hear. Her hands are shaking like leaves as she reaches for his belt. She doesn't think as her fingers swiftly and quickly undo the buckle, the clanging of the metal and the roar of his zipper sounding louder than the thudding of her heart.

Just as her hand is about to dip below the waistband of his jeans, his fingers wrap around her wrist and halt her movements. He leans away from her, eyes alert and his breathing heavy.

"Haley?" he pants her name like a question and her world spins out of control.

She can't focus on his obvious eagerness to get lost in a heated make-out session with her. She can't focus on his obvious physical want for her that she feels pressed against her thigh. The only thing she can focus on is the fact he stopped her before they could go any further, just like he always does, which fuels the dread in her body to unexplainable heights.

Brooke's narration of her and Nathan's night together the previous weekend come barreling back into her head, this time amplified.

Her throat tightens as his rejection washes over her. Tears sting in her eyes as she quickly scrambles away from him, her knees pressing against her chest. She prays that she wakes up from this nightmare before she becomes too deeply scarred.

"Do you not want me?" she croaks, cheeks red and hair tasseled. She hates how weak she sounds, like a petulant child who doesn't know how to take a hint.

His actions have already confirmed her biggest fears, but now the masochist part of her just wants to rub salt in the wound.

Deep rivets form on his forehead, his eyebrows pulling together "W-what?"

"Do you want me?" she asks shakily, tears threatening to spill over the rims of her eyes. She never thought she would be on the verge of crying over a boy because he won't have sex with her, but here she is.

He looks even more bewildered after her clarification. His jaw is slightly unhinged and if she wasn't so keyed up, she'd probably find the mixture of fear and confusion on his face funny.

"Of course, I-I do! Why would you even ask such a thing?"

It's impossible for her to tell whether or not he's being sincere or if he's trying to buy himself time to concoct a better explanation. She explodes—her eyes wide, cheeks flushed, and hands animated.

"Because…because I'm practically throwing myself at you and you keep…you keep pushing me away. I never thought the great Nathan Scott would ever turn down an opportunity to get laid."

"What? I–"

Nathan's eyes widen even further, but she keeps going. The flood gates are open wide.

"Clearly, our…whatever this is, isn't about sex, but then what the hell is it about? Some emotional connection that you're craving and figure that you can get that out of someone like me, right? The prude and innocent girl—she seems like easy pickings."

Haley jumps when his hands are suddenly cupping her cheeks, his calloused thumbs rubbing soothing circles over her flesh.

"Haley…Haley, stop," Nathan pleads. It's not until then does she release how hard and fast she's breathing. "What's this about?"

Her knee-jerk reaction is to break-free of his embrace. Hurt flashes across his face, but she averts her gaze. Her anger flares—what ground does he stand on to feel any kind of hurt?

"I overheard Brooke in the bathroom today," Haley sneers. "She was telling her friend all about the _amazing_ sex you guys had at that party last weekend. It was so nice of her to provide every_ goddamn gory detail_."

Out of the corner her eye, she watches him drag a hand through his hair. She must admit—he's not acting how she would expect someone to after being put in this situation. Try as she might, she doesn't let it cloud her judgment.

"Haley…Hales, look at me," he demands gruffly. There's an edge to his tone that she's never heard before. She fights the urge to do what he asks—forcing herself to make him stir a couple of seconds before complying.

"It hasn't been about that with me and Brooke for a long time." He keeps his gaze locked on her with every word he says.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Her voice is sharp and incredulous.

He runs a jagged hand down his face as his shoulders slump forward. Within seconds, he looks exhausted, defeated even. She sees the wheels turning in his head and normally, that's a sign that he's going to inevitably shut down. Usually, she would decide not to push him and let him work at his own pace. Not this time.

"Brooke and I haven't had sex in months, even before you and I started talking," he mutters, almost frustrated. "Fuck, I can't even remember the last time I kissed her for real."

"And?" she prompts him to continue. Her throat is dry, a lump forming the size of a golf ball. It's amazing to her that she hasn't gone into cardiac arrest yet with how long her heart has been racing.

"It's complicated," he sighs after a long minute of silence.

"I need something more than that, Nathan."

She refuses to fall at his feet and continue to let him get away with vague explanations.

He lets out a deep breath, but it's not one of annoyance.

"It made sense for us to be together," Nathan begins. It's written all over his face how uncomfortable he is, how hard it is for him to open himself up like this.

"She's the head cheerleader, I'm the star of the basketball team. We were almost pushed together—by friends, by the cliché reputations in this town…by all of it. And at first, I liked her. She was fun to be around, easy to be with…I didn't have to think about it."

"Then somewhere along the way, things changed. It became more about the idea of us being together than it was actually being together."

"You're saying that you guys are just...pretend?"

"More like an…arrangement."

"Why?" she implores. "What do you get out of it? What does she get out of it?"

"Reputation," Nathan mutters quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. "It's a good look for both of us. Like I said, it just makes sense for us to be together, to appease the vultures that are constantly circling around our school. It's easy."

It becomes clear to her that this whole time…it's always been about his reputation—what people would think about him. He's Tree Hill's basketball legend. He has people to answer to, expectations to live up to, and God forbid he ever try and break that mold.

In the safety of their own little bubble, she could almost believe they lived on the same planet. That illusion shattered right before her eyes.

"As opposed to being with someone like me, right?" She snips, anger sluicing through her veins. She pushes herself off his bed, putting as much distance as she physically could between them.

Nathan quickly shakes his head, sliding out of his bed. "You know that's not what I meant."

"No, I really don't," she barks back.

"Hales—"

"How am I supposed to believe any of this?" She questions loudly, not giving him a chance to say anything else. She's never outwardly doubted him before, but she's not naïve enough to take his word as bible and move on.

She needs time to think. To breathe. After being thrust into what she decides to call a dose of reality, her life isn't so neatly cut into sections of black and white. Everywhere she looks, she sees streaks of grey and haze. It all came at her so fast, but she should have known that she was going to break eventually.

His hands, which are clammy and trembling slightly, grasp at hers. She sees the wild look in his eyes, the almost opaque layer of desperation, but she can't comprehend it.

"Because these last few months, I've told you things that I've never told anyone. I've opened up a part of myself that I didn't think existed. I've _felt_ things with you that I didn't think existed."

Haley wants to believe him, but his pretty words just aren't sticking. She needs things to change, something she hadn't realized until everything she thought she knew became twisted.

Maybe she doesn't have the right to ask him for anything. Maybe she does.

Maybe she shouldn't have gotten involved with him at all.

"I can't do this anymore."

As soon as those words leave her mouth, a pain shoots through her chest. Her world—that had been spinning backward on its axis—comes to a screeching halt. It hurts even more for her to recognize that she means her words.

"What's that supposed to mean?" It's his turn to ask for clarification. His tone isn't accusatory—it's one of dire fear.

"This." Haley motions between the two of them. "I just can't do this. I know that I willingly walked into this knowing the risks and that it would be complicated, but I just can't...

"Haley…"

"This sneaking around and the lying and now this." Her voice cracks on the last syllable, her throat closing around the word.

She doesn't want to cry in front of him. She doesn't know what she wants—only that she needs to get out of there. It's not something she's going to be proud of later, but she turns her back on him and rushes out of his room.

~x~

Haley stares at the English quiz in front of her. No matter how many times she reads over the questions about _Frankenstein, _she can't focus. The letters of each word have started to blend together and there's a pounding resonating from behind her eyes.

There's a war going on inside of her head. On one side, it's Brooke's sex story on a constant loop. On the other side, it's Nathan's frantic words and images of his eyes, full of regret and pain. She wishes that she could tell both sides to shut up.

When the bell rings, she slumps in her seat with a defeated frown on her face. She hasn't written a single word on her quiz. On a normal day, the prospect of a failing grade on her report card is enough to send her into a panic and she's sure it eventually will, but right now, all she can think about is the nap she's going to take after school.

Haley is the last person to turn her quiz in, placing the blank paper on the top of the stack. She tries to rush out of the classroom before Mr. Winter notices. She knows he's bound to have questions and she's not in the mood to talk about it. She only takes a couple of steps before she hears him call her name. Sighing, she turns around.

"You okay?" Mr. Winter asks, head jutting towards her blank test. His eyebrows are knitted together, his lips dipped into a frown.

"Yeah," she responds quickly, avoiding eye contact.

"Are you lying?"

She takes a quick breath. She has two choices —she could lie again, which is how she got herself in this situation in the first place or she could tell the truth, but be vague about it. The latter seems like the better option.

"Yes."

"Is it still that stuff you told me about the other day?"

Haley nods, her gaze locked on her nails. She's become interested in one in particular, picking at the skin around it.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't think there's much else to say," she mumbles with a shrug.

She's too tired to rehash everything that has been keeping her up at night. And even if she wasn't, Mr. Winter is the last person she would tell about Nathan. He may be someone that she confides in often, but this situation…is _too_ personal.

Or, maybe she's just too embarrassed.

Like Lucas, Mr. Winter has placed her on a pedestal—one made up of grace, intelligence, and resilience. She just doesn't know if she can handle disappointing two more important people in her life.

"You sure? Because I can practically see the wheels turning in your head."

Mr. Winter smiles warmly at her and it's almost enough to make her breakdown. She manages to resist.

"I'm sure."

"Well, then, can I just offer you one piece of advice?"

"Sure."

"Don't let whoever this is break the pieces of you that make you inherently you."

The heaviness of his advice seeps into her sharply and her breath hitches in her throat. Her knees wobble a little and she clears her throat in effort to cover up her sudden uneasiness.

Has she already let Nathan break the important pieces of her?

"Wow, Mr. Winter, that might be the most profound thing you've ever said."

It takes a lot of strength to force the teasing tone in her voice. She's desperate for some kind of normalcy and being sarcastic towards Mr. Winter is the only way she knows how to do that.

Mr. Winter rolls his eyes. "I'm going to ignore the fact that you insulted my good advice and just tell you that you can come see me during lunch to take your quiz."

Haley shakes her head. "No, that's okay. I know your rule about no re-takes. I'll take responsibility for the zero."

"For you, I'm making an exception," he says sternly before giving her a teasing smile. "Just don't go around telling people."

"You really don't have to do that. It's my fault that I didn't study —"

"HJ, please…for once, will you let someone do something nice for you?"

"Okay."

"Thank-you."

Haley forces another smile before she turns to leave, a yawn leaving her body. She's almost tempted to skip her next class and go take a nap in the courtyard. It's only history and she has a pretty solid A in that class already. One skip won't hurt her.

"Before you go, there is something I wanted to ask you."

She turns back around to see him leaning against his desk. His fingers are drumming against the wood in a steady beat.

"Yeah?"

"I realize that my timing is poor and I won't be offended if you decline since I know you're a busy person and you have a lot of things going on right now—"

"Mr. Winter, are you nervous?" She says with a small giggle. It's unusual to see him rambling like this.

"Maybe," he blurts out, a little annoyed. "Will you let me finish?"

For the first time in twenty-four hours, she smiles. "Sorry, go on."

"How would you feel about being my student assistant for the rest of the basketball season? It wouldn't be much—just helping me out during practice and during the games. Any travel would be covered by the school and you'd get into all of the games for free."

Her eyes widen—she wasn't expecting him to ask her that.

"Oh, wow."

"I could really use the help, but no pressure or hard feelings if you don't want to."

Twenty-four hours ago, she would have accepted his offer without a second thought. It would have given her the perfect excuse to spend more time with Nathan. Now, she's not sure she wants to be near him at all.

"Can I think it over?"

"Of course."

~x~

The docks are quiet as most of the surrounding restaurants and shops closed a couple of hours ago. The boardwalk lights bask everything in a cool glow, the sound of the Cape Fear river lapping against the wooden docks adding to the scenery.

It's peaceful, unlike the raging storm that is going on inside of her.

Her eyes, like magnets, keep drifting over to the place where she and Nathan met up on her birthday. She can still feel his hands on her waist as he twirled her around and the warmth that radiated off his body as he held her close, protecting her from the frigid December air. She can still feel the way his eyes had swept over her body, the appreciative gleam in them that made her feel like she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

The feeling that stuck with her the most was the way he kissed her that night. Her lips still tingle from the feel of his, the way they moved against hers in earnest. It was like he was trying to tell her everything that he couldn't yet say out loud, his vulnerability seeping into his actions rather than his words.

That was the moment she fell in love with him.

She's filled to the brim with doubt and fear, but even that isn't strong enough to make her believe everything that happened between her and Nathan was fake. It couldn't have been, not when he had looked at her like he had.

Even so, that didn't change the fact that she's tired—tired of lying, tired of hiding…tired of feeling like she's wrong for loving him as much as she does.

She has considered so many things in the last twenty-four hours—that she overreacted, that she had made a grave mistake getting involved with Nathan in the first place, that she was allowing her insecurities to create a problem that wasn't really there, etc.

What the fuck is she supposed to do?

"You're out late."

Haley jumps at the unexpected voice, whirling around to see Peyton standing a few feet away from her. Her hands are stuffed into the pockets of her jean jacket and her curly hair is pulled back into a ponytail.

"Couldn't sleep," Haley mutters with a shrug before turning to look back at the river. She crosses her arms and uses her elbows to prop her body up against the docks. "What's your excuse?"

"I was hanging out with Lucas."

"Oh."

"He's getting suspicious, you know," Peyton says as she slides up next to Haley. She puts an uncomfortable amount of distance between them, her back facing the river but her gaze is locked on Haley.

"About what?"

Haley keeps her eyes trained on the ripples in the water. Her tone is about as icy as the water.

"You," Peyton mumbles. Her lax tone almost makes Haley feel bad for being so crass. "He thinks you've been acting…_weird_ and he's trying to figure out why."

Haley laugh is short and humorless, followed by a quick glance in Peyton's direction.

"I'm surprised you haven't told him yet."

She's being unfair, but her defenses are up. The last thing Haley's in the mood for is Peyton's righteous attitude about what's right and what's wrong.

Peyton's gaze is cutting into her skin. Haley doesn't have to look at her to know she's gone too far.

"Do you really think I'm capable of being that vile?"

"I don't know—it seems as if it doesn't matter what I think anymore."

_Could you be any more melodramatic? _

"Haley," Peyton exhales. "Aren't you tired of this?"

This time, Haley looks at Peyton. The dark night does nothing to hide her tired eyes.

Something unexplainable happens just then—Haley loses it. Her throat closes around a sob, tears pouring out of her eyes like a broken faucet. Her shoulders shake and there's a pain ripping through her stomach. It's been a long day, and Haley's surprised she made it this long without having a breakdown.

"Yes," Haley cries, stumbling over to the nearest table. Her arms are wrapped around her torso, a lame attempt at trying to keep herself from crumbling. "I'm so damn tired of this, Peyton. Of everything."

Peyton is at her side in an instant. Through her tears, Haley sees the concern on Peyton's face.

"Hales, what happened?"

Maybe it's against her better judgment, but she tells Peyton everything. Right now, it's not about the tension between them or the arguments that they've had. Right now, she just needs her friend.

When she's finished, Haley takes a chance and looks at Peyton. There's nothing argumentative or sympathetic about Peyton's face as she listens to Haley. Instead, there's empathy. Understanding. It's a far cry from the reaction Peyton previously had to her relationship with Nathan.

"I know you didn't trust Nathan, but I could really use some unbiased advice," Haley finishes, sniffling.

"I don't," Peyton confirmed. "But you're one of my best friends and I trust you, even if I haven't been acting like the greatest friend lately."

Haley wipes at her eyes, cringing when she sees the watery black lines of mascara and eyeliner on her fingers.

"I get it—you were trying to protect me. Guess I should have listened."

Peyton gives a give shake of her head, a sad and slight smile on her face. "You can't help who you fall in love with, right?"

The pain in her chest intensifies as another round of tears form in her eyes.

God, for better or for worse, she loves him. It's as complicated and as simple as that. But every version of love that she'd ever concocted in her head didn't feel like this did. It didn't feel like someone was trying to skin her alive from the inside out.

"Love. Right," Haley laughs dryly.

"You are in love with him, aren't you?" Peyton asks, confused by Haley's cynical laugh.

Haley looks at her with a watery gaze. "I'm so terribly in love with him, but I don't think he feels the same."

Peyton throws an arm around her shoulders, pulling Haley into a tight hug. Haley isn't sure how much time slips by them, but she finds comfort in the familiarity of Peyton's presence. Finally, Haley gains control of her breathing even though the tears are still leaking from her eyes.

"I don't know if this is a game to him, if it's some kind of joke," Haley says through her tears when they break apart. "He says all these things to me, looks at me the way that he does, yet I can't even look at him in public for more than five seconds without fearing that someone might think that something's going on. And, at first, I was okay with that. I understood why. But I just don't anymore."

"Why?"

Haley inhales a shaky breath. "It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud."

"I'm sure it doesn't," Peyton reassures her.

Haley chews on the inside of her cheek. As much as she dying to get a different perspective and get things off her chest, she's scared. She knows what she needs to hear, but isn't quite sure she can handle it.

"Hearing Brooke talk about having sex with him, regardless if it's true or not, made me question everything. It put things in perspective for me," Haley rambles, her hands twisting together.

"I mean, I've seen them holding hands in the hallway. I've seen them kiss. But I guess, their relationship still didn't seem real to me, especially with the relationship I have—_had_ with Nathan. But after hearing what Brooke said…especially since he brings our make-out sessions to a screeching halt, it just made me start to wonder what the hell his purpose for being with me is."

"All of this because he wasn't initiating sex?" There's a light clip to Peyton's tone, the corners of her lips pulling into a slight smile.

"Peyton…" Haley shoots her a pointed look.

"Sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood," Peyton explains, throwing her hands up in defense. "Look, I don't think you're crazy, I think your concerns are valid. If I was in your position, I'd probably be wondering the same thing. Let me ask you this though—whose idea was it to be secretive?"

"We never really discussed it," Haley admits. "It just seemed like the way things were supposed to be, given everything."

"Well, maybe it's time that you have this discussion."

"I don't know if I even had the right to ask him for more. It's never something that I thought I had to worry about right away."

She's coming up with excuses, for herself or for Nathan, she's not quite sure.

"Don't focus on what he wants or what's right for him, "Peyton says. "Focus on what's right for you. You can't make all of the sacrifices here, even if you do love him. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you."

"I know you're right," Haley sighs. Peyton's advice doesn't make things any easier. In fact, it makes things that much harder.

"But I just…ugh, why does this have to be so complicated? I don't do things like this. Why did I even get involved with him? What was I thinking?"

"Because love is never simple. If it was simple, it wouldn't be worth it. But regardless of what happens, I know you're going to be okay."

_Is she? _


	10. Watch Us Go Round and Round

Thank you all so much for your reviews :)

* * *

_**Watch Us Go Round and Round**_

Haley stares at her laptop blankly, music from some sad song playlist she found blasting through her headphones. When she sat down on her bed that morning, she had the intention of getting a lot of writing done. But the words that are floating around in her head aren't communicating with the typing of her fingers.

She has writer's block—a sick and twisted kind of writer's block where she knows what she wants to say, but isn't sure she should say it, and even if she is sure, she's not sure it will come out the way she wants.

She doesn't want to admit to herself that she's seriously considering entering the essay contest that Mr. Winter told her about. Her writing has only ever been for her and exposing herself to that many people in such a way is her worst nightmare.

Then, why is she still bothering to write with the prompt heavy in the back of her mind?

_Inspiration,_ she tells herself. _That's all._

There's a knock on her door and she pulls her headphones out of her ears just as Lydia walks in, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands. She's still in her nightgown, an unusual feat for Lydia James, except on Sundays.

"It's almost one in the afternoon and you're still not outta bed. Everything okay in here?"

Haley nods, shifting her laptop so it's on her lap. "Just…have a lot of homework."

It isn't necessarily a lie. She _does_ have a pile of homework, one in which she currently neglecting.

"You said that last night when you refused to come down for dinner."

Haley shrugs. She doesn't know why she bothers putting up a front when she knows she'll end up telling her mom everything. Sometimes she wonders if the relationship she has with her mom is…unhealthy. She tells her mom…everything, even when she doesn't want to. And her mom tells her everything, too…even things that a mother really shouldn't be telling her daughter.

"Mid-winter break is coming up and teachers are trying to squeeze in as much work as they can before it."

For a second, Haley thinks that her mom might actually be buying into her lame excuses until she tucks her nightgown around her knees and climbs onto Haley's bed. Out of habit, Haley closes her laptop.

"How are things going between you and _Nathan_?"

There's a twinkle of mischief in Lydia's eyes as she says his name, while the mere mention of it makes Haley tense.

She hasn't talked to him in a week since she left his house in a hurry after embarrassing herself royally. In fact, to say that she has been going out of her way to avoid him wouldn't be that much of a stretch. His text messages have gone unanswered and she's started taking the long way to English and Chemistry.

She allowed herself a few sparingly glances through the curtain of her hair during math class and every time did, she instantly regretted it. He looked miserable with his glassy eyes and pale skin. His clothes were extra wrinkly, almost as if he'd dug them straight out of his laundry bin.

It was strange to see Nathan so…disheveled. He is usually so put together—his clothes crisp and clean, hair purposely styled, and a confidence about him that seems unbreakable.

As painful as it is to see him like that, there's a minuscule part of her that is satisfied to know she has that kind of effect on him. Maybe it's twisted, but at least she knows that she's not as disposable as she always feared.

"We're taking a little break right now," she explains, tiredly.

"Why? What happened?"

Haley leans back against her pillows, grabbing one to cuddle to her chest. She doesn't have the mental capacity to re-tell everything that happened between her and Nathan again, even if she could use some of her mother's advice.

"Not anything that I didn't see coming."

"Did his girlfriend find out?"

The knot that's in her stomach pulls tighter. Comments like that always toss her a stinging dose of reality. She's not _that_ girl…she's never been _that_ girl. She's always stuck by the rules and kept to herself. The moral high road is practically engraved into her brain's GPS. The real her would have never let things get this far. How has she let things get this far?

Haley shakes her head. "Everything is just a mess. I got involved in something that I shouldn't have and it was a mistake. A stupid, thoughtless mistake."

"How do you know?" Lydia asks.

"How do I know what?"

"That it was a mistake."

Haley's eyes widen. Her mother can't be serious right now. Lydia always had questionable morals, but there has to be somewhere that she draws the line.

She needs someone to tell her that she fucked up and that being with Nathan is wrong. She needs someone to tell her that now is her chance to break things off permanently because she knows she doesn't have the strength to do it on her own accord.

Even Peyton, who was anti-Nathan, is leaving the decision up to her. That independence that she's been craving doesn't seem like such a novelty anymore.

"Come on, mom!" Haley explodes. "I started sneaking around with a guy who has a rap sheet longer than congress by this town's standards. And if that wasn't bad enough, he has a girlfriend. I abandoned every moral code I ever had for what? A cute guy?"

Lydia doesn't bat an eyelash.

"Does he make you happy?"

Haley's forehead creases, eyebrows knitting together. Her question sounds so simple, so innocent like it's answer will solve all of her problems.

"What? I—"

"Does he make you happy?" Lydia repeats, persistent.

Haley doesn't have to think about her answer. Despite the drama, the sneaking around, and everything else in-between, the last few months have been some of the best. She's learned a lot about herself and something tells her that the best is yet to come.

"Yes," she sighs. "But what does that have anything to do with—"

Lydia reaches across the bed to pat Haley's hand before giving it a gentle squeeze.

"That's all that should matter."

Haley is bewildered. She cannot be hearing things clearly right now. It's not that simple, is it? Going after something just because it makes you happy, regardless of anything else, seems a little…selfish to Haley. But maybe that is her problem—she worries too much about other people. Maybe Peyton was right.

Fuck, her head is spinning.

"Mom, you're…you're supposed to tell me that I'm too young to know any better. That...I should know…."

Lydia's smile is both knowing and a little sad. The smile lines around the corners of her eyes appear more prominent just then, showing the miles behind her wise grin.

"Did I ever tell you about Peter?"

"I don't think so."

Lydia places her coffee cup on the bedside table before she curls up next to Haley. One arm wraps around Haley's shoulders, gently pulling her until her head is resting on Lydia's shoulder.

"When I was in high school before I started dating your dad, I was seeing this guy—Peter Salinger," Lydia began. "He was a high school drop out that worked at car garage downtown. My parents couldn't stand him, neither could my friends. But I just _adored_ him."

"He had that whole bad boy thing going for him—tattoos, piercings, leather jacket, even drove a motorcycle. Just downright sex on legs," Lydia laughs as she gives Haley a little nudge.

"Mom!" Haley groans. She really doesn't need to hear this. "Can you just get to the point please?"

"Okay, okay," Lydia laughs again. "Everyone said that he was wrong for me and that I was destroying my life being with him. But he was my first love. He made me happy and I felt…free with him. But, unfortunately, I let the things that other people said to me get to me. So, I broke things off with him."

Lydia leans her cheek against the top of Haley's head. "I love your dad very much and I wouldn't change a thing about meeting him or our life together. But when I was with Peter, I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to have fun and how to love. I don't think I would be where I am today without Peter,"

Haley backs away just enough to look her. Her brain capacity is so maxed out that she can't properly comprehend the idea of her mom being with someone who isn't her dad.

"My point is, if you allow socially constructed rules to dictate every choice that you make in your life, you might miss out on something amazing, something that changes your whole life in ways that you never expected."

Lydia brushes a few strands of hair out of Haley's face, smiling down at her.

"If something feels right and if it's meant to be, then the rest will work itself out the way it's supposed to."

"But, mom," Haley started to protest. Her head is starting to pound, the morally pristine side of her battling with the indulgent side. Who will win the war?

"Baby, you have a heart of gold and I love that about you, but your life is yours. Only you can be the one to do decided what to do."

Her head feels heavy like a brick has been tied around her neck. The advice that both Peyton and her mom have given her is supposed to bring her clarity, but instead, she's drowning in murky water.

She vaguely feels Lydia kiss the top of her head and the bed dip as she leaves. Lydia grabs her coffee cup off the nightstand and heads towards Haley's bedroom door. Just as she grabs the door handle, she pauses and looks over at Haley.

"By the way, I only have half of your money. I had to give the rest to your dad to cover my half of the house payment."

She's too emotionally exhausted to argue.

~x~

"What do you think, Haley?"

"Haley?"

"_Haley_!"

Haley jumps, her eyes widening when she notices Lucas and Peyton staring at her with worried expressions. She swallows the piece of carrot she was chewing on before she spaced out and clears her throat.

"I'm sorry. What were you guys saying?"

Lucas stares at her for several seconds and the look on his face makes her nervous. Peyton was right when she said he was getting suspicious. He's started asking inquisitive questions, eyeing her with suspicion no matter what her answer is.

She's confident that he hasn't put together what's truly going on, but it still makes her uneasy. When Lucas finds out the truth…things are going to explode. She almost…wants to tell him, to break the final seal on everything.

Telling him would make things easier in a fucked-up sense. Sure, she would have to fight like hell to repair her friendship with Lucas, but at least it would be all over. She wouldn't have to decide what to do with Nathan. She wouldn't have to worry about all the lies anymore.

_You know you don't want to do that._

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lucas asks for the third time that day. "You've been spacing out a lot today and no offense, but you look like hell."

Haley cracks a smile. "Thanks, Luke."

She hasn't been able to focus on anything—her mind clouded with the same unanswered questions. Her body has been moving on autopilot for the last few days. Half the time, she doesn't even remember getting dressed in the morning or walking from class to class. It's like she's sleepwalking and the brief moments that she becomes conscious again, she's in a new place with no recollection of how she got there.

This is her first…break-up? Heartbreak? Whatever you wanna call it, and she has no idea how to handle it. She hasn't cried since the time at the docks with Peyton, but the urge to is always bubbling just beneath the surface. That pain in her chest has yet to subside and she's convinced that it's becoming a permanent part of her.

Lucas raises his eyebrows, waiting for her to answer his question.

"Yeah," she lies again. She's not even being convincing anymore, but she doesn't care. "I'm just stressed out about all the homework and stuff I've had."

Even with all the questions Lucas has been asking, he's yet to call her out for her obvious lying. Lucas isn't one for confrontation, but everyone has a breaking point, even the saint Lucas Scott. It breaks her heart a little to know that part of the reason Lucas hasn't called her out is that he's struggling with the idea that she could ever do anything wrong.

Sometimes she wishes she could be the perfect girl—it would make her life so much easier.

"Are you Coach Winter's official assistant now?" Lucas changes the subject, accepting her answer.

Haley shakes her head. "No, he did ask me to be, though."

"Are you going to do it?" Peyton pipes up.

Haley shrugs. "I don't know."

"I think you should," Lucas presses a little too aggressively, surprising Haley.

She blinks, unsure how to react to Lucas. She can't read the look on his face, but her stomach twists in panic. His lips are pressed together in a hard line, but his eyes are…pleading. Has he figured it out? Maybe she hasn't given him enough credit…

She attempts to swallow the lump in her throat but almost chokes over the dryness. Glancing over at Peyton, Haley's nerves rise when she sees Peyton is just as concerned.

"Why?"

Lucas doesn't say anything at first and it terrifies her. Unidentifiable emotions flash across his face and her lungs are burning. She can't breathe, but she tries to keep her poker face solid. She wished for this, even begged for it, but now that it is moments away from happening, she wants to run.

God is laughing at her. He's throwing everything she feared right in the face and she deserves it.

"I just think it would be a good opportunity for you," Lucas says and she deflates. "You're always talking about adding things to your resume for college and stuff."

She needs to get out of there—to clear her head. Her body is weak—a cold sweat still dotting the back of her neck—like she's just woken up for a nightmare. She can tell that, that's not what Lucas really wanted to say and is she is both relieved and horrified.

"Um, you know what, I think I'm actually going to talk to Mr. Winter about this," Haley rushes out, quickly gathering her things. She doesn't look at Lucas or Peyton as she packs.

~x~

Haley wills herself to calm down as she walks through the empty halls, picking at the straps of her backpack that are resting tight over her shoulders. Everything is spiraling out of control and she can't do anything to stop it.

Lucas has to know. There's no way he doesn't. But isn't that what she was just wishing for? Something to make the decision for her? Fuck, why does she make things so complicated?

This should be easy.

But she doesn't want easy. She's trying to become her own person and she's embracing those mistakes she's—

Fuck, she's gonna scream. Her head is _still_ spinning.

As she's about to turn the corner, _everything_ comes to a screeching halt when she sees Mr. Winter and Nathan walking out of Mr. Winter's classroom. Judging by their tense posture, the conversation they're having isn't a good one. Tucking herself behind the wall, she finds herself in a familiar position.

She needs to walk away—eavesdropping is what got her into this whole mess in the first place. She tells herself over and over again that she doesn't need to hear their conversation, that it doesn't concern her.

Just as she makes up her mind that listening in on their conversation is a bad idea, she hears Mr. Winter talk.

"Is there a reason you've missed the last three practices?"

His voice is soft, but Haley hears the hard edge of annoyance. Before she realizes what she's doing, her back is back against the wall and she's straining to hear what they're saying. How many lives does her curious cat have left?

_Nathan missed practice? He would never skip practice, not even if he was bleeding out or missing a limb._

"I had other things going on," Nathan mutters. He sounds raspy like he'd been screaming for an extended period of time.

_Or, crying._

Haley scoffs to herself, rolling her eyes.

_Yeah, right. Nathan Scott doesn't cry. And even if he did, he wouldn't cry over you._

"What other things?" Mr. Winter presses and Haley cringes. Nathan hates when people try to pry into his business.

"Just other things," Nathan snips, almost growls. Haley pictures him gritting his teeth, his hands folding into tight fists.

"Well, unless you have a doctor's note or a note from a parent with a valid reason for missing practice, I can't excuse you from those practices."

Her heart lurches in her chest as she holds her breath. Nathan is fearless when it comes to authority figures. Most teachers at Tree Hill High bow down to him, give him what he wants without a bat of an eyelash.

"Whatever."

"You do realize that this means I'll have to bench you for the next three games, right?"

_Shit._

Nathan's never been benched for a game, not even when he was sick with pneumonia in his sophomore year. People used to say that Coach Durham would favor Nathan, but with good reason. Haley can't see Mr. Winter reacting the same way. Lucas wasn't wrong when he said Mr. Winter cared a lot about people respecting him over everything else.

She hears Nathan's sarcastic and defiant laugh. He's probably smirking, his blue eyes sparkling with anger.

"You do realize that means you're going to lose the next three games, right?" Nathan replies, heavy on the snarky.

Haley hears Mr. Winter sigh and she steals a peek from behind her place against the wall. His hands are on his hips, fingers dipping just below the loop of his belt. He's pissed—his jaw set into place and his eyes narrow.

Slowly, she slides her gaze over to Nathan and her throat grows dryer. One hand is fisting the pocket of his jean jacket, while the other is dragging through his messy hair. He's practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and his shoulders are shaking.

She almost wants to make her presence known to deflate the conflict that is rapidly growing between them.

"Mr. Scott, I don't appreciate the attitude," he starts carefully and Haley bites down on the inside of her cheek. "I understand that it's strange getting a new coach halfway through the season, especially when you were close to your old coach. And with being a senior, there's a lot of pressure—"

"Let's get one thing straight, _Coach_," Nathan explodes. "You don't know anything about what I'm feeling or what I'm going through, so don't pretend like you do."

The pain in Nathan's voice cuts her deep. The cracks and quivers in his tone makes her want to cry.

"Nathan, that's not—"

Mr. Winter gets cut off by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He silences it before speaking again.

"This conversation isn't over. I'll see you at practice."

Silence refills the hallway, leaving her with an empty feeling in her stomach. She doesn't know what to make of the conversation that she overheard, but she doesn't have time to think about it because loud footsteps are heading her way. Before she has time to scramble away, she comes face to face with Nathan.

Her throat closes up, her eyes widening at the sight of him. He's standing close enough where she can smell his cologne and feel the heat radiating off his body. Goosebumps rise on her skin and at that moment it hits her how much she misses him. Up close, he looks just about as bad as she feels.

The harshness in his eyes melts at the sight of her, only to return in tenfold a couple of seconds later. His lips press together and his jaw locks as he takes in a staggering breath.

Haley loses track of time as they stare at each other, her heartbeat increasing with every passing second. It's clear that he's waiting for her to say something first.

"Are you okay?"

It's a stupid question, but it's the only thing she can think of to defuse the awkward silence.

The corner of his mouth twitches, mimicking what he probably thinks is a cynical smile, but appears more to her like a snarl.

"Why do you care?"

Hearing the cracks in his voice up close makes her stomach turn. She can't decide if he sounds more angry or hurt and it fuels her own anger. She's the one who is supposed to be hurt in this scenario, not him.

_Or, maybe you're just being selfish._

She needs a new brain, she decides. Are brain transplants possible?

"Nathan, don't do that," she chides tiredly. "That's not fair and you know it."

He narrows his eyes briefly, his lips parting as he takes a step towards her. She braces herself against the wall, her breath hitching in her throat. For a second, she thinks that he's going to push her against the wall and kiss her. He's got that look in his eyes and it surprises her how much she hopes he does. It would make the situation worse, but it's been too long since they last kissed, in her opinion.

But he stops just short of her feeling his breath of her cheek, backing away from her like he just now realized where they were.

"I'm just fine," he grits out, thick in sarcasm. He turns his back on her, tossing the rest of his sardonic words over his shoulder. "Everything is just fine. Couldn't be better."

She should let him walk away. He's being a grade-A dick, but she cares too much about him to let him walk away. She cares too much about their relationship to let him walk away.

"Nathan..."

He swivels around at the breathless mention of his name, eyes wild with something she's never seen before. She jumps, blinking away her surprise.

"What do you want from me, Haley?!" he yells. "Huh? What do you want?"

"I don't know," she answers way too quickly.

"Yes, you do," Nathan antagonizes. "Come on, tell me. I can take it."

Like she's under some kind of compulsion, everything spills out of her. The burn in her throat matches the burn in her chest.

"I want you to tell me that everything is okay. I want you to tell me that…this, whatever this is between us, isn't a joke to you. That I actually mean something to you."

Haley pauses to take in a shaky breath. Despite the fear wreaking havoc inside of her, it feels good to get these things off her chest.

"I want us to be together, but I don't want to hide anymore. I want us to be _real_."

The way he's staring at her breaks her heart all over again. That anger and that pain that's radiating off of him goes deeper than what's between them. It's become a central part of his very essence, choosing now to rear its ugly head at the expense of their relationship.

"I can't give you what you want, Haley," he declares. "I can't be the person you want me to be and to be honest, I don't know if I want to be."

The hand of reality punches through her gut, twisting and pulling. The wind has been knocked out of her. Her biggest fear is playing right in front of her and she can't do anything to stop it.

"It doesn't have to be this way," she mutters, desperation painting her tone. A sob is crawling up her throat, but she swallows it back.

Love isn't supposed to be this hard. Love is supposed to bring people together, be the driving force that conquers whatever life throws at them. Love isn't supposed to be like _this._

Cynicism threatens to destroy every ounce of hope that ever lived inside of her.

"You don't get it, do you?!" Nathan explodes. It could just be the reflection from the fluorescents, but she swears she sees tears brimming in his eyes.

"I'm _Nathan Scott_. I'm a novelty around here and if I don't live up to the expectations that everyone has of me, I get eaten alive. I get torn apart."

Both hands drag through his hair, messing it up even further.

"I just…I can't, Haley. I just _can't_."

This time, when he turns his back on her, she lets him walk away. She's left dumbfounded, even more confused than before.

Is that it? Are they just over?

Tears are pooling in her eyes, but she forces them to stay at bay. She hates crying at school or any other place that isn't the safety of her own bedroom. She's shaking and her knees knocking together. This can't be happening.

_Get it together, Haley._

_ Stop it._

_ Just breathe._

She forces herself to take several calming breaths. Every breath is like a thousand knives stabbing at her throat. Pain pounds behind her eyes as she tries like hell to not cry.

As if she hasn't been kicked enough, she notices Mr. Winter standing outside of his classroom. Judging by the pensive look on his face, he heard her and Nathan's entire conversation. Quickly, she brushes the tears out of her eyes and tries to smile casually at him.

"Hey, Mr. Winter."

"Is everything alright?" he asks coolly. His eyes dart back to where she and Nathan were moments before.

It takes every bit of strength she has left to keep herself from falling apart.

"Yeah, um, that was just some tutoring business I was taking care of," she begins to ramble, wringing her hands together. "He hasn't been showing up for his sessions the last few days, so I had to see what was up."

She doesn't know why she's lying, especially in Nathan's favor and especially after being so certain that Mr. Winter had heard everything. Old habits sure do die hard.

Mr. Winter cocks an eyebrow and she shifts her weight from foot to foot. He's never yelled at her before, never even scolded her lightly, but she feels like she's in the hot seat.

"You're Nathan's tutor?" He sounds both shocked and…worried?

Haley nods. "Um, yeah."

What is with people in this town refusing to call her out on her lies? Do they really think that highly of her to still give her the benefit of the doubt even when she's lying straight to their face?

"Just his tutor?"

Maybe this is Mr. Winter's way of giving her an opportunity to tell the truth. Like the coward she is, she doesn't take it.

"Well, I guess if anyone is capable of whipping him into shape, it's you."

Hearing that hurts more than she wants to admit.

~x~

Haley scurries towards Chemistry. In the midst of all the Mr. Winter-Nathan drama, the last of her lunch hour slipped away from her. She wants to skip the rest of her classes for the day but decides that the Haley James she both loathes and misses being would never skip class over a boy. She considers that maybe it's time to stop fantasizing about the person she wishes she was, and focus more on the person she is.

She keeps her head down in order to hide her tear-stained cheeks and clutches her textbook tight against her chest. Rounding the corner to the science hallway, her body is jolted as it collides with another. As she catches her bearings, she hears that familiar raspy voice and she tenses.

"Hey, hey, whoa, are you okay?" Brooke questions, her perfectly arched eyebrows crinkling together. Her hands are gripping Haley's elbows, keeping her from falling over.

Of fucking course. Could this day get any worse?

"I'm fine," Haley mutters, avoiding Brooke's concerned gaze. She's the _last _person Haley wants to see right now.

"Are you sure? You don't look fine," Brooke pushes and Haley wants to scream.

The silent prayer in her head is made up of nothing but anger. How much more of this torture could she possibly deserve?

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay, well if you do—

Haley can't take it. She needs Brooke to stop being so _nice_ to her. She doesn't deserve it and it just makes her feel that much worse about everything.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

She hates how rude and sharp her voice sounds, but it's too late to take it back now.

Brooke blinks in her surprise, recoiling back. Her pretty and pale face is going to haunt Haley in her dreams.

"What?"

"Why are you so nice to me?" Haley asks again, this time calmer. "I mean, you barely know me, but yet you're offering to help me. I don't…."

Haley trails off when she sees Brooke's face harden, her eyes becoming cautious. She instantly regrets opening her mouth.

"Contrary to popular belief, I am not the snobby bitch people at this school like to pretend that I am. After sitting next to each other on the bus last week, you should know that."

Haley's mouth dries. She needs to stop wishing for things because as soon as she gets them, she begs for a backtrack.

"You're right. I'm sorry," Haley mumbles. "I just…I have a lot going on right now. I didn't mean…"

Brooke seems to think it over, that disdainful look melting off her face. She's way more forgiving than she should be.

"Listen, don't worry about it. I have thick skin. I can take a few punches."

The bell rings, interrupting their conversation. Brooke's smile is soft but full of sadness as she walks away. "My offer still stands if you need it."


	11. Never

Hello, again :)

I hope wherever you are in the world, you are staying safe with this crazy predicament that we are facing right now. It's definitely a super surreal time right now. I've definitely been using my quarantine time to catch up on my writing - which is why I haven't posted in a while. Up until the last chapter I posted, I was steadily staying 4 or 5 chapters ahead of the one I post, but I exhausted all of those chapters. So I wanted to get ahead again before I posted a new one :)

I know I tend to over-explain my stories, but there's just something I wanted to say real quick. These next few chapters were super hard to write in terms of the emotion and the messages I am trying to display with them. Nathan and Haley are both going to go through several changes and turning points in this story, and we are on the cusp of the first one and the hardest one. I wanted to really highlight the internal struggles they are both facing and how hard it is for them to learn the lessons that they are learning. They both have been kind of pushed into this mold of who they think they're supposed to be and it's not something that they can turn off with a flip of a switch. I hope that I do their struggles justice and explain it in a way that makes sense, without making it redundant.

Reliving this story through the eyes of Naley has truly put a lot of things in perspective for me and I'm so glad that I decided to write this. Thank you for letting me share this :)

* * *

_**Never**_

"Nope. You're not doing this."

"What?"

"Sitting around here and moping. I won't allow it."

Haley groans as she rolls over in her bed, burying her head in between the mass of pillows. The warm cocoon she's built for herself has been her home for the last two days and she can't imagine leaving it. It's warm and safe, unlike the world outside of her bedroom walls.

Is the pain ever going to stop? How do you get over a guy that you never truly dated?

"I'm not moping," she mumbles, her voice muffled. "I'm…resting."

Peyton's laugh is loud—too loud. Haley cringes, covering her head with a pillow. She's never been hungover, but she imagines that this is what it feels like—pounding headache, nausea that just won't let up, and a ringing in her ears that is almost starting to sound like the gates of heaven. Or hell.

"We need to get you out of this room," Peyton says, patting Haley's legs that are snuggled beneath the blanket. "Come on, get up and get dressed."

Haley doesn't move. Maybe if she ignores Peyton long enough, she'll go away.

"Ha-_ley_," Peyton whines, sitting down on the edge of Haley's bed. "What I have planned will be really fun…you don't want to miss it."

"I'm not going to the mall," Haley groans. She has to be in a certain mood to endure any kind of shopping and the only mood she's in is listening to Chasing Cars on a constant repeat.

"Do I look like Rachel Green or something?" Peyton mutters, attempting to yank the covers off of Haley. She laughs when Haley resists even harder. "We're going to take care of your broken heart the old fashion way—lots of ice cream and loud music."

Haley falters for a second, giving Peyton enough room to yank the blankets off. Haley huffs as she sits up, blowing the hair out of her face.

"Peyton…I really don't feel like doing anything."

"Look, I know you're hurt and you have every right to feel that way, but laying around and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change anything."

Peyton is right and she hates it. The longer she sits wrapped in those covers, the worse she feels, even though she tries like hell to convince herself otherwise. Sighing, she uses every ounce of energy that she has to roll out of bed.

"Happy?"

Peyton eyes her pajamas, her face crumpling.

"Yikes, you really do look awful."

Defensively, Haley attempts to cover her body. The bright orange and purple shorts don't match with the pastel green top and her hair certainly hasn't been brushed properly in a few days, but she doesn't need to be reminded of that.

"You're really laying on the tough love thick today, aren't you?" Haley mumbles, narrowing her eyes.

Peyton smiles sweetly, grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her towards the bathroom.

"That's my job. Now, go, you're wasting time. At least run a brush through your hair and swish around some mouth wash."

Haley avoids looking in the mirror as she rummages around her bathroom. She doesn't need to see the physical proof of her pain. She grabs a brush and runs it through her hair, cringing every time the teeth get stuck on another knot. She gives up halfway through, deciding that it is more efficient to just throw it into a bun.

She slips on a pair of discarded leggings that she finds on the bathroom floor and a Tree Hill Ravens crew neck. Still avoiding the mirror, she walks back to her room.

"Okay, now that you look…better, let's go," Peyton says with a smile, clapping her hands together.

"Where are we going?" Haley asks as they head out of her room.

"We're gonna stop at Kilwin's and get as much as ice cream as we can physically carry, and then we're going for a drive. Nothing heals a heart better than screaming the lyrics to your favorite songs as you drive down Causeway Dr."

Haley cocks an eyebrow. "Speaking from experience?"

"Years of it."

~x~

The taste of Mint Chocolate chip melts on her tongue, sending shivers down her spine. It's the first thing she's eaten in two days that isn't ice cubes. It's unusually warm outside, the temperature reaching the high 60s. The sun and salty air feel refreshing against her skin, rejuvenating even. The longer she spends away from her bed, the less she misses it and all of its negative connotations.

"Good, right?" Peyton says, taking another spoonful of her Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream. "I swear, Kilwin's has the best ice cream in North Carolina."

Haley nods in agreement, licking the last bit of ice cream off her lips. She feels weird. That constant pain in her chest is gone, but all she feels now is an eerie emptiness. She hasn't decided yet if the numbness is worse than the pain.

"Can I ask why you're…doing this? I mean, I figured that you would be…," she trails off. She doesn't mean to bite the hand that's feeding her, but she craves reassurance that she hasn't completely fucked up every aspect of her life.

"I thought we covered this at the docks?" Peyton sighs, dropping her spoon in her empty ice cream cup. "I was wrong for being so judgmental about you and Nathan. I don't trust him, but I should trust you."

"I don't know," Haley mutters as she chews on the inside of her cheek. "I guess…I just though…I don't know. I would have deserved—"

"Nope, you're stopping right there," Peyton cuts her off. "No self-loathing thoughts."

Haley looks down at the ice cream cup in her hands, scraping the spoon against the empty bottom of it. She's used to insecurity muddling her thoughts—it's an intrinsic part of her that she can't figure out how to shake. But her insecurity has taken on a new form. She's just as worried about what other people think of her as she is what she thinks of herself.

"Come on," Peyton says as she grabs Haley's cup and discards it into a plastic bag in her back seat. "What should we listen to?"

Haley thinks about it for a few seconds. She likes all types of music, from rock to country to r&b to alternative.

"Something happy," she ultimately decides.

Peyton smiles. "I know just the thing."

Peyton sticks the key into the ignition, revving her car to life. She flips a switch on the radio, hooking her phone up to the aux cord. She scrolls through her phone for a few seconds before "Walking on Sunshine" starts playing through the speakers. Haley's ears perk up, her lips curling into a slight smirk.

"I haven't heard this song since I was in elementary school!" Haley shouts over the music.

"It's impossible to be sad when this song is playing!"

Without warning, Peyton pulls the car away from the curb and speeds down the street. Haley braces herself against the car door, squealing as her body jolts with the sudden movement of the car.

"Peyton!"

"Hold on tight!"

The wind tunnels through her hair, whipping noises filling her ears, along with the loud bass of Peyton's stereo. She laughs. She genuinely laughs. It starts as a low rumble in her chest, before it spreads through her entire body. Without thinking, she tosses her hands in the air, focusing her attention on the way the wind slips between her fingers.

The moment is fleeting, but it fills her lungs with fresh air and she lets everything go. She lets the music wipe away the thoughts in her head. It's a temporary reprieve that in retrospect, gave her some of the clarity she craved.

She loses track of time as they drive around. One song bleeds into another, her ears ringing from the loud music and sharp wind. The sky is streaked with shades of purple and pink, specks of stars peeking out from behind the wispy clouds.

After a while, Peyton pulls into a parking spot just outside of the public access port to the beach. She feels lighter somehow. She's not fixed, not even a little bit, but that heavy cloud that loomed over her head has thinned out.

"Exhilarating, right? Whenever I was sad, my mom used to take me on drives like this. Even if it was only for a little while, it made everything okay."

"Yeah, I didn't realize how therapeutic something like that was."

"Should we go for another spin or do you wanna head back home?"

Haley doesn't want to go home. The siren song that her bed had been playing as Peyton dragged her out of the house faded away hours ago. There's only one place that she wants to be right, and it's probably not the best place for her to go, but she doesn't care.

"There's actually one place that I want to stop before we got home. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Just tell me where to go."

~x~

Haley revels in the cool air as it brushes against her heated skin. She can feel the shift in the air—the last remnants of winter mixing in with the start of spring. She loves this time of year when the flowers are starting to bloom and the sun begins to set later and later. The faint scent of rain and grass surrounds her, soothing the ache in her bones.

The river court has a noose tied around her neck. She's grown fond of it and all the beauty it possesses. It's more than just a basketball court by the river. It's a place of hope and love. But it's also a place that holds memories—now painful memories—that she's always going to carry around.

She came here to clear her head, to find some kind of peace. If nothing else, the crash and flow of the Cape Fear River provide a nice soundtrack to her twisted thoughts.

She hears a car door slam and she turns to see the source of the sound. She expects to see Peyton walking towards her, but instead sees… Nathan. She's frozen as she watches him approach her, a basketball in his hands and headphones in his ears. His eyes are focused on the ground and it would be easy for her to slip out of there without being seen.

But she doesn't move. Her heartbeat is loud in her ears as everything happens in slow motion.

Nathan looks up from the ground, pausing mid-step when he sees her standing there. His eyes widen as he rips his headphones out of his ears. The almost pure relief dancing across his face has her tensing.

He looks good in his navy t-shirt and white shorts, but she tries not to notice.

When they lock eyes, that's when everything hits her. Pain rips through her chest and stomach, stealing her breath away. It hurts so much to look someone in the eyes when you want them so bad when all you want to do is love them and have them love you back, but they can't.

"I was just leaving," Haley announces, already heading towards Peyton's car. She can't handle being around him right now.

"Haley…"

But all it takes to change her mind is the soft whisper of her name falling from his lips.

Turning to face him, Haley attempts to keep her face emotionless but fails the second she sees his wide and trusting eyes. The cloud of anger she saw in them a couple of days ago has dissipated, leaving behind a trail of exhaustion and hurt. He shifts the basketball from hip to hip, his jaw ticking.

"What I said the other day," Nathan begins, tracking a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean it."

"You sounded pretty convincing," Haley says, crossing her arms over chest. Nathan blinks in surprise at her harsh tone.

_I can't be the person you want me to be and to be honest, I don't know if I want to be._

Those words were all it took to take her already broken heart and shatter it into a million more pieces. The way he said them…she can't get it out of her head. She always knew they were too good to be true, but God, did she hope she was wrong.

"I was just angry…about a lot of things and you were in the line of fire," he explains, almost desperately. "I didn't mean it."

She knows he's telling the truth, but her brain has been so muddled with doubt and fear that she can't bring herself to fully believe him.

"What do you want, Nathan?" she asks, exhaustion seeping into her bones. She needs to know—no more games or beat around the bush answers, even if his answer kills her. "What do you truly want?"

"I want _you_," he replies without hesitation, his eyes locked on hers.

Her breath hitches in her throat, goosebumps coating her skin. His answer throws her off-kilter, but she recovers quickly. If he truly wanted her, then he would fight for her. If he truly wanted her, it wouldn't matter what other people think or what it means for his image.

"And Brooke," she snaps. It's an unfair blow, but she's in the mood to argue. She wants to push him just as much as he's pushed her.

"That's not fair," Nathan mumbles, a slight bark to his tone. "I told you that it's not like that with me and Brooke."

"But she's safe," Haley argues, throwing his words back in his face. "She's the one that makes sense."

Nathan doesn't say anything, but she can see his jaw popping. His hand rubs the back of his neck, his fingers gripping the skin. The bloodshot streaks in his eyes become more apparent, as do the dark circles under his eyes.

For the first time since their relationship started, she finally feels as if she has the upper hand. It's exhilarating.

"I don't know what to say," he whispers, adverting his gaze away from her face and towards the river.

"You need to figure out what you really want because I can't keep doing this," Haley continues. It feels good to let go like this. "You can't want me, but also want Brooke or whatever the hell she represents at the same time. It's not fair to me. It's not fair to Brooke. And it's not fair to you either."

"I know."

It becomes clear to her that he has nothing else to say. Haley straightens her spine and shakes her head. She should have known that things wouldn't change this easily, but that didn't stop her from wishing so.

"Haley?" His voice is small and almost gets washed away in the sound of the river and wind. Against her better judgment, she gives him her attention again.

"Yeah?"

He stares back at her with sad eyes and it feels like the beginning of the end all over again. Her resolve softens a bit.

"I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. I wish that I was," Nathan declares, voice cracking. "Just please know that everything I've said to you and everything I've felt for you…it was real."

How is possible for something to hurt this much? Just when she thinks she's reached the height of her pain, something happens that makes it even worse.

"You can be, ya know," she says, swallowing back the onslaught of tears she feels forming. "Enough for me, I mean."

This time she succeeds in walking away, her heart re-breaking with every step she takes.

~x~

"What was that about?" Peyton asks as soon as Haley gets back in the car.

Haley inhales a slow and shaky breath of air, leaning back against the headrest. "I don't know."

Out of her peripheral vision, Haley sees Nathan shooting around on the basketball court. His performance is sloppy and aggressive, the ball banging off the backboard or flying off the rim with every shot. Everything hits her at once, even the things that she tried so hard to suppress. That feeling of dread surrounds her in a chokehold and squeezes until she can no longer breathe.

They need to get out of there. She needs to be as far away from Nathan as possible.

"Can we leave?"

"Yeah, sure," Peyton says as she turns the key in the ignition. When her car roars to life, she carefully backs out of the gravel parking lot and on to the dirt road that leads to the exit.

"What happened?" Peyton questions as she as they merge on to the interstate.

"I don't know," Haley repeats, out of breath. "I don't know if that was the end of us or if there's still hope. I don't know. God, Peyton, I don't know."

She feels a panic attack coming on. Her chest is tightening, an invisible hand curling around her neck. Her face is burning as a gag is bubbling up her throat. She's not sure if she's going to be sick or if she's about to pass out.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, Haley," Peyton pleads, her eyes darting between Haley and the road. "Just breathe. Come on, you're okay."

Haley grips the door and the center console, her heartbeat thumping out of her chest. She doesn't realize she's crying until she tastes the salt on her lips. It's been a long time since she's had a panic attack like this and she forgot how…consuming they are.

Her stomach lurches and her throat tightens as her heart pounds in her chest.

"Stop the car," Haley gasps, her hands digging into her hair. "Stop the car!"

Peyton does as Haley asks, swerving over to the gravel shoulder. Haley stumbles out of the car before it comes to a complete stop. Her vision is blurred, black and grey spots popping up wherever she looks. Her thoughts are moving so fast that she can't make them out, only focusing on the feeling of panic they are producing.

Her hands grip her knees as her body bows forward. She gags a few times, but nothing comes up. White noise fills her ears, the roar of the cars passing them on the highway sounding miles away.

"Here, drink some water."

Peyton appears as her side with an unopened bottle of water, but her voice sounds distorted. When she feels more under control, Haley grabs the bottle of water. Untwisting the top, she takes a few small sips, the cool liquid coating her raw throat. Her body is still heaving, sweat dotting the back of her neck and the length of her forehead.

"Haley, look at me." Peyton stands in front of her, but Haley's blurry vision makes it hard to focus.

"Look at me," Peyton repeats, this time more forcefully. Gently, she grabs Haley's face in her hands and her cool fingers feel good on her heated cheeks. "Follow my lead. In and out. In and out. Good. You've got this. Just keep breathing."

It takes Haley several tries before she's able to match Peyton's breathing. The black dots slowly retract from her vision, but her stomach still feels unsettled.

"I'm sorry," Haley croaks, biting down on her bottom lip.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Peyton corrects, her voice soft and calm. "Are you okay?"

Haley inhales another calming breath, hiccupping in the process. Quickly, she takes another small sip of water.

"I think so."

She doesn't realize her hands are shaking until water splashes over the rim of her water bottle, coating her hands. She attempts to screw the cap back on, but it slips from her fingers and gets lost in the grass.

_Come on, Haley, just breathe. You're okay. You're gonna be okay._

"Nathan Scott sure did a number on you, huh?"

Haley can tell by the half-smile on Peyton's face that she's trying to break the tension, but it's enough to make her erupt. She's talking so fast that her brain can't keep up with her mouth and she has no idea if she's making sense.

"It's not even_ just_ about him," Haley says, choking over the lump of tears in her throat. "I mean…Brooke…Brooke, she's _nice_ to me and she's trying to be my friend? I don't know and I am…I _was_ seeing her boyfriend behind her back. When she finds out, she's going to hate me. She's going to fucking hate me."

The hysteria grows with every word that she shouts and she's certain she's talking herself into the second round of her panic attack. She drops the water bottle, her fingers tunneling through her hair. She doesn't care that cars passing by are probably staring at her, looking at her as if she's insane.

"And I might as well kiss my friendship with Lucas goodbye. He's probably already figured it out and if he hasn't, it's only a matter of time. He's my best friend and I lied to him. I betrayed him. How could I do that?"

Haley heaves, her breathing staggered and harsh. As good as it feels to get this all off her chest, it hurts just as much. When she imagined her fall from grace, she imaged it being short fall with a brutal impact. Reality is much worse. Her fall is slow and effortless with an abrupt and brutal impact.

"Nathan's reputation is more important to him than I am and I honestly don't know if I can blame him for that. This town is so fucked up and takes the worst parts of someone to hold against them for the rest of their life. No one can escape it and it's not fair. I shouldn't have to go through this."

The strength it takes her to utter those words is unimaginable and at a level, she didn't think she possessed.

"But despite all of that, I love him and I keep saying that over and over again like it's supposed to make everything okay. But it's not okay. I'm not okay."

Peyton's arms wrap around her and everything just seizes. She clings on to Peyton, burying her head in the mess of blonde curls. She doesn't cry like she thought she would, instead she just clings on to Peyton for dear life.

"Everything is so fucked up," Haley croaks. "I just need something to make everything okay again."

~x~

When she hears the initial clink against her window, she brushes it off as a dream. The second time, she considers a tree branch or the house settling. By the third and fourth time, she concedes that she can't wish him away. Dragging her body out of bed, she keeps her comforter wrapped around her shoulders. Before her brain can yell at her and force her back into bed, she's standing at her window.

She's transported in time the second she looks out the window. Nathan is standing on the sidewalk, another rock ready to throw in his hand. As soon as he sees her, his hand lowers, but instead of smiling his usual siren song smile, he stares up at her in longing. Through the dark shadows and the glow of the street lights, she sees the pain that has become a permanent part of his face—the small sliver of hope that she'll come outside and join him.

The icy cage she'd built around herself thaws a little.

In her head, she shuts her blinds and crawls back into bed. But the longer she stares at him, the harder she knows it will be to walk away. Despite everything, she misses him and deep in her heart, she knows that they aren't over. They can't be.

She just didn't want to admit it before.

She waited for him to call after her at the river court last week, but he never did. But he's here now and that has to count for something.

Haley signals to him that she'll be right down, purposely ignoring the way his face lights up. As she slides on a pair of legging, she ignores the small voice of doubt inside of her head. She's going to go downstairs with her guard up. She can't avoid him forever and she refuses to be the type of person that runs from her problems.

She lies to herself when she looks in the mirror and adds some quick, final touches to her appearance. She's absolutely not making sure that she looks good and not like she had just rolled out of bed.

When the fuck did her life become a cliché teen drama, complete with the angst and self-loathing thoughts?

Her heart is racing as she slips out of her front door. Her body is buzzing with the prospect of being close to Nathan again after a week of silence, even though she knows it shouldn't. She reminds herself of everything that is at stake—her sanity and self-worth being the top things on at that list.

Haley refuses to have a relationship like her parents—the kind where every issue they have is just swept under a rug until it's impossible to hide anymore.

Nathan's body jolts at the sound of her front door closing, relief flooding his face. She doesn't want to admit it, but she thaws some more.

"I didn't think you'd really come."

"That makes two of us."

She can't help but notice how good he looks in his charcoal grey sweatshirt and jeans. His messy hair, which is probably a product of his fingers traversing through the strands, just adds to his appeal. It's possible that these days they've spent apart have only made him more attractive.

Haley clears her throat and straightens her spine, wiping those thoughts from her mind. She crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her chin upwards.

"What do you want, Nathan?"

His hands are taking nervous swipes across his jean-clad thighs. His six-foot-one statue is hunched and she can't tell for sure, but he looks as if he's shaking. She's never seen Nathan Scott look this nervous before.

"Come on a drive with me?" Nathan asks, voice quivering as he motions towards his car. It's not his usual mustang, but rather a black SUV "Like old times?"

"Why should I?"

He blinks back at her as if her harsh tone was a slap in the face. In tune with her good nature, guilt trickles into her bloodstream. Maybe she's being a little too harsh on him, especially if he's standing in front of her, telling her exactly what she longed to hear. But can anyone really blame her for being cautious?

Nevertheless, she's proud of herself for not giving in so easily.

"Because I'm sorry," he says softly, his eyes pleading with her. Nathan's good at a lot of things, but lying isn't one of them. That ice cage melts a little more.

She gives him a pointed look. "Because you're sorry?"

"Because…I don't know how to do this," Nathan sighs, running a hand through his hair. In the moonlight, she sees his jaw clenching. "I don't know how to be vulnerable like this, but I'm trying. Can you just…give me a chance to explain?"

"Nathan…"

She wants to. God, does he want to. But she's scared. He's her weakness and self-sabotage knows no boundaries.

But then there's that hope that lives inside of her, the hope that maybe this is where she is meant to be. Besides, Nathan's right—he doesn't do things like this. He never loses his cool in front of people and sure as hell doesn't apologize for the things that he does. But here he is—standing in front of her practically on his knees.

It's a step in the right direction.

"Just give me tonight…an hour, max," he continues, almost achingly. "After I've said everything I need to, I'll leave you be. Please, Haley?"

The softness in his voice at the end of his speech is her final undoing. There's no way she can walk away from him now, even if she wanted to.

"Okay."

His smile, although lackluster, sends her heart sputtering.


	12. Take Me Home

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews :)

This story might end up being the longest I've ever written. I feel like I've said that a few times about other stories and then that didn't end up happening, but I still have so much to cover with this one. Eventually, you're going to be seeing some time jumps because this story is going to extend into their college years and slightly beyond that.

One more thing - since I really have nothing else to do right now, I am going to **try** updating on a set schedule so you know when to expect a new update and I'm hoping it helps keep me writing consistently and whatnot. So look for a new chapter every Thursday :)

* * *

_**Take Me Home**_

Haley recognizes the route his taking—they're heading towards Wrightsville Beach. Her assumption was that he would take her to the river court, a location that has unintentionally become a staple in their relationship. The beach is uncharted territory, much like everything in their relationship thus far that she elected to ignore.

He parks the car at one of the public access breaches, cutting the engine. They sit in silence for a couple of minutes, the air around them thick with awkwardness and anxiety. She's not used to feeling those emotions with Nathan, even at the beginning of their relationship. Everything had always felt so natural and effortless between them.

"The beach?" she questions, eyebrows knitted together.

Nathan nods. "There's something I want to show you. Is that okay?"

Haley swallows the lump in her throat, looking out at the sea of grass and weeds in front of them. Just passed all the vegetation is a span of pure white sand, littered with colorful shells and painted rocks. The sand smooths out about a half a mile down, melding with the blue and grey hues of the water. Her curiosity as to why he brought her here heightens.

She takes a little too long to tell him it's okay and Nathan's visible apprehension gives Haley a slight thrill. If she's not careful, she might get addicted to the feeling of being in control.

He's the first one to get out of the car. She takes an extra minute to calm the storm that's brewing inside of her. The urge to run hits her unexpectedly—but she's not sure if her destination is back in her bed or back into his arms.

As soon as that urge hits her, it's gone.

"You can bail at any time you want," Nathan tells her when she finally gets out of the car. He's being so tentative towards her, treating her as if she's made of glass.

She shakes her head. "I'm okay."

Nathan rubs the back of his neck as he nods. "Okay, um, the place I want to show you isn't that far from here. But we have to walk through a lot of sand. I'm not sure if you want to take your shoes off or…"

She almost smiles at his awkwardness. It's so un-Nathan Scott like and he starts to appear more human to her, instead of the enigma she's so used to seeing him as.

"That would probably be a good idea."

They remove their shoes before stepping on to the sand. The sand is cold and squishy beneath her toes—she tries not to focus on it. Instead, she looks out to the vat of blackness that lies ahead of them. The moon basks the sand and the surrounding houses in a blanket of grey, while the sky and the ocean meld together to become one.

The sounds of the waves crashing fill the silence. It's a calming sound that reminds her of all the hot, summer days she spent laying across this very beach, the sun beating down on her skin. She can almost taste the salt and smell the sunscreen that became the essential pieces of some of the most carefree days in her life.

She takes that feeling and holds it tight, letting it mute the uneasiness in her bones.

As they walk next to each other, his knuckles brush against hers. She's not sure if it's coincidental or accidental, but every time they touch, the itch to link their hands together grows stronger. Judging by the way Nathan tenses every time, he feels it too.

It's not too much longer before they arrive at a small pier, just hidden behind a slew of beach houses and more vegetation. It stretches out to where the sand meets the ocean and reaches high enough that it almost looks like it's touching the sky. The wood is pure white, clean but torn from natural wear and tear. She can only imagine how breathtaking this place is in the daylight.

Without saying anything, they make themselves comfortable on the sand. Nathan puts a comfortable amount of space between them, but he's close enough that she can feel his body heat. It's a stark contrast from the cool sand pressing against her legs.

"So…tell me about this place," she requests, looking over at him. His knees are bent, arms loosely wrapped around them. From where she's sitting, with the moon shining down on him, he looks like he's made of fragile porcelain, like with one touch he'd turn to ash.

"The August before my freshmen year of high school, I used to come here to watch the sunrise," Nathan says over the roar of the waves. He stares straight ahead as he speaks. "Every morning that summer, my dad made me get up at five in the morning to go for a run. He called it 'pre-conditioning.' I wasn't allowed to come home until I ran at least five miles. If I came home early, he'd make me shoot hundred free throws in a row before I was allowed back in the house."

Haley frowns, her heart aching just like it does every time Nathan mentions his father. "God…"

"Normally, I'd run to the river court," Nathan continues as if he hadn't been interrupted. "But they were working on repairing it from the damage the hurricane caused it earlier that season. Almost by luck, I found this pier. I guess not many people come to this part of the beach."

He takes in a ragged breath, shrugging. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and she wishes that she could ease some of that pressure off of him without sacrificing her own worth.

"So occasionally, I'll come here. It's like my hideout from my hideout. When the world gets a little too loud and I want to disappear from everything, even basketball—this is the perfect place. It's about more than escaping reality or clearing my head, it's about seizing to exist. Out here, the waves are loud enough to block out my thoughts."

"You sure know of a lot of hiding places in Tree Hill," she jokes flatly, trying to lighten the mood just a smidge. The emptiness and pain in his voice are becoming too much for her to handle.

Nathan turns his head to look at her, a half-hearted half-smile on his face.

"Yeah, well, when you spend so much time alone, you end up finding a lot of these secret kinds of places."

"You aren't alone, Nathan."

"I am," Nathan confirms, dropping his arms from around his legs. "All of my 'friends' that you see, aren't my real friends. They hang out with me because it's convenient for them and I only hang out with them because it's convenient for me."

He angles his torso towards her. There's a graveness on his face that has her breath hitching in her throat. Even in the dark, she can make out the smoldering blue color of his eyes. Apprehensively, his hand reaches for her face but stops just short of touching her. The question is clear in his gaze.

"It's okay," she hears herself mumble.

The first contact of his fingertips to her cheek sends a shiver rolling down her spine. She can't remember the last time he touched her like this and her sense are on overdrive. She resists the urge to close her eyes, tingles spreading through her body as his palm gently cups her cheek.

"I found an escape in you, Haley, the same kind of escape that this place brings me," he says with a conviction so strong it gives her whiplash. "With you, I don't have to pretend to be this…perfect guy that I'm not. I don't have any expectations I need to live up to or anyone to answer to."

She listens intently to every word, hell, every breath that leaves his mouth. The last bit of that ice cage that she was holding on to as crutch threatens to break away. She wants to believe him. God, does she want to believe him.

"And honestly, it scares me to death. It's easy to play this Nathan Scott, basketball God, character. I don't have to think too hard about it. The person I am with you…is the real me. It's hard and it's terrifying, but it's real. It feels…good."

If she thought her head was spinning before, nothing could have prepared her for the absolute tilt-a-whirl of thoughts she was experiencing now.

"I thought maybe I could handle both," he continues. "Maybe I could still be that guy everyone wanted me to be, while also being the guy that you deserved me being. It was stupid. I know it was."

"Nathan…," she mutters, breathless.

She's speechless. His words have left her brain in a puddle of mush. She wishes she could say something coherent because she sees Nathan starting to panic.

"So, that's why I broke up with Brooke a few days ago," he reveals, dropping his hand from her face. Instantly, she feels the loss.

"What?!"

Her eyes have stretched wide and she's almost positive her heart has stopped beating. One emotion after another hit her like a freight train and she doesn't know which to focus all of her attention on.

He broke up…with Brooke…for her? How is Brooke doing? Why hasn't sure heard anything about this? What just happened?

"It wasn't until I was faced with the fear of losing you did I realize that I don't give a shit about what everyone else thinks about me. I thought I did and maybe for a while, I actually did, but I realize now just how stupid it is. It's always been you, for the moment that I met you. You've always been the one thing that I wanted…that I needed."

Haley can't wrap her head around it. She wasn't sure what she expected to come out of this, but she could have never predicted this. She starts to worry that maybe she pushed him into this and that it's not what he truly wants.

"This all seems so…sudden," Haley mumbles. She's starting to feel a little faint.

"Maybe to you, but for me, it was a long time coming," he says gently. "I'm just sorry that I never did anything sooner. I should've never let it get this far and that's on me."

His response sedates her slightly, almost as if he read her mind.

She's on a tilt-a-whirl of emotions. She wants to just throw caution to the wind, to trust in the way she feels about him and the things that he's saying. She wants to protect herself, to test him and make sure this isn't some kind of joke. She just doesn't know which one she wants more.

"I…I don't know what to say."

"I don't expect this to magically fix everything," Nathan mutters. "But I just needed to get it off my chest."

It doesn't fix everything and she's not sure where they go from here…but it's a start. It's a sprinkling of hope that maybe, just maybe, they can navigate their way through this.

~x~

Haley tightens her ponytail as she heads towards her locker. The tiredness in her bones is the only thing registering in her brain, her vision cloudy and her thoughts muddled. By the time Nathan dropped her back off at home, it was nearing 2:30 in the morning. She lost track of time as she stared at her ceiling, the voices in her heard drowning out any chance of sleep.

She must have dozed off eventually because the sound of her alarm clock ignited every atom in her body, jolting her straight out of her bed and to the floor.

"So, I'm guessing you've heard the news," Peyton mutters as she joins Haley. Her blonde hair is curlier than usual, tendrils falling in her face. She reeks of Lucas' cologne and it tickles the back of Haley's throat.

"What news?" Haley asks distractedly, turning her combination into the lock on her locker. She's so tired that she can only focus on one thing at one time.

"About Nathan and Brooke."

Hearing those two names brings her world back in focus. She blinks a few times before surveying her surroundings. She's not sure how she didn't notice it before, but there's a potent buzz in the air. Conversations between passersby appear louder than usual, her ears honing in on the mention of Nathan's or Brooke's name.

Her stomach knots and she swallows down sudden nausea. She can't tell if it's a good or a bad kind of anticipation.

"Oh, that." Haley clears her throat and grabs the supplies she needs for her first class. "Nathan, uh, told me last night."

A thin eyebrow on Peyton's face arches, her lips puckering. "You guys talked?"

Haley tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and her eyes dart around, avoiding Peyton's prodding gaze. "He kind of showed up at my house last night."

"Did you guys work everything out?"

She doesn't know the answer to that question. In some ways, she has more clarity. She understands more about Nathan and the world she lives in, she just doesn't know what that means for them.

Haley shakes her head. "Not fully."

"Care to elaborate a little more on that?"

She sighs heavily, running one hand through her hair while the other one clutches her folders. "He…explained some things to me, things that I've been begging to know the answers to. But I'm just not sure where we go from here. Are we dating? Are we just gonna continue to sneak around?"

"He broke up with Brooke for you—I'd say that's a pretty big deal," Peyton points out.

"Yeah," Haley agrees. His actions spoke louder to her than any heated confession he'd made the previous night. But that didn't make any of this less confusing.

"How is Brooke, anyway?"

"I'm not sure." Peyton shrugs with a small frown. "She didn't come to school today and she canceled cheer practice tonight."

Haley's old friend that goes by the name of guilt punches her straight in the gut. The way her feelings have changed over the last twelve hours is starting to give her whiplash. She's not sure how much more of this she can take before she goes padded room insane.

"This is so fucked up, isn't it?" Haley mutters, the panic rising rapidly inside of her. She leans back against the cool metal of the lockers, ignoring the way the lock digs into the middle of her back.

"Yeah, it is," Peyton states without an ounce of hesitation. Her blunt nature is both a blessing and a curse.

Noticing Haley's impending burst of anxiety, Peyton squeezes her shoulder and offers a soft smile.

"But the way I see it is that you did what you did and you're in this situation. If you and Nathan are meant to be, everything will eventually work out. And if you're not, things will still end up working the way they're supposed to."

"I never pegged you as the type to believe in fate and all of that jazz," Haley muses, forcing a teasing smile on her face. Peyton's words are as comforting as they are heightening her fight or flight response.

"Oh, I don't," Peyton says with a wave of her hand. "I'm trying to be more…optimistic."

While Haley appreciates the dose of optimism, she's not sure how much good it will do for her overactive brain. The needle in her moral compass is going crazy.

"Can I tell you something?"

"You never have to ask."

"I just…I constantly feel like I'm being pulled into two different directions," Haley explodes. The words flowing out of her mouth aren't connected to the thoughts in her brain. They're raw.

"There's a part of me that wants to be selfish and shed this moral skin I've worn my entire life. I'm in love for the first time and it feels good, and I don't want to let that go. But then there's a part of me that just…can't do that. I can't stand the fact that I'm causing pain to people. And it's a never-ending battle. I wake up one day feeling one way and I wake up the next day—"

"I think you need to stop overthinking this so much," Peyton cuts her off mid-rant and Haley is immediately embarrassed by her sudden outburst.

She's starting to sound like a broken record.

"You know I can't do that, Peyton! It's not in my nature."

"Well you need to make in your nature because you're just causing yourself more stress," Peyton snaps. "Look, this situation is complicated and I think you know that whichever way this goes, there's going to be consequences. And the longer you go without making a choice, the worse it's going to end up being."

Haley swallows the lump in her throat. She hates how right Peyton is and even more, she hates how hard it is for her to admit it. This constant back and forth isn't doing anything but making things worse. She needs to suck it up.

"You're right."

"I always am," Peyton quips just as the five-minute warning bell sounds through the hallway. She starts to walk away but Haley calls out to her before she gets too far.

"Hey, Peyton?"

Peyton pauses. "Yeah?"

Tightening her grip on her folders, Haley offers a weak and incredibly awkward smile. She knows that Peyton could have easily abandoned her with this. She has plenty of reasons to disagree with what Haley's doing, but she's helping.

"Thank-you…for you know…just thank you."

"Don't sweat it."

~x~

"You weren't at school today."

It's the first thing that comes out of her mouth as she crosses the threshold into his house. The hollow quiet of his house never seizes to catch her off guard, coating her in an ice-cold blanket of goosebumps. The plain walls and perfectly placed furniture reminds her of a sales display, instead of a well-lived in house.

"I skipped," Nathan says with a casual shrug, shutting the door behind her.

His hair is unruly, sticking up in several different directions. The light blue shirt he's wearing is heavily wrinkled but sticks to his body like a second skin. Even the black sweatpants adorning his lower body look haphazardly thrown on. Regardless, he pulls off the "just rolled out of bed look" well. Extremely well.

"Why?"

She doesn't intend this but her question comes out sharp and accusatory. If Nathan notices, he doesn't show it. Instead, he leads her into the kitchen and pulls out a carton of orange juice. He holds the carton up, offering her some, but she shakes her head.

"I slept through my alarm and decided it wasn't worth it," he mumbles with a short chuckle, downing his glass of orange juice in two quick gulps.

She doesn't know how to read the room. Things feel their version of normal between them, but completely off-kilter at the same time. Their unspoken issues are bouncing around the room like poltergeists, jabbing them in the sides only to disappear a couple of seconds later.

"Yeah, well you didn't miss much, besides everyone talking about the 'scandalous breakup of Nathan Scott and Brooke Davis.'"

It's her lame attempt at diminishing the thick air surrounding them, but the look at his face tells her that it falls flat. She hates this. Somehow, she feels like they're on trial, like whatever they say within the next few minutes is going to determine the severity of their life sentence.

"That might have been another reason I skipped," Nathan reveals as he jumps onto the countertop. Even sitting on the counter, his feet only dangle a couple of inches off the floor. "It gets so tiring having people discuss your life as if they know every single thought and feeling that goes through your head."

Haley doesn't know how to respond to that, so she lets the silence marinate between the two of them. She wishes that she could snap her fingers and all of this…strangeness between them would disappear.

The only thing she really wants, at the core of every confusing though and twisted decision, is him. To be with him.

"Where do we go from here, Nathan?" She asks, snapping the silence.

"I don't know," Nathan croaks. He sounds small and childlike. His gaze is settled firmly on his hands, his fingers picking at the skin around his fingers. "Where do you want to go?"

She bites down hard on the inside of her cheek, the metal taste of blood swirling in her mouth. She has two options—she can finally be honest with him or she can run scared. And God, she's tired of running.

She feels oddly calm as she walks over to him, the twist in her stomach more about anticipation than fear. The bravery searing through her is new and unprecedented, but she capitalizes on it before it's too late.

Standing in front of him, she gently places her hands over his. As soon as their skin touches, he locks eyes with her. The glint in his eyes describes exactly how she feels and it gives her the last bit of courage she needs to say what she needs to.

"I just…I don't want to sneak around anymore," Haley begins, her voice uneven. "But I want to be with you. Like really be with you. Do…Do you want to be with me?"

"Of course, I do," he answers with no hesitation. The hints of grey in his eyes bounce off the sunlight streaming in through the windows. "This all just scares the shit out of me, Haley. I wish I could just snap my fingers and everything would be alright."

A smile tugs at her lips—a sad and wistful smile. Reaching up, she palms his cheek, butterflies swarming in her stomach when he leans into her touch. It's then that she realizes that no matter hard things might get, there's a reason that she can't let this go. She just needs to be sure that he wants the same things she wants.

"Did you mean what you said last night?"

"I meant every single word," Nathan implores. His fingers dig harder into her waist as he pulls her closer, the look in his eyes screaming at her to believe him. "I'm trying, Haley."

She has to remind herself that this is new territory for _both_ of them. Their different backgrounds and lifestyles just make it that much harder to navigate.

"I know you are," she says. "I guess…it's just going to take time, for the both of us to figure this out."

"I really needed to hear you say that." His breath of relief brushes against her lips as his twitch into the tiniest hint of a smile. "I just…I need a couple of more weeks—until this stuff with Brooke dies down."

Haley nods in agreement. She's desperate for things to change, but she's not ready to jump in headfirst.

"I could use a couple of weeks to figure out what I'm gonna tell my friends."

"You mean Lucas?"

That catches her off guard, blinking several times. Nathan doesn't say his name disdainfully or with annoyance, but rather curiosity. Gathering her bearings, she nods.

"We haven't really talked about him," Nathan comments, sliding his hands further around her back. His fingers weave together at the base of her spine.

Haley swallows harshly. She doesn't consider Lucas a taboo topic between her and Nathan, but rather one that she avoided on her own. It always weighed heavily on her, but she never knew how to bring it up or if it was even worth bringing up. It always felt more like her burden to handle than both of theirs.

"I know," she sighs, her fingers threading through the hair on the back of his neck. "I'm sorry."

Nathan's eyebrows furrow together as he shakes his head. "You don't have to apologize. I figured it was a topic that you didn't want to talk about, so I left it alone."

"It's not that," Haley dismisses. "I neglected it because I honestly don't know how to handle it. Lucas is dead set on his feelings towards you."

"If this is because of the team hazing, it wasn't personal," Nathan defends, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes becoming more prominent. "Besides, I haven't done any of that stuff since the beginning of the school year."

"He seems to think it is," Haley mutters. She still doesn't quite understand Lucas' grievance with Nathan and she's not sure she ever will. "I guess it doesn't really matter why. He's going to be angrier about me breaking the picture of the 'Perfect Haley' than anything else."

"Hey, hey," Nathan reels her back in, his calloused fingertips running along the curve of her cheek. "Remember what you said? That it's going to take time? I think it's okay that we don't have all of the answers right now."

She blinks at him in surprise. "Since when have you become so wise?"

"Since you came into my life."


	13. Been There Too A Few Times

So, there was a review last chapter about how the characters in this story are "too dramatic" and I just wanted to address that real quick. The fact that they are so dramatic is essentially the whole point at this point in the story. They're teenagers and the only life they have ever known is the one they've experienced inside of their small town. And when you're in high school and you haven't experienced much outside of petty high school drama, every little thing feels like the end of the world. Things that really aren't a big deal are big deal to these characters. I've said many, many times that this story is also about growth and self-discovery. As the story goes on, Nathan and Haley are going to slowly realize what really matters and what doesn't, as they already are a little bit. That's why this story is going to extend into their college years and a little bit beyond that because I want to show just how much they mature and change and break-free of that small-town mindset they are in right now.

To wrap up this author's note — it might be hard to imagine, but there is some major fluff coming up with Naley. We just gotta get past all of the drama, which is a couple of more chapters. I promise!

* * *

**_Been There Too a Few Times_**

It's an impulsive decision—maybe even a reckless one depending on which lens it's examined through.

She hasn't given it as much thought as she should, but she's tired of thinking so damn much. It's a chance to spend more time with Nathan and it's going to look amazing on her college applications — what could possibly be so bad about it?

When the final bell rings, Haley heads straight towards Mr. Winter's classroom. The adrenaline that is pumping through her veins drowns out any hint of the nagging voice in her head. She is riding off a pure high made of hope and self-worth that she hasn't felt in a long time. Things are still so messy and she knows that she's nowhere out of the woods yet, but she's choosing not to focus on those things right now.

She's not sure how long this feeling is going to last, so she intends on making the most of it while she can.

Haley tucks herself in a corner of the hallway as the remaining seniors stroll out of his classroom. A few of them that she recognizes throw quick smiles in her direction, which she reciprocates, before returning to their conversations. Eventually, the steady flow of students comes to a halt and she walks into the classroom.

She stops in her tracks the second she sees Brooke still in the class, talking to Mr. Winter about what she assumes is their homework assignment. Brooke's back is to her, giving Haley the perfect view of her sleek ponytail. Next, she notices that Brooke is dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a zip-up hoodie.

It's not the typical Brooke Davis attire and Haley's thoughts start spiraling.

Casting her gaze to the floor, she walks quietly into the room and slides on top of the closest desk.

Haley looks up just as Brooke turns away from Mr. Winter. They lock eyes and Haley's throat grows dry. Her face is almost completely free of make-up, save for a little mascara. The dark circles under her eyes are faint shadows, but Haley can't remember the last time Brooke ever looked this…not like herself.

Her best friend, Guilt, slides a cold hand up her spine and taps a sharp pattern on her shoulder. It takes everything in her to not flinch.

"Hey," Brooke mumbles, flashing a quick smile and a small wave.

Haley greets her back, but her movements feel robotic.

"What's up, HJ?" Mr. Winter asks, stealing her attention away just in time to stop her from dwelling on all of the annoying thoughts she now has sifted through her brain.

Running her sweaty hands down the length of her jean-clad thighs, she pushes the image of Brooke out of her mind. She can't let something like that distract her, not when this is the first sense of stability she's experienced in months.

She can worry about Brooke later.

"I've been doing some thinking."

The start of a smirk twitches at the corners of Mr. Winter's mouth. "That's never good."

Haley rolls her eyes as she crosses her legs at the ankles. "It's not very nice to insult someone when they're about to do you a huge favor."

He laughs as he takes a seat on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. "And what would that favor be?"

She straightens her spine to appear more professional and confident. The nerves hit her suddenly, twisting her gut and thudding through her blood. It's the perfect mixture of apprehension and anticipation. Even with the anxiousness, she didn't realize how much she actually wanted to do this until now.

"I'll be your student assistant."

Mr. Winter's eyes widen slightly. "For real?"

Haley giggles dryly, propping her hands on the tops of her knees. "Why do you sound so surprised? Was the offer not genuine?

"No, no. Of course, it was," he rushes out. "Are you sure you don't have too much on your plate already?"

Haley nods. "I'm positive. I'm really honored that you asked me and I think it would be a lot of fun."

The expression on his face is unreadable. For a brief second, his lips twitch as if he's trying to fight a smile, but then he presses them into a line. "Are you absolutely sure about this?"

Her eyebrows knit together as an awkwardness starts to seep inside of her. Mr. Winter doesn't appear to be as thrilled as she assumed he would be and his constant questioning of her is insulting.

Okay, so maybe she hasn't thought about it from every angle like she normally does, but it was still her choice to make.

"Yes...are you absolutely sure that the request was genuine?"

Her sharp and clipped tone throws him—she can see it on his face. His reaction creates a crack in her confidence, one that is just big enough to let in her nagging thoughts. Maybe this is an omen that she's making the wrong decision. Maybe it's…she's never seen Mr. Winter act so strange before and she doesn't know how to react to it.

"Yeah," he finally says, running a hand over his face. He is much sincerer than he was moments ago. "I'm sorry. That all came out wrong. I just want to make sure that this is something that you want to do and that you don't feel overwhelmed with everything…especially since you have a lot going on right now."

The tension in her shoulders releases, but she still feels uneasy.

"I'm fine," she declares. "I wouldn't have accepted it if I wasn't sure."

"Okay, I believe you," he accepts, scratching the back of his neck. She still detects a bit of uncertainty in his tone, but she elects to ignore it. "When do you want to start?"

"Whenever."

"How about Monday's game? That will give me enough time to fill out the paperwork for the Athletic Office and make it official."

Haley nods as she slides off the desk.

"Thank you so much, Haley," Mr. Winter murmurs softly. "I really do appreciate it even if…"

"Yeah, I get it," she diverts his train of thought. It's too uncomfortable to bring up again.

"Hey, Haley, one more thing?"

She turns just as she's about to walk into the hallway. "Yeah?"

"Have you thought anymore about the writing contest I told you about?"

She doesn't want to tell him that she's started writing something because she knows he'll ask to read it and she's not ready for that. She's not even ready to admit that she's considered more than once that maybe she should enter.

"A little — but don't get too excited."

~x~

Haley readjusts the straps on her backpack as she heads towards the student parking lot. Most of the cars have already filtered out except for the basketball players who are stuck at a Friday practice. Her eyes immediately fall to the SUV Nathan's been driving parked in the last spot in the last row of the parking lot. Trust not even the prospect of a close parking spot to get Nathan out of bed a few minutes earlier in the morning.

Walking to the parking lot every day is foreign to her. Since she and her friends got their licenses, Lucas was always the one to drive her and Peyton to school. It was never something he was forced into…it just kind of happened. But now…

As if the universe is eavesdropping on her thoughts, she locks eyes with Lucas just as she reaches her truck. He's standing at his car a few spaces down with his hair wet from his after-practice shower. His athletic bag that was hanging off his shoulder drops at the sight of her, his gaze pensive.

They haven't spoken since their tense conversation at lunch a week ago and she's fairly certain they've been avoiding each other. She finds any excuse she can not to eat lunch in the courtyard and he hasn't texted her asking if she needs a ride in the morning even though the answer is always a yes. Whenever she feels guilty about not reaching out to him, she reminds herself that he's not reaching out either.

She also avoids thinking about the fact that his absence in her life hasn't been as bothersome as she thought it would be.

To her surprise, Lucas doesn't turn away and ignore her as she predicted. Instead, he tosses his practice gear into the backseat of his car, slams the door shut, and heads her way. Her heart leaps into her throat and her fight or flight response kicks in.

"What's going on with you?" Lucas interrogates her. His shoulders are tense and his eyes are alight with an emotion she can't quite name. It scares her a little.

"Nothing, why?"

The lie slips between her lips so effortlessly before she has a chance to stop it. Lying to Lucas always leaves a sour taste in her mouth, but this time it's bitter—a spoiled taste that forces her to swallow down a gag. She wants to tell him, but she's just not ready yet.

_Or, you're completely avoiding it because you know it's not going to be pretty._

She can tell he knows she's lying. She sees it in the way he squints his eyes at her and in the way his jaw ticks. In all their years as friends, they've never had any big blow-outs. A few fights here and there, but nothing that even closely resembles a screaming match that ends with slamming doors and promises of never speaking again.

The feeling in her gut tells her that this might just be that.

"You just seem…off."

He reels himself in—the defensive edge to his softening just a bit.

"Off?"

She's making this worse for herself, but it's the only way she can think to delay him.

"You just seem…," Lucas trails off and she braces herself for something harsh. The wheels are turning in his head like he's searching for the perfect word. "…. distracted."

"I have a lot on my plate right now," she replies, focusing her attention on digging through her bag for her keys. The weird tension that is forming between them is making her all sorts of uncomfortable.

He's watching her every move—she can feel his gaze burning into her skin. She makes a show of being frustrated that she can't find her keys, aggressively shifting the contents of her bag. When she feels enough time as passed to gather her bearings, she wraps her fingers around her keys and looks up.

The look Lucas is sporting has her shoulders slumping and her spine bending in an attempt to shrink herself into disappearance. Anger and sadness swirl around in the blue of his eyes and she's positive that he's never looked at her like that before.

"We're friends, right? Like best friends, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"I didn't think best friends lied to each other."

Haley swallows hard—panic rising high in her chest. Her mouth is dry, her head airy. She saw this coming, but that doesn't stop her feelings from running wild. Reality is so much harsher than just a thought in her head.

"Lucas…"

He shakes his head, backing away from her like he's been wounded.

"I thought that we told each other everything and whatever you're hiding from me seems pretty big. I just don't understand why you can't tell me."

There's no doubt in her mind that he knows exactly what's she's hiding—but he wants her to say it. There's a spark of hope left inside of him that maybe she wouldn't betray him like this. That maybe there's a chance that his perfect little Haley is still intact.

It pisses her off. A couple of days ago, she was so concerned about how she was going to keep her friendship with Lucas intact. Now she's starting to wonder if it's even worth trying. He clearly is set in his ways and nothing is ever going to break _his_ vision of her, no matter what he has to sacrifice to maintain his truth.

"I want to tell you," she declares, straightening her spine. "But I can't right now."

His narrowed gaze cuts through her like shards of glass.

"I just hope that you aren't fucking things up."

She's so caught off guard by the icy tone in his voice and the sharp words that she doesn't have a chance to respond. His retreating back is nothing but a mirage of colors and distorted lines, fading farther and farther away.

She's been clinging for dear life to the edge of that pedestal that Lucas has forced her on, trying her hardest to remain afloat. As she watches him walk away, she let's go. Her fingers slip so easily and her fall isn't fast and brutal like she once thought it would be. It's effortless like she's floating, wind sailing through her hair and birds chirping in her ear. When she lands, the ground isn't cold or bruising, it's soft and warm, like a blanket made of everything she's ever wanted.

It's both freeing and makes her want to scream.

~x~

Homework isn't coming easily to Haley. The words in front of her aren't holding her attention and the thoughts in her head are far too loud for her to focus on them even if she wanted to. She's been finding herself in this position a lot. As soon as she has time to relax and the distraction of school or friends fade away and she's left with the silence, her mind becomes a torture device.

She's trying really hard to follow Peyton's advice. Peyton was right when she said Haley's overthinking is lethal and not a productive way to navigate through any challenge, but it's a hard habit to break. The thoughts that go through her head are so unfiltered and loud and constantly beg for her attention.

She's been making a conscious effort to try and slow down her intrusive thoughts, but sometimes she just can't. Like right now.

Looking over at Nathan on the adjacent side of the kitchen table, she purses her lips together. She doesn't want to disturb him because he looks deep into the English assignment he's doing. She knows that it is rare for him to get any peace and quiet like this, but she also knows that if she doesn't ask him the questions on her mind, she's going crack.

"Have you talked to Brooke since you guys 'broke up'?" Her question comes out shaky, tattering the silence.

"Not really," Nathan mutters as he looks up from the book he's reading, a confused frown on his face. "I've seen her in passing and we've greeted each other and stuff, but nothing more than that. Why?"

"I was just curious," she sugarcoats it. Morbid curiosity would be the better way to describe it. Ever since she saw the worn down and empty look on Brooke's face earlier that day, she couldn't get it out of her head.

Her next question flies out of her mouth. "Do you feel guilty about what happened?"

Blinking as if she'd just asked him something indecent, he angles his entire body towards her. The groves in his forehead are deep, his eyebrows tightly knitted together.

"Okay, where is this coming from?"

"What?" she feigns innocence, bringing her knees to her chest. Her fingers become preoccupied with the pen she was using, twisting and clicking the cap repeatedly.

"All of these intense questions. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I'm genuinely just curious."

Nathan gives her a pointed look and she sinks further into her chair.

"Okay, so there's a chance that my curiosity was formed because I saw Brooke today and I just got to thinking and somehow I ended here…as I do," she reveals, biting down on her bottom lip.

Nathan sighs and leans forward, his elbows resting on the tops of his knees. He's mulling over his answer like it's something that hadn't considered before Haley asked him. With every second that ticks by, the higher her anxiety ramps up, and the less her curiosity burns. Maybe she shouldn't have asked.

"I mean, sometimes," Nathan answers, looking up to meet her eyes. "Brooke…she's a good person and an even better friend. Even though what we had wasn't real, I still hate that in a way, I hurt her. She wasn't exactly thrilled when I told her that we should end things."

He takes a pause and scoots his chair closer to her. Gently, he reaches for her hands, prying the pen out her grip before taking them both into his. His thumbs draw small circles over her skin. The way he's looking at her is intense, butterflies knotting in her stomach and goosebumps popping all over her skin.

"But I wouldn't change a thing about what happened."

Her eyes widen. "You wouldn't?"

Nathan shakes his head, smiling softly.

"Brooke and I…we both knew that we couldn't keep this charade up forever," he explains. "And the longer we dragged it out, the worse it was going to end up for the both of us. And even though I knew that I was still too scared to do anything about it. In some ways, I still am. But meeting you…it gave me the strength to finally try and go after what makes me happy. So no, I guess I wouldn't change a thing."

Haley doesn't know what to say. The butterflies in her stomach explode into bursts of comfort and love, cloaking her entire body. Those nagging thoughts bouncing around in her head fall silent.

"Nathan..."

"You told me that I could be good enough for you," he murmurs, leaning forward until their noses are touching. He brushes his fingertips along the curve of her cheek until he's brushing a few pieces of hair behind her hair. "And maybe it's lame or cliché or totally ridiculous, but that's all I needed to hear."

The kiss he lays across her lips is gentle and chaste, but she feels it down to her toes. Far too quickly he pulls away, but she lets him slide.

"Sometimes it amazes me how you always know just the right things to say," she mutters.

"Not always."

Haley snorts and he chuckles, flashing her a crooked smile.

"Have you figured out what you're gonna tell Lucas yet?" Nathan wonders as he pushes his chair away from her. The loss of his body heat is instant.

"No," she sighs. "I need to though. He's definitely getting suspicious."

"I can help you come up with something."

"I appreciate the offer, but this is something that I need to do on my own," she says before taking a pause. Up until now, she hadn't considered how she was going to tell Nathan about her new position, but better late than never.

"I need to figure it out soon though, considering I'm going to be spending a lot more time with both of you at basketball practice."

Nathan's head snaps up. "Wait, what?"

Her bottom lip returns to its position beneath her teeth. "I'm kind of Mr. Winter's new student assistant…"

A dumbfounded look crosses Nathan's face. He doesn't look angry or upset…just bewildered.

"When did this happen?"

"He asked me almost two weeks ago. Remember when I was on the court at your game against Pembroke?"

"And you're just telling me about this now?"

There's a spike in his tone and it causes her defenses to rise. She wasn't sure how he would react, but she didn't anticipate him being…angry.

"I didn't realize that I had to ask for your permission," she bites back, eyes narrowing.

"You don't!" Nathan dismisses with a shake of his head. "It's just…"

"Do you not want me at your practice, is that is?"

She's goading him and as soon as the words leave her mouth, she regrets them. That's not a fair question to ask and she's not sure why she even asked it.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, that's definitely not it," he answers her anyway.

"Then what is it?"

He holds her gaze, uncertainty clouding his features. She motions for him to explain, tapping the invisible watch on her wrist.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," he sighs, dragging both hands through his hair, tugging on the ends.

"Try me."

His knee bounces and he suddenly appears…nervous. She drums her fingers against the table, staring at him until he decides he wants to explain himself.

"There's something about Mr. Winter that rubs me the wrong way and before you give me a lecture about rumors again, this isn't about those rumors. Not entirely, anyway."

Haley rolls her eyes.

_Not this again._

Nathan has this clear animosity against him and she doesn't understand it.

"The way he is with you…I don't like it," Nathan struggles, his body tense. "He doesn't treat you like a teacher would normally treat a student."

She cringes, a sick feeling bubbling in her stomach. She can't hear this. She doesn't _want_ to hear this.

"Please tell me that you are not insinuating what I think you're insinuating," she begs.

"I don't know, Hales," he croaks, shuddering. It clearly makes him as uncomfortable as it makes her. "All I know is that I have a gut feeling about him that just won't go away."

She doesn't want to discuss this because it's ridiculous. There is absolutely nothing going on between her and Mr. Winter, just like there is absolutely no truth to the rumors about him either.

So, she does the only thing she knows how—she deflects the topic of conversation. And quickly, before she gets sick.

"Nathan, are you jealous?" she teases lightly, sliding out of her chair.

"What?" He falters a bit, his gaze focused on her face.

She closes the distance between them, trying her best to appear seductive. Her lips curve into a small smirk as her hands rub circles on his upper chest to his shoulders until her arms are wrapped around his neck. He fumbles a bit like he's struggling to decide if he should entertain her or bring the focus back to their conversation.

The former wins as soon as she settles her body against his, leaning her face closer.

"I asked if you were jealous…because if you are…"

Just as their lips brush against each other, the doorbell rings. Haley groans as she unlocks her arms from around his neck. He squeezes her waist before sliding away from her. She hopes when he returns, he doesn't bring the Mr. Winter topic up again.

He's not gone long and the look on his face tells her that he's not going to bring it up again. She lets out a breath.

"Who was it?"

"Just the mailman. I had to sign for a package my mom order. Do you want to stay for dinner?" Nathan asks. "We can order a pizza or something. My dad's out of town and my mom's at work until 9."

"Lily?"

"She's at her friend's house. They're practicing for the talent show or something."

"Sure, I'd love to."

As Nathan scavenges to find a take-out menu, Haley busies herself by taking in the surroundings of his kitchen. Just like the front room, every inch of countertop and cupboards are in pristine condition, seemingly untouched. The kitchen appliances and tableware are perfectly positioned, absent of any kind of wear and tear.

The blank refrigerator hits her the hardest. There isn't a single note, picture, or accomplishment taped to the stainless-steel canvas.

How can people live in a house that appears so unlived in?

Something catches her eye when her gaze lands on the island in the center of the kitchen. It's a neat pile of unopened mail seated in the corner. Through the throngs of newspapers and bills, she spots a gold-colored package. It's thicker than the rest of the mail and before she realizes what she's doing, she's standing in front of the island. Gently pushing the rest of the mail out of the way, her eyes widen her suspicions are confirmed.

"Nathan, this is from FSU!" She squeals, holding the gold package in her hands. Her finger taps against the university logo in the corner of the envelope.

"I know," Nathan mumbles, chewing on the inside of his cheek. The take-out menu in his hands crinkles as his body tenses.

She blinks a few times, confusion marring her features. "Well, why haven't you opened it yet?"

"I'm too scared."

Her face softens as his quiet, almost embarrassed admission. She's never seen Nathan this…scared before. His gaze keeps darting between her face and the package in her hands.

"Nathan, you have to open it eventually," she presses, an encouraging smile on her face.

"I think I would prefer not knowing."

"Open it."

"I can't." He shakes his head. She's almost expecting him to stomp his feet to stand his ground.

"Why not?" She prods.

"What if I didn't get in? I mean, FSU is my one chance to finally get away from my dad and—"

"Stop talking as if you're already doomed. This is a thick envelope, Nathan. They don't normally send rejection letters in thick envelopes."

"What if it just a detailed packet of every reason they decided to reject me?"

"Nathan!" Her shout is filtered through a laugh and a roll of her eyes. "Open it or I will!"

She flips the packet over and pretends like she is about to pull open the seal. Nathan watches her intently, the nerves heightening on his face. She can't decide if he wants her to open it or if he's about to snatch it out her hands.

"That's a felony," he attempts to joke, but his voice cracks.

"Nathan!"

Her patience is waning thin. She's two seconds away from actually ripping it open for him.

"Okay, okay, okay."

She can't fight her wide smile as he reluctantly pulls the package out of her grip. There's a slight, yet noticeable shake in his hands as he looks over the package. He's inspecting it, glossing over every fiber in the gold paper. His fingers pick at the seal, never pulling too hard against the glue.

"You don't have x-ray vision, Nathan. You're gonna have to open it."

He looks up and matches her gaze. Her heart almost breaks at the amount of fear in his eyes. He really wants this. He needs this. Without having to say a word, she knows exactly what he needs to hear.

"No matter what is in that envelope, you're going to be okay. But I think you're going to be pleased with what you find."

It takes him a couple of more seconds of nervous fiddling before he opens it. The tear of the paper is slow and deliberate like he's trying to savor it. His hands are shaking as he pulls the small pile of paper out of the envelope, purposely averting his eyes from the front-page letter.

With one last nod of encouragement from Haley, Nathan looks down. A couple of seconds later, he looks up at her with disbelief in his eyes and her smile grows even bigger.

"I got in."

"I told you!" she squeals, launching herself into his arms. He hugs her back, muttering a few more breathless "I got ins."

The happiness that floats around them is a breath of fresh air on a warm, sunny day. There's not a single care in the world as they look through the contents of the package, analyzing all of the financial aid and course selection information. And it feels good.


	14. Thing That You Like

I made a very tiny, tiny continuity error last chapter that I did not catch until a couple of hours after I posted the chapter. It's something that you most likely didn't even notice because that detail (as well as other ones) are leading up to something that has not been revealed yet. Since I posted the chapter, I did go and change the very tiny (and I mean it's tiny) detail that I messed up on. I'm not sure why I didn't catch it when I did my read through before I posted it, but I am human and it must have slipped my mind, since ya know...it was so tiny. (Take a shot every time I say tiny).

I'm not gonna tell what exactly the mess up was because I don't want to give anything away because no one has picked up on it yet, but I also wanted to be transparent so when things do become more clear, you guys aren't like "wait a minute...didn't...huh?" haha.

P.S Things do get a bit heated in this chapter. It's been a while since I've written anything risque, so I apologize for my rustiness.

* * *

_**Thing That You Like**_

The sun beating down on her skin is magical…refreshing. There's a light breeze in the air, rustling the slowly growing back leaves on the trees and bouncing off the wind chimes hanging on her porch. It's a peaceful pre-spring day and she intends on enjoying every second of it.

Sitting on her porch with a cup of coffee, a thin blanket covering her legs, and her laptop on her lap—she's content.

It's the perfect day to get some writing done…on the contest prompt Mr. Winter gave her that she's still not actually going to enter, she's just using it as a means of inspiration.

She's back at square one— a blank word document and no words to fill it with. After re-reading what she'd previously written, she'd jammed the backspace button until the page was empty. The words she deleted were juvenile and forced, not poetic and airy. They were the start of a diary entry from a confused girl, not someone who embodies the theme. Even as her fingers impatiently tag against the keys—not hard enough to make an indent on the page, but enough to hear the familiar clicks—she still doesn't think she can relate to the prompt.

But she can't let it go. Every time she goes to write something, anything at all, she finds herself staring at the prompt. She's read it at least a thousand times already and each time, it strikes a different chord. She wishes she could figure out what exactly about it has her so attached.

Haley types out a new sentence before sighing and hitting the backspace button again. Her previous relaxed nature is starting to melt away.

Right as she's about to pull her hair out, a pair of shoes scrape against the concrete and she looks up. Her heart skips a beat and her eyes widen when she sees Nathan standing on the slab of sidewalk at the end of her driveway. When they lock eyes, he smirks and pulls the headphones out of his ears, stuffing them in the pockets of his running shorts.

"What are you doing here?" Haley calls out to him as she sits up from her lounging position on her porch bench.

She tries not to stare at the way his dark blue tank clings to his body like a second skin or the way his muscles glisten in the sun, drips of sweats sliding down the groves. She fails…many times.

Nathan walks towards her porch, stopping at the base of the stairs. She places her laptop on the bench cushion and meets him halfway, keeping the distance between them natural.

"Out for a run," Nathan explains.

Grabbing the hem of his shirt, he lifts it to wipe the sweat from his face and like magnets, Haley's eyes zone in on his exposed stomach. Before she has a chance to get lost in admiring the exposed skin, she notices something alarming. Stretching across the length of his side is a fading bruise. Spots of yellow and dark purple mar his tan skin, but they look to be at least two weeks old. Splotches of skin in between the bruised area look to be almost healed.

Her mind falls back to the time in his car and his sharp inhale of pain when she accidentally kneed him in the side. Her head starts spinning with several different scenarios and none of them are good.

She clears her throat and darts her eyes away before she's caught staring. His bruise doesn't look like one he would obtain during a basketball game as he claimed, but she's at a loss of words on how to approach him about it.

"Since when do you run in this neighborhood?" she wonders, tucking the image to the back of her brain for later.

"I decided to try something new." A smirk grows on his face, his eyes taking a slow perusal of her body. She wishes she would have worn something more than just a pair of jeans and a grey sweater. "This neighborhood has a better view."

Heat rushes to her cheeks and Nathan's smirk grows.

"What're you up to?"

"I _was_ writing…until I was rudely interrupted."

Nathan chuckles, swiping a piece of hair off his face. The raven-colored strands aren't styled like they usually are, but matted against his forehead. It strips years off of him—his seventeen-year-old stature appearing more like a thirteen-fourteen-year-old.

"Writing, huh? Still not going to let me read some of your work?"

She shakes her head. "Not any time soon."

"I'll get it out of you," Nathan promises. "I should probably get out here. I still have another two miles to go."

"Okay," Haley mutters with a frown.

Nathan hesitates, his foot hovering over the step before touching back down to the concrete. He looks at her for a clear answer and she nods her head. It's going to take them both some time to get used to being so open in public. Since Haley's mom already knows and her dad is taking a nap, right now is the perfect time to practice.

It takes him a few more seconds before he climbs the stairs and joins her on the porch. He kisses her quick—a chaste brush of his lips against hers. It's just enough for her to feel the heat from his body. The urge to grab him by the shirt and pull him in for another kiss hits her hard, but she refrains.

They haven't kissed—like really kissed since before their break. Nathan's barely touched her, except for a few caresses of her hand and an occasional brushing of hair out of her face.

She's not crazy enough to let her previous insecurities resurface, even if they haven't discussed them yet. It's quite clear that this isn't a joke or something else for Nathan, but she still doesn't get why he's physically pulling away from her.

His smile is beatific as he descends the stairs and jogs away from her, citing that he'll see her later. Their entire interaction was…normal, one that would occur between a boyfriend and girlfriend that don't have to hide.

Some things are starting to feel settled, while others continue to leave her unsettled.

~x~

"I wasn't sure if I was going to say anything, but as your friend, I think it's my duty," Peyton says as she slides into the opposing side of the small table, sliding a coffee over to Haley.

For a warm Saturday afternoon, the docks are fairly empty. A family of four is sprawled out at one of the picnic tables a couple of feet away from them. A couple of people are walking or riding their bikes along the Riverwalk, others mingling at shops along the way.

After Nathan had left, Haley tried to go back to writing, but after several more failed attempts, she started to go crazy. Slamming her laptop shut, she called Peyton and begged her to get her out of the house before she went stir crazy. Peyton readily agreed.

Haley groans. "Do I even wanna know?"

Sympathy seeps into Peyton's gaze and Haley swallows down the spike of anxiety she feels.

"People are talking. Apparently, they think Nathan Scott has a new girl."

The tension in Haley's body releases just a smidge. There are a lot of worse things that Peyton could have said, albeit this isn't best case scenario either.

"Do they have any idea of who she is?"

"Nah and it's not a widespread rumor," Peyton clarifies after she takes a long sip of her coffee. "Just a few people in his inner circle—something about him always texting someone with a smirk on his face and bailing out on plans every once in a while."

Haley's torn between focusing on the butterflies in her stomach or the potential problems these rumors might arise.

"You and Nathan figure everything out yet?" Peyton asks.

"Kind of," Haley sighs. They both agreed to take things slow and to take one thing at a time—which goes against her nature. She's the type of person that needs to plan out every aspect of…pretty much everything. But with this, strangely enough, she's content with.

Mostly content...okay, maybe just a little content, which is more than she's used to.

"We're gonna wait until after mid-winter break and then slowly start…interacting in public and just go from there."

Peyton giggles at her choice of words. "You ever think about how much of a scam mid-winter break is? It's only a Thursday and Friday off.

Haley raises an eyebrow as Peyton takes another long sip of coffee. Her leg beneath the table is already bouncing and Haley can see the thoughts churning in her head at record speed. Peyton's always been a lightweight when it comes to caffeine.

"Which only gives me about five more days to figure out what the hell I'm going to tell your boyfriend," Haley grumbles, squeezing her hands around her coffee. The heat from the cup warms her chilled fingertips, protecting them from the cool wind off the river. "Has he said anything else to you?"

Peyton shakes her head. "I told him that the topic of you was off-limits. But I can talk to him if you want me to. He really is being a major dick about all of this."

"No. It's okay. The last thing I need is to somehow come between your relationship."

"You wouldn't," Peyton dismisses. "I'm just as much his girlfriend as I am your friend and I have no problem coming to the defense of either of you."

"I appreciate that." Haley smiles. "But I think this is something that I need to figure out on my own.

"Okay," Peyton concedes with a nod. "When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Yesterday."

That bitter taste that swirled around in Haley's mouth during her and Lucas' conversation returns. As much as she tried to not let it get to her, his words have branded her, seared themselves into her skin like battle scars from a battle she had no chance of winning.

"It's just so frustrating because I know, deep down that no matter what, he's not going to hear me out," she fumed, digging her fingers into her hair.

"He's so focused on this fantasy of who he thinks I am and for as long as we've been friends, I've never corrected him. I don't know why I never did. I guess maybe it was easier for me to be the person he wanted me to be because I liked being that person more than I liked myself. But it's still…it's still not fair."

Her throat burns like acid. Haley's never said any of this out loud and it feels good to finally let some of that truth go, but it hurts just as much.

"You're right," Peyton says.

Haley shifts her gaze to the flowing river beside them as if the sparkling whitecaps held the answers to all of her questions. The wind brushes against her flushed cheeks, acting as a supplemental calming technique.

"I don't want to lose him as a friend," she croaks. "We've been friends for years, but I also feel like if he were really my friend, he'd want me to be happy."

It takes a lot for her to admit that. She wants to throw up or scream or cry—maybe a combination of all three. She feels like she's watching her entire world crumble right before her eyes and there's nothing she can do about.

"I wish I could be more help with this." Peyton frowns. "But you've known him longer than I have and even though he's my boyfriend and I love him, I don't understand why he does half the things that he does."

Haley lets out a slow breath of air. Every which way she turns, she comes face to face with a complex situation that doesn't have a right or wrong answer. The only thing she wants is some kind of simplicity. Is that too much to ask for?

"If I knew why Lucas dislikes Nathan so much, maybe this would be easier," Haley mumbles. "I don't believe that this is all about some stupid superiority complex and hazing."

"I never believed that either."

"I know I've said this a hundred times already, but this shit sucks."

Peyton laughs dryly, tipping her head back as she finishes the rest of her coffee. Discarding her empty cup into the nearby trash can, she eyes Haley's cup, silently asking her if she's going to finish it. Haley shakes her head and hands over her cup.

"What else is on your mind?"

"What do you mean?"

"My Haley Senses are tingling." Peyton waggles her fingers. "And they're telling me that you've still got a big mess going on in that head of yours."

"Your 'Haley Senses?'" she laughs, jutting her head towards the coffee cup in Peyton's hands. "Peyton, I think what you're feeling is called a caffeine overload."

Peyton scrunches her nose. "That's possible, but I don't think so."

Haley sighs, crossing her arms over the table. "We've talked enough about me."

"I truly don't mind. Talk away."

Haley bits down on her lip, dragging her teeth over the sensitive skin. There is one thing that she could use Peyton's guidance on…but she feels silly bringing it up again.

"I guess there is one thing, but you're gonna think I'm stupid for bringing this up again."

Peyton cocks a thin eyebrow. "Is it the sex thing again?"

Haley groans, dropping her head to arms. "Am I really that transparent?"

She hears Peyton shuffling, her arms brushing hers as she leans in closer. Giggles are spilling out of her mouth. "Nathan Scott still isn't giving it up, huh?"

Haley lifts her head up just enough to glare at Peyton. "This isn't funny. I feel absolutely ridiculous being worried about something like this and I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it."

Peyton purses her lips together for a couple of seconds, reeling in her caffeine-induced giggles. "Is this really just about sex?"

"No, not really," Haley sighs, lifting herself up. "A little bit. But it's more about reassurance. I know that I'm not necessarily ready to have sex yet, but…I at least want to know he wants me, ya know? He's still pulling away from me and it's driving me crazy."

"With everything that been going on, maybe he doesn't even realize that he's pulling away. Maybe you just need something to…reignite things. Like, seduce him or something."

Haley cocks her head, eyebrows raising. "Seduce him?"

"Yeah, why not?" Peyton's shrug

Haley studies her for several seconds. When she realizes that Peyton's being serious, she busts out laughing. "Me? Be seductive in any way? There's no way I can pull that off."

"Come on! Guys are easy."

"Yeah, well, I can't do it."

"It doesn't have to be some grand thing where you morph yourself into someone you're not by wearing lingerie and talking dirty," Peyton explains. "Although, it certainly can be. But I'm talking something like...styling your hair the way you know he likes it or wearing an outfit that he's complimented you in before."

"Does that really work?"

"Like a charm."

~x~

_Good luck tonight (:_

Haley presses send on her text to Nathan as she walks through the doors of the gymnasium, waving bye to Peyton as she goes to join the rest of the cheerleaders. She and Nathan haven't discussed her being Mr. Winter's student assistant any more, aside from the fact that he promised to keep an open mind and to trust her with this. That makes her feel slightly better about this whole situation, but she'd be lying if she said she is calm right now.

Her nerves are tightly wound—her palms clammy and her stomach uneasy. She's starting to wonder if this impulse decision was a mistake. At her core, she knows nothing about basketball, and then there's the issue of Lucas…

_No, stop it. Remember, you aren't doing this anymore._

It's excruciatingly hard to push those doubts and boundless thoughts to the back of her mind, but she manages.

Walking further into the gym, she sees that bleachers have already been pulled out from the wall and the scoreboard is illuminated. She spots Mr. Winter sitting at the official's table, jotting something down on his clipboard. At the sound of her footsteps, he does a double-take at her appearance, sliding his pen back in his pocket.

"HJ, I almost did recognize you."

With Peyton's suggestions stirring in the back of her mind, she applied her make-up in that smokey way that she knows Nathan likes, complete with the red lipstick. She's confident enough in herself to know that she doesn't necessarily need make-up to garner a guy's attention, but Peyton was right—adding a little spark couldn't hurt anything.

"Is that a bad thing?" she inquires, running her hands down her dark wash jeans. Mr. Winter's comment sets off a new set of insecurities in her.

"No, not at all," Mr. Winter dismisses with a smile. "You ready to do this?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

She searches his face for any sign of uneasiness, like the kind he exhibited when she accepted his offer. Her anxiousness diminishes a little when she finds none.

"It's not too much—I just need your help keeping track of stats, plays, and minuscule things like grabbing towels and whatnot," he explains. "And other things that I'm sure will pop up along the way."

"Okay, yeah, I think I can handle that."

"I know you can," he says, standing up. "One more thing—follow me."

Mr. Winter leads her down the corridor outside of the gym doors and passed the concession stands. The walk a little further passed the weight room and to a door tucked away. There's a blue plaque to the right of the door, the words spelling only "Authorized Personnel Only." Unlocking the door, he leads her down a smaller hallway where the locker rooms are and at the very end of the hall, his office.

"This is completely optional. The way you're dressed is fine," Mr. Winter disclosed, holding the door open for her to before propping it open. "There aren't any guidelines for student assistants like there are coaches and players. However, I was thinking that to make you feel more inclusive to the team, you could wear a jersey. There's a bunch of extra ones that were printed in the wrong sizes."

"Yeah, sure," Haley agrees, her eyes following where he's pointing. There's a small part of her that's always fantasized about wearing a boy's jersey, one that he'd given her to support him during his games. This isn't exactly that, but it's as close as she's going to get for the time being.

"Great. I have a few more things I need to set up before the game starts. Take your time."

Mr. Winter leaves her and she sifts through the pile of extra jerseys, pausing when she stumbles up the one with the large "23" printed on the back. For a few seconds, she considers picking that one but decides it's too big of a statement to make. Instead, she reaches for the jersey with the double zero on the back. Sliding it over her head, she's surprised that it fits almost perfectly.

Looking in the mirror on the back of the office door, she adjusts the jersey some, folding the bottom hem so it's not as long. The black long-sleeve shirt she's wearing beneath it pairs perfectly, making the pristine white of the unused jersey stand out. She fixes a few strands of her curly hair before she's content with her appearance.

She turns to exit the Coach's office but comes to a screeching halt when she collides with someone. Looking up, she meets eyes with a familiar pair of blue ones smirking back at her.

"Fancy running into you here," he teases, angling his body towards the doorframe. The black of his warm-ups makes his eyes appear bluer, hints of grey and green blinking back at her.

She swallows, sliding her hands into her back pockets. "Just doing my duties as an official member of the Tree Hill Ravens."

He chuckles, his eyes darting towards the locker room when the door squeaks open. Echoes of the rest of the players exiting and getting amped for the game bounce off the concrete walls. She dies a little inside knowing that he has to leave—she could spend every waking moment with him if she could.

"Hang out after the game?"

Haley nods, flashing him a half-smile, which he returns. As he's about to walk away, he pauses to take another look at her. The way his eyes travel over her body has a wicked heat spreading through her. Her outfit feels more like lingerie than a simple jersey and jeans with the way he's checking her out.

"You look good." A smirk that rivals all else paints his face. "You'd look even hotter if the number on your back was mine."

With a wink, he jogs away, leaving her a puddle of heat and sparks.

~x~

Haley leans against Nathan's SUV, waiting for him to come out of the school's back entrance for athletes. His car is the only one remaining in the parking lot, which only adds to its spooky appeal. There's one lamp post a couple of hundred feet away from her blinking incessantly, casting the parking lot in an eerie strobe light glow.

She checks the time on her phone and frowns when she sees another fifteen minutes has passed. She and Nathan had orchestrated a plan where they would meet at his car after all the players had left. The last player left a half-hour ago and there's still no sign of Nathan—not even a text message.

The Ravens lost by two points tonight and she figures that Nathan would probably be a few extra minutes to decompress, but this is alarming.

Time continues to tick by, her concern growing with every second. She switches her cell phone from hand to hand, running her fingers over the numbers. She debates calling him but refrains. She's probably just overreacting and he's just late because he was the last one to get a shower or something like that.

Haley jumps when the door finally swings open. Nathan walks out with his athletic bag over his shoulder—but he's not alone. Following close behind him is a stocky figure that towers only a couple of inches over him. She can't be certain in the shadowy light, but she's almost positive the man following behind Nathan is Dan Scott.

She braces herself against his car, shrinking down a little so she's not as visible. What happens before her is so quick and shocking, she barely has time to process it.

Dan reaches out to grab Nathan by the shoulder, forcing him to turn around. Dan invades Nathan's personal space, but Nathan doesn't back down. She can't make out the words that they're saving over her pounding heart and their hushed, angry voices. The tension in their bodies is extreme—jaws clenched and fists tight. She can just make out the clicking and shifting of Nathan's muscles in his arms, restraining himself.

Her eyes stretch into saucers when Dan extends his arms in a quick shove. Nathan stumbles back a few steps but shows no other signs of being touched. He clenches his jaw, and with a shake of his head, Nathan walks away.

"This conversation isn't over, Nathan," Dan shouts at him. The venom in his voice cuts her deep, while Nathan doesn't even flinch.

"Whatever," Nathan calls back.

He doesn't look the slightest bit miffed as he approaches her, void of any type of emotion. Taking a peek over his shoulder, her insides turn to ice at the disapproving glare on Dan's face. They meet eyes for a brief second, and Haley swears her entire body convulses. She's never seen someone with such cold eyes before, life drained out them.

It's no wonder that Nathan walks around like he's carrying the weight of the world with a father like that.

As soon as Nathan reaches where she's standing, he relaxes a little and through the dim lighting, she sees the warmth return to his eyes. He leans down and presses a quick kiss to her lips.

"Hey."

Haley returns his greeting, but it's shaky.

Nathan doesn't seem to notice as he gives her shoulder a soft squeeze before walking to the other side of his car. He carries on, placing his things in the backseat of his car as if his father isn't staring them down. When he climbs into the car, motioning for her to join him, she follows his lead.

Nathan wastes no time starting the car and pulling away from the curb, purposely driving passed his father. Haley risks a quick glance and shivers when she sees that Dan is still staring at them. He looks like a statue—not a single muscle has moved since Nathan walked away from him.

"Is your dad always like that after a game?"

Her question breaks the silence, her eyes shooting to his fingers as they tighten around the steering wheel. It's probably not the best question to ask, but she has to know.

"Yeah, but he usually waits until after I get home to lay into me," Nathan mutters, jaw clenching. "He gets a few beers in him first, and then tells me exactly how he feels."

"Jesus…"

"I'm not really in the mood to talk about my dad right now."

She respects that. The quicker she gets what she saw out of her head (and the wild thoughts it brings along with it) the better.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"My sister has a birthday party at an ice skating rink in Murrayville this weekend," Nathan tells her, glancing at her while also maintaining his attention on the road. "I told her I'd take her since my parents won't. Wanna come with? It'll give us a chance to practice being out in public."

Going out in public together is a big step—one that she didn't think they were going to tackle quite yet. Sure, they aren't going to be in Tree Hill so the chances of them being spotted by someone they know is slim, but it's still a risk.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think it would be fun." He shrugs before turning to face her head-on.  
"Unless you don't want to go?"

"No, no, I'd love to."

"Are you scared?" Haley questions a couple of seconds later. By the look Nathan gives her, she knows he knows exactly what she's referring to.

If she's being honest with herself, she's terrified out of her mind. Once everything is out in the open, things are going to change drastically. Not only are things going to change with their friends and the school as a whole, but with their relationship, too.

But at the same time…she's ready to do this. She's ready to have something real with him outside of the walls of their bedrooms. She's ready to finally move passed this gigantic mess that they're in.

"Yes and no," Nathan answers. "I'm scared because I know cruel this town can be. I'm scared because I've only ever known one version of myself and letting all of that go…it won't be easy. But I'm ready to do it."

"Me, too," she agrees with a smile.

The rest of the drive to her house is a comfortable, small talk filling the space. By the time they arrive, Haley has forgotten all about Dan Scott and it seems like Nathan has too. Her house is quiet as they ascend the stairs and walk into her bedroom. Her mom is out with her aunt and her dad is at work, leaving them completely alone.

Nathan kicks off his shoes before making himself comfortable on her bed. It's such an intimate move, him stretching across the bed with his ankles crossed and his hands tucked behind his head like he's done it a thousand times before. Haley tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, kicking her shoes off under her desk.

This isn't the first time she's been alone with Nathan in her bedroom or even in his, but the air around them has a charge to it. Or, maybe it's just in her head.

But when she looks over at Nathan and sees the way he's staring at her—his eyes sweeping over every curve of her body—she knows it's not just her.

"If I hadn't said it enough, you look _really _hot in that jersey."

The way he says it ignites something primal inside of her. He licks his lips as his eyes take another trail over her body and the temperature in her room spikes a hundred degrees. This is her chance to maybe, just maybe excite something out of him by being a little bolder than she normally is.

She doesn't allow herself enough time to overthink what she's about to do. Sliding her fingers beneath the jersey, she crosses her arms and pulls it over her head, dragging her black shirt with it. She hears Nathan's sharp intake of breath and her skin flames.

Her heart is pounding into overdrive as she walks over to her dresser in nothing but a pair of jeans and her black cotton bra. This is so far out of her comfort zone, and it's as terrifying as it is empowering. She feels Nathan's gaze searing into her as she tosses her clothes into her hamper and as she pulls out a dark red tank-top from her top drawer. She slides it over her head.

The entire time, Haley refuses to look at him. She's scared that the second she does, the little confidence she does have will shatter. She knows she doesn't have a body like Brooke Davis, but she hopes that the body she does have is enough.

Her fingers hesitate over the button of her jeans. It's one thing to take her shirt off in front of him, but her pants are a completely different story. The underwear she's wearing are hardly sexy—faded grey bikini cut with small holes in various places.

Taking a deep breath, she flies through undoing her jeans and pulling them down her legs. She's sure that her shaking hands and boxy movements aren't sexy. Almost like she has a time limit, she pulls a pair of black sofi shorts up her legs in record speed.

Still avoiding his intense gaze, she crawls into bed next to him, leaving a decent amount of space between them. Within seconds, the bed dips and Nathan rolls over, hovering over her with a frisky smirk on his face. The blue in his eyes mirrors a midnight blue color.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Her cheeks burn. "I…um…you haven't really touched me…or kissed me since we…had a disagreement and…oh, God. Just kill me."

Her hands cover her face and she silently wishes that the bed would swallow her whole. She doesn't know what she was thinking—she has no business in trying to be seductive and she has no doubt that Nathan thinks she looks ridiculous.

With a chuckle, Nathan's fingers wrap around her wrist and attempt to tug her hands free. She resists at first but gives in with gentle coaxing from Nathan. Even with her hands gone, she refuses to look at him.

"Hales, look at me."

He studies her for several seconds, amusement and a little bit of…lust? dancing in his eyes. Her blush deepens and she fights against the urge to cover her face again. The pounding in her heart matches the pace of the blood in veins and she attempts to sink further into the mattress. A couple of more seconds pass by before a smirk slowly spreads across his face.

He leans forward, grazing his nose against hers and she swallows hard at the huskiness in his voice.

"You mean I haven't kissed you like this?"

As soon as his lips touch hers, a low moan pulls from her throat. He kisses her deep and slow, one hand fisting the material of her tank top on her waist and the other one holding him up. Her embarrassment is long forgotten as his lips move over hers, alternating between a firm and teasing pressure.

By the time he pulls away, they're both panting. His forehead rests against hers, the hand on her waist trailing up her body to caress her jaw. Sparks ignite wherever his fingertips touch, goosebumps forming on her skin. Her fingers scrap up his chest, across his shoulders, and into his hair, angling his head towards hers.

"Kiss me," Haley begs. His previous kiss only left her wanting more and she refuses to let this night end.

He obliges—his lips covering hers again. His kiss is still slow, but more passionate than his previous ones. His fingertips slide from her jaw to the back of her neck, tangling in her curly hair. Her nails scrape against his scalp and he groans into her mouth.

As their kisses grow more serious, Nathan's body shifts against hers. Using his knee, he parts her thighs and their legs tangle together. The warmth and soft, yet hard feel of his body against hers is intoxicating, igniting a harsh fire in her veins. Following the natural instincts of her body, she moves her body against his, one thigh hooking over his hip.

Her actions cause Nathan to falter a bit, his lips sliding off of hers. Fear swirls in her gut and her grip on him tightens. He can't pull away—not yet.

"Haley."

She barely recognizes her name in the gravelly way he pants it. His eyes are still closed, wrinkles in his forehead from deep concentration. His breathing is labored, deep breaths expelling from his lips as if he's trying to calm himself down.

His eyes re-open a few seconds later, a blazing look reflecting back in them. His fingertips brush along the curve of her cheek and across the edge of her jaw. No one has ever looked at her the way he has and for the moment, her insecurities seize to exist.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

Haley doesn't respond with words, instead, she pulls him down into another visceral kiss. Their movements are passionate—hands roaming, legs tangling, and heavy breathing filling the space of her room. The intensity makes her dizzy with need, while also scaring her at the same time. It's the good kind of scary, the kind that makes her feel alive.

Her head tips back into the pillow as Nathan trails delicate kisses down the column of her throat. She spears her fingers through his hair, shaky sighs leaving her lips. His body is tangled with hers, heating searing her at every place they're touching.

Nathan pulls away from her neck, his hand fisting the pillow beside her head. His breath fans across her face in puffy pants.

"For the record," he rasps, slowly opening his eyes. Her heart flips at the darkness in his eyes—the pure lust mixing in with their light blue color. "I want you. So fucking badly."

The hand that's resting on the pillow slides down her body, his fingers tangling in the belt loop of her jeans. He pulls her body flush against his, his hips rocking against hers in a sinful manner. She gasps, her fingers digging into his biceps. Instinctively, she rocks back against him, pleasure exploding in every inch of her skin.

"Do you feel how hard you make me? Fuck, Hales."

Nathan is making it difficult for her to think clearly, the buzzing in her body drowning out everything else. The husk in his voice has goosebumps forming on her skin and hoarse moans falling from her lips. It's too much, but not enough at the same time.

Disappointment fills her when he abruptly stops.

He leans his forehead against hers, brushing their lips together chastely. Their erratic breath mingles together. "I just…I don't want to rush this. I can't."

Through hooded eyes, she looks up at him. The strain is clear on his face and the heat pooling in her body intensifies. Slipping her hands into his hair, she lightly scratches her nails against his scalp.

"Rush this?" she questions, a little puzzled.

He nods, swallowing thickly. Taking one of her hands in his, he lightly kisses the inside of her wrist and locks eyes with her in a heated gaze. "Sex was never a big deal to me. But with you…it feels different. It feels like a big deal. I just…I don't want to screw this up."

The warmth that's spreading through her body shifts to one of gratitude and appreciation. She suddenly feels silly for ever doubting him, for even for a second thinking that his hesitation towards her was born out of something sour.

"I don't need rose petals and candles, Nathan," she says with a slight smile.

She's never given too much thought to how she would lose her virginity. The only thing she was certain of was that whenever it did happen, it would be with someone that she truly loves and they love her back. That is all she needs for it to be perfect when she's emotionally and physically ready.

"I know," he chuckles roughly, sliding his lips over hers in a quick, passionate kiss. "But you deserve something more than just something ordinary. And when the time is right, it's going to be just that."

She didn't think it was possible, but she falls even harder for him. Not to mention, his concern for her is a major turn-on.

Haley sits up a little, Nathan following her body. She giggles at the confusion piercing his features and focuses all of her attention on that, not the nervousness she feels.

"That doesn't mean we can't do…other things, right?"

Nathan raises his eyebrows. "Other things?"

Her insides are shaking, the saliva drying from her mouth. She's never bold like this—never really had a chance to be. But once the thought entered her head, she knew that's wanted to do.

She settles herself on thighs, his hands resting on her knees. His mouth is slightly parted, his chest rising and falling noticeably. His hands reach for her thighs, squeezing them in a comforting manner. Butterflies swarm in her stomach as her shaky hands reach for his belt buckle, the thudding of her heart loud in her ears. She doesn't have a clue what she's doing, but she wants to make him feel good.

"Haley." Nathan's voice breaks through the sound of her thudding heart.

His hard swallow is visible.

"Are you sure about this? I mean—"

Haley nods. She's terrified out of her mind, but she wants this. "I want to do this, Nathan."

He hesitations, his eyes searching her face. When he doesn't find what he's looking for, he nods and her hands drift to his belt. The sound of the metal clanging together as she undoes it is loud in her ears, almost louder than the pounding of her heart.

Tentatively, she slides her hands through the opening in his jeans. The material of his boxers tickles her fingers—it's a lot softer than she expected. The gravity of the situation hits her hard.

She has her hand down Nathan Scott's pants. Oh, God.

Sensing her hesitation, he reaches for her hand. She protests at first, thinking that he's going to stop her, but gives in when he shakes his head. He guides her, shows her exactly how he likes to be touched. White noise fills her ears as he wraps her hand around him, his hand covering hers.

He's hot and hard in her hand. Her adrenaline spikes at his sharp intake of breath, giving her just enough courage to continue. With the help of Nathan's grip, they start a steady rhythm. Nathan lets out a sharp and breathy expletive, his fingers flexing against hers.

"Just like that," he coaxes, relaxing his grip on her hand. He trails his fingers over her wrist and forearm before dropping back on the bed.

She keeps the rhythm of her hand, her gaze locked on his face. It's as fascinating as it is arousing.

"Fuck, Haley," he pants, his head tilting further into the pillow, exposing the taut muscles in his neck. "Don't stop. Shit, please don't stop."

A burst of confidence explodes inside of her. Just the slightest, she tightens her grip and increases the speed of her hand. His hips buck off the bed a little as he lets out another moan.

"I'm close, baby. Fuck, I'm so close."

A couple of seconds later, he finishes, slumping back on to the bed. For several seconds, he lays there with his eyes closed, and his chest heaving. Seizing the opportunity, she reaches across him to her bedside table and grabs a Kleenex, cleaning off her hand.

"You okay?" she asks when he finally reopens his eyes.

He spears his hands through her hair, slanting his mouth over hers in a sloppy kiss. Haley squeals and giggles into the kiss, a girlish thrill bubbling inside of her.

"I don't think I've ever come so hard in my life," Nathan pants when they pull away. He quickly readjusts his jeans so he's somewhat put together again.

A blush burns on her cheeks as she swats at his arm. "Oh, shut up, you don't have to lie."

He grabs her hand and pulls her to him before she can get away.

"I'm not," he promises. "That felt…fuck. That felt so good."

Haley's not sure how much more embarrassed she can get. It's reassuring that on her first attempt, she was so successful.

"Well, then, I guess you're welcome."

His laugh is loud and boisterous as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her back down to the bed.


	15. Pick Me Up

I meant to post this a lot earlier in the day, but time got away from me. Anyway, as always, thank you for all of your reviews. They always make my day:)

The only thing I'm gonna say about this chapter is that shit hits the fan. But like I said, fluffy Naley is coming. I promise.

* * *

_**Pick Me Up**_

Haley's pulled from sleep by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She buries her head further into the mass of pillows on her bed, ignoring the shrill sound. As soon as the sound ends and peace finds her, it starts up again. Groaning, she rolls over and blindly searches for her phone. It takes several fistfuls of her comforter before her hand wraps around it, just as the second call is ending.

Forcing herself to sit up, she blinks away the fog in her vision and looks down at her phone. It takes a few seconds for her vision to focus, her eyes squinting against the bright light emanating from the screen. The first thing she becomes conscious of is that it is 6:30 in the morning, only ten minutes before her alarm was set to go off. The next thing she notices has her wide awake within seconds.

She has seven missed calls—three from Peyton and four from Nathan. She has several text messages from both of them asking her to answer her phone with striking urgency. She skips right passed confusion and crashes right into dread. She feels it in her bones that whatever the reason they're calling, it isn't good.

Before she has a chance to decide who she should call back first, her bedroom door creaks open. Lydia sticks her head through the slight opening.

"Haley," Lydia whispers as if she was expecting her to still be asleep. Noticing that Haley is awake, she opens the door wider. "Peyton is here to see you. She says it's urgent."

Haley's out of her bed and barreling down the stairs in seconds, ignoring the confused looks her mom is giving her. The cold morning air whips her in the face as she opens the front door. Peyton is standing there with her hands tucked into the pockets of her ratty leather jacket, her whole body shaking from her leg bouncing up and down.

"We have a problem."

"What is it?"

Peyton pulls her phone out of her coat pocket, scrolling for something on it. When she finds what she's looking for, Peyton hands Haley her phone. Swallowing down the dryness in her throat, Haley looks down. Her blood runs cold at what she sees as her heartbeat takes off on a high-speed chase.

It's a picture of her and Nathan on her porch from the other day, kissing. The quality is grainy like it was taken from a distance, but there's no mistaking that it's her and Nathan. She doesn't know what to think or what to feel, other than feeling like her entire world was just flipped upside down.

She doesn't realize she's shaking until she hands Peyton back her phone.

"Where…where did you get that?"

"Bevin sent it in our cheer group chat late last night," Peyton explains, locking her phone and putting it back in her pocket. "She got it from someone else who got it from someone else…I was asleep when it was sent. I'm not sure…I don't know how many people it has been sent to."

It's kind of sadistic that Haley's first thought is her wondering why no one sent it to her.

She doesn't know what to make of this. She has so many questions and so many feelings attacking her that she's dizzy.

A car door slamming in the distance has them both jumping. Haley looks over Peyton's shoulder and is surprised to see Nathan approaching them. He looks even more distraught than Peyton did—hair disheveled and tenacity in his walk. He pauses when he locks eyes with her and the pain on his face rips through her like a chainsaw.

Without saying anything, she knows that they're both thinking that maybe this is their karma.

"I'm guessing you already told her," Nathan mumbles as he climbs the steps, directing his gaze towards Peyton.

"Yeah, I did."

He sighs, dragging a hand over his mouth, before turning his attention towards Haley.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asks, gently pulling Haley towards him.

As soon as his arms wrap around her, her anxiety tapers off. His large body shields her from the gusts of wind and she buries her head further into his chest. More than anything, she wishes they could go back to Monday night when they were cuddled together on her bed. She was at ease then, soaking in the comfort of his chest rising and falling beneath her head.

She could have never guessed something like this was on the horizon and the worst part of all of it is that she doesn't know how she feels. Every piece of her body and her mind are numb, buzzing but not quite reaching any pinnacle of any intense feeling.

"I'm not sure," she says into his chest, clinging on to the material of his black sweatshirt. His arms tighten around her waist in response and she hopes that he never lets go.

"I'm so sorry," he croaks, a hand sliding up her back and into her hair. He smooths down a few un-brushed strands of her hair before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I have no idea how this happened."

A couple of more seconds pass before Haley loosens her grip on him. She backs up just enough to see his face clearly, his hands fanning out on her hips.

"How are you…doing with all of this?"

"I'm…a lot of things," Nathan says. She can tell that he's holding back, but she's too preoccupied to call him on it right now. "But I'm mostly just worried about you. I have some experience with this."

His short laugh falls flat. He has just as much to lose as she does, maybe even more, yet he's more concerned about her. She doesn't understand how anyone could question how she fell in love with him.

Peyton clears her throat. "I hate to break up this little love fest, but I think we should probably talk about how we're going to approach this."

Reluctantly, Haley pulls away from Nathan's embrace. His hands linger on her hips a little longer before he lets her go. She runs her hand through her hair, fingers getting caught on the sleep knots. It's then she becomes conscious of the fact that she's still standing there in her polka dot pajamas.

"Let me go upstairs and get ready and then we'll…figure this all out."

They both nod and she bites down on her bottom lip, giving them an awkward wave.

"I'm guessing you're pretty upset about all of this?"

Haley hears Nathan ask Peyton as she walks away.

"Nah, I've known about you guys for a while. Nothing gets by me."

It must be the hysteria because Haley cracks a smile.

~x~

Haley's hands are still shaking as she pulls a navy knit sweater over her head. She's experiencing a weird phenomenon, one where she feels both relieved and terrified. It's a tug of war of emotions on an uneven playing field and she has no idea which side she should place her bets on.

Nevertheless, she can't wrap her head around how much her life has changed in a blink of an eye. It doesn't feel real.

Her thoughts are interrupted by her bedroom door opening and Lydia walking through. She's still in her pajamas, a giddy gleam in her eyes. Haley already knows where this conversation is going before Lydia opens her mouth.

"Is that Nathan on our front porch?"

Haley nods, reaching for a pair of jeans.

"Ooooh, he's cute," Lydia croons. "Are you gonna introduce me?"

"Um, now's not really a good time," Haley mumbles, disappearing into her bathroom to brush her teeth and comb the bed head out of her hair.

Lydia's hot on her trials. In normal circumstances, Haley might've entertained her.

"Oh, come on," Lydia protests, leaning against the bathroom door. "I need to meet the boy my daughter has been having a sordid affair with."

"And you will meet him, just…not right now," Haley attempts to placate her. She brushes her teeth and yanks a brush through her hair quickly. Looking in the mirror, she decides that this is the best that she's gonna get.

As she's about to leave her bathroom, Lydia stops her. It seems to have finally dawned on her that something wasn't quite right.

"Woah, is everything okay?"

"Yes," Haley says out of habit before backtracking. She could use her mother's advice on this, but she doesn't have the time. "No. I'll um…I'll tell you later. I gotta go."

~x~

Haley returns to find Nathan and Peyton both talking intensely. As soon as they see her, they stop talking but she catches the tail end of the conversation. They're discussing who could have taken that picture of them and sent it out to everyone.

"Do you have any idea who would have done something like this?" Peyton asks, crossing her arms over her chest. Her gaze darts between both Nathan and Haley.

Nathan scoffs. "I could see any one of my friends doing something like this. It wouldn't be the first time someone passed around photos they weren't supposed to."

Haley wraps her arms around herself, clinging on to the material of her sweater. An uncomfortable shiver goes down her spine. The first thing she thinks of is when someone sent out Anna Taggaro's nudes to the entire student body her freshman year and people didn't stop talking about them for months.

"I don't think it matters who did it," Haley says quietly. "The damage is already done and even if we did find out who did it, it's not gonna make a difference."

"You're right," Nathan sighs. The bags under his eyes stand out against his skin like harsh bruises. "That doesn't mean that they should just get away with this."

"I know."

"I'm gonna let you guys talk," Peyton says, looking between them. "Haley, text me if you need anything. I'll see you at school."

Peyton gives her a parting hug, whispering words of encouragement before bouncing back down the steps. It's moments like this where Haley's eternally grateful for having Peyton as a friend, even if she didn't start off the most supportive.

"How are you doing with all of this?" Haley asks again, turning her attention towards Nathan and leading him over to the swing. When they sit down, he pulls her close, keeping an arm securely around her waist. It doesn't take her long to figure out that his actions are what he needs. She snuggles closer to him.

"I'm angry that someone would do this and I'm scared about what kind of mess we're gonna walk into when we get into school. My phone hasn't stopped going off since I turned it back on this morning."

He takes a breath, squeezing her waist like she's the only thing keeping him grounded.

"But…and maybe this is fucked up to say, but there's a part of me that's relieved that we don't have to hide anymore."

"Me, too," she agrees. "But I can't help but think that maybe we deserved this."

She hates saying it and judging by the way Nathan tenses, he didn't like hearing it. She can't get her brain to function passed karma, even if deep down she knows that's not necessarily true.

Nathan laughs. It's a cynical and harsh sound that puffs against her hair. "I don't want to feel guilty about this and I shouldn't have to. Neither should you."

Her eyes burn with unshed tears that well up out of nowhere. It's stress, confusion, and fear all wrapped into one. It's also freedom, relief, and sureness. A contradicting web of feelings that she doesn't know what to do with.

"It's going to be a circus at school," she croaks.

"I know. People really need to find better things to do in this town than gossip."

"Is it bad that I'm kind of relieved I don't have to find out a way to tell Lucas?"

Nathan shakes his head. "I don't think so."

"He's going to be livid."

"Do you want me to be with you when you talk to him?"

"No, that's okay. That would probably just make it worse."

Nathan sits up, pulling her with him. He grabs one of her hands, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "You should stay home if you really want to. I'm used to dealing with the spotlight of rumor central."

She has two choices here—she can stay home and hide. She can avoid the entire situation, just like she avoided coming up with something to tell Lucas. It's the last day before mid-winter break and she can stay home, let the shock die down a little before revealing her face again.

Or she can rip the band-aid off and deal with the consequences. She can show up to school with her head held high and show everyone that she doesn't care what they think.

She swallows, locking eyes with Nathan. There's only one right answer to this.

"No. I can't…I don't want to run away from this."

"God, I was hoping that you would say that."

~x~

Haley pulls into a parking spot towards the back of the lot. It's 7:45, almost a half-hour past the time she usually arrives at school. Cutting the engine, she leans back in her seat and her eyes fall closed.

Everything about where she is and what she feels is like an alternate reality. One where everything is the same, only slightly off-kilter. She knows that the second she gets out of her car, her life isn't going to be the same, at least until this all dies down. She's no longer going to be someone that can skirt by in a crowded room and not be noticed.

She's surprised at how calm she is about all of this. There's no simmering of a panic attack or nauseous feeling curling in the pit of her stomach. It's refreshing.

Glancing at the clock on her radio, Haley realizes that she can't hold off walking into the school any longer. Nathan and Peyton are probably already waiting for her. She and Nathan agreed that even though they couldn't take things slow like they planned, they could still try and control as much of the situation as they could.

With a couple of calming breaths for good measure, she grabs her backpack and crawls out of her truck.

Her anxiety skyrockets when the first person she locks eyes with is Lucas a couple hundred feet away from her. For a split second, he looks at her like he normally does. His eyes kind and greeting. When that gear switches, she audibly gasps. The warmness melts away from his gaze, leaving a glare that chills her to the bone.

She expected him to be pissed, but the absolute vile look he is giving her is unprecedented. Albeit, the intensity of the pain rippling through her is spot on.

Lucas holds her stare a couple of more seconds before he hikes his backpack up his shoulder and turns away from her, walking towards the school. She gets a burst of adrenaline, her feet moving faster than her thoughts.

"Lucas!" she shouts after him.

He throws a glance over his shoulder but doesn't slow down his pace.

"I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now."

Her fear is replaced with anger at record speed. It's the way he says it, like she's a second-class compared to him and he can't bother to give her even a second of his time. It's not shocking, but it's infuriating.

Haley stops dead in her tracks, flinging her arms in the air.

"Of course," she snits. "Why would you be?"

Her tone makes Lucas stop in his mission to get away from her. Slowly, he turns around to face her. The anger is still clear on his face, but there's also a hint of shock.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

The last thing she wants to do is argue in the school parking lot when there is still a steady flow of students pulling in and getting out of their cars. But out of nowhere, she has grown a spine and she doesn't intend on letting that get away from her.

"You're not going to listen to me no matter what I said to you and it's not fair," she says, proud of the way her voice is staying steady and confident. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry that I went behind your back. And I am sorry that you had to find out the way that you did. I was going to tell you, I swear."

Haley takes a breath to catch her bearings.

"But for once, I wish you would just stop and listen to what I have to say because despite everything…I'm happy. And that is something that I wish I could share with someone who is supposed to be my best friend."

For the longest time, Lucas doesn't say anything. He stares back at her, stoic. Her biggest fear is confirmed—it really isn't going to matter what she says. He's too stubborn.

The back of her throat tightens, tears of frustration brewing. She wants to scream and grab Lucas by the shoulders, shaking him until the screws that hold together his foundation come loose.

"This isn't even about that."

She can tell by the look on his face that he knows just how lame his response is.

"Oh, it's not?" she challenges him, her hands resting on her hips.

She's caught him off guard—chipped the vision he has of her stuck in his head in just the slightest of ways.

"Nathan is a bad guy, Haley," Lucas mutters, losing the edge that he had a couple of minutes prior.

"So, you keep saying!" she explodes, stepping closer to him. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees that a couple of people have stopped, tuning into their argument like it's their morning entertainment. "But you _never_ tell me why you think that. I'm starting to think that's just your excuse."

"Excuse for what?" He blinks harshly, recoiling back like he expects her to slap him across the face. The thought crosses her mind.

"To control me. To keep me prisoned on that pedestal that you put me on. I don't know why you're so obsessed with this…this image."

Lucas searches her face like he can't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. It baffles her that he still can't see what he's done to her and that he's not the wounded best friend, despite the role he's trying to play.

She can feel it in her gut that whatever he says next is going to be their undoing.

"I don't even know who you are anymore."

It takes an insane amount of strength for her to hold back her tears. He's wrong in more ways than one and so is she. The person standing before her is not her best friend and she hates to think this way, but she doesn't think he ever was.

"You never did."

~x~

Eyes follow her every move. She hears the whispers of bored and judgmental voices, narrating the fables that they treat like scriptures. Their sharp giggles and mocking laughs are hypersensitive to her ears. Her skin crawls, the attention seeping into her like poison. Being the center of attention was never her thing and her insecurities flare-up. She fights against the urge to hide or to run—but she's better than that. She can't let them know how uncomfortable they are making her.

She keeps her head held high as she walks towards her locker, avoiding eye contact with every person she passes. One thing she'll never understand is why people in this town care so much about other people and their lives.

"Hey," Peyton greets her, already waiting for Haley at her locker. "How was the walk in?"

"I saw Lucas," Haley mutters. She's still fuming about their encounter, analyzing every word that was said. The only regret she has is not saying more.

As she's opening her locker, she unintentionally makes eye contact with a freshman girl across the hall. She starts giggling and whispering to her friends and Haley rolls her eyes.

"I'm guessing that didn't go well."

"Not at all."

"He's been blowing my phone up all morning, but I haven't answered him," Peyton reveals. Haley senses her frustration and crinkles her eyebrows.

"Please don't jeopardize your relationship because of me."

"I'm not," Peyton promises. "I just haven't figured out what I'm going to say to him yet."

Haley nods, the action cutting short when she hears the murmurs around them grow significantly louder. Looking around, her body tenses and then relaxes when she sees Nathan approaching them. He approaches slowly and hesitantly, but he never once looks away from her face.

He saddles up next to her, the distance between them innocent enough to be nothing, but close enough to be something.

"You okay?" he greets her. She should be used to it by now but amazes her how unfazed he seems by all the attention directed their way.

"Yeah…just a little uncomfortable."

He frowns. "I'm sorry."

She shakes her head. "You don't have to apologize. I'll be okay."

Nathan doesn't seem convinced. She studies Nathan as he surveys the people around them. There's storminess in his eyes and a tension in his jaw that is foreign to her. He's contemplating something, she just doesn't know what.

"Fuck this," Nathan declares, taking her by surprise. He looks at her and a shiver goes down her spine. The intensity in his gaze is a thrilling combination of dominance and confidence.

Her heart leaps into her throat when his hand grabs hers, lacing their fingers together. With that simple action, she's transported to a safe place — a place where the only thing that matters is the two of them.

His free hand brushes away a few strands of her hair, tucking them behind her ear.

"I've sacrificed way too much for this town. I refuse to add you to that list."


	16. You and I

I think this might be one of my favorite chapters I've written, next to a chapter that is coming up very soon. It was kind of fun to write a carefree and fun Naley in this kind of story. Nothing beats writing angst, but it's nice to experience a change of pace every once in a while.

We still have a pretty long story ahead of us. I'm thinking...possibly upwards of 15 more chapters? I don't want to say anything for certain because things can always change as I continue to write and edit, but there's still a lot of story left to tell and it's...a wild roller coaster of a ride. But as always, thank you for allowing me to share this story with you all :)

* * *

_**You and I**_

The motivation to write came out of thin air. From the moment she woke up this morning, her head was buzzing with coherent sentences and her fingers were itching to type them. As soon as her fingertips hit the keys, she couldn't get herself to stop.

That was almost two hours again.

She didn't question why she grabbed the prompt Mr. Winter had given her but instead used it to guide her writing. It might not be something that she'll submit in support of the contest, but if nothing else, it's a therapeutic release after the bizzar-o universe she's been living in the past few days.

School might be taking a brief pause, but the weirdness of being on everyone's radar hasn't died down at all. She's received way too many text messages from numbers she didn't have saved and every time she steps outside of her house, she swears someone is watching her. Lucas hasn't reached out to her and she's not in a hurry to reach out to him either. And it's all just…weird.

All she wants is for things to get back as close to normal as they possibly can.

Lydia strolls into the kitchen with a book of crossword puzzles in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. Plopping the crossword puzzles down on the counter, she dumps out the old coffee in her cup before making herself a fresh batch.

"What time is Nathan getting here?"

There's also a chance that she's using her writing as a distraction to stop her from thinking about the "date" Nathan's taking her on. It's not technically a date—they're taking Lily to a birthday party. But it's the first time they're going to be together in public and something about that feels like a date.

Haley glances at the time. "Um, he should be here in about a half-hour. Lily doesn't have to be at the party until 3."

"Lily is his little sister, right?"

Haley nods.

"What's she like?"

"I don't really know all that much," Haley says with a shrug. "Every time I've been over Nathan's, she's kept to herself by hiding out in her room or watching TV. She only pops out to say hi every once in a while."

According to Nathan, Lily is as shy as they come and it takes a while for her to warm up to people. She loves to watch him whenever he talks about Lily. He always gets this special type of spark in his eye, one that screams admiration and love. She'd be lying if she said she isn't excited about spending an afternoon watching them interact.

"What are his parents like?"

"Why so many questions?"

"I'm just curious!" Lydia exclaims, settling herself into the chair diagonal from Haley. "This is my baby girl's first real boyfriend. I want to know everything."

Haley tosses her head back with a groan. "Please don't say anything like that in front of Nathan. In fact, just don't say anything you would normally say to embarrass me."

Lydia gasps, placing a hand over her heart. "I would never do such a thing."

Haley raises an eyebrow, tapping her fingers against the keys on her laptop. "You do it all the time."

"Okay, fine. I won't," Lydia says with a laugh. "But again, I ask, what are his parents like?"

Haley sighs, closing the top of her laptop and leaning her elbows on the countertop. She doesn't know where to start with answering that question—she's as confused about their dynamic as she is leery of it.

"I haven't met them. His mom is almost never home, and when she is, she ignores us completely."

Even so, his mom doesn't carry around the same coldness that his dad does. She seems jaded, exhausted even like she has too much on her plate and she's doesn't care enough to hold it up anymore.

"And his dad…"

Images of all the brief, yet hostile times she's seen Dan Scott in-person flash through her mind. Her thoughts focus mostly on the encounter outside of the school the other night and the bruise that she spotted on Nathan's side. She doesn't want to admit what she thinks she already knows. Nathan's only mentioned one time that his dad ever got physical with him and promised that it hasn't happened since.

She knows that she should bring it up to him, but how exactly do you say "hey, I think your dad might be physically assaulting you" to someone without crossing a boundary? That's not a light claim to make.

"…is not that great of a person."

Lydia doesn't ask for any elaboration and before she can ask another one, Haley asks one of her own.

"Where's dad?"

Haley doesn't miss the way Lydia tenses, her grip on her mug tightening. She suddenly seems uneasy—her gaze darting around the kitchen like she's looking for the safest thing to focus her attention on.

"He's at your uncle's."

She continues to eye Lydia, tracing over her features for any other sign of trouble. She doesn't find one.

"Is everything okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, why would you ask that?"

This time Lydia doesn't avoid looking at Haley. Any suspicious sign she saw moments before is gone. She lets it go for now but makes sure to stash the moment in her mental archives.

"No reason."

A few seconds later, Haley hears a car door slam outside and she jumps up from her chair. Looking out the window in the dining room, she sees Nathan getting out of his SUV. He takes a brief pause, ducking his head back into the car to talk to Lily, who she assumes is in the backseat.

The same warm butterflies that she gets whenever she sees Nathan fill her to the brim. She's never going to get tired of that feeling.

"Okay, he's here," Haley announces. "Seriously, mom, don't say anything embarrassing."

"I'll be on my best behavior. Scouts honor," Lydia promises with a smirk. She's enjoying this a little too much.

Haley races to the front door, taking a quick pause at the mirror in the living room. She fixes a few wayward strands of hair and smooths out her maroon Henley to put the finale touches on her appearance.

She opens the door as Nathan's ascending the porch steps. He looks nothing short of stunning in a jean jacket, black shirt, and khakis. His palms are rubbing against his thighs in that nervous way that he does, a jolt to his step.

"Hey," she greets him with a smile and he returns the gesture, although his smile is shaky.

"Hey," he says, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his khakis. "I asked Lily if she wanted to come in, but she wanted to wait in the car."

"That's okay." Haley stifles a smile at the way Nathan is buzzing next to her, rocking on the soles of his feet. "Are you ready to do this?"

"I'm terrified," Nathan replies without missing a beat. She takes a closer look at him and he appears a little pale.

"Why?" she asks with an amused giggle.

"I've never met a girl's parents before, you know that," Nathan mumbles. "At least not one that I care this much about."

She smiles at his words, but she can't resist the chance to tease him a little more. It's endearing to her how fearless and untouchable Nathan can be, but in the same vein be so vulnerable.

"You can go to school when everyone is talking about you and spreading rumors about you and be fearless, but this scares you?"

"That's different," Nathan defends. "I know how to handle those jackasses at school. But I don't know the first thing about this. It sounds stupid but—

Haley pulls him in by the lapels of his jacket, cutting him off with a kiss. She can feel the tension seep out of him as her lips move over his in a slow caress. His hands slip out of his pockets, finding her waist.

"You're going to be fine," she whispers once they pull away. There's a dazed look in his eyes that tells her, her technique worked. "It's just my mom. She talks way too much and will probably say things to try and make you uncomfortable. But she's mostly harmless. Mostly."

Nathan halfheartedly glares at her.

Haley pats his chest before detaching from him. "Just be glad my dad isn't home."

She means it in a teasing way, but can't help but laugh at his whimper.

Hearing the footsteps behind them, they turn to see Lydia approaching them with a dishtowel in her hands. She's drying her hands and rubbing her arms, giving off the appearance that she just got done doing the dishes or something of that nature. Haley rolls her eyes—she'd bet $100 that Lydia was standing at the edge of the kitchen, straining to hear every word that was said between them.

"I'm Lydia, Haley's mom. But something tells me that you already knew that." She extends her hand with a wink and Nathan follows her gesture, not before wiping his clammy hand on his pants.

"I'm Nathan Scott."

Lydia looks between the two of them. Her smile is genuine, but so is the look of mischief that she is sporting. Before Haley has a chance to warn her yet again, Lydia's mouth is opening.

"It's nice to finally meet the boy my daughter has been rolling around in the sheets with."

"Mom!" Haley admonishes with wide eyes, her cheeks flaming.

"What?" she feigns innocence, smiling.

Haley rolls her eyes. _Unbelievable_. She should have known that no matter how many warnings she gave, Lydia was still going to say whatever she wanted to.

Nathan clears his throat, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks are tinted pink. He's looking at Haley for help—desperate help. She links her arm through his, using her hip to push him towards the front door.

"We should get going."

"Already?"

Haley nods. "You already did exactly what I asked you not to do. I don't want to give you any more time to embarrass me."

Lydia's giggle tells Haley that she knows they're joking around and Haley refrains from smiling, fighting to keep her annoyed pretense intact.

"Okay, okay." Lydia slaps the dishtowel over her shoulder, laughing. "I guess I deserve that. Have fun. It was nice meeting you, Nathan. Don't be a stranger."

~x~

"You were right, your mom is certainly interesting," Nathan jokes as they descend the stairs.

"Try being with her for longer than two minutes," Haley laughs, pausing before they get to his car. Nathan stops with her. "Hey, um, does Lily know about…?"

"Us?" he fills in her for her.

Haley nods.

"She knows you're a very special friend," Nathan says with a cheesy smile, making her laugh.

An unprecedented wave of anxiety hits her. For the last few days, she's been living in an alternate universe and the alternate universe is starting to set in as her new reality. And that's a lot to take in.

Nathan clutches her elbow before they break off to opposite sides of the car, stopping her once more. Judging by the look on his face, he knows she's anxious.

"Hey, listen, let's not worry about anything tonight, alright?" He tucks her hair behind her ear. "Not Lucas, not the asshole who sent that picture around, or the people at school. Let's just…have fun."

His words are exactly what she needs, easing the bubbling emotions inside of her that threaten to spill over.

"Okay. You're right." Haley nods and they head to his car.

"Hey, Lily," Haley greets Lily as she hops into Nathan's car, leaning over the center counsel to see her. She's seated in the center of the backseat, a small gift bag resting on her lap. "You excited for the party?

Lily nods with a timid smile. It always catches Haley off guard how much Lily looks like Nathan. Her shoulder-length hair is the same raven color as Nathan's, matching blue eyes with hints of grey and green.

"Have you ever been ice skating?

"Yep," Lily says with pride, head held high. "My grandma taught me how to."

"She even has her own pair of skates. Isn't that right?" Nathan smiles at Lily through the rear-view mirror. With that simple action, she lights up— her timid nature evaporating.

"Yep! They're black and have purple sparkly laces. I picked them out myself," Lily explains in rapid succession.

"That's awesome," Haley chirped. "I can't wait to see you rock that ice."

Haley settles into the passenger seat as Nathan pulls out of the driveway. There's something about this whole thing that feels so settle and domestic. It's one of those moments that seem so insignificant, but she's going to remember for the sole purpose that was the moment things finally felt right for all the good reasons.

"I never got around to asking you what happened to your mustang?" she asks to make conversation.

"Oh um." He clears his throat, shifting in his seat. "It's been in the shop for the last few weeks. The breaks were squeaking and since it's an older car, the parts had to be ordered. This is my mom's old car."

She might be imagining things, but he appeared nervous about answering her question. She brushes it off, that is until he reaches for the radio dial and she notices the scraps on his knuckles. They look fresh, dried blood still teasing the outline of the lacerations. Mostly, they look like superficial wounds, but she can't but feel as if the reason behind them is anything but superficial.

~x~

Cold air sweeps against her cheeks as they walk into the ice skating rink. The place is packed, people of all ages littering every table and bench insight. A playlist of Top 40's music blares over the speakers but even that isn't loud enough to drown out the buzz of all the patrons.

She's experiencing a sensory overload—her eyes aren't sure where to look and her ears aren't sure what to listen to. She's never been a huge fan of crowds and with everything else going on, her brain is tricking her into thinking everyone is looking at her. They're miles away from Tree Hill and they don't have to hide anymore, but it's going to take some time getting used to.

She has to remind herself several times that her worrying isn't conducive to anything but unneeded anxiety.

"You okay?" Nathan cuts through her thoughts.

"Yeah. This is just…not having to…," she stumbles over her words, trailing off when she can't find the right ones. Luckily, Nathan is on the same wavelength as she is.

"Yeah, it's definitely a change."

"A good or bad change?"

"Good. Really good."

They share a smile but are interrupted by Lily yelling at them to hurry up.

"Lily, don't run so far ahead! You know the rule!" Nathan shouts at Lily's retreating back. Her skate bag is dragging behind her, the gift bag attached to it bouncing like crazy.

"Well, hurry up!" she yells back without sparring a glance their way. She's already heading up the stairs that lead to the party rooms.

"You know what you sounded like right there?"

"Hm?"

"A dad."

She says it as a joke, but in a way, she means it. With Lily, he's different. He appears older—wiser, with a hint of maturity that is beyond his years. It's a side of him that she's enamored with, but also saddens her.

Nathan grimaces. "Please don't say that. I'm only seventeen. Kids are definitely not something I want until I'm at least 30."

She suffers a brain aneurysm for about thirty seconds when she pictures having kids one day with him. She's sixteen and they're in high school—it's way too soon to be fantasizing something like that.

"I was making a simple observation," Haley replies innocently as they start the trek up the stairs.

"I guess with Lily, I've always felt like I had to act a little older around her. You know my parents…they don't care about anything but themselves and she gets pushed to the side a lot. I feel like it's my duty to make up for that."

"I think that means you're a great older brother."

When they reach the top of the stairs, they're met with an influx of purple and red balloons. A shrill chorus of children's screams and laughter pierce Haley's ears like an unhinged circus. Lily is already sitting down at one of the tables, pulling her ice skates out of her bag as she talks excitedly with the kids around her. There's a large banner dangling behind her that reads "Happy 9th Birthday, Madison!"

A short middle-aged woman approaches them. She's dressed way too fancy for a kid's birthday party in her black dress and high heels, but her smile is welcoming.

"Hey, Mrs. Landry," Nathan greets her. "My parents couldn't make it today, so I thought we would bring Lily here ourselves."

It doesn't escape Haley that Mrs. Landry doesn't look in her direction. In fact, her eyes don't seem to stay in one place for very long, bouncing from kid to kid like she expects one of them to start a fire.

"Oh, that was first nice of you!" Mrs. Landry replies in a thick southern accent. "We've only rented the party room for about an hour and a half, so you can come back at around 4:45 and pick her up. Or, we had a couple of people cancel, so you're more than welcome to use their complimentary skate tickets."

"Oh, totally. Thanks."

"No problem. Feel free to help yourself to any of the pizza or drinks we have."

Before Nathan can get another word in, she's walking away, yelling at a little boy for getting too close to the birthday cake.

"Well, she's…interesting."

Nathan chuckles, leaning towards her and dropping his voice to a whisper. "Rumor on the street is that she does cocaine on the weekends."

Haley gasps, jabbing him in the side with her elbow. "Shh, that's not nice."

"I'm not lying," Nathan chuckles. "Shirley told Sue who told Mary who told Steve who told me at the last neighborhood barbeque."

Haley rolls her eyes but doesn't hide her smile or conceal her laugh.

"Shall we?" Nathan motions towards the ice rink once their teasing dies down.

"Oh, I don't ice skate. But you should go out there and skate with Lily. I'm sure she'd love it."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I'll just enjoy the view."

~x~

Haley can't contain her smile as she watches Nathan ice skate. He moves on the ice so flawlessly, the skates gliding as if he were walking on water. Lily, too. Her movements are a little more clunky, but still those of someone who has had some practice.

Her smile grows wide when she sees Nathan join Lily, taking both of her hands in his. Still skating, he crouches down a bit and turns her so that she's skating backward. Over the music, she hears Lily's giggles and squeals of Nathan's name as he twirls her. He never lets go of her, making sure she's safe with every movement.

The love between them is infectious and their bond seems unbreakable. It's a sight that warms her heart and makes her fall that much harder for him.

After a couple of more minutes of goofing around, Nathan lets Lily go back to skating with her friends. Haley meets eyes with Nathan as he rounds the corner by the watch area where she's standing. Instead of completing the round, he skates over to her, his skates hitting against the bumpers as he sticks his landing. The smile he's sporting has her heart skipping a beat, the ease and beauty of it slowing the fast-moving world around them.

He greets her by leaning in and for a split second, Haley falls back into the same paranoia and she backs away from him. He arches an eyebrow at her and she giggles, shaking her head before meeting him halfway. Their kiss is light, but intimate and leaves her breathless.

"I really like the fact that I can kiss you whenever I want now," Nathan mumbles as they pull away.

"It's something I could definitely get used to."

She never said it out loud, but there was a small part of her that worried once their relationship took off the cloak of invisibility that it wouldn't the same. That the magic between them only existed when it was just the two of them, untainted by the world. Maybe it's too soon to make an accurate judgment, but she's certain that any worry she had about that is wrong.

"You having fun?"

"Honestly, loads. It figures you would be really good at ice skating too," she teases. "Isn't there anything you aren't good at?"

"Golf."

He says it so quickly and disdainfully that Haley laughs a little louder than necessary, earning a couple of glares from the older women sitting on the spectator bench a couple of feet away from them. She angles her body away from them, lowering her giggles.

"I'm serious," Nathan says, chuckling along with her. "I don't have the patience or the delicacy for it."

"That's too bad because golf is my favorite sport."

"Now I know you're lying." Nathan rolls his eyes, knocking his shoulder against hers. "What's it gonna take to get you in a pair of skates?"

"That's never gonna happen."

She would rather die. Dramatic? Yes. But is the truth? Absolutely. She isn't against participating in sports of any capacity, even if they aren't her thing, but when you add in something that is just begging for an accident to happen? No, thanks.

"Come on! I can teach you," Nathan tries to persuade her. She has to admit he's being convincing with his small pout and sparkling eyes.

Haley shakes her head, laughing. "I don't think you can teach someone if they just keep falling all over the place."

"I won't let you fall, I promise."

The teasing is gone from his voice and she's considering his offer. She's only been ice skating one time when she was little and it ended with a bloody nose and a trip to the hospital. She swore she'd never put a pair of ice skates on again.

"Hales, come on, it'll be fun."

Ten minutes and a lot of begging later, she's in a pair of skates and standing on the edge of the ice. Her heart is pounding, sweat dotting the back of her neck. The only thing her brain keeps repeating is faded images of blood and a hospital room.

_It's okay. You got this. It's was years ago and it's not gonna happen again._

Taking a breath, she places one foot on the ice, and her foot slides beneath her. Her hands fly out to the grip the siding and her panic surges.

"Nathan, I don't think I can do this," she calls out frantically, white-knuckling the siding.

He skates closer to her. His smile isn't mocking or teasing, it's comforting.

"Yes, you can," he coaxes her, holding out his hand. "Just give me your hand."

Haley hesitates, trying to control her rapid breathing. She feels silly for being such a baby about stepping out on to the ice.

"You know those freak accidents that you have as a child?" she prompts him. "The kind where you end up hurting yourself really badly and even though you can't remember exactly what happened, the effect of it sticks with you forever?"

"Yeah. I was four and broke my arm by flipping over the handlebars of a motor scooter."

"Mine was an ice skating one." She speaks through heavy puffs of air. "Broke my nose."

Nathan frowns. "Oh, gosh. We don't have to do this if you don't want to do."

It's sweet of him to offer her a way out and the urge to take it is strong. But she's made it this far and after spending the last half hour watching couples skate around together, she wants to experience the same.

"No, I, uh…I think I should at least try."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Nathan stretches out his hand, again. "Okay. Take my hand. I promise I won't let you fall. If you want to stop at any time, you just say the word, okay?"

She takes his hand and very carefully, he leads her onto the ice. As soon as the blade of her skates touch the ice, her body tenses. Nathan wraps his free arm around her waist, holding her to him. His body is warm and solid against hers, bringing her just enough comfort to get through this.

"I got you," he promises and goosebumps break out on her skin—from the cool air on the rink or his husky voice, she isn't sure.

"Let's stay near the siding so we're out of the way of the other skaters," Nathan suggests, leading her as close to the wall as they can get. "Okay, first things first, bend your knees a little."

She does as he tells her, ignoring the way her knees shake.

"Good. Now the trick is to alternate the gliding of your legs while trying not to lift your skate too far off the ice. And try not to angle your foot down, you'll get your pick stuck in the ice and you'll fall."

Haley follows his instructions the best that she can, but she's a little wobbly. If the vice grip she has on Nathan's arm is painful, he doesn't show it.

"That's it. Just move your legs a little faster."

She practices her movements for a couple of minutes, never letting go of her grip on Nathan. He doesn't let her go, either. Her feet don't glide as easily against the ice as Nathan's do, but she isn't as stiff as she expected. After completing a full loop around the rink, Nathan leads her over to a stopping area. He doesn't remove his arm from her waist until she has a tight grip on the balance bar.

"I think you're ready to kick it up a notch."

She cringes, her insides twisting. "I don't think I want to know what you mean by that."

Nathan chuckles, skating so that his back facing the opposite direction of the flow of traffic. "It's not that bad. I'm gonna skate backward in front of you and you're going to hold on to my hands."

"Nathan…"

"I'm not going to let you fall," he repeats, reaching for her hands.

Her heart is pounding as he leads her back onto the ice. He squeezes her hands as he stretches away from her.

"Remember what I told you about moving your legs."

They move in-sync, him pulling her along with him. Skating like this isn't as scary as she thought it would be, her skates gliding against the ice in a smoother pattern. She's equally impressed at how Nathan can skate backward just as well as he can do it normally, only looking over his shoulder when they round the curves.

"You think you can let go of my hands?" Nathan asks after they make two loops around the rink like that.

Haley swallows thickly. Her fear threatens to derail any progress she's made, but she fights hard against it. Nathan said he wasn't going to let her fall and she's been doing a lot better than she thought she would.

"Yeah."

His fingers slip from hers and she keeps her legs moving as he told her. She's a little unsteady, keeping her hands outstretched to maintain her balance. But she's skating. She's actually skating!

Meeting eyes with Nathan, she grows more confident when he smiles at her, skill skating backward. She doesn't feel silly or embarrassed with Nathan, only like she's a little kid learning a new skill.

A couple of kids skate passed her in rapid fashion and she loses her balance. She shrieks, her eyes squeezing shut. She expects to come face first with the ice but instead lands against Nathan's chest. Both of his arms circle her waist, holding her up.

"Sorry," she mutters sheepishly, looking up at him.

Nathan helps her regain her balance but keeps his hands on her hips. "I told you I wasn't going to let you fall."

"Thanks."

"Do you want to try again?"

"Yeah, I think I can do that."

They try a few more times and each time, Haley gets a little bit better at maintaining her balance. She stumbles a few times, but Nathan catches her every time. It's almost 4:30 when they decide it's time to give up and get ready to leave. As they step off the ice, Nathan tosses an arm over her shoulders.

"I'm proud of you."

She leans into him, peering up at him through her eyelashes. "Thanks for teaching me."

~x~

"I had fun tonight," Nathan beamed as they reached Haley's front door, swinging their joined hands. After Lily's party, Nathan dropped her back at their house before going back to Haley's. Apparently there was some show on at seven that Lily could "absolutely not miss or she was going to die."

"Me, too," Haley echoes, leaning against the door frame to her front door. She feels like she's floating, happiness replacing the blood in her veins. Today was the first day in a while where she's felt completely free, even with her fleeting moments of anxiety. "It was like our official, unofficial first public date."

Nathan takes a step closer to her and through the faded glow of her porch light, she sees a mix of a smile and smirk spread across his face. Goosebumps erupt on her skin.

"Hm, remind me that I need to take you on a real, real first date one of these days, one that isn't in my grandma's pool." His voice drops an octave, taking on that husky quality that she loves so much.

"Okay, but no dinner and movie type dates." She waggles a finger at him, a mock-serious expression on her face. "Those are cliché and boring, and I hate cliché and boring."

"Noted," Nathan says with a laugh, stepping even closer to her. "What about a picnic on the beach that ends with us making out under the stars? Is that too cliché for you?"

She makes a show of thinking about it.

"Mmm…maybe, but it doesn't sound all that boring," she replies with a twinkle in her eye.

Her back flattens against the door as Nathan crowds her space. He lets go of her hand, gripping her waist while the other hand caresses her jaw. His lips smooth out against hers and all of the thoughts are wiped clean from her mind.

It's like she's in a movie—the stars twinkling above them and the gentle breeze brushing against their bodies. They're untouchable, standing on her porch and kissing like they don't have a care in the world. It's far from the truth, but it feels good to pretend for a while.

She reaches up to palm the hand that is cupping her cheek. She accidentally brushes her fingers against the raw cuts on his knuckles and he flinches. Before she has a chance to stop herself, she's pulling away, the illusion shattering. She'd forgotten all about his hand.

"What happened to your hand?"

Deep rivets form on Nathan's forehead, his eyes closing briefly like he's thinking of the perfect way to answer her question.

"Oh, I was, um, taking out the trash and accidentally scraped my hand against the side of the house."

"Are you sure that's what happened?" Her question flies out of her mouth with thick incredulity.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he defends, more confused than agitated. She still sees that flicker of fear on his face at her questions.

"What about the bruise on your side?" She motions towards his body.

"You mean the one I got when I got hit during that game a few weeks ago?'

"It looked a little more severe than that."

He looks at her in disbelief and she senses a bit of annoyance radiating off of him. She didn't expect him to just come out and say it, but it still gets under her skin he's not cooperating with her.

"Haley, what is this? An interrogation?"

He's not going to budge and she doesn't want to push him—she knows better than that. With all the progress he's made with opening up, she'd be a fool to push him into a corner.

"You know what, you're right." Her hands raise in defense, swiping at the air. "I just thought...I worry about you. That's all."

"And I appreciate that. But I promise I'm fine."


	17. Long Drive

Thank you all for your reviews :)

This chapter and the next chapter were originally one giant chapter because the events in them happen over a period of a month, almost like a montage type of situation. But I decided that instead of having one giant chapter that was 9,000+ words, I would split them up into two, so here we are :)

* * *

_**Long Drive**_

Nathan pulls into a parking spot near the back of the lot, cutting the engine. Haley examines the steady stream of students filing into the lot, her stomach twisting and turning. She doesn't feel that same weight she felt the day before break, but things still feel strange…off balance. She supposes that it's going to take some time before things start to feel normal again.

"You ready?"

Haley swallows the growing lump in her throat and rips her eyes away from their peers. She tries not to focus on the anxiety rattling the beat of her heart or the clammy feel of her hands.

"What do you think the chances are that they've just completely moved past this and forgot all about us?"

"I wish."

Nathan studies her face for a couple of seconds before reaching for her hand, pressing a kiss to the inside of her wrist. She melts, the tension seeping out of her bones. It's moments like this where she realizes that when she's with him, she feels like she can do anything. Like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," he reassures her. "Just try to ignore the stares and the whispers. It's worth giving your attention to."

"How are you so calm about this?"

She doesn't ask with incredulity but genuine curiosity. With the exception of the initial shock of the leak of the picture of them kissing on her porch, he's been…calm and rational.

"I'm not," Nathan admits. "I've just perfected the art of pretending."

He says it with humor, a wink and a twinkle in his eye, but she responds with less enthusiasm.

"You don't have to pretend with me, you know that, right?"

"It's a force of habit." He smiles sheepishly, adding a shrug to his shoulders.

"I'm serious, Nathan."

"I know," he relents, dropping the awkward humor. His hand finds its way back to hers, giving it a comforting squeeze. "And for the record, I don't pretend with you. I'm just still working on…figuring out on how to do that with everyone else."

She smiles at him, palming his cheek. A flutter of her heart resonates deep within her as he leans into her touch. There are cracks forming in that hard shell of his, she feels them every time he breaks it down for her. She can't wait for the day where everyone else gets to see what she sees.

A loud cacophony of voices from the group of students passing by Nathan's car thrusts them back into reality. She drops her hand from his face, startled. No matter how lost she gets in the little world they've built, reality always has to creep back in.

"We should get going."

"I meant what I said," Nathan says, reaching for his backpack in the back seat. "With those people out there, you have to try to ignore them and pretend it doesn't bother you. Eventually, they'll move on."

Stepping out of Nathan's car is like stepping through vortex made up of all her insecurities and biggest wishes that raging a faultless war. Judgmental and curious eyes hone in on her, but she avoids meeting any of their gazes. It doesn't help that whoever took that picture of them is still roaming around.

Straightening her spine and holding her head high, she hikes her backpack over her shoulders and paints an unbothered smile on her face. They're just two people walking into school together and that's exactly how they should be treated.

Nathan saddles up next to her and grabs her hand, locking their fingers together. She swears the intensity of the whispering voices around them grow louder, prodding gazes zeroing in on their joined hands.

She tells herself over and over again, like a prayer, that people aren't looking at them. At least, not as intensely as her brain is tricking her into believing. It takes a couple of tries, but soon enough, those loud and chatty voices in her head become background noise.

Her heart pounds the entire walk into the school building, but they make it to her locker without any hiccups. Peyton is waiting for her, mouth set into a hard line and forehead puckered.

"Why aren't you with Lucas?" Haley asks, a line forming between her brows.

Peyton glances at Haley before settling her gaze on her nails, picking at the chipped black nail polish.

"We're…uh, currently fighting," Peyton mumbles.

"About what?"

Peyton drops her hands and the metal of the lockers she's leaning on rattles loudly. She tilts her head back, keeping her gaze set on the fluorescent lights lining the hallway.

"He tried to make me pick between being his girlfriend and being your friend and I told him that I wasn't choosing."

Haley's mouth twists, along with her stomach. Why is it that when one thing starts to look up, another thing has to go wrong? It's like she's a shiny prize and guilt is doing everything it can to not let her go.

"Wow, he's really being a dick," Nathan comments, earning an elbow to the ribs from Haley.

"God, Peyton, I'm so sorry," Haley laments. "This is the last thing I wanted to happen. I've tried reaching out to him a couple of times over the past few days, but he hasn't answered any of my texts or calls."

She wasn't going to reach out to him, but the last time they talked refused to sit well with her. It wasn't in her nature to let someone walk away without at least trying to keep them in her life, no matter what the circumstances are. But with every text gone unanswered, she loses more of her patience.

Peyton shifts her gaze to Haley, her lips curling into a small and soft smile. "I know and it's not your fault that my boyfriend is being a…as Nathan so delicately put it, a dick."

Peyton looks over at Nathan. "Are you sure that you never did anything to him?"

"I swear," Nathan promises. "The only thing I can think of is the hazing, but I wasn't the only person on the team to do that."

"I am so over this!" Peyton snaps, spearing hands through her hair. Her aggravated shout garners the attention of a few people walking by them, but she's not the slightest bit fazed. A perfectly arched eyebrow raises in warning as she steps closer to Nathan, poking him once in the chest.

"Nathan, I want to make one thing clear. I don't know if I trust you, but I trust Haley and she thinks that you're a good guy, so I'm going to give you a chance. Even though my boyfriend might hate me for it but that's his problem."

Nathan's eyes stretch into saucers, glancing between Peyton and Haley. "Um…okay."

Peyton's tight lips stretch into a smile. "Good. Now, I'm going to skip first period to go sit in my car and blast every angry Panic! song that I know."

"Is Peyton always that scary?" Nathan wonders after she stalks away.

"No, she just likes to make people think she is."

~x~

Haley is the first one in English class and she walks quietly to her desk, trying not to disturb Mr. Winter. From the looks of it, he's grading the quizzes he left with the substitute teacher the day before mid-winter break. Setting her stuff down, she slides into her chair. The chair squeaks against the linoleum and Mr. Winter looks up, catching her glance.

He goes back to grading without saying anything. Haley squirms, eyebrows knitting together as she stares at him. It's not like Mr. Winter to ignore her or give her the cold shoulder. Clearing her throat, she leans across her desk and attempts to evaporate some of the unexpected awkwardness.

"How was your extra-long break?"

"It was only an extra day," Mr. Winter corrects, looking up and offering her a small smile. "It was good. I went down to Charleston to visit my parents for my dad's birthday. How was yours?"

"It was okay." Haley shrugs.

Mr. Winter looks back down, continuing to run his red pen over the papers he's correcting. Confusion and a strong sense of being unwanted fill her to the brim, prickling and scratching at her insides. Deciding that she needs to go find something else to do before class starts, she gets up from her seat and heads for the door.

She's not halfway there before Mr. Winter speaks again.

"Did you hang out with Nathan?"

Her breath catches in her throat and her heart drops to her stomach. The question slips out so casually like he's asking her how the weather is.

"Oh…" She swallows hard, slowly turning on her heels. "So, you heard about that."

He's looking at her now, expectation and fierceness in his eyes. "Yeah, I gotta say, I wasn't all that surprised when I heard that rumor swirling around when I walked in this morning."

"You weren't?" Her arms wrap around her body like a protective shield.

Mr. Winter gives her a look. "Haley, I saw that tense conversation between the two of you in the hallway and it looked like a lot more than a disagreement on tutoring. Not to mention, your sudden eagerness to be my student assistant? And all the little looks you guys give each other when you think no one is looking during games? I figured something was going on…but I'm not sure I expected that you guys were…dating."

Haley looks down at her feet, her cheeks blazing. She wonders how many other people were on to them but never said anything.

"Was he what you were referring to all those times we talked? About doing the right thing versus what's right for you?"

His tone bothers her. It's a mixture between accusing and the comforting type— like he's struggling between being angry at her, while also trying to be the supportive figure he's always been.

"He is."

A slow breath of air trails out of his mouth as he drops his pen on to his desk. Both hands run over his face and she can't read his expression.

"You and Nathan Scott," Mr. Winter says with a dry laugh and a shake of his head.

Her defenses rise, the hair on the back of her neck electrified. Out of everyone, she gave the least amount of thought to her expectations on how he would react to her and Nathan. In hindsight, maybe that was naïve and blind.

"Is there something wrong?"

"No," Mr. Winter races out only to backtrack seconds later. "I mean…it's just…it's a little strange."

Her eyes widen. "Strange?"

Mr. Winter pushes his chair out from underneath his desk, resting his elbows on the tops of his thighs. His palms rub together and the swooshing sound that action makes is amplified. Everything around her is foggy and crystal clear at the same time, like a dream in high definition.

"You guys are complete opposites of each other and I don't…," he trails off, narrowing his eyes. "I don't know if I like it."

"No offense, but I don't really think you have that right," she shoots back, her gull catching them both off guard.

"You're right." He raises his hands in defense, palms pointing towards her. "You're right. I just hope that your little romance doesn't interfere with your duties as my student assistant or his on the basketball court."

Her face stings like he's slapped her. Anger and disbelief punch her straight in the gut, another totem pole at the base of her foundation crumbling.

"We don't plan on it."

"Good."

~x~

"So, you're the new Brooke Davis."

Haley looks up from her spot on the grass, squinting against the beams of sun peeking out behind the tall and stocky figure of Tim Smith. Out of all of Nathan's friends, Tim makes her the most uncomfortable.

It's been about a week since she was thrown into what she likes to call the "elite" world. There were a lot of things that she and Nathan didn't ever think to talk about, like the people he calls friends or if they were going to sit next to each other during lunch. Trivial things that normal couples don't have to decide on or talk about.

The decision was made for them by Nathan's friends. The second they walked into the courtyard on the first day back from break, his friends flocked to them. A few of the cheerleaders that Haley knew were friends with Brooke gave her sugary sweet smiles, the tightness in their lips almost as fake as the grace in their compliments.

At the end of the day, his friends weren't as bad as she expected, but there's still a weird dynamic between them. It's not that she didn't believe Nathan when he said his friendships were more about convenience than anything else, but it shocked her just _how_ true that statement was. The conversations she overheard were superficial at best, no real chemistry between the patrons. Every single one of them was playing into the clichés of high school and thriving off of them.

It was all very unexpectedly expected. And weird. So very weird.

"Excuse me?"

Uninvited, Tim claims the spot of grass next to her, plucking a grape from the container in front of her. She grimaces, moving it from out of his reach. Tim doesn't notice.

"I thought maybe Nate was going through a weird phase," Time says with a shrug. "Got a little bored with Brooke and wanted to see what else was out there. But I guess you're the real deal."

Haley scoots over a smidge, putting some much-needed distance between them. Her skin is crawling, unease tightening in her gut. She does a quick glance around the courtyard, looking for any sign that Nathan is done with his math quiz and is coming to join her for lunch.

"I don't…I don't know what you want me to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything. I was just making an observation."

Tim slides his backpack off his shoulders and reclines his body, kicking his feet out. He unzips his bag, pulling out a brown paper lunch. Haley glances around once again, this time looking for anyone who might be watching them. This is starting to feel like a prank and she wouldn't put it past Nathan's friends to pull one on her.

"Do you love him?"

Haley almost chokes on her saliva. The beating of her heart kicks up several notches, triggering her flight or fight response.

"What?"

"Do you love him? Nathan?"

The way he asks is so nonchalantly, yet suspiciously at the same time. She knows her answer, but even if she wanted to, she isn't going to tell Tim her answer before she has the chance to tell Nathan.

"I don't think that's any of your business."

Tim smirks and goosebumps rise on her skin. _God, where is Nathan?_ _How long could it possibly take to take a three-question math quiz?_

"Okay, that's fine. Keep your secrets." He takes a bite of his sandwich, which smells a lot like tuna. "But just so you know, he and Brooke were in love."

She knows it's not true, but that doesn't stop her heart from sinking a bit. It's not a comment that she's going to let her insecurities wrap their grimy fingers around and run with. She believes Nathan—it's sad how out of touch his "friends" are with him.

"You have any siblings?"

_What the?_

In the distance, she sees Nathan heading her way. Relief washes over her and a breath of fresh air expels from her lungs. She couldn't take any more of Tim's weird fishing and prodding into her personal life.

"Oh, look, there's Nathan!" she announces.

Tim's eyes stretch wide and within seconds, he's stuffing his lunch back into his bag and hopping off the ground. Without saying a word to her, Tim takes off, brushing past Nathan in the process and leaving her frazzled.

"What was that about?" Nathan inquires, plopping down next to her. His eyebrows are knitted together and he looks as confused as she feels.

"I don't…know. He just came over here and started asking me personal questions."

She watches Nathan's gaze follow Tim back to his usual lunch table. His lips press into a hard line and a flicker of emotion passes through his eyes.

"Ignore him. He likes to cause trouble when he's bored."

~x~

The bleachers are rapidly filling up with spectators—students, parents, and faculty alike. Since coming back from mid-winter break, the Ravens are on a winning streak. School pride is never an issue in Tree Hill, but there's always an extra buzz when the basketball team is doing well and on track to the playoffs.

Haley weaves through some of the spectators that have spilled on to the court, talking in groups to pass the time until tip-off. She only trips once, her vision limited due to the pile of towels in her arms.

"Here you go," she says, dropping the towels on the empty chair next to Mr. Winter. "I grabbed a couple of extra ones just in case."

Mr. Winter glances up from his clipboard and flashes a toothy grin. "Thanks. I appreciate you."

Her lips curve into a small smile. "You're welcome. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

Mr. Winter checks the time on his watch. "No, not right now."

She nods and quickly finds an excuse to put some distance between them. Ever since his comments about her and Nathan, she's not sure how to act around him. He tries to talk to her like normal, but there's an edge to his voice and their conversations.

But she doesn't let herself think about it or over analyze it. She can't.

Reaching the bathroom, Haley swings open the door and stops dead in her tracks. Fully decked out in her cheer uniform, Brooke is standing at one of the sinks, carefully painting an "R" on her cheek. For a brief second, Haley's eyes fall to her other cheek—the one that used to harbor the painted on "23" during games. It's something so small and insignificant, but it throws Haley a dose a reality at how fast things can change.

She's seen Brooke around in the school hallways, at basketball games, and their paths have crossed a couple of times during the lunch. Unlike the other times she and Brooke came in contact with each other, Brooke didn't greet her with a smile. If anything, it seemed as if Brooke was making a conscious effort to avoid her, not making eye contact with her or even looking in her direction.

A friendship was in never in the cards for them, Haley always knew that even though Brooke didn't. It still stings though, losing that thread of connection between them.

Before Haley can decide whether or not she should sneak out and pretend she was never there or say something, Brooke looks in her direction. She tenses, the hand holding her small paintbrush dropping into the sink.

Slow seconds tick by, the silence stretching between them. The knots in Haley's stomach twist painfully as a light perspiration dots the back of her neck. She has no clue how to approach this or if she even should. Does she apologize? Does she try and explain her side of things? Or does she let it go?

The old Haley would have run from this, but she's trying to let go of the old her. One piece at a time.

Haley clears her throat and takes a few steps closer to Brooke, sliding her hands into the pockets of her jeans. "How are you?"

It's a dumb question, but it's the only thing she could come up with.

Brooke matches her gaze, her face giving off a warm glow that's been missing the past few weeks. But there's a pain that resonates in her eyes…a dullness that wasn't there before.

"I'm okay,"

An awkward silence forms between them again. The elephant in the room grows with each second that they ignore it. Haley decided to bite the bullet.

"Brooke…about Nathan—"

Brooke halts her with her hand, shaking her head.

"You know, I knew he was seeing someone else," Brooke admits as she starts to put her make-up away. "I just didn't want to admit it. I felt him pulling away months ago. I never guessed that it would be you that he was sneaking around with."

Haley swallows hard. She can't pinpoint the emotion in Brooke's voice.

"I'm guessing by now he told you that he and I weren't what everyone thought we were?"

Haley nods.

"Of course, he did," Brooke laughs, but it's absent of any humor. She starts slamming her make up brushes into the bag, taking her aggression out on the plastic tools. "I'm hurt and I'm angry. But I really have no one to blame but myself."

Haley isn't sure if she should interject or continue to let Brooke rant.

"I was stupid," Brooke continues, her voice cracking like she's holding back tears. "I knew what our arrangement was and I knew what we had wasn't real, but I fell in love with him anyway."

Haley's breath catches in her throat, her stomach dropping. This new revelation catches her off guard and sends her spiraling. In some ways, it lessens her guilt, the affirmation that they weren't truly a couple, and that Brooke doesn't blame her for what happened. But in other ways, it increases her guilt tenfold. Brooke fell in love with Nathan and loving someone who doesn't love you….

"And I never told him. I was always too scared to tell him and maybe if I would have, things would be different. I would do anything for him to love me the way I love him. But I know that isn't gonna happen."

Brooke inhales shakily, look Haley right in the eyes.

"He was my first love, but I wasn't his."

A voice inside of Haley's head is screaming at her to say something, to not let Brooke walk away without any kind of…. attempt to mend things. But she can't think of a single thing.

The sound of the bathroom door slamming closed almost feels like a symbol for the closing of the lid on her and Brooke's short friendship. And Haley has no idea how she feels.


	18. Long Drive Again

Thank you so much for your reviews :)

It was interesting to see how you would all react to the news about Brooke - it was something that I was most nervous about because there was a lot of speculation about her regarding if she and Haley were going to be friends, enemies, or what. While Brooke and her story is based on a real thing, I wanted to be careful with her character. I didn't want to fall into the same tropes that are seen a lot with a character like Brooke, so while some parts of this story have been adjusted to match a more familiar feel of Naley, Brooke and her story hasn't really been changed much from reality. Just a little fun fact.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

_Long Drive...Again _

"Big game tonight, huh?"

Nathan glances up at her as he continues to tie his shoes. "Oh, it's only the game that determines whether or not we make the playoffs this year."

Haley giggles, taking a seat next to him on the bleachers. There's still about forty-five minutes left before the game starts and most of the players are shooting around on the court. She and Nathan don't normally get a chance to talk like this before games and she's taking advantage of it.

"Do you ever get nervous?"

Nathan shrugs. "Sometimes. But whenever I'm on the court, everything else melts away. I don't have to think."

She smiles, absentmindedly reaching for his hand. She runs her fingers over his, playing with them. He doesn't seem to mind.

The hype and talk surrounding their relationship have slowed down over the past couple of weeks. She still hears the whispers and feels the stares, but it's nice not being the center of attention of any room she walks into.

"Watching you play is my favorite pastime."

Nathan smirks and leans in closer to her, his nose brushing against hers. "You know, I think I've been playing even better since you've been coming to every game."

"Mm, really?" Her eyes flutter closed as she matches his leaning. Nathan's lips brush against hers, but they quickly break apart when they hear Mr. Winter shout from across the gym.

"HJ! Can you stop distracting my players and help me move these practice basketballs back into the closet?"

Mr. Winter attempts to say it as a joke, but the forced and chalky laugh ruins his cover. Haley sighs as she detaches from Nathan, frowning when she sees Nathan glaring at Mr. Winter over her shoulder, jaw ticking.

"Whatever you're thinking, just stop," she warns him, sliding off the bleachers.

"I'm not thinking anything," Nathan defends while he avoids meeting her eyes.

"Nathan…"

He slaps his hands against his knees before standing up. The annoyance is clear on his face—his features pinched into a scowl.

"You already know what I'm going to say."

Haley slumps her shoulders, frowning. She's known Mr. Winter for a couple of years now and he's never once done or said anything to make her uncomfortable or make her think that something inappropriate is brewing. He's always been someone she's trusted and confided in when things got tough. And even though his response to her and Nathan was…a little tense, she refuses to believe that it was anything more than him being protective.

"And you know what I'm going to say to that," she shoots back, her smile lighthearted and her voice like tinsel to ease some of the tension.

Nathan glares at her, but it doesn't hold the same harshness it did moments before. She smiles at him, patting his cheek. She moves to walk away, but Nathan grabs her wrist, pulling her into a surprising kiss. His lips are hard against hers like he has something to prove. It's both a caveman move that she knows she has to put a stop too, but also one that is thrilling and intoxicating. She's never had a guy get jealous over her and it's kind of hot.

But also inappropriate given their setting and his intended audience.

When he pulls away, she's left dizzy and wanting more. By the time she comes back down from her high, Nathan is gone.

~x~

Haley grunts as she pulls the wire cart of basketballs down the narrow hallway. Sweat dots her forehead and the back of her neck as her arms threaten to give out. A cart of basketballs might not seem heavy, but there has to be at least a hundred of them. Glancing over her shoulder, she breaths of sigh of relief when she sees the door to the storage closet. Only a couple of more feet—she can do this.

Finally, she reaches the closet and uses the last bit strength she has to push the cart instead. As she's locking the door, she hears footsteps approaching her.

"I'm surprised that you're not wearing his jersey."

Her spine stiffens at the sound of Lucas' voice. His tone is still the same cold and defensive tone it's been the last few times they've spoken. She turns to face him, leaning her back against the closet door. He's in his warm-ups and he appears unsettled.

"Can we not do this right now, Luke?" she mutters, still breathless from pulling the cart. She doesn't have the physical or mental strength to deal with another one of their arguments. It's starting to feel repetitive and useless.

He doesn't say anything for several seconds. It breaks her heart, but she shakes her head and starts to walk away.

"So that's it, huh? You're just gonna walk away and pretend like this doesn't exist?"

His words strike a chord in her and any patience she has left snaps. Anger flares up inside of her and she whips around to face him. She's tired of him pretending that this whole thing falls strictly on her shoulders.

"You don't have the right to turn this around on me," she shouts, unwanted and surprising tears springing to her eyes. "I've texted you several times and I've left several voicemails and you haven't returned a single one. I have been making an effort, but if you want to throw away years of friendship over this and not even give us a chance to talk it out, then fine."

Lucas falters a bit, his cold exterior softening to one of guilt. For a second, she thinks that maybe she's made a breakthrough, that they might actually talk about things instead of yelling at each other. She holds her breath, waiting for him to make the move she desperately wants.

But then that cold exterior comes right back.

"As far as I'm concerned, you threw it away the second you started shacking up with _him_."

Her heart, which has been hanging on by a thread, shatters. Her hope is crushed and she doesn't think she can ever restore it. A sob burns the back of her throat, her eyes stinging as she fights to hold them back.

"You know, that's really not fair," she chokes. "You cannot ask me to give up something that makes me happy, especially if you won't even talk to me about it."

"And you can't ask me to be okay with something that I'm not," Lucas shoots back at her.

Everything about their conversation feels final. They're never going to reach common ground, that much is clear.

"Then where do we go from here?" she asks, giving him one final attempt.

"Nowhere, I guess," he replies, turning his back on her.

Watching him walk away is one of the most painful things she's ever had to do. She doesn't want this to be the end. She wants to keep fighting for their friendship. But it all feels futile.

Maybe letting go is better than hanging on.

~x~

Peyton's playlist hums at a low volume, filling up the quiet in her bedroom. It's a rare Friday night where there isn't a game and Haley and Peyton are taking full advantage of it. There's a half-eaten box of pizza and cheese bread resting in the middle of Peyton's bed and open cans of soda littering the bedside table.

"Have you and Nathan figured out who took that picture?" Peyton wonders casually, flipping the page of the magazine she's reading.

"No," Haley mumbles, leaning back onto Peyton's bed. "I know I said it didn't matter, but it's still unsettling knowing that someone at school was spying on us and who knows, probably still is."

She and Nathan have only talked about the picture a handful of times since its release, even though he is still determined to find out who the culprit is. She wasn't too concerned about who took it at first because she was more focused on how people were going to react and how she was going to approach the people who she hid it from. But now…

"You can change your mind," Peyton reassures her. "It was a gross invasion of privacy and really creepy."

"You're right."

"I bet it was one of Brooke's friends."

Haley's ears perk up. "What makes you say that?"

Peyton shrugs, standing up from her bed to change the song that's playing. "They're catty like that. Brooke might not be the major bitch that people make her out to be, but her friends sure are."

Haley thinks it over and it makes a lot of sense. It's the only lead she's had since the incident happened. "Brooke did say that she knew Nathan was seeing someone…"

"It's plausible. Speaking of being trashy, is Nathan going on the senior's spring break trip?

Haley laughs. "No. His dad told him that time off of school is for extra training, not the time for fun."

Peyton frowns. She motions towards the pizza box, asking Haley if she wants another silence. Haley shakes her head and Peyton grabs another slice for herself.

"I've heard that Dan Scott can be quite the dick, but damn."

Haley scowls—Peyton has no idea.

"It's probably for the best," she continues through her chewing. "I've heard that those trips are week-long parties and gang bangs. Almost every person who goes on that trip in a relationship comes back single."

"If Nathan was going, I'd trust him."

"Yeah, but it's other people I don't trust."

"Fair point."

"How are things with you and Luke?" Haley changes the subject and Peyton tenses. Lucas is a topic they've managed to avoid the past couple of days.

She hasn't talked to Lucas since their terse…ending in the hallway. She tries not to think about it or over analyze it. The forgiving person inside of her wants to still try, to get something out of him, even if it's just the real reason Lucas hates Nathan so much. She gives people too many chances, she knows that, but she's the type of person that can't let things go easily.

"About the same," Peyton grumbles, laying back on the bed. "He doesn't want to talk about it and I've stopped asking."

"I'm really sorry, Peyton."

"I wish you would stop apologizing," Peyton says, running her fingers through her hair. The frustration is evident in her voice. "This isn't on you. He's the one that is choosing to be really difficult and unfair right now. All of this could be solved if he just set down his pride and actually talked to either of us."

Peyton takes a breath, reeling in the anger Haley can feel brewing. Peyton, for the most part, has always been the more stable and strong one in their friendship. It takes a lot to break her down and to make her give up on someone. But Haley can see the cracks starting to form and she despises the fact that she has something to do with it, even if Peyton says otherwise.

"I don't want to give up, because I love him and I care about him, but I feel like he isn't giving me a choice," Peyton continues. "I cannot keep doing this. As much as it sucks, it feels like one of those things where walking away is better than trying to fight because nothing is going to make a difference."

Similar thoughts passed through Haley's mind in that hallway.

"Yeah, I feel the same way."

"We're damned if we do and damned if we don't."

~x~

Haley stretches out on one of the chaise lounges on Nathan's pool deck, allowing all of the stress and tension to seep out of her body. Above her, the sky is a clear midnight blue, stars twinkling mutely. This night reminds her a lot of the night they spent at his grandma's pool, only the air is much warmer. She loves nights like this, where you can finally feel summer starting to creep in.

She feels lighter somehow. School is out for spring break and for the next ten days, she doesn't have to worry about the people at school, Mr. Winter, or academics.

She sits up when Nathan returns from the kitchen, carrying two glasses of lemonade. He's discarded his shirt, leaving him in just a pair of black swim trunks. She unabashedly eyes the view as he hands her a drink, her cheeks heating up.

The perfectly sculpted muscles of his stomach disappear below the band of his swim trunks and her imagination runs wild. For a quick second, she looks at the bruise on his side. It's almost healed now, but she can't shake the feeling that there's more where that came from.

"I heard back from Duke," Nathan announces, claiming the chair next to her and diverting her thoughts from the heated ones that were starting to form.

"And?" She swings her legs over the side of the chair, their knees brushing together.

"I got in," Nathan mumbles. "They're offering me a scholarship."

Her lips twitch into a smile—despite the connotations that come with his acceptance to Duke, it's still a big deal. Any college acceptance is.

"More or less that FSU?"

"About the same."

"Does your dad know?"

"Not yet," Nathan sighs, setting his glass on the ground. "I've been hiding the admission packets, but he's getting suspicious. He keeps saying that I should have heard back by now, especially now that we're in the playoffs. All he can talk about his how thrilled the Duke scouts are. I've got maybe two weeks before he starts calling the admissions office."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. Duke's a great school and I wouldn't mind going there but…"

"But what?" she prompts him to finish.

"I think I'd be much happier at FSU."

Nathan meets her eyes—there's so much conviction and truth shining back at her.

"How do I explain that to my dad?" He asks, desperation coloring his voice. "Since the day I was born, probably even before that knowing him, he's had my whole life mapped out."

More than anything, she wishes she could make this easier on him. It's not fair that his dad tries to control every aspect of his life. Her heart aches at the look on his face—the defeat and the exhaustion.

She slides off her chair and into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arms go around her waist, hands resting right below the hem of the long t-shirt she's wearing. The calloused pad of his thumb brushes against the skin of her outer thigh as she pushes her fingers through his hair.

"I know this is much easier said than done and I get that your relationship with your dad is more complicated than most, but…it isn't his choice. He can't force you to go to a school that you don't want to."

"He'll try." Nathan rests his chin on her shoulder, pulling her closer. Despite the warmth of his body pressed against hers, she shivers. "He'll do anything he can."

"Then we'll just have to fight back twice as hard."

He smiles at her, a small curve of his lips that doesn't quite cause the wrinkles in the corner of his eyes that she likes so much. "It sounds so easy when you say it."

"You're going to find the strength to stand up to your dad. I know you will."

Nathan's hand leaves her hip and trails up to her shoulder, pushing her closer so that he can lay a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Thank you," Nathan breathes against her mouth when he pulls away. "Let's get in the pool?"

She nods, wiggling off his lap. Nathan walks over to the edge of the pool, bending down to test the temperature of the water. He turned on the heaters when they first came outside.

A wicked idea pops into her head and before she can think twice about it, she approaches Nathan and gives him a quick shove. He loses his balance with a shout and falls into the water, limbs flying. Haley doubles over laughing.

"That's for that caveman-esque kiss that you gave me the other day!"

Nathan breaks the surface of the water, sputtering and brushing his hair out of his face. He's smiling though, shaking his head in that amused way.

"You're mine and I wanted to make sure Mr. Winter knew that."

Haley rolls her eyes playfully but doesn't ignore the flutter of her stomach. "There's a difference between making a point and staking a claim."

Despite her obvious teasing, Nathan grows serious and swims to the side of the pool. "If it really did bother you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…God, I don't know. Maybe I'm just being crazy."

She furrows her eyebrows—he trails off like he's talking more to himself than her.

"No, it's okay," Haley dismisses, purposely avoiding his latter statements. "Just maybe next time you want to make a point, don't manhandle me in front of the whole basketball team."

His lips twitch into a slight smile before dropping back to his serious expression. "I really am sorry."

Haley shakes her head. "Can we maybe just not talk about Mr. Winter? Because as far as I'm concerned, I'm here with my sexy ass boyfriend and I'm not gonna let _some _teacher ruin the mood."

Nathan appears pleased with her answer, no matter how weird it felt for her to brush Mr. Winter off like that. But she doesn't spend too much dwelling over it.

"Get your butt in the pool."

She giggles, picking at the hem of her t-shirt. It's an old shirt that used to belong to her dad. She hesitates briefly—she's still not all that comfortable with undressing in front of him—but pulls the shirt over her head anyway. She twists the shirt between her hands, but stops when she sees the way Nathan is looking at her…the way he always looks at her.

The way his eyes trail over her body sends her temperature spiking and goosebumps coat her skin. She doesn't think she'll ever get used to the way he looks at her—being looked at like that was all she ever dreamed of.

Her shirt drops from her hands and she slowly walks to the edge of the pool, never once breaking eye contact from Nathan. Sitting down at the edge of the pool, she dips her feet in first before submerging the rest of her body.

She's not in the water five seconds before Nathan glides over to her, hooking an arm around her waist. The hunger in his eyes shines back at her, along with the green-ish white of the pool lights. His eyes take one more appreciative glance over her body, even through the distortion of the water, and he leans in.

Haley waits to feel the pressure of his lips on hers, but it never comes. Instead, she feels pressure on her shoulders and within seconds, her entire body is submerged underwater. It takes her a beat to realize what has happened and she breaks the surface of the water to find Nathan laughing.

"Consider that payback for the payback."

She cocks an eyebrow, pushing her hair out of her face. "Oh, it's so on!"

Time slips by as they continue to laugh and tease. The sound of splashing water and uninhibited laughs float through the quiet night, rustling the trees. Stripped away is all of their problems, leaving behind two teenagers who finally get to feel like teenagers.

Eventually, their laughter dies down and the water returns to calm with only slight ripples from their easy glides around each other. Throughout all of their teasing, Nathan hasn't once lost that intense glint in his eyes. It pierces her skin, making her feel empowered and insecure in all the same vein.

"It makes me nervous when you look at me like that."

"Like what?"

He swims a little closer to her, but she doesn't budge. His gaze takes a slow perusal of her body, followed by a quick lick of his lips. Her heart skips several beats.

"Like…like…like that."

"Like what?" Nathan prompts her again, smirk growing.

Haley shoots him a pointed look, gesturing in front of her. He's still inching closer to her.

"What, like you're the hottest girl I've ever seen?"

The huskiness of his voice sends her reeling and at the last second, she turns around, feigning like she's trying to get away from him.

She's way too slow.

Nathan swims up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She shivers when his bare chest presses against her exposed back, dropping kisses along the curve of her shoulder and the side of her neck. Her eyes flutter closed and she sinks further into his embrace, getting lost in the feelings he's invoking in her.

"You wanna know a secret?" he murmurs into the crook of her neck.

"Hm?"

"The first time I laid eyes on you in Trig, all I could think was 'god, that girl is hot.'"

The muscles in her stomach swirl and tighten. His hands roam her skin, tracing the contours of her stomach, down to the hem of her swim bottoms, and up to the hem of her top. Shiver after shiver runs through her body. It's hard to pay attention to what he's saying when he's touching and kissing her like he is.

"You are such a terrible liar," she breathes, her voice coming out much puffier than she intended.

His chuckle tickles her skin. "One of these days I'm going to get you to see yourself the way that I see you."

A quiet moan passes her lips when his hands slide up the rest of her body, brushing the underside of her breasts. She unintentionally pushes back against him, earning a sharp hiss.

"Let's go inside," he purrs in her ear and her insides melt.

"Hm…why? What's inside?" She attempts to be coy, but her voice shakes.

Haley squeals when he grips her hips, turning her in the water and pressing her up against the cool tile with his hips. His body molds to hers, his fingers wrapping in the wet strands of her hair. He kisses her hard, lips moving against hers passionately. She matches his fervor, her fingers pressing into his back.

When Nathan pulls away, she's dazed. "Yeah, let's go inside."

~x~

Haley's squeals pierce the hollow quiet of the Scott's pool house as Nathan tumbles to the couch, pulling her on top of him. Their bodies are still wet from the pool, slick against each other. It's a wicked feeling that spikes the burning of arousal that's coursing through her.

"Are you sure your mom won't come out here and check on us?" she whispers as if someone is listening in, eyes darting to the door they just walked through.

Nathan tucks a wet strand of her hair behind her ear. "I promise."

He smirks, brushing his thumb along the curve of her cheek and she swears her entire body tingles.

"Besides…the idea of possibly getting caught is kind of hot."

"Nathan!" she chastises, burying her head in his chest. Her cheeks are flaming, but even she can't tell if it's from embarrassment or if the idea turns her on more than she wants to admit.

His chuckle rumbles from deep within his chest, his arms reaching around her body. He runs his fingers along the skin of her naked back. "You're thinking about it. I know you are."

Haley lifts her head enough to meet his eyes. "Maybe if it wasn't your mom we were talking about."

"Oh, so how about Mr. W—"

She cuts him off with a kiss and he doesn't protest. His hands bury themselves in her damp hair, deepening her kiss from one of innocence to one of purpose. Her head spins as his lips move over hers in teasing strokes, pulling moan after moan from her throat. She never thought she would be one of those girls who thought they could just die for being kissed, but here she is.

Nathan sits up slowly, angling her body up with his. The kiss doesn't break until he turns their bodies so that he's sitting up against the back of her couch. Butterflies take flight in her stomach when Nathan positions her, her legs draped over his hips in a comforting straddle. His fingers are twisted in the strings hanging from her bathing suit and the request for him to take them off rests of the tip of her tongue.

"What are you doing?" Haley attempts to ask teasingly, but her nerves get the best of her.

Being with Nathan is a whole slew of emotions she's not used to, especially ones of raw desire that she feels barreling through her veins. It's times like this where she remembers just how inexperienced she is and how experienced he is.

Her stomach clenches when he smirks, sliding his hands over her waist and up her back until he has her chest pressed against his.

"This is more comfortable, don't ya think?" he purrs in that husky whisper, brushing his nose against hers in tantalizing strokes.

She bites her bottom lip as she grips his shoulders, the muscles in her stomach tightening. Her heart is beating so fast she wouldn't be surprised if Nathan could hear it.

"You okay?" Nathan asks, tilting his head back a little.

"Yeah…I'm just…," she stammers. She's not sure what came over her. This isn't the first time they've gotten lost in a heated make-out session, but her inexperience always gnaws at her. She wants to be enough for him.

He brushes his lips against hers in a comforting matter. "Don't overthink it," he says, reading her mind. "Just let it happen."

Her thoughts fall silent when Nathan dusts his lips over the side of her mouth, over her jaw, and down her neck. He applies the right amount of pressure in just the right places, his teeth and tongue sliding seductively over her skin. By the time he reaches her collarbone, she can't take it anymore. Her hands spear through his hair and she's yanking his head, driving her lips against his.

She feels everything with such a hypersensitivity that she's burning with need. His moans vibrate against her mouth while the taut muscles in his stomach press against her. She feels how hard he is and it thrills her beyond belief that she's the reason, her insecurities chiseling away.

She follows the natural instincts of her body—her fingers tugging on his hair and her hips taking a slow roll against his. She's settled just right, the apex of her thighs lining with his. Each roll of her hips has the coil in her stomach tightening and burning, Nathan's sighs and grunts swallowed by hers.

Nathan's hands fly to her hips as he rips his mouth for hers and buries his head in the crook of her neck. His breathing is coming out in harsh pants.

"Rock your hips, baby," he instructs, voice like sandpaper. "Fuck, just like that."

She does as she's told, his grip on her hips aiding the fluidity of her movements. Her body temperature rises, gasps expelling from her lips as she grips on to him. Her hands are everywhere, gripping at the muscles in his back, twining through the damp strands of his hair. She can't get him close enough.

The material of their bathing suits is a thin barrier, adding to the pleasurable friction. Haley can't help but think how easy it would be to pull her bottoms to the side and push his shorts down.

She wants it bad and judging by the way eager way he's meeting her movements, he feels the same.

Before she can register what's happening, her back is against the couch and Nathan is on top of her, his hips pressing her into the cushions.

"Fuck, Hales," he breaths against her neck, lips brushing against her skin. "I can't…"

He's shaking like he's holding himself back from her and while it's something she knows she'll be grateful for later, she wants him. She rakes her fingers against his scalp and he shivers in response. Her chest is heaving as she tries to catch her breath and reign in the wild beating of her heart.

"Nathan." An intense need colors her tone. "Please."

She doesn't know what she's begging for, only that she doesn't want him to stop.

He hesitates briefly before pressing a kiss to the side of her neck. He trails a hand over her body, tickling her sides and caressing her breasts.

Her body tenses and a sharp gasp expels from her when Nathan loosens the tie of her bathing suit around her neck. He pulls away from her, concern and lust flashing in his eyes. She sees the unspoken question in his eyes and she nods.

Slowly, almost too slow, he pulls the fabric from her body. A burning blush spreads across her face and down her chest. His eyes trail over her exposed skin like it's the first time and he wants to memorize every inch.

"You are so fucking beautiful," he declares.

She squirms under his intense gaze, pressing her thighs together. A sloppy and almost drunk smirk spread across his face.

"Tell me what you want."

"Nathan," she whines, fission of excitement racing down her spine at the slight dominant tone to his voice.

"What do you want?" he repeats. "Tell me."

She gnaws on the inside of her cheek, her face burning.

"Touch me, please." She doesn't recognize the needy, borderline whiny voice of hers.

With a devilish smirk, he bows his head and starts a slow assault on her body. His kisses, licks, and sucks every bit of skin that he can, his hands caressing the places he's not. He's so gentle and seductive it drives her up a wall. Her back arches off the couch, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pants his name.

Can you die of arousal?

"Nathan, oh, god, I want you," Haley gasps, nails digging into the round tops of his shoulders.

Nathan slides up the length of her body, taking both of her hands in his and pinning them above her head. His breathing is ragged, an even deeper and uninhibited shade of lust looking back at her.

She wonders how it's possible to be so attracted to someone that it physically aches.

Their pants of breath mingle together as he presses their foreheads together. With the way he's looking at her and with the way the air is crackling around them, she wonders if this is it.

"Nathan!" Dan's voice booms from outside the pool house door, making them both jump and scatter. Expletives fall from both of their lips as Haley scrambles to find her bathing suit top or something else to cover up with.

"Tell your little girlfriend it's time to go. You have to be up early tomorrow for training."

With pounding hearts, Nathan and Haley look at each other. The sexual tension between them melts away, leaving behind the gravity of what just happened, and maybe, just maybe, Dan's interruption was what they needed.

~x~

"How are things going?"

Haley looks up from her study materials to see Lydia standing in the doorway to her bedroom. She's already in her pajamas—a purple nightgown with small yellow stars that fall well below her knees. Haley lifts up the SAT booklet and taps the cover with annoyance.

"The SAT is going to be the death of me."

The materials that she'd ordered from the state arrived in the mail earlier that day. With everything else going on, she'd completely forgotten that she was taking the SAT next month. At one point, her biggest worry was that test and the future it was going to lay out for her. Sometimes she misses when that was the only thing she had to worry about.

Lydia invites herself further into Haley's room and climbs on to her bed, tucking her legs beneath her body.

"I'm sure you're going to do great. And even if you aren't happy with your score, you can always retake it."

Haley eyes her suspiciously. Lydia's sudden interest in mundane things usually leads to one thing and Haley doesn't have the time to entertain it.

"Do you want money again?"

Lydia's mouth dropped open, only to close a few seconds later. "Do you really think that little of me?"

Haley shoots her a pointed look. "Mom…you do this every time."

Lydia frowns and holds her gaze for a couple of seconds before giving in.

"Actually, no," Lydia sighs. "I'm just bored. Your dad went out to drink with his buddies and I have nothing else to do."

"Again?" Haley's forehead crinkles. "Didn't he do that last night, too?"

Lydia casts her gaze down to Haley's comforter, picking at a few of the loose threads. Haley can't be sure, but she senses a bit of sadness and worry in her mom like there's something she's not saying. Before she can make anything of it or question it, Lydia changes the subject.

"Anyway, enough about that, how are things going at school? Have people stopped talking about you and Nathan yet?"

Haley puts her pencil down and closes her study booklet, tucking everything in the corner of her desk. As much as she wants to get more studying down, it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

"A little," Haley mutters. "I don't feel so much like a zoo animal anymore, but I don't feel normal either."

"I'm sure eventually you guys will become old news," Lydia tries to reassure. "They can't obsess forever."

Haley exhales deeply, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. It feels like people are never going to leave her alone, even though their stares don't pierce into her skin anymore and the whispers are easier getting easier to ignore.

"I feel like I'm getting to a point where I don't care anymore," Haley reveals. "It's hard as hell because I've been conditioned to care about what everyone thinks about me and it's not easy going from living in the shadows to feeling like I'm being looked at under a microscope."

She picks at the skin around her nails—it's become a nervous habit that she picked up from somewhere. "Then there's the issue with Lucas that I know is a lost cause but I still keep hoping that something will change."

Lydia scoots across Haley's bed and pulls her picking hands apart.

"Haley, baby, you don't need to have all the answers all the time."

Lydia's gentle reminder eases the tension in her muscles like a sudden gush of warm air.

"You're not the first person to tell me that and the thing is, is that I know that. I'm constantly telling myself that. But I have these intrusive thoughts that get too hard to ignore no matter how hard I try."

Lydia studies Haley for an uncomfortable amount of time and she can see the thoughts turning in her head. Haley squirms in her chair.

"Mom, you're making me nervous."

"I think we should talk to your doctor about putting you on something for anxiety."

Her eyebrows shoot up, eyes widening. "What, like a pill?"

Lydia nods. "Yeah."

Haley runs a hand through her hair, twisting her fingers at the ends. The thought never crossed her mind that she needed to be put on a pill or that the thoughts in her head could be more than teenage angst and drama produced by the culture in Tree Hill.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Lydia tells her. "Or, maybe he can suggest someone you can talk to, like a therapist or something."

"I know it's not. I just never thought that I would need those things."

"It's worth a conversation at least."

She doesn't want to agree to something like this right away. It's too much of a harsh reality of a conversation that she hadn't anticipated having and it leaves her unsettled. How else do you react when someone tells you that the thoughts in your head may not be what you think they are?

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course, honey," Lydia says with a smile. "Do you and Nathan have any plans this week for spring break? What about you and Peyton?"

Her cell phone starts ringing, breaking up their conversation. Haley reaches for it, smiling when she sees Nathan's name on the screen. Holding her phone up to her ear, she opens her mouth to greet him but he beats her to it.

"Hales. "

The hoarse sound of his voice catches her off guard. It's a mixture of pain and tears. Her hackles rise, stomach dropping.

"Nathan? Are you okay?!"

She hears him take in a ragged breath and it hitches in his throat. Her anxiety rises.

"Can you…," he trails off and she spirals further, her heart pounding. She's never heard him sound so…shaken and choked up before.

"Nathan?" she prompts, panicked.

"Can you meet me at the river court?" he finally chokes out.

"What happened? Is everything okay?"

The question flies out of her mouth, but as soon as they do, she realizes how stupid they are.

"Hales…please, can you meet me there?"

"Yeah, yeah," She's already gathering her things, grabbing the jacket off the back of her desk chair. Lydia is looking at her, confused, but Haley doesn't have time to explain. "I'll be there in ten."


	19. An Interlude

I apologize for not posting an update last Thursday. I think I've mentioned this before, but I am writing about two chapters ahead (meaning chapters 20 and 21 are already written) and I like to finish a chapter before I post the next. I had some unforeseen circumstances come up last week that prevented me from finishing chapter 21 in time to post chapter 19. I guess I could have still posted, but I didn't want to mess up the system I had going for myself. I hope you guys understand!.

I meant to say this in my author's note in the last chapter, but I forgot. The last chapter was essentially setting the stage for what I like to call the second phase of this story and there was a TON of foreshadowing. With this chapter, it's a little shorter than normal because I felt as if the events that happened needed and deserved to have a stand-alone.

* * *

_An Interlude_

Gravel flies as she pulls into the river court lot, parking haphazardly across several spots. There's no one else there and even if there was, she wouldn't care. Bouncing between all the wild scenarios her imagination conjured up is the sound of Nathan's struggling voice. She lost count of how many stop signs she blew and how many illegal turns she made on her way there.

Her head whips around as she searches for Nathan, her eyes straining against the darkness of the court. After a few seconds, she spots him huddled on the last row of the small, run downed bleachers. Before the beating of her heart can catch up to the rest of her body, she's bolting across the court.

The closer she gets to him, the more her heart sinks and pounds. He's doubled over, his hands clutching his side and she can't be certain, but he looks as if he's shaking.

"Nathan?" she calls out.

Nathan looks up and all breath leaves her. In the shadowy light of the moon and nearby lamp posts, she can make out his busted bottom lip. It's swollen, a trickle of blood falling down his chin. His left eye looks sunken in, a bruise around forming around it.

"Nathan!" she squeaks, not recognizing the sound of her own voice. She rushes to his side, placing a gentle hand on his trembling shoulder. "What happened?!"

But she fears that she already knows.

Nathan meets her beseeching gaze and she inhales sharply at his bloodshot eyes, unshed tears shining in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, only to close it a moment later. It looks as if he wants to say something, he just doesn't know how.

She changes the subject to give him more time.

"Can I see?" she motions towards his torso and he gives a shaky nod.

Her knees buckle as she stands, crouching herself in front of him. Carefully, he lifts his grey sweatshirt, revealing his stomach. It feels like someone punched her in the gut as she stares at the red, angry skin. Nasty bruises are already starting to form over the bruise that was almost completely healed.

Without thinking, she presses her fingers gently against him and he jumps away, sucking in a deep breath of air threw his clenched teeth.

"We need to get you to the hospital," she says hastily, standing up. Her mind is already churning with the possibilities of what internal injuries he might have.

"No…no," Nathan vigorously protests. "They'll just call my dad and he's the last person I want to see."

She wants to fight him, to demand that he go get checked out, but the look in his eyes tells her that it's a lost cause.

Her greatest fear—the one that no matter how deep down she knew to be true—is getting closer and closer to being confirmed.

"Nathan, what happened?" she asks again, her voice soft. She tries to keep it steady—she's there for him, not the other way around.

His breathing is ragged, lips parted as he stares up at her. A few stray tears fall from the pool in his eyes and her heart aches and cracks and shatters like it never has before.

She palms his cheek, using the pad of her thumb to wipe away his tears. "Please, tell me."

His hesitation melts away at her soft touch and imploring gaze.

"My dad was drinking." He speaks in heavy puffs, occasional hisses of pain passing his clenched teeth. Her insides twist.

"I don't…I don't even know what happened. I was sleeping and the next thing I knew, my bedroom door bursts open."

His eyes shift back and forth like he's trying to make sense of the words that are coming out of his mouth. Her hand finds its way to his back, rubbing his back in comforting circles.

"He dragged me. He dragged me out of bed and just…started wailing on me."

She sucks in a painful breath. She can tell he's struggling not to completely break down. Through the cracks in his voice, she hears the raw pain and desperation, something she'd never heard in Nathan before. It rocks her and twists her in ways she didn't think were possible.

"I was too disorientated to fight back. I don't…I don't even remember how I got out of there or how I got here. I just kept running, ignoring the pain in my body and I just…."

The trembling of his body seems to increase in magnitude and her fear grows. She really needs to get him checked out at a hospital, but she doesn't know how to convince him.

"I can't, Hales. I don't…I don't know."

Haley doesn't know what to say to comfort him, fearful that her words won't be enough. So, she wraps her arms around him, careful not to apply too much pressure. When her arms wrap around him, she swears she hears a soft sound of relief before he breaks.

Nathan buries his head into the crook of her neck, his arms holding her body as close as possible without adding pressure to his injuries. His body shakes against hers in silent sobs, tears wetting her neck. She clings on to him tighter as tears pool in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry that I lied to you," he croaks, his voice muffled by her neck. "I shouldn't have."

At one point, she was annoyed at his avoidance and blatant lying. But now, that seizes to exist.

"Shh, it's okay," she tries to soothe him, running her fingers through his hair and over his back.

She loses track of time as they sit there in each other's arms. The entire time, the only solid thought she can focus on is how much she wishes she could take him away from this. She hates that her gut feeling was right and she hates that Dan Scott could do this to his son. She hates that any parent could do this to their child.

Nathan loosens his grip around her, pulling away from her slightly. She repositions herself so that she's pressed against his side, hand still on his cheek.

"I need to get away from him, Haley."

"You can."

The question is clear in Nathan's eyes.

"You have FSU," she reminds him.

Her words hang heavy in the air for several seconds. But he passes over them as if they carry too much weight and he doesn't have the strength.

"Can I stay with you tonight? I just… can't go back. Not tonight."

Haley nods. She doesn't know how she's going to get her parents to agree to him staying the night, but she's just gonna have to figure it out.

~x~

Haley leads Nathan up to her bedroom. Her dad's car is still missing from the driveway and the house is quiet with the exception of hushed voices coming from the TV in the living room. She assumes that her mom is already asleep.

Nathan winces as he sits down on the edge of her bed, his hand still gripping at his side. She clicks the lamp next to her bed on and tries to conceal her gasp. His bottom lip is almost twice it's normal size, the blood dried on his chin. The bruise forming around his eye just misses his eyelid, but the upper part of his cheek is starting to swell.

She swallows the sudden dryness in her throat. "I'm gonna get some ice and gauze and tell my mom."

Nathan nods and she rushes out of her bedroom. She decides to go to her mom first. She still hasn't figured out how she's going to convince her mom to let Nathan stay, but she hopes that Lydia maintains the cool nature she usually has.

"Mom," Haley whispers, shaking Lydia's shoulder gently. She's fast asleep on the recliner in the living room, blue and white shadows playing on her face from the TV.

"Mom," she tries again, shaking a little harder.

It takes a couple of more shakes before Lydia jumps awake. She blinks a few times, clearly startled.

"What?" her voice is like paste, thick with sleep.

"Can Nathan stay the night tonight?" Haley asks.

"What?" Lydia mumbles again, resting back against the recliner. Her eyes are fluttering shut again and Haley sighs loudly. Out of the corner of her eye, Haley spots a wine glass on the coffee table. There are only a couple of sips of red wine left at the bottom.

Haley tries one more time to wake her mom up, but she reaches no avail. Deciding that she doesn't have time for this and that she'll just deal with the consequences in the morning, Haley walks towards the linen closet in the hallway. After grabbing a stack of gauze and some alcohol, she trots to the kitchen and grabs some ice and a towel. It takes careful concentration on her part, but she manages to carry everything up the stairs without dropping it.

"What did your mom say?" Nathan asks when she returns, still sitting in the same position.

"She went a little heavy on the wine so I didn't get a chance to ask her." She dumps the contents in her arms on to her bed.

"I'm not going to get you in trouble, am I?"

Nathan's small and unsure voice stops her in her tracks. He looks so fragile sitting on her bed with his shoulders slumped and the color drained from his face. The sight breaks her heart all over again.

Walking over to him, she wraps her arms around his neck and threads her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. The way he looks at her is so tender like she's the only thing holding him together.

"I don't care about that right now. How are you feeling?"

Color is slowly starting to return to his face, despite the unpleasant bruise forming around and on his eye. He stopped shaking on the drive back to her house, but his hand never once left his side. She prays to God that he doesn't have any serious injuries that are going to make her regret not dragging his ass to the hospital.

"Really sore," he says steadily. She searches his face, looking for any signs that he's diminishing his pain for her sake. She doesn't find any, but she's still leery.

"I still think we should go get you checked out."

Nathan shakes his head. "I just need some ice and Tylenol and I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I'm not trying to be annoying or overbearing, but I also don't want you downplaying how much pain you're in for my sake or because you think you can handle it or because you're trying to avoid your dad."

She's rambling and the untouched corner of Nathan's mouth twitches. He lets go of his side, a brief flash of discomfort on his face and wraps his arms around her waist. It's hard to look at him with lacerations on his face without feeling any pinch or pull of pain.

"I promise I'm not."

"Okay."

Untangling herself from his grip, she grabs the ice packs and wraps the towel around them. She hands them over to Nathan to put on his injuries.

"Thank you," Nathan says softly when they meet eyes again, pressing the ice to his torso. It doesn't take much for her to realize that he means his gratitude about more than the ice. She smiles back at him.

She didn't have to think about anything that she's doing right now—it felt like the most natural and obvious thing to do.

Ripping open the gauze, she dabs a little bit of alcohol on to the material.

"This is going to sting a little," she warns him before brushing the gauze along his cracked lip.

Nathan flinches, hissing an expletive through clenched teeth. She gives him a few seconds to adjust before she goes back to dabbing. She's careful in her movements, applying light strokes. The entire time, she feels his eyes on her, watching her every move.

"I have something else I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

He hesitates for a brief moment, taking in a shaky breath.

"My car isn't in the shop because of my breaks," he reveals.

Haley pauses, fear creeps up inside of her and she's not sure she wants to know what he's about to tell her.

Her mouth is too quick and she's asking anyway.

"Then, why is it?"

Nathan swallows hard, flinching slightly from the pain. He holds her gaze, pleading with her to stay with him.

"There were a couple of dents in the side paneling that needed to be fixed. And I needed a new windshield and a new rearview mirror."

He's giving her one vague detail at a time and she's chomping at the bit. The pounding in her ears and the quickness of her breathing are increasing with every passing second. She wants to push him to just tell her all at once, but she knows that he needs to do this at his own pace.

"What's the damage from?"

Nathan discards the ice and reaches out for her, his hands sliding around her hips to her lower back. He pulls her closer, again, like he physically can't speak without her support. His shaking returns, but something tells her it's not from the pain. At least, not physical pain.

"My dad…he was drunk and…" He pauses to swallow. Every story with his dad seems to start the same way. "We got into a fight because of the shot I missed against Richards and he…he slammed me into my car, but not after taking a baseball bat to the rest of it."

She's going to be sick.

"_That's_ how I got the bruise on my side."

"Oh, my God…" Her jaw is unhinged, the muscles in her eyes straining from how much she's stretching them. The truth is even worse than she anticipated and every part of her aches for the man in front of her.

"You could have broken a rib or done some serious damage. How did you…"

"I popped a few of my mom's pain pills and masked the pain as best as I could."

"Nathan!" she scolds, the gauze dropping out of her hands and on to her bed. He grips on to her tighter like he's scared she's going to disappear.

Haley can't wrap her head around the things she's hearing, even though it is something that she suspected for the longest time. But now that it is laid out in front of her…it's surreal and she can't get her brain to function past how she can possibly make this better for him.

"It was stupid, I know."

She shakes her head. "No. Don't say that."

Despite his injuries, he manages the smallest hint of a smile.

"I wish I could…" Her fingers dip below the hem of his sweatshirt and press against the heated skin of his upper back. "I wish there was something that I could do or say to make this go away or to make this better for you."

Nathan squeezes her hip, eyes shining with admiration. "Everything you're doing…just by being here, you're doing all that I need. If I didn't have you, I honestly don't know how I would be handling this right now."

The sentiment warms her down to her toes, but she can't take all the credit. "You've always been a lot stronger than you think you are."

Nathan shrugs, not quite meeting her gaze.

"I know I shouldn't have hidden any of this from you," he mumbles. "I knew you were getting suspicious, but I could never find the words or the guts to even admit it to myself."

She opens her mouth to respond but closes it when she realizes that he's not finished yet.

"My dad has done and said a lot of shitty things, and even when he's taken his anger out on me, I never wanted to believe that he could do something like that. It didn't seem possible. And there are moments where it still doesn't."

His body tenses against hers and she flashes a reassuring smile. She hopes her warring emotions don't seep through the cracks of her smile. Right now, it's not about her shock, anger, or even fear. It's about him.

"I guess maybe I foolishly still held out hope that he would one day turn around and be the dad I always wanted him to be. Or that, maybe there was some reasonable explanation as to why he's acting the way that he is. How fucked up is that?"

She frowns. "There's nothing wrong with having a little hope."

He doesn't seem convinced.

"Have you ever thought about telling someone?" she offers.

"I told you." If his face wasn't messed up, she imagines him shooting her a cheeky grin.

"No, I mean, like a teacher or a counselor. What about your mom? She has to know, right?"

"She pretends that it's not happening," he says with a snort. "I guess we both have that in common."

Haley's frown only becomes more prominent. She used to believe that there was good in everybody, that even the darkest souls had specks of light. She's not so sure anymore, not when a father can lay a hand on his child and a mother turns her back.

"If I tell someone, there's probably going to be an investigation of some sort and it just doesn't seem worth it," Nathan continues. "I turn eighteen in a couple of months and then I'll be off to college where he hopefully can't touch me anymore."

He has a point, but she's still uneasy. The thought of Nathan being in that house where Dan can snap at any time doesn't sit well with her. He's already done unspeakable damage, what if he doesn't stop? What if it gets worse?"

"What if it gets worse?" The question flies out of her mouth before she can stop it.

"I just have to make it a couple of more months," Nathan says.

She wants to argue, but she doesn't know what she would be arguing for. The things that she wants—like his safety and for his pain to be gone—aren't so clear cut.

"Come on, let's go to bed." He interrupts her thoughts.

Haley nods, slipping out of his embrace. Walking over to her dresser, she pulls out a long t-shirt. She quickly changes, ignoring her thoughts of insecurity as she does so. Nathan has told her time and time again what he thinks of her body, she just needs to find a way to get herself to believe it.

When she turns back around, Nathan had removed his sweatshirt, leaving him in a white t-shirt and a pair of black shorts.

Nathan lays back on her bed and places the ice pack on her bedside table as she cuts the light. She crawls into bed next to him, sliding beneath the covers. This isn't the first time they've shared a bed, but it feels different.

"Why are you sleeping so far away from me?" Nathan's voice cuts through the dark, a teasing glint to it. The moonlight streaming in through her blinds allows her just enough light to see the smirk on his face and the confusion in his gaze.

She glances at the distance between them.

"I wasn't sure…," she trails off. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Come here," he beckons, raising his arm. She snuggles into his side, tucking her arms against herself. It's not the most comfortable position, but she doesn't want to risk hurting him further by wrapping her arms around him.

She sighs as his lips press against the top of her forehead. "Goodnight, beautiful."

Three small, yet powerful words are sitting on the tip of her tongue. It surprises her how badly she wants to say them and how strong the sudden urge is, but she's too afraid to. Telling someone you love them…it's not something to be taken lightly. She sees it as an act of giving away a piece of your heart and soul to another person. She doesn't know if she's ready for that.

She swallows them down. "Goodnight."

~x~

The sunlight streaming in from her bedroom window pulls her out of deep sleep. She blinks harshly against the intrusion, snuggling further into her bed. The object she's laying on isn't a fluffy pillow or even the mattress of her bed, it's Nathan's arm. Careful not to cause too much movement, she turns over to face him.

The sunlight illuminates his face. Dark and thick eyelashes are resting on pale cheeks, his mouth slightly parted as he breaths steadily. The bruise around his eye isn't nearly as bad as she expected, the mark a mixture of light purple and spots of yellow. His lip is still swollen, the gash barely starting to scab over. She would hate to see how his side is looking.

She spends a couple of more minutes admiring his features. Her heart aches at both the marks on his face and at the sheer beauty of him. It's moments like these where she can't believe that someone like him would want to be with someone like her.

The grumbling of her stomach interrupts her admiring. She glances over Nathan's shoulder at her alarm clock, sighing when she sees that it's barely eight in the morning. Trying not to wake him, she slides out of bed. His arm twitches a little at the loss of her body, but he doesn't wake up.

Padding down the stairs, she hears movement in the kitchen, and her anxiety rises. Knowing her mom, she probably doesn't remember a word of their conversation last night and probably won't be thrilled to find out a boy slept over last night.

Haley rounds the corner and stops dead in her tracks when she sees her dad standing in the kitchen. _Shit._

Jimmy's wearing the same clothes that he was yesterday, lazily stirring a cup of coffee. His outward appearance doesn't suggest that he knows Nathan is sleeping in her bed, but he's known for hiding his emotions.

"Where's mom?" she asks, breaking the silence. Walking over to the cabinet, she pulls out two mugs.

"The store. We needed milk," he answers, his voice monotone.

Awkwardness crawls up her spine as she pours two cups of coffee. She waits for the other shoe to drop, for him to give some kind of sign that he knows. She prays to God that he hasn't made his way up to her bedroom yet, because judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he just got home not too long ago.

"Why is there a boy in my house?"

…and there it is.

Her entire body tenses as she puts down the container of creamer she'd just picked up. Slowly, she turns to face him. His expression is blank and that makes her nervous. His calm nature is usually a warning sign that he's about to blow up.

"Did you your mom say it was okay?" His follow up question sounds more like an insult than it does out of curiosity.

Haley shakes her head.

Jimmy stares at her with hard eyes and she holds her breath. Her dad is old-fashioned, the type of guy who would tell his daughter at a young age that you shouldn't have sex if you're not married and that all men are pigs.

"So, you snuck him into my house then?"

She gulps, his icy tone causes the hairs on her body to stand straight up. "He needed somewhere to stay last night."

Jimmy picks up his coffee mug and starts to head out of the kitchen without so much as looking at her. "My house isn't a homeless shelter. He needs to be gone within the hour."

She blinks a few times. She expected him to blow up at her and stomp up the stairs, dragging Nathan out of her room by the ear. The only explanation that she can think of for him not doing that is that he's nursing one hell of a hangover. Still, his cold tone and demanding words pierce her deeply.

Pushing the thoughts of her father to the back of her mind, she makes her way back up to her room. She's surprised to see Nathan awake, sitting up in her bed and running his fingers through his hair. It's possible that he looks even better with bedhead and eyes glossed over with sleep.

"Morning," she greets.

He looks up at the sound of her voice, managing as much of a smile as he can with his busted lip.

"Morning. How'd you sleep?" His voice is raspy and thick with sleep—it's highly attractive.

She clears her throat and the thoughts in her head.

"Pretty good. How are you feeling?" She walks over to the side of the bed that he's sitting on and hands him a cup of coffee before claiming the spot next to him.

"Thanks." He takes a sip. "Sore as fuck. I think laying stationary in this bed for so long made it worse."

Haley frowns, cupping her hands around her mug. She almost says another comment about getting checked out by a doctor, but she knows it's useless. "There's some Tylenol in the top drawer if you want."

Nathan shakes his head. "I, um, actually should get going. I wish I could stay but…"

She doesn't want him to leave. She wishes that they could spend the day together, cuddled in her bed talking and watching cheesy sitcoms. It sounds like something out of a rom-com, but she wants the fun and comedic part of those movies instead of the drama for once.

"No, I get it," Haley sighs. "It's probably a good thing anyway—my dad knows you're here."

Nathan's back straightens at her reveal, his eyes going wide. If the circumstances were different, she'd laugh at his obvious panic.

"Is he mad?"

"Yes, I guess? I don't know." Haley shrugs, still bewildered by her dad's reaction. "I thought he would blow up about it but all he really said was you needed to leave."

"I'm sorry, Hales."

"Don't worry about it." She waves her hand in dismissal. She supposes that she should be more concerned with what her dad's going to say once he does unleash, but she's not. "I'm glad you called me last night and I hope you know that you can always call me."

He nods, smiling at her. "I know."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Usually, when my dad goes on a bender, he's out of it for two days. I'm just gonna lay low."

"Okay."

She still hates the fact that Nathan is going to continue to be near Dan. It's like sending him off to war and she has no idea if she's going to see him again.

He downs the rest of the coffee, placing the cup on her bedside table. Walking over to her, he circles his arms around her waist and pulls her into him. Haley responds, wrapping her arms around his neck as he buries his head in the mess of her hair. Their hug silences all of her loud thoughts and based on the way Nathan relaxes against her, he feels the same.

"Thank you, again," he whispers into her hair.

She pulls back a bit presses her body up on the tips of her toes and kisses him. It's a chaste kiss, but it still says everything that they aren't.


	20. Look in Your Eye

Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! The last chapter was definitely a hard one to write and execute in the way that I hoped was powerful, but overall I was happy with it.

This chapter also has some subtle foreshadowing and I'm actually interested in seeing what you guys have already picked up on in the previous chapters and what you picked up in this one. So feel free to include that in your reviews or send me a PM! I'm also interested in seeing what you guys pick out after the foreshadowed events happen. ;)

* * *

_**Look in Your Eye**_

"I can't believe you're leaving me for a week."

Peyton laughs, folding a tank-top and placing it neatly into the open suitcase on her bed. "You have Nathan and with eighty-five percent of Tree Hill out of town this week, you can probably go out without being stared at."

Haley grabs a pillow from the pile on Peyton's bed, placing it on her lap. Her fingers thread through the decorative beads hanging off the corners.

"That's if his dad even lets him have a day off from Scott boot camp."

Referring to Nathan's dad leaves a sour taste on Haley's tongue. Only two days have passed since she met him at the river court after a round with his Dan Scott. The way he was shaking and the marks on his skin still haunt her every time her mind wanders.

With each incident, the bruises and the hits seem to be getting worse. Every time he takes a little longer than normal to answer her text messages, she panics and starts worrying that maybe something has happened again. Something even worse than before.

"True," Peyton says with a short laugh, zipping her suitcase up. With a grunt, she lifts the bag off of her bed and plops it down by her door.

"Where are your parents taking you for this surprise vacation?" Haley asks, taking the focus of the conversation off of Nathan and his dad.

"Down to Myrtle, so not that far." Peyton joins Haley on her bed, stretching out. "I have some cousins who live down there and one of them just had a baby."

Haley smiles. "That'll be fun."

"Yeah. It'll be nice to get a break and clear my head."

Haley's lips drop into a frown. Peyton's voice has taken on a sullen quality and even though she knows she shouldn't harbor all of the guilt, it's in her nature to feel the familiar twinge.

"You and Lucas still haven't worked things out?"

"Nope," Peyton mutters, popping the "p." Sighing, Peyton turns to face Haley, propping her head on the palm of her hand. "I know I said that whole thing about letting people go if they don't give you anything to work with, but I want things to work out. I have to keep trying."

"No, I get it." Haley attempts a reassuring smile. "When you love someone…it's hard to give up on them, even when there are so many things telling you that you should."

Peyton doesn't respond with words, only a long and tiring sigh. Haley learned early on that Peyton isn't one to divulge her emotions to people. She holds things in and Haley can't recall a single time she's ever seen Peyton cry.

"I know that things have kind of been all about me the last couple of weeks and I'm sorry for that, but you know that I'm always here for you, right?"

Peyton meets her gaze, smiling. "Yeah, I know. But you know that I like to handle things on my own."

"I know, but I'm just letting you know that you don't have to."

Peyton tosses an arm around her neck, squeezing Haley. "I appreciate your friendship. Now come on, let's go get some ice cream before I'm stuck in a car for two hours."

~x~

The tips of her fingers tap against her keyboard, the clicking of the keys getting lost in the roaring of the river and the quiet whistle of the wind. She's nearing the end of this…therapeutic venture, but she's lost on how to conclude it. The words she's writing, the story she's inadvertently telling, needs a concrete ending. One that is tied together with a pretty bow and glitter that reflects a message.

But she can't think of anything that makes sense. Any idea that pops into her head seems weak and unfitting.

Sighing, she hits the backspace key for the hundredth time in the last hour. She links her fingers and rests her chin in the cradle. Her eyes scan the river court, trying to find any kind of inspiration that she can.

Spring sunlight beats down on her surroundings, making the grass appear an even brighter green. The leaves on the trees are swaying in the wind, the shadows reflecting just as neatly on the bed of grass. She shifts her eyes to the river, focusing on the calm and ebb and flow of the water. Across the way, she sees the crowds of people roaming around downtown, the cacophony of hundreds of conversations carrying over the small waves.

It's a beautiful spring day. Some of her favorite writers claim that inspiration can always be found in nature, but she finds nothing.

A pair of arms wrap around her waist and she jumps, her heartbeat taking off. Before she can physically react a pair of lips press against the shell of her ear.

"Hey, baby."

Nathan's husky voice travels down her spine and curls in the pit of her stomach. She relaxes against his body, but the beating of her heart doesn't slow down.

"You scared me," Haley chastises, quickly bowing the lid to her laptop.

"Sorry," he apologizes with a smirk—it lacks conviction. He straddles the bench next to her but keeps an arm wrapped around her waist. The cut on his lip has scabbed over and the bruise surrounding his eye is healing a lot quicker than she expected.

"I thought you said you couldn't come out today?" she questions, closing her laptop the rest of the way and pushes it away from her.

"I snuck out while my dad was taking a nap." Nathan scoots closer to her, resting his chin on the curve of her shoulder. "Still not gonna let me read any of your writing?"

"Not a chance." She shakes her head vigorously but keeps a teasing smile on her face.

"Not even if I do this?"

The arm that's wrapped around her waist turns her body and pulls her closer until her back is pressed against his chest and she's sitting on the bench sideways. Both of his arms circle her waist as he presses feathery kisses against the column of her neck. The closer he gets to the edge of her jaw—a place Nathan has come to learn is particularly sensitive for her—the more pressure he applies.

Her eyes flutter shut, soft moans float out of her mouth. Her body is buzzing, a pleasant feeling that resonates down to the tip of her toes. One of Nathan's hands disappears beneath the hem of her cream-colored v-neck and his fingers draw against her skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

His touch is light and innocent, but the fire it stokes inside of her is anything but.

"Someone is in a good mood today," she comments, her breath coming out puffy and distracted. How can one gentle touch from one person melt her into a puddle?

"I sent FSU my acceptance today."

All thoughts of Nathan's hands and the way he's kissing her fly out of her mind. With wide eyes, she wiggles out of his grip and swivels her body to face him. He's smiling at her, a shy and nervous smile.

"You did?!"

He nods.

"Oh, my God, Nathan, that's so great!" She flings her arms around his neck, earning a chuckle out of him. He hugs her back, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek.

"Does that mean you told your dad?" she asks when they pull away.

Nathan shakes his head sheepishly. "Not yet. But I figure that it might be harder for him to stop me from going if my acceptance is already in."

"I guess it couldn't hurt."

He's smiling, but she notices the layer of uneasiness behind his gaze. She recognizes that he still has a long way to go with his dad and going away to the college that he wants, but any progress he makes deserves to be celebrated.

"I'm really proud of you," she says softly, hoping to ease some of his apprehension. She palms his cheek, rubbing the pad of her thumb over the smooth skin of his cheek. "That's a really huge step."

He leans into her palm, eyes shining with appreciation and something else that has heat spreading through her body.

"Well, I need to get away from him somehow, some way."

He says it as a joke and the light jump in his voice sounds almost convincing, as is his half-turned smirk.

"But also because FSU is going to make you happy, right?" She points out with a cocked eyebrow.

Nathan chuckles. "And there's that."

She shakes her head with a playful roll of her eyes, knocking her shoulder into his.

"Wanna go to a party tonight?"

"Where?"

"Down at CC."

"What kind of senior in high school gets invited to a college party?"

"One that has connections," Nathan teases with a wink. "This guy that I played ball with at that camp in Florida I told you about goes there and invited me out."

She mulls over the idea. Parties aren't her thing, but she's also not totally against them. Her thoughts fall back to the last time she was at a party with Nathan—all the sneaking around they had to do that ended with a fight and Nathan punching a mirror.

It would be nice to go to a party with Nathan and not have to be so guarded.

"We don't have to go," Nathan says, sensing her hesitation. "I just thought it would be fun."

"We should go."

"Yeah?"

Haley nods. "Like you said, it'll be fun."

Nathan's phone goes off, interrupting their conversation. He digs into his pocket and pulls it out. Looking at the screen, she notices his mood change right away. The lightness of his eyes fades away and his jaw clenches.

"Who is it?"

He jumps at the sound of her voice like he forgot that she was there. With an alarming quickness, he shoves his phone back in his pocket and starts to get up from the bench.

"Um, my…my dad. I gotta get going."

Before heading back to his car, he kisses her quickly, not giving her a chance to say anything else. Her apprehension grows as she watches him walk away, the tension in his muscles clear. She can't stop her mind from going to the worst possible places.

~x~

Walking up the stairs to her room, Haley pauses when she hears quiet sobs coming from her parent's bedroom. Haley furrows her eyebrows and peers in through the cracked open door. She spots her mom sitting on the edge of her bed, tissues bunched in the palm of her hand. Her shoulders are shaking from the effort of trying to keep her sobs at a low volume.

"Mom?" Haley calls out, hesitantly pushing the door further open.

Lydia jumps, scrambling to wipe the tears from her eyes and discard of her tissues, but the damage is already done.

"Oh, hey, sweetie." She greets Haley with a watery smile. The hoarseness in her voice pains Haley. There are few things in the world that hurt more than seeing your mom cry, of that Haley is certain.

"What's wrong?"

The streaks of mascara running down her cheeks ruin any chance she has at pretending everything is okay, but in true Lydia James fashion, she tries anyway.

"Nothing."

Haley sighs, placing her laptop on the bed before sitting down next to Lydia.

"You were just crying in here."

"Oh, um, it was just allergies." Lydia waves her hand dismissively, avoiding eye contact.

"Mom," Haley scolds.

Lydia's bottom lip quivers, her gaze locked on the dark wood floor of the bedroom. Haley waits with bated breath for Lydia to explain the reason for her tears. The feeling in her gut tells her that it's something serious, something that she might be better off not hearing. But she has an incessant need to know.

For the first time since she walked into the bedroom, Lydia meets her eyes. The unshed tears speak volumes and contradict the words coming out of her mouth. That feeling in her gut intensifies.

"Honestly, honey, it's nothing that you need to worry about."

"Are you sure?"

Lydia nods. "I'm just a little emotional today, that's all."

Haley wants to press further. It's not often that her mom hides things from her and when she does, all it usually takes is a little coaxing before the flood gates opening. The pleading in Lydia's eyes stops Haley from following that normal routine.

"What are your plans for tonight?" Lydia asks, changing the subject.

She stares at her mom for several seconds, waiting to see if maybe she'll change her mind and crack. When it becomes apparent that she's not going to budge, Haley clears her throat and gets more comfortable on the bed, crossing her legs.

"Nathan invited me to a college party."

Lydia's eyes widen. "A college party? Where at?"

"The community college nearby."

"Are you gonna go?"

Haley nods. "Yeah, is that okay?"

Lydia laughs and it sounds genuine. "You should know by now that I trust you to make smart decisions."

"I know. But I thought I would, at least, try and adhere to the normal mother-daughter code of conduct."

Lydia shakes her head with a smile. The tears in her eyes have evaporated and the redness is starting to dissipate from her cheeks and the tip of her nose. "You should go. It's going to be boring around here anyway with your dad over his buddy's place."

Haley doesn't miss the bitter edge to Lydia's tone, but she swallows down the questions she knows will just go unanswered.

~x~

Haley stares at herself in the mirror, smoothing her hands down the fabric of her dress. Nathan is going to be at her house any minute now to pick her up for the party they're going to. Her nerves are wound into tight knots, butterflies flying rapidly in her stomach.

All of her worries about why her mom was crying have been replaced with her normal worries about social interaction with people she doesn't know.

The dress she's wearing is a simple black t-shirt dress. The hem reaches right above her knees and the material flows from her body—not too tight against her skin, but still highlights her curves. The dress is a lot more daring than what she normally wears, but the cropped jean jacket she pairs with it makes her feel more comfortable.

The sound of the doorbell ringing echoes through her empty house. Rushing over to her closet, she slips on a pair of black booties before heading down the stairs. Out of habit, she checks her appearance in the mirror once more before opening the door.

He looks nothing short of gorgeous in his dark jeans and red polo. She hasn't seen him in his leather jacket in a while and it looks even better than she remembered.

Nathan's eyes take a slow trip over her body, starting at the tip of her heels. By the time he meets her eyes, her cheeks are burning with embarrassment. A film of lust has glazed over his eyes, their blue color appearing almost black.

"Fuck." The hoarse, almost gravelly voice that comes out of his mouth spikes her temperature even further.

"What?" Haley tucks a piece of wavy hair behind her hair. She let her hair air dry, the wet strands drying into a messy set of waves. His eyes widen slightly at her innocent gesture.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He teases, stepping into her house. He circles his arms around her waist, his hands splaying against her lower back.

She shakes her head, not trusting herself to speak. When he looks at her like he is, her brain turns to mush and the only thing she can focus on is the desire pounding through her.

"This dress…and you know how much your red lipstick turns me on."

"Are you sure it's not too—"

"It's not too anything," he cuts her off, leaning in. "You look…fuck, you look amazing."

He slides a hand into her hair and pulls her into a slow kiss. His lips are gentle against hers at first but quickly become more passionate. She melts against him, gripping his jacket to pull him as close as possible. He moans into her a mouth, a feverish sound that has her seconds away from saying screw the party.

"We should get out of here," Nathan pants when they pull away, his hand still in her hair and his forehead resting against hers.

The thoughts running through her head have nothing to do with the party and everything to do with pulling him up the stairs to her bedroom. Can you die from sexual tension?

"Yeah, we should."

~x~

The party is in full swing by the time they arrive. A college party isn't much different from a high school party, Haley gathers quickly. The music that is pumping through the speakers is obnoxiously loud, rattling the walls and the floors. Abandoned plastic cups are spread out everywhere she looks and the smell of sweat and liquor floats through the air.

"You okay?" Nathan shouts over the music, squeezing her hand that is encased in his.

"Yeah, just overwhelmed," she shouts back and Nathan shoots her a knowing look.

"Want a drink?"

She nods and Nathan is quick to lead her to the kitchen. They weave through the dancing bodies, both of which are on the makeshift dance floor and on top of any sturdy furniture they can find.

The kitchen is empty with the exception of two giggling girls in the corner by the sink. Haley glances around the small space, wrinkling her nose in disgust. The grey countertops are littered with more bottles of liquor and cases of beer than she's ever seen in her life. More than one bottle is tipped over, the clear liquid spreading across the counter and dripping on to the floor. The dark purple lights hanging from walls only add to the musky feel.

"What are you feeling?" Nathan asks while grabbing two unused cups from a freshly opened bag

She looks over the variety of flavors of vodka and mixers, but she has no idea which ones go together or what would taste good. The most alcohol she's had in her life was a few sips of jungle juice and a few mimosas on Christmas morning.

"Surprise me."

Nathan grabs the jug of cranberry juice and pours a healthy amount into both cups. Then, he grabs a fifth of Everclear and tops off the drinks. Swirling the cups around a little, he hands her one and takes a drink of his own.

When she takes a sip, she's greeted with the sweet yet tart taste of the cranberry juice and only a slight twang of the vodka.

"Scott!"

They both turn at the shout to see a tall, muscular guy heading their way. His dark hair is shaggy, falling below his ears and the scruff on his chin is patchy.

"Hey, man!" Nathan says with a smile and follows through with the one hand, chest bump thing that guys always do. "How've you been?"

The strong smell of weed and alcohol surrounds her as this mystery guy comes to stand in their circle. He's standing a little too close to her and Nathan, giving her the perfect view of his bloodshot eyes.

"Living life." He tosses an arm around Nathan's shoulder, a plastic cup dangling from the tips of his fingers. Dark liquid splashes over the side of his cup, but Haley moves before any gets on her. "I haven't seen you since I kicked your ass last summer."

Nathan rolls his eyes. She senses a little uneasiness emanating from him, but she can't tell if she's just imagining it.

"I didn't think you'd actually show up tonight. This is only the twentieth party that I've invited you to in the last month."

"Partying really isn't my scene anymore."

"Yeah, okay, I don't believe that for a second." He turns his attention towards Haley, almost as if he just noticed her standing there. His smoky breath fans across her face as he talks and Haley holds her breath, moving closer to Nathan. "You should have seen some of the wild shit Nathan did at the parties we threw down in Florida. Man has no fears."

She's not sure if Nathan notices her discomfort or if he's experiencing some of his own, but he slides an arm around her waist. His fingers flex against her hip, pulling her tight against him.

"Hales, this is Owen. Owen, this is my girlfriend."

She wants to get lost in the spark that spreads through her at Nathan referring to her as his girlfriend, but the weirdness of their current situation roadblocks her. Haley gives a small wave, while Owen's eyes grow wide, flickering between her face and Nathan's.

"Girlfriend? What happened to that hot brunette you were banging?"

Nathan tenses against her, his weight shifting from foot to foot. Her throat grows dry at the awkwardness and the overall unease she feels around this Owen guy. She doesn't know what it is, but he just seems like sleaze and trouble. How and why does Nathan associate himself with this guy?

"Owen," Nathan warns, glaring.

"Oh shit, sorry." Owen presses the palm of his hand to his forehead. "I tend to speak without thinking."

He sets his bloodshot eyes on her, but this time, he's not looking at her face. He examines her body, spending way too much time on her chest and the exposed skin of her legs. A shiver runs down her spine, a cold sweat popping on her skin.

"It's nice to meet you. You are also smoking hot."

Instinctively, she slinks back behind Nathan, trying her best not to pay attention to the unabashed way Owen is _still _checking her out. Nathan notices it too and squeezes her hip. She focuses her attention on the way his jaw ticks, lips pressing into a hard yet threatening line.

Owen doesn't seem to notice. He moves on quickly, bouncing to the next subject before either of them can respond.

"You joining us here next year?"

"No, uh, I think I'm gonna head down to FSU."

"No shit?"

Nathan nods. "They offered me decent scholarships and you know how much I love it down there."

Owen gets distracted by a tall blonde that walks by, purposely running her fingers along his arm in passing. It's not hard to figure out that it's some kind of signal between both of them. The smirk that grows on his face makes her queasy.

"Yeah, sure man. I'll catch you later."

He's gone in a blink of an eye, chasing after the blonde. As soon as he disappears in the crowd, Haley feels like she can breathe again, but her head is spinning with so many different thoughts. Meeting Owen was like seeing a side of Nathan that she'd never seen but had definitely heard rumors about.

It makes her uneasy.

Nathan motions towards a back door that leads to a deck. She nods and allows him to lead her outside. The deck is far less crowded than the house, only a couple of stragglers talking in small groups. They walk over to an empty swing in the corner, sitting down.

"What's on your mind?" Nathan questions as soon as her butt hits the cushion. Worry is etched into his features like he's been reading her mind.

She takes a sip of her drink, allowing the sweet drink to coat her dry throat. "Nothing. Uh, it's just…"

"Owen's a lot, I know," Nathan cuts in.

"I just didn't expect you to hang out with someone like that."

She regrets the words as soon as they leave her mouth. Thankfully, Nathan doesn't seem to notice her unintended judgmental tone.

Nathan chuckles, but there's a distant look in his eyes. "I don't. Not anymore, at least. I haven't seen him in almost a year."

"What made you decide to finally take up his offer on coming to a party?"

Nathan sighs, leaning farther back into the swing. He rests his drink on the glass table next to him but keeps an arm propped behind her.

"I don't know. In theory, it sounded fun. But I just don't think I realized it until we got here how much things have changed."

His answer piques her interest.

"What do you mean?"

His thumb disappears beneath the sleeve of her dress, drawing small circles on to her skin. Goosebumps erupt in his pattern's wake and she finds herself leaning into him.

"I mean what I said to him about partying. It's not really my thing anymore, at least, it's not something that I want to do every weekend like I used to," Nathan explains. "I used to worship the ground that Owen walked on and maybe it was the alcohol or the intense desire I had to use partying as a way to cope with everything…but that all seems really dumb right now."

It's like she's watching Nathan have this grand epiphany right in front of her. He's staring off in the distance, confusion, and wonder reflecting in his eyes. He appears older, just like when he's with Lily, but it doesn't pain her in the same way. If nothing else, it's…almost refreshing.

"But that doesn't mean we can't have some fun tonight, right?"

He gives her a half-smile. "No, I guess not."

~x~

"I didn't know you could dance like that," Nathan muses as they walk back into the kitchen.

"Neither did I," Haley giggles, hopping on to the only clean spot on the counter she can find. She swipes a hand across her forehead, brushing away the sweat soak strands of her hair that are sticking to her skin.

She catches a glimpse of herself in the small mirror hanging above the sink. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyeliner is slightly smudged beneath her eyes. Her messy curls are even messier, the humidity in the packed house getting to them. But she feels…sexy. Free.

It was the combination of her buzz and the salacious way Nathan was eyeing her the entire night that had her letting go. As soon as they stepped on to the dance floor, she suppressed her intrusive thoughts and forgot about Owen and all of her other worries. With Nathan's hands on her hips, her waist, her body, she moved to the beat of the music.

His breathy words of praise and seduction fueled her further and stoked the simmering fire inside of her that's been building since she first laid eyes on him earlier that night.

Nathan hands her a freshly made drink as he takes a sip of his own. She takes a few sips before putting it down.

"Feel free to dance like that for me any time," Nathan murmurs with a husk that thrills her. He puts his cup down and steps closer to her until his thighs are touching her knees.

"If you play your cards right…," she tries to tease back but her voice flutters.

His hands ghost the tops of her thighs and she shivers, goosebumps prickling on her skin. He's got that look in his eyes, the one that makes her insides feel like liquid.

"What?" she questions, a blush reddening her cheeks. Nathan's mouth lifts into a smirk and she knows that even beneath the dark purple lights he can see her blushing. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" he purrs innocently, discreetly slipping one of his hands beneath the hem of her dress. His smirk deepens when she jumps at the feel of his calloused fingertips brushing her inner thigh.

"Like…like," she struggles to find the proper words. She has half the mind to grab his hand and remove it from beneath her dress—she's sitting on a counter in the kitchen of some random college kids' place, with a raging party going on around them for God sake.

But, she does nothing.

"Like I want you right here, right now?"

His voice is low and husky, dripping in sex. When his hand glides a little higher, her instincts kick in. She wraps her fingers around his wrist and halts his movement. His name leaves her lips in a shaky warning, but it holds no merit.

"Have I told you how sexy you look in this dress?" he breathes and leans in closer to her. She wants to hit him with some witty comeback about how many times he's complimented her tonight, but the words die on the tip of her tongue. His lips brush against the edge of her jaw to the corner of her mouth. She's fairly shaking in his arms by the time he reaches her lips.

"There are people around," Haley pants, her hands slowly trailing up his arms and across his broad chest.

"They aren't paying attention to us," he murmurs. "And if they are, let them watch."

Maybe it's the high from dancing with him or the growing burn of arousal, but she finds herself nodding her consent.

Nathan's answering smirk has every hair on her body standing up. Using his free hand, he grips her hip and pulls her body to the edge of the counter. Without thinking, her legs twine around his waist and he falters for a second. She smirks.

The hand that is beneath her dress slides up her thigh, trailing over the hem of her panties. The pads of his fingers apply the slightest bit of pressure and she squirms. His fingers retreat, brushing against her inner thigh and she wants to scream.

He continues this cycle, each time getting closer and closer to where she wants him to touch her, but never quite getting there. She attempts to press her legs together to ease the pressure that's building, but Nathan stops her.

God, she's gonna go insane.

"Please," she begs, not recognizing the needy whine of her voice.

She isn't sure if it's possible, but his eyes appear to darken further. The tip of his tongue peeks out to wet his lips.

"What do you want, Hales? Tell me."

Her breathing is labored, her lips parted as she struggles to form a coherent response. She knows what she wants, but it's like her mouth and her brain have disconnected. The only thing she can focus on is her need for him.

"Tell me, Hales."

"Touch me," she squeaks.

"Touch you?"

The teasing of his words drives her just as crazy as the teasing of his actions. She can see it on his face that he wants to draw this out further, to tease her until she can't stand it. It's achingly hot, but she's too needy to entertain it any further.

"Please," she repeats, panting.

She almost weeps with relief when he finally slips his hand beneath the hem of her panties. She can't believe that she's letting him do this right now, where anyone can see.

"Nathan," she whimpers, burying her head in the crook of his neck. She clings on to him, her one hand wrapping around his neck and the other clutching on to his shirt. His fingers are slow, moving over her in deliberate yet soft strokes.

"Feel good?" he breathes hotly in her ear.

Haley nods her head weakly. She's breathing in harsh pants and her mouth opens in a muted gasp when he slips a deft finger inside of her, curling upwards. Her nails dig into his skin and his grip on her tightens.

"Shit, baby, you're so wet," Nathan groans, his lips brushing her ear.

The effects he has on her is sinful, yet so incredibly mind-blowing. She should be concerned about someone spotting them, but she can't find even the slightest means to care.

He keeps the stroke of his fingers slow and steady, drawing out her pleasure. She's shaking against him, keeping her head buried in his neck. The music and chatter around them are loud, but she still tries her hardest to muffle her moans.

His lips press against her ear, whispering heated delicacies and sultry phrases that have her gasping and moaning. The pleasure builds and builds until she feels like she's drowning—her heart pounding and sweat coating her skin. She could just die.

Her body tightens and she goes rigid against him. She's white-knuckling his shirt as bites down hard on her bottom lip to stifle her moans.

It takes her several seconds to recover, the white noise slowly fading away. She looks up at Nathan threw her eyelashes, swallowing hard when she finds him smirking back at her. If he didn't have any reason to be smug, she probably would have made some joke about knocking that smirk off his face.


	21. Daydream

Alright, this chapter...is a big one. That's all I'm going to say.

* * *

_**Daydream**_

"What about this one?"

Haley eyes the sundress that her mom is holding against her chest, bending the hanger. Dark blue and purple flowers decorate the fabric, leaving only slivers of mustard yellow peeking through. The dress would be cute if it didn't extend to Lydia's ankles and didn't have billowed sleeves.

She shrivels her nose. "Kind of looks like something Grandma James would wear."

Lydia sighs, shoving the sundress back on the display. She leafs through the rest of the rack, a scowl piercing her face as she skips dress after dress.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Haley asks after taking a sip of the strawberry-banana smoothie she got from the juice place right outside of the mall.

Her mom dragged her out of bed at eight this morning, all but forcing her to put on some decent clothes and get ready to go shopping. The mall is not a regular hang out for Haley and shopping is not her favorite pastime—it's one that requires a specific mood that doesn't come around all that often.

Nonetheless, she didn't ask questions. With sleep still clouding her eyes, she pulled a pair of jeans up her legs and dragged a brush through her hair. She hardly looks presentable enough to be roaming around the mall, especially into the fancy boutiques full of clothes her mom can't afford that she's been dragged into. Surprisingly, she doesn't care, not even when the store clerk at Joanne's shot her a less than impressed look.

"I'm just looking for some new clothes to spice up my wardrobe."

She doesn't meet Haley's eyes once during her explanation, one that she mumbles through in an ashamed manner. Haley eyes her suspiciously, chewing the end of her straw. Everything with her mom for the past few weeks has felt…off-kilter.

"Are you sure that nothing is going on with you?"

Lydia slides a short, red dress off a nearby rack and swivels to a nearby mirror. She holds it up to her body, smoothing a hand over the material to mold the dress to her body.

"I didn't know it was a crime to want to branch out."

"It's not," Haley dismisses, shaking her head. "But why now? I mean, for all sixteen years of my life you've worn nothing but sweaters and v-neck shirts that come in a variety of colors."

Lydia checks the price tag dangling from the sleeve of the dress and frowns. Pulling it away from her body, she pushes it back on the rack to join the discarded sundress.

"Ever heard of a midlife crisis?"

Haley doesn't press the issue any further, only laughs awkwardly in response. Her mom, ever the open book, might be telling the truth and the thoughts in her convincing her otherwise might be the anxiety Lydia has told her about.

Lydia spends the next twenty minutes sifting through rack after rack of dresses, the annoyance growing on her face with each dud. With a disappointed sigh, she loops an arm through Haley's and leads her out of the store and back into the busy corridors. Haley swears that every resident of Tree Hill that's not on some tropical vacation is at the mall.

She also swears that she feels eyes following her every move, but then again, she's been more paranoid than normal recently.

"Are you sure you don't want to stop anywhere? We can swing by Victoria's Secret and pick up some lingerie for you to show Nathan."

Haley grimaces, her cheeks tinting a bright shade of pink. "Has anyone ever told you that you act more like a best friend than a mom?"

"Yes, you. Many times since you've been able to speak," Lydia says with a laugh, patting Haley's forearm. "I told you many stories about your grandma and how she sheltered me from everything when I was growing up—sex, boys, risqué music…the list goes on and on. The first time I got my period, I thought I was dying with blood pouring out of me because—"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard the story." Haley rushes out, cringing as the horror stories of her grandma filter through her mind. It's hard to imagine her grandma being the way Lydia describes when she's the sweet woman she is today, but she's glad she never had to experience it.

"I vowed that whenever I had kids, they would never grow up sheltered like that."

"And you're doing a wonderful job of it," Haley teases with an undertone of seriousness. Lydia smiles, leaning her head Haley's shoulder.

Minutes later they walk into the crowded food court. They part ways at the beginning of the V-shape of the infrastructure—Lydia in search of a table to sit at and Haley in search of something to eat. She walks down the line of mini restaurants, searching for the shortest line, as well as something she has a taste for.

Settling on a small-scale substation, she hops in line. The process moves quickly and before she knows, she's heading to find her mom with two turkey subs in her hands. It takes her a few sweeps of the court before she finds Lydia sitting at a two-seat table in the middle of all chaos.

"Here you go," Haley says as she slides into the seat across from Lydia, placing the subs in front of them.

Lydia reaches for her sub, casting her head downwards but her eyes peering up, almost as if she didn't want to be caught staring at something she shouldn't be.

"Do you know that boy?"

"What boy?"

She juts her head in the direction of something behind Haley. "The boy that's been staring at you since we walked in."

Haley looks over her shoulder and an eerie feeling settles in the pit of her stomach when she locks eyes with Tim Smith. It's only for a brief second, surprise and shame overcoming his face as he quickly looks away, realizing that he's been caught. He starts to make conversation with the guy sitting next to him as if he wasn't caught staring at her.

Confusion and a feeling that she can only describe as discomfort spears through her. How is it that she's lived in such sharp boundaries against people like Tim Smith for a long time, but now they keep interlocking in outlandish ways?

"Um, no, not really."

~x~

A solid knock echoes through her quiet house. Haley tries to return her focus to the SAT study book in front of her, leaving the guest at the door up to her mom to answer. She hasn't been able to get nearly as much studying done as she wanted to. As she's getting into the math section of the test, the knock interrupts her again.

"Mom! Someone's at the door!"

Her only response is silence. Sighing, she pushes her materials away from her and hops off the kitchen stool. Stalking over to the front door, she flips the locks with aggression and whips open the front door.

Surprise forms on her face when she sees Nathan leaning against the doorframe—calm, cool, and collected. The smirk on his face is easy and playful, sending a thrill of appreciation through her. His busted lip is almost healed, but the bruise around his eye is still hanging on.

He looks good in just a plain white t-shirt and jeans. Her annoyance evaporates like a drop of water on a hot July day.

"I didn't know you were stopping by."

"That's because I didn't tell you." His tongue peeks out to lick his lips, eyes glancing over her in appreciation. She wishes she was wearing more than some ratty t-shirt and sweatpants. "I wanted to do this properly."

She raises an eyebrow, leaning against the inside doorframe, matching his body language. Extending her hand with her palm facing the sky, she invites him to continue.

"Are you free tonight?"

"Hm, possibly. Depends on what you have in mind."

He's buzzing like a little kid in a candy store—eyes twinkling with delight and mouth twitching to contain an over-excited grin. His excitement bleeds into her.

"A proper date. You and me. The beach and a picnic under the stars, just like we talked about."

She pretends to think about, tapping her pointer finger against her chin and masking the butterflies in her stomach. It's all she can do to stop herself from answering his proposal with embarrassing quickness.

"I guess I can pencil you in my oh-so-busy schedule."

Nathan rolls his eyes but smiles at her in that heartbreaking way of his. She giggles, crossing her arms as she leans her head against the molding, her foot swaying back and forth. She feels like a schoolgirl with a crush but the innocence is refreshing.

"You know, I never really pegged you as the old-fashioned kind of guy who believed in proper courtship."

Nathan chuckles, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"In some ways, I'm old fashioned, in some ways I'm not." He shrugs. "But when it comes to proving myself to be worthy of the town's most eligible bachelorette? Absolutely."

They meet eyes and immediately erupt into a roar of laughter.

"Okay, we need to stop this," Haley says through her giggles.

"You're right. It's getting kind of weird. Pick you up at 8?"

Haley nods. He beams a smile and presses a quick kiss against her lips before bouncing down the stairs. She attempts to go back to studying, but it's a lost cause.

~x~

Despite the cool breeze coming off the water, the air is humid and thick, tasting like summer. The last bit of day is losing to the dark, painting the sky with deep shades of blue, pink, and purple. It's quiet, only the sounds of the waves and a few straggling voices from two girls sifting through the sand for seashells and a couple walking their dog.

Nathan swings their joined hands, the rough pad of his thumb smoothing over the back of her hand. In his other hand is a wicker basket full of food, a thick blanket threaded through the handle.

"Where are we going?" she asks, although she's pretty sure she already knows the answer.

"You'll see."

As she expected, they slow down when they reach his secret spot. It's hard to tell, but the sand appears untouched from the last time they were there. If she looked closely, she's positive she could make out the silhouettes they left in the sand where there sitting.

It's still as beautiful as it was that night, even more so under the streaks of the setting sun.

Nathan drops the wicker basket into the sand and squeezes her hand, drawing her in front of him. The hand that was holding the basket slides up her arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake, and toys with the sleeve on her red short-sleeve t-shirt.

He appears unsettled, a thin line forming between his pinched brows. He avoids her gaze for a couple of seconds, clearing mulling over something, but looking at her.

"I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to come here given—

"It's perfect," she cuts him off.

She knows where he was going with his statement and he's wrong. The moment that shared on the beach was a catalyst for her, for them. She was confused—so confused and so hurt. But when Nathan bared his soul to her in a way that he hadn't before, whether she was consciously aware of it or not, that was the moment she knew that she didn't care anymore. Not about what other people thought. Not about the consequences. And not about the fact that Nathan had the power to hurt her like no one else.

Nathan bends his head and she stretches on her toes to meet him halfway for a kiss that is so sweet and refreshing it could make her cry.

After they pull away, Nathan works to spread the thick, wool blanket out over the sand. It's bigger than she expected, leaving them space to stretch their limbs and spread out of the food without feeling cramped. She helps him remove several neatly wrapped containers filled with what appears to be an assortment of fruit, little sandwiches, and cookies for dessert.

"Who put this together?" Haley asks, unwrapping a container of strawberries and popping one into her mouth.

"I did."

She blinks in surprise, swallowing her bite of food before speaking. "You did?"

Nathan holds her gaze for a couple of seconds, a slow and sheepish smile fighting to stay hidden on his face. "Okay, I can't take all the credit. I asked my grandma for help."

"Well, it looks amazing."

He chuckles in appreciation as he stretches his legs out in front of him, crossing them at his ankles. Leaning back on the palm of his hands, his eyes dance with amusement. Even in the fading light, the cobalt blue of his polo shirt brings out the blue in his eyes.

"I've seen this kind of thing done thousands of times in cheesy romance movies and books. I hope this isn't too cliché for you."

She glances around the empty beach, taking in the ebb and flow of the waves. Above them, dark clouds are creeping in, painting over the stars as the air shifts between a humid breeze and a slight chill.

"It's cliché in the most perfect way," she answers with a smile. "How's the training going with your dad?"

Nathan reaches for a mini sandwich, his shoulders slumped. "Tiring, as always. It's been a miracle that I've managed to escape him as much as I have. Usually, he's on my ass from sun up to sundown."

Haley swallows the piece of pineapple she was chewing on before speaking. "Maybe he's starting to lay off of you?"

Her optimism falls flat, the words tasting silly on her mouth. She has to try, though.

Nathan snorts. "Nah, he's just on a bender right now. Alcohol has become his first priority, but basketball is a very close second."

She tenses at his darkened expression. "There hasn't been—"

She falls silent when he shakes his head. "I haven't given him a chance. I make myself scarce as soon as he pops open the bottle."

Haley doesn't know what to say to that, so she reaches for a sandwich of her own.

"Anyway, enough about me…how'd shopping go with your mom this morning?"

She swallows and allows him to change the subject because she knows it's what he needs. They fill the silence with comfortable chatter, flowing from one conversation to the next. Haley's laughter and Nathan's teasing float through the night air like thin sheets of paper, getting lost in the roar of the ocean.

She gets momentarily distracted by movement in the marram grass behind them. Her heart jumps in her throat as she squints her eyes against the dark, trying to make out the figure she thought she saw lurking in the shadows. Her eyes adjust slowly to the darkness, revealing nothing but someone's discarded towel hanging off a post, blowing in the slight breeze.

Her body relaxes, but her embarrassment grows, along with the gnawing paranoia inside of her that rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times.

"What's on your mind?" Nathan asks her when she falls silent.

She picks at the stem of a strawberry, dropping the leaves into a folded napkin.

"Have you heard anything else about who took that picture of us?"

"No," he shakes his head, sitting up. He lifts his knees, looping his arms around them. "Everyone I talk to is either clueless or pretending to be clueless, which doesn't come to a complete surprise to me. Why?"

She looks up, his concerned expression piercing her. Every time he looks at her like that, she feels so safe and understood, like she could tell him anything and he would listen with an open heart.

Still, it's her default to act like everything is fine—a habit she's trying to break.

"I was just wondering."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She brushes it off before backtracking. "Actually, no. I know that I said before that it didn't matter who took the picture, but I think…I think it does."

Nathan's expression doesn't give her any hint to how he's feeling, but he's still listening to her intently. She continues but not before dropping her distraction device back into the bowl of strawberries.

"When I walk into school every day or when I go out downtown, I feel people from school staring at me and I've gotten used to that. I've gotten used to the whispers."

She swallows the sudden alarm in her throat. She knew the whole thing made her uncomfortable, but she didn't realize just how much it did until she said it out loud.

"But the more I think about the fact that someone camped outside of my house or even walked by my house to snap a picture of us and then send it around to everyone, the more uncomfortable I feel. And the more it opens me up to questions like 'has someone been following us? me?' It doesn't sit right with me."

Nathan's eyes cloud over with something indecipherable. His body settles, tense and taut like a rubber band being stretched to its capacity without snapping. Within seconds, it's gone and his concerned demeanor returns tenfold.

"You're right. I'll keep asking around. Eventually, someone has to crack."

"Can I do anything to help?"

Nathan shakes his head. "No, I got it. Unless you hear something before me…then by all means."

Haley cracks a smile.

~x~

"Wanna go swimming?" Nathan asks after they pack all of the food containers back into the wicker basket. The wind is starting to pick up, the clouds above them becoming dark and more ominous.

Her brows crinkle and extend towards her hairline. "Right now? The water is probably freezing!"

Nathan stares at her in that enticing way that has her stomach clenching—lips pressed into a thin smirk and one brow raised. "So? It'll be fun."

She glances between him and the water. Since they arrived, the waves have grown in size, hurling towards the shore in more frequent succession. If she gets too close to the waves, they'd knock her down in a heartbeat.

"Make you a compromise?" Haley swings her eyes back to Nathan's face.

He nods for her to go on.

"Ankle deep?"

He agrees and they stand up. She brushes off the little bit of sand that has made its way on to the blanket and on the back of her jean shorts. Nathan motions for her to go ahead of him and she does.

A mixture of a laugh and a squeal fly out of her mouth when Nathan hooks an arm around her torso, lifting her off the ground a few seconds later. Her back lands against his chest, her legs kicking the air as he carries her over to the water. Her blunt nails dig into the muscles of his forearm, but he's unfazed, inching closer and closer to where the water meets the sand.

"Nathan! Don't you dare!"

"What?" His lips are against her ear, his breath ruffling the curly mess of her hair.

"If you throw me in, I swear to God!" Her loud threat mixed with light laughter echoes through the night air.

"Throw you in?" He teases, slowing his trek. "I wasn't going to do that…but now that you suggest it…"

She screams as Nathan swings her body towards the water, gripping on to him tighter. He never lets her go, swinging her back so she's tight against his chest and puts her feet back on the ground. The sounds of the ocean appear much louder now, like a lioness roar

He wraps both of his arms around her in a tight embrace, holding her against his chest. She shivers as he leaves delicate kisses against the side of her neck, enough pressure to be felt and drive her crazy.

"Cold?"

She opens her mouth to answer, but a large raindrop lands on her cheek, followed by a second and a third. In a blink of an eye, the rain starts falling faster, teetering between being a drizzle and a pour.

"I thought it wasn't supposed to rain tonight?" Haley wonders, angling her neck to look back at Nathan.

"I didn't hear anything about rain."

A crack of thunder has them springing into action. They rush to pack up the wicker basket and grab the blanket.

His hand grips hers. "Come on, my dad's beach house isn't far from here—I know where he hides the spare key."

It's difficult running in sand as is, but when large raindrops are pelting you from every direction and wind is whipping against you with a fierce ferocity, it's even harder. A strike of lightning illuminates the entire sky, followed by a crack of thunder so loud Haley swears it rattles her bones. They both jump.

"We're almost there!" Nathan shouts over the rain. "Keep your head down."

By the time they reach the back stairs to the Scott beach house, the muscles in her legs are on fire and her clothes are sticking to her like a second skin. She's drenched in places she didn't think you could be drenched in.

After a few slips on the wet stairs and a couple of more cracks of thunder, they finally reach the back door. She lets out a sigh of relief as the awning shields them from the rain, which is coming down even harder now.

Nathan slides over to a small flower pot and lifts it, showing her the key hidden beneath. With shaky and wet hands, he unlocks the door and they stumble inside. The sounds of the storm are quieter now, their heavy breathing and the water droplets dripping off their bodies the more prominent sounds.

The warm air of the beach house causes her to be hyperaware of the wet clothes on her body, sticking to her skin in a plethora of uncomfortable ways and a chill runs deep into her bones. The place looks a lot different when it's bathed in darkness and there aren't drunk teenagers sprawled out everywhere.

Looking at Nathan, her heart stops and knots of something new and exciting tighten in her stomach.

It's not supposed to be sexy, she supposes, but it God, it is.

His shirt—which is much thinner than it looks—clings to him, outlining every curve and dip of the muscles in his stomach. His jeans ride low on his hips, weighed down by the water. Almost in slow motion, he pushes a hand through his hair, sliding the wet and matted down strands out of his face.

Who knew rain could be such aphrodisiac? Then again, it's Nathan, and she's been fighting to keep her desire for him at bay since she laid eyes on him.

Nathan notices her staring, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Everything inside of her ignites.

"I should go find some candles. It looks like the power's out."

Despite his words, he stays rooted in his spot, watching her watch him, her eyes appreciating the sight in front her with a slow fierceness. It's so simply erotic, she can't explain it.

Landing back on his face, her self-control snaps. The look in his eyes is an unfiltered desire for _her_. Her heart takes off on a high-speed chase, her labored breathing matching the rhythm of his.

Before she can overthink her boldness, she grabs his hand, pulling him towards her.

"No," she protests. "I like it like this."

Even in the minimal light, she sees the spark in his eyes and the way his lips part in anticipation.

His hands go to her hips, tickling her before lifting her on to the nearby granite counter. Her fingers hook in his shirt, dragging him until he's standing in between her legs, hands on her hips, and a smirk on his face.

"It's kind of hot when you take control," he murmurs, brushing his nose along hers. The timber in his voice is intoxicating, stoking her desire.

She doesn't respond with words. Her leg hooks over his hip, drawing him closer and slides her lips against his. The kiss rides the fine line between delicate and hasty like they can't get enough but are still trying to maintain some kind of virtue.

Her nails scrape over his scalp, ignoring the water that flings off his hair but revealing in his moans. He presses against her and she feels how hard he is just from their kissing — another stoke to the flame. The intoxication that occurs whenever she kisses him filters through her veins, making her feel dizzy with need and…love.

He detaches from her mouth several seconds later, leaning his forehead against hers. The sound of the heavy rain pattering against the roof mixes with the sound of their ragged breathing—the perfect soundtrack.

"What?" she wonders after a beat of silence. The way he is staring at her is new, yet so familiar at the same time. The dark and uninhibited lust that's burning in his eyes softens at the edges, giving way to something so intense it robs her of breath.

His stare only intensifies. Every nerve in her body is a tight coil, the pounding of her heart matching the rhythm of the rain.

"What?" she asks again, this time timid.

The hand on her hip slips up her body, palming her cheek. The pads of his fingers massage the back of her neck, matching the movement of his thumb against her cheek. She holds her breath, waiting for him to say whatever is going through his mind.

"I love you."

Those three simple words leave his mouth and her whole world shifts on its axis. It's a husky declaration, said in a whisper of a voice as if the words were only ever intended for her and no one else.

When someone tells you that they're in love with you and you reciprocate those feelings…it changes you, just like she knew it would.

"I love you, too."

Her response is the easiest thing she's ever had to say, the words slipping off of her tongue and pressing against a smile.

His answering smile is euphoric. Warmth envelopes her, igniting every emotion one person could feel at once inside of her.

Applying a slight pressure to the back of her neck, he angles her forward, kissing her in a way he hasn't before. His lips move against hers in a slow caress and she can practically feel all of his love for her seeping over her skin and into her heart. She clings on to him like her life depends on it as his fingers pressing into her neck and the curve of her hip become more urgent.

Her shaky hands slide beneath his shirt, her fingers tracing over the wet contours of his stomach. Nathan shivers against her, a low groan vibrating against her lips. She pushes his shirt up further, continuing her delicate skimming. Nathan pulls away from her, allowing her the space to remove his shirt.

His shirt lands on the floor next to them with a plop.

She drags her nails down his torso, admiring the perfectly cut lines in his stomach. Years of rigorous work-outs have been more than kind to him. The new bruise on his side isn't as bad as she expected, but the sight is still jarring.

She trails her fingers over the bruise, suppressing a smile at the way his skin shudders beneath her touch.

"Does this hurt?"

She looks up to see his eyes closed. He doesn't look pained, but…is that pleasure she sees? He takes in a sharp breath when her tracing travels lower. She keeps her strokes light, but firm, listening intently to his uneven breathing.

"N-no," he stammers. "What you're doing feels…good."

It's not a new feeling, but it always hits her hard how much she wants him.

"Take me to the bedroom?"

His lips are swollen, wet and his eyes are dazed. "Yeah?"

She bites down on her lip, nodding. He traces her face with his eyes, searching and prodding, for what, she's not sure. When he finds or doesn't find, what he's looking for, he smiles. It's a timid, nervous smile…like he feels the same shift in energy around them. It calms her a bit, knowing that he's not as suave as he normally is when it comes to sex.

A shrill giggle escapes her when his arms bend around her waist, lifting her from the counter. Her legs go around his waist as her arms curl around his wide shoulders. It amazes her how easily he can navigate through the beach house in the dark, never once bumping into a wall or table.

She recognizes the room they walk into—it's the same one she led him to after finding him in the bathroom, shards of glass and blood everywhere. It seems fitting that the place she realized she was in love with him is the same place they take their relationship to the next level.

Nathan gently sets her down on the bed, a pillowy softness surrounds her. He places his knee on the outside of her hip and a spark of adrenaline has her sitting up, shaky fingers gripping the leather of his belt. Blood rushes in her ears, apprehension and excitement waging a war inside of her.

The metal clasp loosening from his belt is loud—he doesn't stop her. As soon as she pulls the leather strip through the belt loops of his jeans and discards it, she feels his fingers on the bottom of her shirt. She nods at the question in his eyes, lifting her arms up. It takes a couple of tugs—the wet material of her shirt sticking to her body stubbornly—before he pulls it over her head and discards it. The wet plop is overshadowed by a roll of thunder.

She takes the extra plunge, ignoring the wild thumping of her heart, and unhooks her black cotton bra. Dragging it down her arms, her eyes never leaving the intense gaze of Nathan's. Goosebumps erupt on her skin, both from the insecurity and the intense way he's watching her.

Before she can register what's happening, her back is against the comforter, Nathan's body pressing her into the mattress. His one hand is cupping her jaw, the other one sliding down her body. He kisses her neck, down the side of her throat to her collarbone. He sucks, licks, and nips in just the right places—her breathing coming out in harsh pants, mixing with sighs and moans of pleasure.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmurs into her collarbone, sliding further down her bottom.

"Nathan," she moans, her back arching off the bed and her hands getting lost in his damp hair. He's touching her and kissing her everywhere, it seems. His skin hot against hers, his muscles shaking and tensing.

She supposes that the wetness transferring from their bodies to the bedding will be uncomfortable later, but right now it barely registers.

Her stomach flutters as he kisses down her navel, her teeth making a permanent imprint on her bottom lip. He keeps looking up at her through his thick eyelashes, making her squirm and ache for him in a way she didn't think was possible.

Every muscle in her body tenses when his fingers trace over the button on her jean shorts. His hot breath fans across her stomach, her skin tightening into more goosebumps.

"It's okay," she tells him. He's being so attentive and gentle, not pushing or pulling too hard. He's allowing everything to be on her terms and it makes her love him even more.

Her eyes, on their own accord, squeeze shut as he loosens the button, pulling the zipper down. She tries to control her breathing, staring at the ceiling. She suddenly feels Nathan stop, the bed dipping as he crawls back on top of her.

"Haley," his concerned voice cuts through her haze. He fades into view, forehead crinkled and brows knitted together. "Are you okay? We can stop."

She doesn't want to stop. She's just…she's never been naked in front of…anyone before. What if…what if she's not what expects? He's been with Brooke and who knows who else, and what if she doesn't measure up?

It's stupid, she realizes that, but she can't help it. Nathan has heatedly told her so many times what he thinks of her body and how beautiful he thinks she is, but it's so hard to focus on those things. Especially when the insecure voices in her head are much louder than the voices of freedom.

"I'm…fine," she stammers. "I just…It's silly."

Nathan shakes his head. "Tell me."

She inhales shakily—she doesn't know how to tell him without sounding insane.

"I'm worried that…you've been with Brooke and she…I'm afraid that you won't like what you see. Or that, I won't be good enough."

The words burn in her throat—the absolute vulnerability she's showing is the equivalent to lying naked in front of him.

He presses his lips against hers in a sweet yet, deep kiss, leaving her breathless. When he pulls away, he rubs a thumb along her cheekbone, locking his gaze on hers.

"I've never felt with her or anyone else the way I feel whenever I catch even a sight of you."

The conviction in his voice is startling in the best way.

"I trust you," she whispers, urging him to finish what he started.

His hands return to her shorts, tugging them and her panties down her legs. She lifts her hips off the bed to aid his movements.

Her heated skin feels cool and slippery against the damp bed. Butterflies attack her insides, the beating of her heart unbelievably loud.

She resists the urge to run. To grab a pillow or the comforter and cover her body with it. But she lets Nathan's previous words take control in her mind, forcing all of the other thoughts to the back of her mind. Muting them.

"You're perfect," he breathes, smirking when a deep blush spreads across the upper half of her body. He stares at her like she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, stoking another wave of desire in her.

"Take yours off," she hastily demands, cringing at the way her voice wavers.

He chuckles roughly but does as she asks. He crawls off her body, standing in front of her at the edge of the bed. She runs a hand through her hair, the heaving of her chest matching the heaving of his. Her eyes follow his hands, watching the veins in his arms contract.

It takes some trick maneuvering to pull his damp jeans down his legs, but he manages. Bolts of lightning streak the sky, illuminating the dark room. He seems to glow, even more perfect than she imagined he would be. Her eyes travel the length of his body, her cheeks burning.

Watching what she does to him wipes away her hesitation, her embarrassment. Her intrusive thoughts—the ones that run through her mind like a news crawl on the bottom of a TV screen—fall silent to their breathing.

He joins her back on the bed, all the curves of her body mold to the strength of his. A sigh expels from her while a heated expletive slips from Nathan's mouth. The skin on skin contact is explosive. One of his hands rests against the pillow beside her head, the other one tangling in her hair.

"I love you," he repeats huskily and that same euphoria washes over her. "And it's a big deal."

She swallows thickly.

"It scares me." An indrawn breath has her skin prickling. "God, it scares me. But I…"

Nathan trails off and Haley finds herself nodding. "I understand the feeling."

It's only been her every thought since she realized just how much he means to her.

Even though she never gave much thought to how she would lose her virginity, she never would have guessed her body would be slick with rain, a raging storm rattling the walls of Nathan's beach house. But it's perfect.

"Are you sure that you want this?" His voice is thick, clouded like he's using the little bit of restraint he has left.

"I want this," she replies, breath hitching in her throat. Her nerves are on high alert, her body buzzing. But she wants him. She's ready. "I want you. Are you…are you sure?"

His mouth slopes into a lazy half-smile. "You know how much I want you."

Suddenly he pauses, realization washing over his face and a bit of panic. "I don't have a—"

"Don't worry about it."

He looks at her in a way that she can only describe as shock and confusion.

She giggles. "I'm on birth control."

His shock and confusion only grow, his eyebrow arching higher.

She giggles again, waving her hand dismissively. "It's a period thing. I've been on it for a little over a year."

He appears content with her explanation, and she moves to speed things up. She feels like she's about to explode. Parting her thighs, she hooks them loosely over his hips, pressing him against her.

"Fuck," he groans, shaking.

"Just…be gentle," she requests, lightly scratching her nails over his biceps. She's heard from friends and even read about first times and how they hurt. But she's not scared, because she knows that Nathan is going to do everything he can to make this enjoyable for her.

He brushes his lips against hers. "I couldn't imagine being anything else."

He's slow and tender as he settles himself inside of her. It doesn't hurt as bad as she expected—a pinch of pain followed by a hard to ignore discomfort. Her nails dig into the round tops of his biceps, eyes wide and breathing heavy.

In a symbolic way, it feels bigger than what it is like their relationship is solidified in a new way.

"Shit, you feel so good," Nathan pants, resting his forehead against hers. His eyes are scrunched in pleasure, but the concern he has for her is as strong as ever.

She whimpers, angling her neck to brush her lips against his parted ones. She needs him to move, to do something. "Please."

He seems to understand exactly what she needs by her small whimper of a request. The draw and rock of his hips are easy, everything else melting away. Much quicker than she thought, the discomfort melts into pleasure. She follows the instincts of her body, lifting her hips to meet his.

"Oh, God," she moans when he shifts the angle of his hips. She can't look away from his face, watching in rapture how she makes him feel. His sighs and moans wash over her, tightening the coil in her stomach.

"Baby," he breathes, skimming his lips over the edge of her jaw, to the corner of her mouth. When his lips cover hers, it's visceral and passionate, like he can't get enough of her.

His hand grips her hip roughly, the pads of his fingers making firm indents into her skin. He hitches her leg further up his body and she gasps at the sensation, ripping her mouth from his. His movements are sloppy and desperate, and she can't tell where her body ends and his begins.

"I love you," she murmurs, kissing the side of his neck, his chest, his shoulders…anything that she can reach.

It's all clichés she's ever read about—the white noise filling her ears, the array of colors splashing behind her tightly squeezed eyelids. Her back arches, the muscles in her body contracting. His name falls off her lips and somewhere in the haze, he goes rigid against her, her name panted like a prayer.

His head drops into the crook her neck, breath puffing against the damp skin of her neck—this time sweat instead of rain. His arms slide up her body, banding around her torso and holding her tight against him. She tracks her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck, giggling when he purrs against her neck.

The rain is still pounding away, lightning and thunder taking turns in the spotlight. But she feels calmer than she's ever felt, like jell-o. It's a feeling that she wants to live in forever.


	22. White T-Shirt

I am so sorry for my sudden two-week disappearance. Very last minute, I was unexpectedly called back to work for my summer job. It's been rather difficult adjusting back to working and getting back into that kind of routine and it has completely thrown off the writing schedule I had for myself. Things are finally starting to settle down, so I am hoping to get back to the routine I had. I am still going to aim for posting updates on Thursdays, but just wanted to give a heads up just in case I don't end up posting because things get too crazy.

But anyway, thank you so much for your reviews! I don't want to ruin anyone's fun, but there is some major drama coming up...so ;)

* * *

_**White T-Shirt**_

Haley doesn't know what wakes her first—the feel of fingers delicately stroking patterns on her back or the intense feeling of someone staring at her.

When her eyes flutter open, she's met with a fuzzy vision of bright white sheets and a window view of the beach—a far cry from her normal view of plain walls and creamed colored blinds. Sunlight pours in through the window, her eyes squinting and blinking to clear her vision.

It takes a couple of seconds before everything comes rushing back to her. Flashes of heated kisses, roaming hands, and seductive promises fill her mind, spreading heat through her body and butterflies in her stomach. Her mouth spreads into an involuntary smile, cheeks tinting pink.

_I love you._

Even with everything, his declaration of love was her favorite part. The absolute conviction in his eyes as he said those three little words is forever seared into her mind.

She feels different in a way that she can't explain. She's sore, but the pain is different from anything she's ever experienced, but she welcomes it. It's a good kind of different, one that she can feel on her skin, in her bones, and coursing through her veins. It's cliché to say that feels changed, but she does.

Haley swings her eyes over to Nathan and as she expected, he's is watching her, head propped on his hand. His lips are tipped into a soft smile, admiration in his eyes. Even he seems…different, like there's a golden aura around him. His hair is wild and the faded red scratches on his chest intensify the burn on her cheeks. She hates to see what his back looks like.

Sex looks good on him—not that she ever doubted it would.

"Morning." His voice is rough and low, almost hoarse.

"How long have you been up?" she asks, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

She's not even sure how much she slept or what time she ended up falling asleep. Their night was…eventful, to say the least. Something primal has been unleashed in her and his body is her shiny new toy that she wants to figure out every way that she can play with.

"I don't think I ever went to sleep."

"Oh?"

She sits up a little, folding the pillow beneath her had to prop up her body. Nathan's fingers are still drawing patterns on her skin, dipping to the lower curve of her back. She stretches a little, resisting the urge to purr.

"I couldn't sleep," he sighs, but the sound is light and airy. Happy. "You ever have those nights where you're so happy that you're scared to fall asleep because if you fall asleep, it might all just turn out to be a dream when you wake up?"

She smiles, nodding. "Yeah."

"That's what I was feeling last night." His cheeks are turning the lightest color pink that she finds adorable. "So, I stayed up, watching you sleep and listening to you snore—"

"Hey! I do not snore."

He continues as if he wasn't interrupted, but rolls his eyes playfully at her defense. Seconds later, his serious disposition returns.

"And the whole time, I was just thinking about how much I love you and how beautiful you are. I was trying to piece together how in all of the chaos that is my life and Tree Hill, I was somehow lucky enough to find you."

"I love you," she blurts out when he's done. The small tears in her eyes go unnoticed until she hears the crack in her voice. They could argue over who's luckier, but it would be a losing battle.

Nathan turns on his side, his palm cupping her cheek. She takes in the way his eyes are shining, committing it to memory. No matter what happens, she's always going to remember the way she feels in that moment and the way he looks.

He kisses her sweetly, a kiss full of hope and promise.

"I might regret asking this, but I need to know," she murmurs moments after they pull away, breaking the comfortable silence.

"What's that?" He's lying on his back now, his shoulder touching hers, and his head angled towards her.

"How many girls have you been with?"

It's a question that's plagued her for a while, but she never knew how to ask or if she even wanted to. She's heard the rumors and the gossip from the girls in bathroom stalls. According to them, he's some kind of God who sleeps with whoever he can whenever he and Brooke had a "fight" and "broke up." She doesn't necessarily believe them wholeheartedly, but they had to come from somewhere.

"Including you or excluding you?"

His response makes her nervous and she braces for the truth of the question that she _really_ shouldn't have asked. His poker face isn't helping, either.

"Including me."

"Three," Nathan answers without missing a beat, eyes locked on her face.

"That's it?" Her incredulous and shocked cadence thick. The hinges to her jaw loosen before she can stop them.

"'That's it?'" His brows furrow in mock horror. "Who do you think I am? Don Juan?"

Her cheeks burn with embarrassment, her hands flailing as she sits up. The blanket slips from her body and she momentarily forgets that she's naked. Nathan's eyes slope downward and she snatches the blanket to cover her body. Being naked in front of him in the dark is one thing, but in broad daylight, it's a totally different story.

"I'm sorry…I just thought…with the way people talk about you and the fact that you are clearly…_very_ good at, um, what you do…oh, never mind. I'm sorry!"

Nathan's chuckle is husky. "Most of those rumors are things that were taken out of context."

She raises an eyebrow, inviting him to explain. He shifts his body weight, rolling his shoulders and letting out a breath.

"Brooke and I…well, when your entire relationship is a lie, there isn't much to do besides have sex," he says it bluntly and she inwardly cringes. "She would tell her friends things and then somehow things would spiral and apparently I've slept with half the senior class by default."

"But you haven't?"

"No," he says with a chortle, entertaining her need for reassurance. She's grateful for that. "But that doesn't mean they haven't tried. I've had more girls take their clothes off in front of me, unprompted than the average seventeen-year-old boy."

Haley buries her head into her pillow, a chill of discomfort attacking her body. She groans, a sound that borders being a scream of despair.

"I knew I shouldn't have asked." Her voice is muffled by the pillow, but she hears Nathan laugh, feeling the bed dip as he sides closer to her.

His lips skim over the middle of her back, to her shoulder blade and up the curve of her shoulder. Her body heats, goosebumps coating her skin. When he speaks, his warm breath fans over her neck and the shell of her ear. She feels his words just as much as she hears them.

"But last night…best night of my life. And since I know you need to hear it, the best sex I've had."

On cue, her stomach flips and knots, her breath hitching in her throat. She lifts her eyes to meet his, a question in them that he seems to know without having to ask, just like he knew exactly what she needed to hear.

"No, I'm not just saying that. It's true because I love you and because being with you last night was about more than just sex. It meant something…_everything_, just like I said it would."

Her smile is watery, heart rattling loudly against her ribcage.

"Who's the other girl?"

It's catch 22. If she didn't ask, she's going to obsess over it, use an eagle eye to detect any clues she can that might lead her to who it is. Nathan doesn't appear annoyed, only open to asking any questions that she has, no matter what insecurity they stem from.

"Her name's Amber," Nathan replies calmly. "The summer before my freshman year, I met her at a party slash get together thing at basketball camp. She was attending the girls' camp. There was a little bit of alcohol involved, which was practically forced upon us by the older kids there, and the entire thing was just awkward. A lot of stumbling and apologizing—hardly anything sexy or mind-blowing. Haven't seen or talked to her since."

"Wow, you really rocked her world," Haley teases.

He smirks, danger in his eyes. He's way too quick and before she can get away, she's on her back and he's hovering over her. His fingers attack her ribs, tickling relentlessly as she squirms, squealing and laughing.

"Nathan!" she squeals through her laughs. "Please…stop…I…I…can't…breathe."

He gives in, propping his hands on either side of her head. She tries to catch her breath, but it's proving to be an impossible task when he's peering down at her with that dark glint in his eyes. Like a flip of a switch, her body temperature spikes.

He angles his neck, brushing his lips against hers in a way that leaves her craving more.

"But if I remember correctly, I rocked your world…three times, last night."

Haley sinks into the mattress, heat rising on her cheeks and spreading through the rest of her body. Her hands dance up the length of his arms until her finger bury themselves in his thick hair. She's no stranger to exploring her body, but Nathan had her feeling things so intensely, better than she believed it could be.

"You have every right to be arrogant," she teases, voice thick.

His chuckle blows against her lips as he seals his against hers. Unlike their soft and passionate kisses they shared during the night, this kiss is deep and purposeful, sloppy even. It doesn't take long for her mind to wipe clean, leaving behind only thoughts of him and how he feels against her.

Hands are everywhere, caressing frantically. He kisses the life out of her, peppering every inch of exposed skin he can reach, little sparks erupting in their wake. The sound of her heavy breathing fills the room as her body screams out for his. The onslaught is fast, like a wave overtaking her in the ocean of everything unholy.

She's feeling bold, as proven by her hand snaking down his body, counting his ribs and tracing his abs. He twitches beneath her touch, inviting her to continue. Resting his forehead against hers, his eyes are turned downward, focusing on her hand.

She traces over his hipbone, a sharp intake of breath passing through his parted lips. She finds that she likes having the upper hand. Watching him tremble above her, being completely at her mercy is a heady feeling. And it is such a fucking turn on.

Her fingers curl around him and she holds her breath.

"Shit," he hisses, his arms buckling and eyes fluttering.

Haley remembers the way he likes to be touched and while her hand is less shaky than it was the first time, she has to use intense focus in order to keep herself from second-guessing what she's doing. The pump of her hand is slow, paying extra attention to the places she knows are most sensitive for him.

"Hales," he rasps. "God…"

He drags his eyes back to hers and she swallows hard when they lock eyes. His gaze burns into her, the blue in his eyes iridescent.

"You have no idea how good you are at this, do you?"

Her stomach knots, goosebumps popping on her skin. Her confidence grows with every pump of her hand.

She can tell he's getting close, the muscles in his arm straining as he grips the pillow beside her head. Her wrist flicks and another expletive falls from his lips. But instead of letting her continue, he wraps his cool fingers around her wrist and tugs her free from him. Confusion contorts her face as he presses a kiss to the inside of her wrist.

He takes a few moments to catch his breath, eyes closed. She's burning up beneath him, desire blurring all of her senses.

"Nathan," she whines when he doesn't move, lifting her hips towards his. If her senses weren't clouded by lust, she might've been embarrassed by her needy cry.

He presses a kiss the corner of her jaw, drawing in a shaky breath. "I want to try something."

"You mean…there's more?"

She says it like a joke aimed to calm herself down. She knows that it's impossible that they crossed off every position and act in sex's repertoire in one night, albeit it definitely felt like it.

Nathan's answering laugh is hoarse. "We haven't even scratched the surface. You trust me?"

It's his favorite question to ask her and she loves him even more for it every time.

"Yes."

Her nerves flare as he motions for her to lay on her stomach. He positions a folded pillow underneath her hips and lower stomach, arching her body. Her nerves jangle as he straddles the back of her thighs. She's not sure she likes being…bared like this, and she definitely doesn't like the fact that she can't see Nathan. But she's just as intrigued as she is nervous.

Extending her arms in front of her, she grips the sheet, willing herself to calm down. There is no reason for her fret, not when she's seen, heard, and felt what he thinks about her.

"You okay?"

Haley nods.

He positions himself behind her and she swears she sees stars when he slowly, agonizingly slowly, presses himself inside of her. There's something so erotic about not being able to see him, that makes everything so much more intense.

"Oh, god," she pants, her fingers gripping the sheet tighter and her thighs trembling.

"Fuck, you're so tight like this," he groans, massaging her hips and her back.

He's the perfect combination of rough and gentle, gripping on to her hips. She rocks her body in tune with his and it's only seconds in and she already knows she's not going to last long. The feeling is exquisite, something that she can't explain in words, but her entire body is shaking in pleasure.

"I need…," she gasps. "I need more."

Nathan wraps his fingers in her hair and tips her head back with a gentle tug. He leans forward, his lower stomach rubbing against slope of her lower back. He slides deeper, the angle more intense. Her answering moan is loud, pulling from her throat involuntarily. He bows his head, lips sliding along her throat.

She comes undone, like a rubber band snapping under pressure.

Her back bends, shivers taking over her body. Through the white noise in her ears, she hears herself moan his name. He follows right behind her, jerking against her while chanting her name.

As she comes down from her high, weak and spent against the bed, she focuses on a couple she sees through the window. They're taking advantage of the beautiful morning and empty beach, jogging along the shoreline. It's such an insignificant thing but it puts everything in perspective.

Her eyes widen and she shoots up, this time unconcerned about covering her naked body.

Her post-coital glow is shattered, like someone dropping a mirror on concrete. She's suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that it is 7:17 in the morning and she never called her parents to tell where she was or if she was okay.

She's dead. More than dead.

"Shit! Nathan, we were out all night!" she shouts as if it wasn't obvious.

Scrambling out of bed, she goes straight for her shorts. They're still a little wet, but it's bearable. She digs through her pockets until she finds her phone. No matter how many buttons she presses or how many times she hits the device on the palm of her hand, she's greeted with nothing but a black screen.

Knowing her mom, Tree Hill is probably crawling with search party's and coated in missing posters by now.

Nathan is slow getting out bed like he's still recovering and the land of the living isn't making much sense to him. She spazzes some more, huffing out loud breaths as she tries to locate where Nathan had tossed the rest of her clothes.

"We were out all night," she repeats breathlessly. "My parents are going to kill me."

The gears in his hand seem to click into place and realization dawns on him. He's out of bed like a bullet, hastily throwing on his clothes and muttering "shit, shit, shit" under his breath. Anxiety pulses around them.

Haley doesn't know how she let this happen. She's usually the responsible one, someone that her parents can depend on and trust with freedom. But when the fog clears, her uneasiness about breaking their trust isn't going to mean much to her, not when it led to the one the happiest nights of her life.

She reaches for her shirt that Nathan had tossed to the floor last night and cringes when she feels how uncomfortably damp it still is.

"Here," Nathan says, beginning to rummage through the drawers of the dresser in the corner of the room. "I keep extra shirts here."

He hands her a folded white t-shirt and she slips it over her head.

"Let's get you home before your dad shows up here with a pitchfork."

~x~

Nathan pulls into her drive, tires squealing a little at his sharp turn. Her chest is tight and she practically jumps out of her skin as she scoops all of her belongings in her arms. Her parents, for the most part, are cool. They don't hover in ways that disrespect her privacy and she can't recall a time she's ever been grounded.

But, until now, she's never given them a reason to ground her, and staying out all night with a boy and no call home is bound to be the catalyst.

"I'm sorry," Nathan repeats in a hurry, lips sloped in a frown. The sound of his voice throws her out of her spiraling thoughts and back into reality.

Her frantic movements slow for a brief moment and she allows herself to take a much-needed breath. Leaning over the center console, she kisses him quickly.

"We both got carried away and lost track of time. Plus, with the storm and the power going out, it probably would have been safer for us to say at the beach house anyway."

She prays that that explanation is enough for her parents because she's drawing a blank on any other explanation she can offer them.

"Call me later?"

Nathan doesn't look any less ruffled, but Haley nods and hurries out of his car.

She's on the verge of a panic attack as she approaches her front door. Blood rushes through her ears, her breathing coming out in harsh pants. She's not used to getting in trouble and she has no idea how her parents are going to handle her stepping out of line, either.

Well, actually, that's a lie. Her dad will probably be righteous, refusing to listen to any explanation she gives. Her mom will remain silent, standing behind her dad as if that's her way of saying she agrees with him. But then once they're alone, Lydia will tell her that her dad is out of line and shouldn't have been so harsh.

Time stretches as she stands in front of the front door, frozen. She can't get herself to lift her hand and open the door. She doesn't know what she's waiting for and using the little shred of impulse that she has, she rips the band-aid off.

The house is quiet. Too quiet. She expected FBI agents and news reporters to be swarming her house, their chatter a loud and eerie buzz as they try to locate her whereabouts. Walking further into the house, she heads towards the kitchen. Her steps are light, subconsciously avoiding the spots in the wood that creak.

Stepping into the kitchen, she pauses. Both of her parents are sitting at the kitchen table, exhaustion evident in their crumpled bodies. Guilt pierces her.

"Hi," she squeaks.

The difference in their reaction to her arrival is astonishing. Her mother's eyes melt into relief, color returning to her cheeks. Her hand goes to her chest like she's thanking every deity in existence. On the other hand, her father's face is pinched in anger.

"Well don't just stand there," Jimmy says before Lydia can weep in relief. His voice is pure venom. "Where have you been all night? We've been up all night worried sick!"

She swallows down the shame burning the back of her throat. "I was with Nathan. We were at the beach last night when the storm hit. Nathan's dad has a beach house and we went there to wait for the storm to pass. We ended up falling asleep."

"Bullshit," her dad barks, bolting up from the chair. His actions startle both Haley and Lydia. "Just a couple of days ago I come home to find a boy I've never met sleeping in bed with my daughter and now you're out all night with him? Sounds like a teenage pregnancy horror story waiting to happen!"

A mixture of shock and horror forms on Lydia's face while Haley's stings like she was slapped.

"Jimmy!" Lydia admonishes once she recovers, surprising Haley. Maybe her mom has more of a backbone than she thought.

His eyes only briefly flicker to her before settling back on Haley's face.

"For God's sake, Lydia, she's got a hickie the size of North Carolina on her collarbone!"

Haley glances down to where the stretched-out collar of Nathan's t-shirt dips. Sure enough, a purplish-red bruise is starting to form on her skin. The hairs on the back of her neck are electrified.

"She's a teenager, Jimmy. Do I have to remind you of all the crazy things we did when we were teenagers?"

"No, and that's exactly why I don't want my daughter staying out all night with some _boy_."

"Nothing like that happened," Haley interjects, the lie falling off her lips easily. The rise in the volume of her voice has both of her parents whipping around to face her. It's like they had forgotten she was in the room.

If it was just her mom, she likes to think that she would have told her all the sordid details. But with her dad standing there, nose flaring like an angry bull about to charge, she's mute.

"I'm sorry," she mutters, continuing to disregard the fight that is brewing in front of her. "I should have found a way to call, but my phone was shot and I wasn't thinking. It won't happen again."

She truly feels terrible for causing them any kind of worry or stress, but what she's saying is true. She wasn't thinking and it was a lack of judgment on her part. She deserves to be punished, but the violate way her dad is acting towards her feels a little unfair.

"That's your problem, you _never_ think," her dad throws back at her. He does this every time they have any kind of argument—she hates how small he makes her feel.

"I'm sorry," Haley repeats lamely. She doesn't know what else to say and she's afraid if she says anything else, she'll lose control of her temper.

The hardness in his eyes never once softens. He steps closer to her and she involuntarily takes a step back.

"I don't want to hear it when this _boy_ breaks your heart or you end up pregnant and he leaves you, barefoot and all alone. If you want to be reckless, then be reckless. But don't get me involved. Not again."

Her spine tightens and her hands clench into fists. His tone of voice is condescending, reducing her relationship and Nathan down to nothing, like it's just a piece of gum he's trying to scrub off his shoe.

She squares her shoulders and looks him dead in the eyes.

"He's my boyfriend and I love him."

Her dad scoffs, followed by a sardonic laugh. "Love? Maybe you should ask your mom about teenage love and how that all works out."

He ends the conversation by stomping out of the kitchen. But Haley knows better. This isn't over. He'll probably ignore her for a couple of days, dance around her like she's a ticking time bomb when it should be the other way around. Then, he'll either start up the fight again or he'll act like it never happened.

Her simmering angry boils over.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Haley asks coolly, focusing her attention on Lydia.

"Nothing, he's just…."

"Really? You're going to make another excuse?"

Lydia blinks in surprise. "What?"

Maybe it's her already present anger, but everything else from the last few weeks coming rushing to the forefront of her mind.

"Do you think I'm blind?" she explodes. "That I just don't notice things? Dad's been gone constantly the last few weeks and every time I ask, you give me some lame excuse about him drinking with his friends or over Uncle Steve's house. You mope around and I've even caught you crying and you brush it off. And now this?"

The words burn in her throat, tears clogging her throat and dotting in her eyes. She can't tell if they're more from frustration, anger, or this gut feeling that she has that whatever isn't right, is going to wreck her.

"He's just—" Lydia tries again, but Haley isn't having it.

"There is no 'he's just.' I'm tired of walking around here and feeling like there's something that I'm missing. That something is being purposely hidden from me."

She's not surprised when Lydia remains quiet, peering at her with glassy eyes. Haley's chest deflates, shoulders slumping. Her posture doesn't match the burning anger coursing through her.

With a shake of her head, she drudges up the stairs and into her room.

~x~

It's the first day back at school from spring break and the anxiousness is palpable. For the juniors, the SATs were only days away. For the seniors, prom is weeks away and graduation follows right after that. For the juniors and the seniors and everyone else, spring break gave them a sense of freedom. They could taste summer in the air and visions of beach days and late-night bonfires dwindled their motivation.

For Haley, it is as much that as it is a completely different distraction.

Her eyes are closed and she's using her backpack as a makeshift pillow. Her Trig textbook is open and lying next to her, but it's just a farce. She thought she would get to school early and take advantage of the nice weather to finish some of the homework she neglected during the break. It took all of five minutes before her focus shifted elsewhere.

Her brain is split in half and right now, she can't tell which side is winning.

The left side of her brain—the analytical and methodical part of her brain—can't stop over analyzing what her dad had said to her the day before and how it relates to the tension she's felt floating around her house. It's driving her crazy and that gut feeling of hers refuses to let up.

The right side of her brain—the creative side of her brain—is focused on Nathan. If she focuses hard enough, she swears she can still feel his fingertips tracing over her body. The floodgates have been opened, the desire hitting her hard and at the most random moments.

Does this happen to everyone or is she broken?

"Something about you is different," Peyton says, eyeing Haley over her overpriced coffee. She just sat down on the grass next to her, folding her legs beneath her.

Haley holds her hand up, blocking the sun from her eyes, closing one of them. She makes a show of giving Peyton's body the once over. "Hm, you too."

"Ah yes, my perpetual paleness has finally decided to take a much-needed vacation courtesy of a lot of sun and parents who forgot to pack sunscreen."

Peyton pivots, pulling down the hem of her t-shirt to reveal her shoulder. The skin underneath is tainted with an alarming sunburn that spreads across her neck and disappears down her back.

"Ouch, that looks like it hurts," Haley cringes, propping her body up on her elbows.

"Not anymore…I'm just numb." She presses her fingers into her shoulder, watching the white indents appear and disappear, leaving behind nothing but a bright, angry red.

Haley laughs lightly, giving a quick shake of her head. "How was Myrtle?"

"Refreshing," Peyton sighs happily, twirling her straw. "For a week straight, I didn't do anything besides lay on the beach and steal my mom's wine coolers when she wasn't looking. It was just what I needed. That whole being sad and stressed thing was not a good look for me."

Haley frowns. "You know it's okay not to be okay, right?"

Peyton's perfectly arched eyebrow raises. There is an air of teasing bordering on mocking to her. "Where did you find that saying? Pinterest?"

Haley rolls her eyes. "I was just saying."

"I am just saying that I'm choosing to ignore the ever-deteriorating status of my relationship."

"Seems healthy."

"I learned from the best." Peyton winks and Haley rolls her eyes again. "Now back to what I was saying—something is different about you."

"I'm not sure what you mean." Haley shrugs, but her heartbeat takes flight. The way Peyton is looking at her is making her nervous like she can see every thought, every rated R thought, running through her head.

_Is it that obvious or am I just being paranoid?_

"Well, when I came here, you were smiling with your eyes closed. It was quite the...blissed out, dopey look that you were sporting."

Haley doesn't say anything, only turns to her neglected Trig homework. None of her focus has returned, but it's better than facing Peyton's intrusive staring head-on. The blush is already starting to form on the tips of her ears.

"And is that a hickie on your chest?"

On impulse, Haley raises her hand to cover the mark that rests on the curve of her collarbone. Evidently, she hasn't gotten any better at covering up hickies with make-up.

She's been caught. There's no way around this and her flight or fight kicks in. Mostly her flight. How fast can she gather all of her things and dart out of there before Peyton tackles her to the ground?

She avoids looking at Peyton directly, but through her eyelashes, she watches as realization dawns on her. Her jaw drops, eyes alight with excitement.

"Oh. My. God. Nathan finally gave it up!"

Haley's entire body is on high alert.

"Shh, will you keep it down?!" Haley whisper-yells, frantically searching around for anyone who might be eavesdropping. "I would rather not include my sex life in the list of available topics for people to talk about."

Peyton laughs, waving her hand. "Oh, honey, they've already been talking about it for weeks. According to them, you and Nathan have been caught in several compromising positions in several locations around the school."

Haley groans, plopping back down into her laying position. "Ew. That might be worse than the stalker picture."

Peyton bulldozes on. "So, since you have been deflowered…."

She cringes, her shoulders raising to her ears as she tries to make herself disappear.

"And Nathan has stopped being a prude, as your best girl friend, I need to know the details. Is he as wild in bed as everyone says he is?"

Haley knows she's joking. She would be hard-pressed to find anyone who hated the way rumors spread in Tree Hill more than Peyton, but it still makes her uncomfortable.

It feels…not right talking about this with Peyton. The first thing her mind goes to is what Nathan said about Brooke telling her friends intimate details about their relationship. Haley trusts Peyton, probably as much as she trusts Nathan, if not more. But she doesn't want those moments to be shared. She wants to hold the sacred. The rest of their relationship has been under a microscope—talked and theorized about until people were blue in the face.

"My lips are sealed."

"That good, huh?"

For what feels like the hundredth time, Haley rolls her eyes.

~x~

"So, how much trouble did you get into?" Nathan asks as he lowers himself to the grass next to her. She dog-ears the page of _The Great Gatsby_ she was reading and rests it against her bent knees. His grey t-shirt has since been removed, tossed over his shoulder as sweat slides down the side of his face.

Watching him practice on the river court while she read is something so mundane that it makes her smile. The simple act of just being around him, even when no words are spoken and they're lost in their own interests, is comforting. Although, she'd been lying if she said she hadn't been distracted several times while watching him play—both by the glistening sweat on his contracting muscles and the pure joy on his face.

"I don't know."

Nathan spins his basketball between his fingers, chuckling. "What do you mean you don't know?"

She sighs, sitting up further against the tree. Her nails drum against the softcover of her book.

"My dad said some things, my mom said some things, and then things just kind of ended. I don't think they know how to discipline me when I haven't really given them a reason to discipline me. At least, not at this level."

"So, they aren't forbidding you from seeing me?" There's a lilt of teasing in his voice, but the worry is evident in his eyes.

Haley shakes her head with a timid smile. "I'm sure the thought has certainly crossed my dad's mind, but no, not yet. Well, he did say that you weren't allowed in my room ever again, but I would hardly say that's the same thing."

They both share an awkward laugh.

"Which reminds me, sorry for not calling you last night. I ended up sleeping most of the day away."

Nathan's brows crinkle as he dismisses her words. "Hey, don't worry about it. I get it."

For the first time since they arrived at the river court, she notices that he's distracted by something. There's a thin line resting between his brows and he's anxiously twisting the basketball between his hands.

"What's on your mind?" she inquires, placing her book on the grass and sitting up, draping her arms around her knees.

He swings his gaze over to her. He stares at her for several seconds, making her squirm. But then a smile spreads across his face, one that is shaky with apprehension and excitement. "Will you go to prom with me?"

She fights against a smile, her body tingling. They hadn't talked about his prom and she didn't press it, figuring that maybe he just wasn't the type to attend school dances. When she thinks back on homecoming dances and other school dances, she can't recall seeing him there or if she did, it was only for a brief moment.

"Hm, I don't know." She taps her finger against her chin. "Rumor has it, I might have another suitor waiting to ask me to spring formal."

His eyes narrow. "Who?"

"Chase Adams."

This time, his eyes widen. "The soccer player?"

Haley nods, pressing her lips together to keep her from smiling and ruining her obvious teasing. "Peyton let me in on the secret a couple of months ago. I'm sure the offer is still available."

Nathan scoots closer to her, leaning in with a smug expression. He's caught on to her teasing. "Now why would you want to go to the knock off junior prom with him when you can go to the real prom with me?"

"I don't know." She shrugs, this time smiling. She flutters her eyelashes, twirling a piece of hair. "He _is_ cute. Really cute."

"Oh, that's it!"

She laughs loudly as he tackles her to the grass, hovering over her. He's smirking, amusement shining in his eyes. He moves a hand her tickle her waist but she holds up her hands in surrender.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

"You better be."

Haley giggles, patting his cheek affectionately. It had been a stupid fear, one that she never vocalized, that once they crossed the threshold of taking their relationship to the next level things would change. She expected to feel uncomfortable around him, shy after being naked in front of him. But if anything, she feels closer to him, solidified.

"This wasn't the way I originally planned on asking you," he reveals as he slides off of her. He lays down next to her, turning on his side to face her. "I thought maybe I would set up one of those extravagant prom-posals that are all the rage these days. But then I figured you would appreciate something…casual."

"You know me so well."

"So, is that a yes?"

"I would love nothing more."


	23. Wild Eyes

I am so so sorry for being MIA. I had no intention of abandoning this story for this long, or at all, trust me.

In all honesty, since I am already essentially baring my soul to you guys with this story, I ended up getting myself wrapped up in a very brief but life-changing summer "romance" and it was completely unexpected and threw me completely off of everything. Bad news, it has ended. Good news, it just might inspire another personally charged Naley fic, LOL. Nonetheless, I am back to writing :)

* * *

_**Wild Eyes**_

The roar of the crowd is insane, echoing through the back corridors of the locker rooms. School spirited chants fill the air, followed by rhythmic stomping on the bleachers. The energy isn't like anything she's ever felt before, seeping into her bones and making her feel electrified.

This isn't the first year that the Ravens have made the playoffs—they make the playoffs every year. But this is the first year in ten years that they've been ranked as high as they are and the chances of them winning this year are exponential. It's all anyone could talk about as soon as the NCHSAA released the official standings and playoff schedule.

For the last week, basketball practice has been amped up, as well as her duties as Mr. Winter's student assistant. Mr. Winter has been so focused on the playoffs that Haley hasn't had a chance to detect any awkwardness between them. He hadn't made any more off-handed comments about her and Nathan, but it wasn't lost on her that in his own sly way, he kept them apart as much as possible.

She still can't let herself think anything of it. It's like a blockage in her brain, one that will crumble a bit only to resurrect even stronger a couple of seconds later.

She's never seen Nathan so focused on something before. Every time he stepped on to that court during practice, whether it was running a warm-up drill or practicing a play, he had that look of determination in his eyes that sent a shiver down her spine.

Haley paces the long corridor by the locker rooms, her nail between her teeth. Her eyes keep darting back to the locker room door, waiting for it to squeak open. She's sure that it's a lost cause, there's no way that Nathan is going to be able to sneak away in order to see her. But she needs to see him, to make sure that he's okay and not putting too much pressure on himself.

Or, maybe she's the one that needs to be calmed down. She never really bought into the excitement of high school sports and school spirit, but then again, she's never had a personal connection to it. Not like this, not even with Lucas.

An arm loops around her waist and she squeals as it pulls her back. She knows exactly who it is before her back is flat against the cinderblock wall. Lost in her thoughts, she must have missed him coming out of the locker room.

"What are you doing out here?" Nathan asks a kink in his brow and his arm resting above her head.

"I thought I would wish you luck," she says with a cheeky smile, sliding her hands up his chest. The material of his warm-ups is cool and silky beneath her palms. "I hope I didn't interrupt your meditating or yoga…whatever it is that you do before a game."

Nathan chuckles, slipping his fingers on the hand not resting on the wall through the loops in her jeans. "My pregame routine consists of imagining all of the things I'm going to do to you once the game is over."

She swats at his arm, but the husky tone and twinkle in his eye have her cheeks burning, stomach fluttering.

"Isn't that distracting?" she flirts back, wrapping her fingers in the collar of his shirt, pulling him down until their noses are touching.

He inhales sharply, his lips parting. "Some say distracting, I say motivating," he mumbles before sealing his lips over hers.

Haley melts into him, sliding her hands over his shoulders and around his neck. Using his hips, he pushes her back against the wall but keeps fingers tangled in her belt loops. She moans softly when his tongue lightly flicks her bottom lip and she slowly loses track of time and place.

But before she gets too lost in the kiss and her thoughts start crossing the line of indecency (like imaging Nathan taking her up against the wall right here, right now…which she is definitely not thinking about. Not at all.) she pulls away.

The loss of him is imminent and his parted and slightly swollen lips make her want to kiss him all over again. His dazed expression matches her, the sound of their heavy breathing filling the empty hall.

"In all seriousness, how are you holding up?" she asks when she finally gets control of her breathing.

Much to her surprise, Nathan had been relatively quiet about the playoffs and the subsequent pressure from his teammates, the school, and his father. The only signs of stress that she saw in him was the need he showed to practice as much as he possibly could. But when she asked him about it, all he said was he needed to focus and it was a waste of time to give any of his attention to things that took that focus away.

"I'm fine," he says, mouth tipping into a slight smile.

"Are you sure? I mean…I've heard the things people are saying around school and I can only imagine how much pressure that puts on you. Then when you pair it with your dad sitting front row and—"

"I don't let it get to me."

She lets her eyes widen, just like they have every time he says something like that. She'll never understand how he can be so calm about things that would cause her to have an ulcer. Maybe two.

"How?"

Nathan sighs, squeezing her waist. He takes a few seconds to collect his thoughts like he knows what his answer is, he just doesn't know how to say it.

"I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense given…everything." He waves a hand through the air. "But when I step out on that court, everything melts away. I don't think about anything other than me, the ball, and the end goal. And no matter what happens, I know that I gave a hundred and fifteen percent."

Haley blinks a few times. "You're right— that doesn't make a lot of sense."

Nathan chuckles and smiles, but it fades a few seconds later. "I wasn't always like that and it's taken me a long time to get here. Even so, I still have moments. It's a lot easier said than done."

She nods in understanding before shooting him a knowing look. "I feel like that could and probably should be applied to other aspects of your life."

"You're probably right," Nathan laughs and she smiles at the sound.

"You notice anything?"

He follows the wave of her hand as she gestures towards her body. She watches at the recognition forms on his face. His eyes darken a single eyebrow raising.

"You're wearing my jersey number now."

Wearing his jersey number is a bold statement, but she loves the buzz that comes along with it. It's her version of painting the blue and black number on her cheek, although she had considered doing that, too, but figured it would be overkill. It doesn't hurt that the duplicate of his jersey is a size smaller than the number zero that she was wearing, clinging to her figure in all of the right ways.

"I thought it might bring you a little extra luck," she purrs, running her fingers a lot his chest. His smirk grows.

"You already are my personal good luck charm, but you look even hotter with my jersey number. Just like I said you would."

His voice is like silk, caressing her skin and pulling her into a pool of desire.

He leans in to kiss her again, and she stretches on the tips of her toes to meet him halfway. She parts her lips and tightens her arms around his neck. When he presses his lips against hers, it's slow and sensual, stealing her of breath and igniting her body.

Someone clears their throat. Loudly.

They jump apart. Nathan tenses, holding her gaze for a few seconds before swinging it over his shoulder. She doesn't need to look, his reaction alone tells her who interrupted them. She looks anyway, embarrassment taking precedent over any annoyance she might feel.

"Is this where you're supposed to be right now? Either of you?"

Mr. Winter's voice is sharp and authoritative. Haley's only heard him use that voice on a few occasions, mostly when his students cause too much of a disruption that he runs out of other options and patience. The anger in his locked gaze and clenched jaw matches the tone of his voice.

He doesn't give them a chance to answer and knowing his style, Haley knows anything they would have said would've just made things worse.

"Scott, back in the locker room. Now. Your teammates are waiting for their _captain_."

Nathan looks back at her. His stormy gaze melts a fraction by looking at her, but his jaw still pulses. She half expects him to argue or make some kind of snarky remark, but he doesn't even though she can tell it's taking everything in him not to.

"See you after the game?"

She nods. Her mouth is too dry to speak.

Nathan starts to walk away but pauses barely a half of an inch away from her. At first, she fears that he's about to stake his claim in a way that is surely going to make this situation worse. He surprises her by dropping his voice to a whisper and says something that she knows is only meant for her.

"I love you."

Just like the first time she heard him say, her body warms, but the tense atmosphere prevents her from feeling it deeply.

"I love you, too."

The silence that surrounds her and Mr. Winter after Nathan disappears back into the locker room is loud. Too loud. She avoids looking at him until the awkwardness burns too harshly for her to handle. Steeling herself, she meets his gaze. His expression hasn't changed, but he's not looking at her.

She doesn't know why, but she has a strong urge to apologize. Beg, if she has to, to make this situation right. The sting of getting in trouble flares in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…." she fumbles, unsure of what to say.

Mr. Winter still doesn't look at her, eyes set on the wall behind her. He visibly takes a breath in, like he's calming himself.

"There is a lot riding on this game tonight, Haley. I can't afford to have you distracting my players. _Again_."

He rarely calls her by her first name and the way he says it hurts her like it's something forbidden and vile. Her shoulders slump, a lame attempt at trying to make herself disappear. The urge to defend herself is strong, the words sitting on the tip of her tongue. But she can't say them—they're stuck.

"Please don't be mad," she rushes out pathetically. It shouldn't even be a big deal, but the thought of him being mad at her for any reason doesn't sit well.

She has no idea how to navigate this. Mr. Winter doesn't raise his voice at her. He just doesn't. He doesn't get upset with her, not like this.

"I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed."

Somehow, that is so much worse.

~x~

The Ravens won easily with a twenty-five-point lead over the visiting team, sending them into the second round of the playoffs.

The excitement in the air has increased tenfold. It seeps into her veins, wiping her clean of all her worries, including the awkward moment with Mr. Winter earlier in the night. It's unlike anything she's ever experienced—this sense of pride for not only her school but also for Nathan. She's always been proud of him, but just like her excitement, it has increased immensely.

He was on fire tonight. His focus was as sharp as it's ever been, bleeding into the way he controlled the floor and aided his team wherever it was needed. Maybe his method of ignoring the pressure, no matter how he manages to do it, worked after all.

Haley's foot is tapping against the concrete as she waits for Nathan to come out of the locker room. Every time the door opens, she holds her breath only to let it out in disappointment when it's not him. She's starting to form an itch of fear that maybe Dan intercepted him again when finally she sees him.

Unlike the last time, he files out behind a few of the other seniors. Even if the dim lighting, she can see him grinning from ear to ear, laughing at something one of the other players said. Seeing him this happy is refreshing and makes her smile, but she's impatient.

As soon as he detaches himself from the other players, she runs over to him and launches herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. He catches her easily, laughing as he spins her around in the parking lot. His skin is still damp from his post-game shower, the smell of his shampoo, and body wash surrounding her.

"Congratulations! You were amazing!" she squeals when places her back on her feet. He keeps his arms wrapped around her as she pulls him in for a kiss by the collar of his shirt.

"I'm telling you…it was you in my jersey number," he mumbles against her lips.

"I disagree," she giggles as she pulls away. "It was all you."

Nathan shakes his head but doesn't argue. Keeping an arm around her waist, he leads her over to his mustang. He finally got it back from the shop, almost good as new. The only evidence of his dad's assault on the mustang is the slight difference in paint color on the new panels.

"What should we do to celebrate?"

"I've got a few ideas." He waggles his eyebrows at her and she barks out a laugh.

Haley rolls her eyes but doesn't ignore the fission of anticipation that races down her spine. If she felt like a sex-crazed kitten before sleeping with Nathan, she has no idea what to call herself now.

"Hm, so do I," she teases back as he reluctantly detaches himself from her, walking over to the driver's side. He kinks an eyebrow and she just giggles in response.

But as soon as they're in his car and Nathan reaches for his keys, it hits her. The only way she can describe it is a burning need, a thirst that she can't ignore.

She doesn't know whether to blame it on the adrenaline of watching Nathan play his heart out on the court until he secured the win. Or if it's the way he looks right now, with his damp hair and white t-shirt clinging to his body, carefree happiness to him. Then again, it could also be the suggestiveness in Whatever it is, on impulse, it has her twisting in her seat and grabbing him by the shirt, kissing him fiercely.

He responds instantly, a hand sliding against her cheek until his fingertips are just lightly pressing into her scalp. His thumb caresses the line of her jaw as he tilts his head, opening his mouth over hers. She pushes him for more, her mouth moving aggressively over his and relishes in the way he moans into her mouth.

The center console is preventing her from being as close to him as she craves, jabbing into her ribs and stomach. This intense need to feel him takes over her entire body. Without thinking, she pulls away from Nathan and climbs into his lap without any hiccups, surprisingly. She notices the surprise on his face, but she kisses him again before he has a chance to say something.

She fears that any interruption will have her second-guessing what she's doing.

Judging by the slight falter in his lips against her, he's been caught off guard. But he recovers quickly, one hand gripping her hip while the other one pulls through her hair. The almost feverish way they're kissing makes her dizzy.

She pulls her mouth away from his while she dips her hands beneath his shirt. She drags her lips down his neck, running her fingers along the contours of his stomach. His skin is hot beneath fingertips and his shuddering breath makes it all the better. Tracing her fingertips along the edge of his shorts, just barely dipping beneath the waistband causes Nathan's hips to jerk towards. She giggles.

"What has gotten into you?" he says through his ragged breathing. He's smirking, though, keeping his hand in her hair.

"You've unleashed a new side to me," she replies with a roll of her hips, a matching smirk forming on her face when he groans. She's surprising herself with her dominance and lack of embarrassment over the way she's practically throwing herself at him. "Are you complaining?"

"Fuck, no."

"Are you sure?"

Nathan grabs her hips and pulls her tight against him. Through the layer of her jeans and the silky layer of his shorts, she feels how hard he is. Her temperature spikes on cue. His desire for her never fails to both surprise her and turn her on at a level she didn't think it was possible.

"What do you think?" He breathes against her lips and she shivers, swallowing hard.

Without breaking eye contact, he pops the button on her jeans and pulls down the zipper. Her heartbeat pounds in her chest, her breathing shaky as she waits for the inevitable. In true Nathan fashion, he teases her until she's sobbing with need. His touch dances around her lower stomach, to her hips and inner thighs, each time getting closer and closer to where she aches.

"Don't tease me," she begs thickly. "Not this time."

He smirks before finally granting her the relief she needs. She loves when he's gentle like this, slow and deliberate, drawing out her pleasure and he knows it.

"Oh, God, right there." She tilts her head back, racking her fingers through his damp hair.

His arm is bent at an awkward angle and she's sitting as far back as she can on his thighs, the steering wheeling digging into her back. Neither of them seems to care or notice, the air around them charged with arousal that it's hard to think straight.

Nathan attaches his lips to the base of her throat, never once letting up on his soft circles. He kisses his way up the column of her throat, pausing to lick and suck on the spots he knows are the most sensitive. The pleasure inside of her builds and builds, as does the volume of her moans.

"Nathan, God, please."

"Come for me, baby," he rasps into her ear. His voice carries that dominant edge that she loves so much and almost instantly, she's shaking in his arms. Her eyes squeeze shut, her nails digging the round tops of his shoulders.

She slumps against him, digging her head into the crook his neck. A very thin layer of sweat sticks to her skin as she wills her heartbeat and heavy breathing to subside.

"I'll never understand how you're so good at this."

Nathan's chuckle ruffles her hair as he presses a kiss to her cheek. "Backseat?"

She surprises herself when she nods her head without hesitation. She never really thought she would be the type of girl to let her boyfriend finger her in the middle of a party or have sex with her boyfriend in the back of his car in the school parking lot, but here she is.

She likes this side of her—the wanton side that doesn't question the feelings she's feeling or how sexy she feels.

Climbing into the backseat of his car proves to be a lot harder than she expects. Her knee knocks against the center console, while it takes some wiggling to get her foot unstuck from the space between the seat and the center console. Behind her, she hears Nathan mutter a "shit" when he hits his head on the roof of his car.

They fall back against his leather seats, laughing. But it doesn't take long for the sexual charge in the air to return, tenfold.

It's her turn to say she wants to try something.

She doesn't know the first thing about giving a blow job, not that she knew anything except the very basic principles of any of the things they've done.

She vows to herself not to overthink as she reaches for Nathan's shorts. She can feel his eyes on her, curiosity, and desire swirling in their blue color. To preserve her own sanity, she starts off slow, slipping her hand into his shorts and boxers. She wraps her hand around him and starts a leisurely drag, touching him the way he likes.

"God, you know just how to touch me," he groans, breathing heavily.

His words give her the last bit of confidence she needs and the next thing she knows, she's pushing his short down his hips. It becomes clear to Nathan what she wants and his sharp intake of breath has butterflies swarming in her stomach.

"Haley, you don't—"

She shakes her head, smiling at him. She wants to do this.

Bowing her head, she parts her lips and takes him in her mouth.

"Holy fuck," he hisses, throwing his head back. Both of his hands disappear into her mess of curls and the muscles in his stomach visibly tighten.

She clears her head, letting herself follow the way his body responds to her, repeating the actions that he seems to like. His moans and words of encouragement keep her fueled. It's addicting, watching someone as strong-willed as Nathan become so unhinged by her.

His tug on her hair is gentle just as her jaw starts to lock. She keeps her mouth around him but looks up through her eyelashes.

"Fuck, I need to be inside of you."

Reluctantly, she releases him from her mouth, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. She goes to pull the jersey over her head, but he stops her and shakes his head. She cocks an eyebrow.

"Keep it on. Seeing my number on you is so fucking hot."

When she goes to lay back, Nathan stops her again.

"What?" she asks, breathless. The intense way he's looking at her is familiar—he has an idea and her stomach churns in anticipation.

He licks his lips. "I want you to ride me."

His cadence is sultry and seductive, like velvet caressing her skin. The tips of her ears burn, but she finds herself nodding. That nervous and insecure part of her starts to creep up, but she fights it down. Instead, she focuses on the raw desire she sees in Nathan. Without breaking his eye contact, she pulls her jeans and panties down her legs.

In just the jersey, she climbs on to his lap. She's shaking and the knots in her stomach are almost painful.

"Ride me, Hales," he repeats just as huskily. "Nice and slow."

She slides down on to him, her thighs quivering both from her nerves and the fervent pleasure that courses through her at him being inside of her.

"Grind your hips," he instructs and she does as she's told. He grips her hips in his hands and aids her movements. "Fuck, yes, just like that."

It doesn't take long for her to find a rhythm, her hips rolling against hers. He meets her every thrust, sending wave after wave of pleasure through her. She grips on to his shirt for leverage.

"Oh, God."

"You look so sexy like this," he says, leaning his head back against the headrest. The tendons in his neck are straining, the upper part of his chest splotchy. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna come."

A few seconds later, he jerks, her name falling from her lips. Watching him come undone, triggers her own orgasm and she practically shouts his name. It sounds must louder in the confined space of his car.

Haley rests her head on the curve of his shoulder, sighing softly at the feel of Nathan's fingers stroking her back. Her body is still trembling, heavy breaths expelling from her lips. After several seconds, her eyes flutter open. Through the back window of his car, she sees Mr. Winter coming out of the school. Her eyes widen and the bright glow floating around her shatters into a million pieces. The back of her neck flares.

"Shit!" Haley scrambles off his lap. "We need to go."

~x~

When she gets home from school on Monday, her mom's car is in the driveway. The sight of it is unsettling, leaving Haley feeling off as she walks in the front door. To someone else, it probably seems like such an insignificant detail. But she can't explain how her mom being home from work early set everything she feared into motion.

Her house is quiet…too quiet. Her mom hates the quiet, especially when she's home by herself. The TV is almost always on, or at the very least, the radio. That feeling in her gut that's been manifesting for the past few weeks blossoms fully, swallowing her whole.

She doesn't like the way her heart starts beating wildly in her chest and her palms start to sweat. Threatening music, like the type you hear in scary movies when the serial killer is close, plays in her head, her eyes frantically searching for the threat that she can't yet see.

Tentatively, Haley walks into the kitchen, her backpack falling off her shoulder at the sight in front of her. Lydia's sitting at the kitchen table, slouched with her hands tightly wound around her favorite coffee cup. Her eyes are cast down, settled on the one scratch in the oak her dad never got around to fixing.

That sight unnerves her even more than the car in the driveway.

"Where's dad?"

It's a safe question, one to fill the silence and to avoid whatever off-balance air is swirling around her. She's found herself asking it a lot lately, so much that it has become a part of her normal routine and right now she needs something to feel normal.

She locks eyes with Lydia and the wind pushes out of her—her knees buckling. The rims of her eyes are red and puffy, more unshed tears glistening in her eyes. This type of cry seems different than the one Haley saw in the bedroom days ago. It's deeper, raw…contained in a way that's lethal.

Was this the moment that everything was leading up to or is her mom going to feed her another excuse?

Lydia's shaky intake of breath breaks through the silence like shattered glass. Haley doesn't realize she's stumbling backward until her lower back connects with the counter. Her hands reach out behind her to steady herself, fingers flexing against the granite until her knuckles are white.

Now more than ever, she's not sure she can handle what's been hidden from her for so long, even though she begged for it before.

"You were right," Lydia whispers, focusing back on the table. "I have been keeping something from you."

The sound of her heart beating growing loud, rushing through her eyes.

"I shouldn't have been keeping things from you. Or, at least, I should have been more conscious about how you feel and tried to work this out in private, not dropping obvious hints. You're a teenager and I shouldn't expect you or even allow you to worry about your parents. Not like this, anyway."

She's rambling, but it should like she's talking to herself, her voice growing quieter with every word. Haley shifts on her feet, her patience waning thin.

"Mom, what's going on?"

When Lydia looks up at her again, Haley swallows the gulp in her throat. She expects her mom to beat around the bush so more, to start denying that there's anything going on.

She doesn't.

Her shoulders rise, her back bowing as she straightens her spine. Dropping her hands from her coffee mug, she folds them together and looks her dead in the eyes. In a much steadier voice than Haley has heard recently, Lydia drops the bomb.

"Your dad's been having an affair."

And just like that…. something in her, something that she can't name at the moment, shatters. The words that leave her mom's mouth sound foreign and take way too long to click inside of her brain in the correct order.

"What?!" Her yell is much louder than she expected, the strain evident.

"He's been seeing a woman from work." She continues in that same calm and collected voice as if she's discussing a business deal rather than her husband's infidelity.

"How long?"

"A couple of months."

Her head is spinning and everything around her seems distorted like she's dreaming and she's just now realizing it.

This can't be happening. There's no way this is her reality. She knew something terrible was going on—she felt it deep in her soul for weeks—but she would have never guessed this.

"How…how did you find out?"

"He was asleep one night when his phone started going off like crazy. I only checked it because it was late and I thought it might have been his work since it wouldn't be the first time."

For the first time since in weeks, she finally notices the pain in her mother's eyes. Even through all the crying and the weirdness, she never noticed it before. It's has settled itself deep inside of her, becoming a part of her.

The betrayal cuts deep—for both herself and her mother.

She wishes that she could console her mom, to say something that would make this okay. But her mind has been wiped clean. The only thing she can focus on is this pain inside of her—the pain and the absolute shock that has managed to turn her entire world upside down with just a couple of works.

But how do you deal with something like this? What is the appropriate response? She can't make sense of anything. Not right now.

She doesn't know how long she stands there, trembling and spinning and swaying. But then in an instant, she blinks and finds herself sitting next to her mom with her arms wrapped tightly around her. The tears pouring down her cheeks barely register in her head, nor do the muffled "I'm sorry's" that come out of both of their mouths.

~x~

"Are you sure you're okay?"

She drags her eyes away from the book in front of her to where Nathan is laying on the foot of his bed. She hasn't read a single word out of the book and she's pretty sure Nathan has noticed. He's been subtly asking her what's wrong since she's arrived, but she's been avoiding the question altogether.

His concerned eyes and downward slope of his mouth cause a burn in the back of her throat.

It felt like hours had passed before Haley let go of her mom—both of their cheeks stained with tears, blotches of red patterning their skin. The air around them was thick and loud with silence. Haley didn't know what to say and apparently Lydia didn't either.

Lydia had wiped her eyes and mumbled something about going over her sister's house. Despite her urge to ask questions and talk about what happens next, Haley let her go.

As soon as the front door closed, the silence threatened to suffocate Haley. She couldn't stand being in her house, everything suddenly feeling dirty and untouchable. And, she sure as hell wouldn't be able to handle being home when her dad got home from work.

So, she texted Nathan asking if she could come over and now here she sits, trying her hardest to distract herself.

It hasn't set it in yet, she doesn't think. She's teetering on this edge of everything seeming completely normal and reality threatening to crush her. One second she feels like she has a grip on things, and then the next she feels like she's unraveling.

Haley's nod is rusty, but she doesn't trust herself to speak without crying.

She doesn't want to tell him. Not yet, anyway. She needs to make sense of it first, in her own way. To come to terms with it before she says the words out loud.

_Your dad's been having an affair._

How does someone just make sense of that?

For the vast majority of her life, her parent's marriage seemed fine. Happy, even. Sure, things had been rough between them lately, but no matter how rough things got, she always believed that they would make it through. Because they were Lydia and Jimmy and they just made sense.

Her father's betrayal is more than just a betrayal against his vows and his marriage. It's a betrayal against her because she knows he knows that she will always pick Lydia's side over his. And apparently, that's not enough for him to decide not to do something that's going to make her choose.

"You've been really quiet," he states as if she has no idea and she swallows hard.

"I'm just tired," she manages. It's a lame excuse and he looks ready to argue.

He looks like he's going to call her out on her lying, but something on her face must stop him. She breathes a sigh of relief when he finally looks away from her, his gaze no longer searching and penetrating the guard she has erected in a matter of hours.

"Want something to eat? There's a new sub place that opened up downtown. We could order from there?"

She's not sure she can stomach anything right now, but she nods anyway. Nathan offers her a weak smile, searching her face once more for some kind of hint before he crawls out of the bed and heads downstairs.

He's only gone a couple of seconds before his phone, which is resting on the bed in front of her, starts buzzing with one text message after another. She doesn't mean to look, but her eyes fall to his phone. She's not someone to go through another person's phone and she has no reason to go through Nathan's.

Even so, she doesn't realize that she's reading the texts until the words start swirling around in her brain.

_ It was Brooke's idea. _

_ I just thought I would make it funnier._

_ Can we just talk about this, please? It's really not that big of a deal._

They appear innocent or at least, not something that should concern her. But the leave her feeling even more off-kilter than before.

~x~

A lot of her decisions lately are being made on a whim. For better or for worse, she doesn't mind it.

It's a moment of weakness, or maybe a moment of strength, when she becomes too tired to over-analyze everything. Too tired to think about the consequences that may arise or the raging insecurities that she has that try to throw her off course. These weird, grey-area moments, don't come often, but when they do, she takes advantage of them.

She's spent the last few months avoiding this, but deep down, she knew what was happening. The prompt she used to guide her writing wasn't just an inspiration piece, no matter how many times she told herself that. It meant something more, maybe not this exactly…but it was always something more.

With everything else going on in her life, she realizes that she needs this. She needs something that is just for herself and no one else. Everything else in her life has spiraled out of control and she used to thrive on control. This writing contest is the only thing she still has control over—her writing is the only thing she still has control over.

Tearing into Mr. Winter's classroom, adrenaline is pumping in her veins. They haven't spoken since the game on Friday, but right now, she just wants to ignore that ever happened. That moment doesn't fit into her mission right now.

She doesn't comprehend the way Mr. Winter tenses when she walks into his room. She doesn't comprehend his clenched jaw or hard-set eyes. She doesn't comprehend anything other than what she needs to say and why.

"I think I'm going to enter in the contest," she blurts out.

His head snaps up from his computer. For a split second, she thinks she sees him start to smile, surprise and elation flickering in his eyes. Barely a beat late, it's gone and replaced by a sharp indifference. He looks away as he speaks, staring blankly at the computer screen in front of him.

"That's great."

Like someone has poked her with a pin, she deflates.

"Is something wrong?"

His anticlimactic response stings. He's been pushing this writing contest on her for months and she expected him to be at least somewhat happy about her decision. But his…complete detachment hurts a lot more than it should. Maybe she should have expected it given everything, but that felt foolish. They've always had a relationship that was stable, a mentorship that felt like the only thing she had to turn on when things got rough sometimes.

She figured that this would be no different. But maybe she's just naïve. Again.

"No."

She stares at him, embarrassment creeping up inside of her. He's now busying himself with a pointless task, searching through the papers on his desk. It's like he's not even trying to cover up the fact that he doesn't want to talk to her.

The back of her throat burns, the overwhelming urge to cry rips at her. She doesn't understand what's happening, she just doesn't.

"He's changing you," Mr. Winter mumbles as she's about to walk out of his classroom.

"Who?" She turns around to face him. She already knows who he's referring to, but finds playing dumb safer.

"Nathan."

"No, he's not."

Her quick defense of Nathan hangs heavy in the air. Mr. Winter stares back at her almost like he's challenging her and gearing up for a fight. The burn in the back of her throat shifts to frustration and anger.

"I expected him to test me," he says slowly, a hard edge to his voice. "He's got that kind of reputation. But I didn't expect you to go along with his schemes to break the rules."

"If this is about before the game—"

"It's not _just_ about that." His voice raises in volume and her eyes sting as she winces, slinking back. He's being so cold and authoritative, cruel like he wants to hurt her. "It's all the times he's late to practice and you stroll in with him. Or, all the times you've slacked in doing something I asked you to do because you're too busy gawking at Nathan or talking to him. That's not…that's not you."

Haley opens her mouth to protest, but she closes it when she sees him stand up. There's a fire in his eyes that she's never seen before, not even when he loses his patience with repeat offenders in his class. He digs through a pile on his desk with purpose this time and when he finds what he's looking, he slaps a piece of paper down in front of her.

"Now, he's got you slipping on your schoolwork."

The bright red "F" on her latest _The Great Gatsby_ quiz glares back at her. She remembers that quiz. It was over chapters two and three, which she meant to finish reading at the river court while Nathan played. With his promposal and the subsequent teasing, she'd gotten distracted and forgot to finish reading.

At the time, she didn't see it as a big deal. It was one quiz and with the high percentage in Mr. Winter's class, she didn't see it affecting her overall grade that much. It's true, a couple of months ago, she would have never let something like that happen. But then again, her obsession with being perfect wasn't healthy.

But right now, standing in front of Mr. Winter, she feels ashamed, like she let him down in the worst way.

"He's a bad influence on you, HJ."

Mr. Winter says her nickname as if it's supposed to soften the blow like she's supposed to bow down to him because of that simple gesture.

But she doesn't. Instead, the clarity that she thought she'd gained becomes even more muddled than before.


End file.
